by Mona Kasten
“We’re fantastic,” Dawn said, staring at Kaden. He seemed not to notice. For a split second he glanced at my cleavage, then looked away.
“Yes, we’re terrific,” I agreed with my friend, and we both let loose a giggle.
Ethan eyed the full glasses in front of us on the table. “Is this your second round?”
“No, we just ate a ton of chocolate,” Dawn said, proudly.
Spencer sat down unbidden on the stool next to her. Her cheeks flushed.
Monica perched on the stool on the other side of Dawn, and Ethan sat across from her. So Kaden had no choice but to sit next to me. Great. He hesitated as if undecided. I made it easy, getting up without even looking his way.
“I’m going to dance,” I announced and disappeared toward the dance floor.
I left the drink on the table. Alcohol wasn’t my thing tonight. I just couldn’t. Nor could I be in Kaden’s presence and act like nothing had happened. Especially now that I’d admitted I felt something for him. Distance was what I needed. Now. But unfortunately that wasn’t so easy, if you lived with someone. And had the same friends. We’d all become pretty close, and there was no way I wanted to mess it up.
Instead of going to dance, I sat on the opposite end of the bar, where the others couldn’t see me. I ordered a water and stirred it with my straw, listless. I let two bad songs go by one after the other, and put off a couple of guys who tried to engage me in chitchat.
After a while, Spencer appeared at my side. “Allie?” He leaned against the counter next to my swivel chair.
“Hey,” I said, forcing a smile and sipping my water like hard liquor.
“What’s up?” he asked. When I didn’t answer, he continued: “Come on, Allie. I’m not blind. Kaden’s feeling crappy and so are you. Something happened.”
“Then go ask him,” I hissed, immediately regretting my tone. I shook my head. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.”
He gave me a half-grin. “No worries. Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head again.
“Okay,” Spencer said. “Then I’ll talk. Since you moved in with him, Kaden’s changed. I’ve never seen him so relaxed, and I’ve known him a long time.”
“That has nothing to do with me,” I murmured.
“Oh yes it does, and you know it, too,” he countered. “It was just a question of time with you two.”
“I-”
“No,” he interrupted. His gaze was penetrating. “Listen, Allie. Kaden went through a lot of shit and needs more time before he can let someone get close to him. You’ve come pretty far already. I’m not going to sit by this time and watch him destroy the only thing that makes him happy.”
He held out his hand. Confused, I stared at him.
“Either you’re coming with me now or I’m telling everyone I know that you cried at the sight of a pizza.” I knew Spencer meant it. Not just about the pizza story, but also when he said he wouldn’t let Kaden get out of this one.
And to be honest, I also wanted things between me and Kaden to be okay. Only I didn’t have the foggiest idea how to fix things.
I pushed the water aside and put my hand in Spencer’s; he led me to the dance floor with a meaningful gaze. In the middle of the space he stood still, threw his arm around my waist and pulled me close.
“What the hell?” I pushed my hands against his chest, trying to get away.
“Trust me,” was all he said. He started moving in time with the music. From here the others could see us, for sure.
“Are you serious? You want to make him jealous?” I asked, laughing. Spencer’s touch was not demanding but friendly, and I relaxed, letting my hands rest on his waist.
“Ten,” he murmured and pulled me a bit closer.
I didn’t dare look around. “Spencer, this is a joke.”
“Nine,” he continued unmoved and led me into a spin.
Kaden would never react to such a silly alpha-male display. After all, he hadn’t even batted an eye that time Scott and I had danced together.
“Eight.”
Although nothing had happened yet between Kaden and me at that point.
“Seven.”
I was giving up hope. Kaden didn’t want me and would never want me. I’d heard what he said to his mother, and he always told her the truth
“Six.” Spencer smoothed my hair out of my face before he pulled me close again. Man, he was good. He should try this with Dawn—he’d have her eating out of his hand.
“Fi-”
Kaden appeared out of nowhere.
“What the fuck, man?” he growled, grabbing Spencer by the shirt with both hands.
Instead of showing the tiniest bit of concern, Spencer smiled. “Just because you treat her like garbage, Kaden, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to.”
Kaden punched Spencer in the face. He staggered to the floor.
“Kaden!” I cried and held him around the waist from behind.
He was trembling with anger as he shook out his hand and cursed. People nearby looked uneasy. I saw two bouncers approaching from a distance.
“Go,” hissed Spencer, struggling to his feet. His right eye was already starting to swell. He touched it and winced. “Get out of here.”
“Spence,” murmured Kaden, but Spencer lifted a hand to stop him from speaking.
“It’s all good, man. I shouldn’t have taken it so far.” He tried to smile but all he could manage was a pained grimace. Then he repeated for the last time: “Now go.”
Kaden seemed to be awakening from his shock. He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the emergency exit. I hoped the doormen wouldn’t follow us.
A cold wind whipped my face as I followed Kaden past the heavy metal door. He strode across the parking lot and ran his hand through his hair.
“Dammit!”
His voice echoed.
“Kaden,” I began, but he whirled around and raised his hand.
“No,” he growled.
“Kaden, please.”
“Leave me alone, Allie. Just let it go.” He turned around and practically ran the last few yards to his Jeep. Ignoring me, he got in and started the engine.
And before I knew it, he had taken off, squealing his tires behind him.
Chapter 25
For a second I considered going back to the bar, but I was too angry. So I walked home. For the first time since I’d overheard Kaden and Rachel in Portland, I wasn’t sad. There was no room for any other emotion besides anger. Especially when I saw the Jeep parked outside our building.
That asshole had left me standing in the parking lot and driven straight home. Not to mention stunt he’d pulled at the club.
I raced up the stairs. When I reached the door, my hand was shaking so much that it took me four tries to get the key into the lock and open the door.
Loud music thumped from Kaden’s room.
I chucked my shoes into the hallway, trashing Kaden’s perfect order.
My hands clenched, I stomped toward his room. Without a moment’s hesitation, I shoved open the door with full force. Not even bothering to look at Kaden, I headed for the stereo and started pressing buttons. Nothing happened. With a frustrated cry, I bent down and pulled the plug from the socket. Silence.
I turned to Kaden. “What the fuck are you doing?”
He was sitting on his bed, bent forward, with his arms on his thighs, and something that looked like a bag of frozen vegetables on his right hand.
He said nothing, but stared downward.
“I asked you a question,” I said, raising my voice.
“I heard you.” There was no emotion in his voice.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
He was silent and kept his gaze downward.
I didn’t know what to do with my anger.
What I wanted to do was just shake him. His actions tonight hurt more than anything I’d heard him say to his mother. I didn’t deserve to be treated like this.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. “I know that things got a bit too intense between us, okay? And I’m sorry that you got involved in my whole dramatic story. But you wanted me to tell you everything. That’s no reason to be mean now. That just ruins everything, Kaden. Everything.”
“And what if that’s what I want to do?” he whispered.
“Why should you?” I hissed.
Kaden looked at the bag on his hand. “I don’t know any other way to be.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” My voice had become calm without my even trying.
Kaden stood up. He let the bag fall on the floor and took one single, slow step toward me.
“I’m an asshole, Allie,” he said, his voice disquietingly soft, his dark eyes unfathomable. “A major asshole, who even punches out his best friend. Get used to it. It’s not going to change.”
I snorted. “You didn’t hit Spencer because you’re an asshole. You did it because you couldn’t handle seeing me with another guy.”
“Yeah.”
“You can’t handle it because something happened in the past that you never talk about, and … ” I stopped and stared at him. “What did you just say?”
He took another step toward me. “Yeah.”
I backed away. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kaden exhaled slowly. He rubbed his hands a few times over his face, shaking his head. When he let his hands drop, his expression was no longer remote and closed, but gentle.
“Yes, Allie. Yes, seeing you and Spencer like that drove me crazy. Yes, I’m insecure, and all that scares me half to death. Yes, after Kendra I’ve never let anyone else in, and yes, I hate that you arouse my need to be open, to give myself.”
My breath stopped. The blood rushed into my ears as I stared at Kaden with an open mouth.
“You’ve bowled me over. I never wanted to let anyone get close to me but you managed it anyway. You drive me nuts with your endless talking, and sometimes I’d like to tape your mouth shut.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m not a nice guy, and I don’t want to get you involved in my shit because I know you have enough problems of your own … but goddammit, Allie,” he blurted out. “I need you.”
He placed his hand on my check, and I noticed how he was trying to hold back. His thumb stroked my skin, a touch that I felt in my whole body. He took a deep breath. “I am totally crazy about you.”
“But you told your mother … ” My voice faltered.
“What else could I have said to her? Even I didn’t know what’s happening with us,” he whispered. “You don’t know my mom. She would never have let go. But to think that I don’t want you because of your past … Allie, that’s ridiculous. I admire your courage, your strength, and your confidence in me.”
“But you couldn’t even look at me,” I said, confused.
“Because I was afraid I’d lose control. You have no idea how hard it has been for me not to go to you the last few nights. I wanted you so much.” Kaden looked at me now with hunger in his eyes. “And I’m glad to be the one who keeps you together when you fall apart.”
“You’re joking,” I stammered.
“I’m a jerk, and I don’t think there’s any hope for me. But I’d love to be the jerk who’s there for you.”
Well, this talk had gone in a different direction from what I expected. I was prepared for a Kaden who was closed and unapproachable, but now he was standing here saying all these things that made my heart beat faster, faster, faster.
“How am I supposed to know you won’t wake up tomorrow and feel different? What about your rules?” I said, my voice hoarse.
Kaden leaned down and brushed my cheeks with his lips.
“Fuck the rules, Allie,” he whispered. “They were doomed to fail the moment I saw you.”
Chapter 26
He didn’t kiss me.
Instead, he pressed his lips against my cheek and seemed to wait for my answer. But I’d already lost the ability to think rationally.
My pulse was racing, and I could scarcely breathe; I wanted his touch so much, it almost hurt.
“You’re crazy about me?” I whispered, incredulous.
“Pretty crazy. Even though sometimes I have doubts about my sanity. Like when I think about your terrible taste in coffee, or the perfumed candles, or the Taylor Swift CDs—”
I didn’t let him continue. Instead I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed him.
Kaden gave a surprised sound and froze for a second, as if he hadn’t expected this. Then he placed his hands on my back gently, as if I could break if he pressed too hard—and returned the kiss.
It was a slow, intimate kiss, and a tingling sensation traveled the whole length of my body, from my scalp to my toes.
Cautiously he pushed his tongue into my mouth and touched mine. I sighed. I needed more, much more. It felt like I’d wanted him forever—and now we would complete what we had started so long ago.
I pushed my hands under Kaden’s shirt. He froze. His breath was heavy as he said, his lips still on mine, “I don’t know if now is-”
“If you complete that sentence I’ll hurt you,” I murmured back, and ran my fingers down his spine.
He drew a rushing breath and closed his eyes.
“You’re always telling me not to think so much. And I can tell you now that thinking is the last thing on my mind.”
I kissed his neck and nibbled on his skin until he shuddered.
“I’m crazy about you, too, Kaden,” I whispered. “Whatever’s in my past, or your past. That doesn’t change anything.”
I looked up, straight into his hungry eyes. And then his self-control was gone. He pressed me close until I couldn’t breathe, and I dug my fingers into his shoulders. Then he lifted me up as if I were light as a feather, and my legs wrapped themselves around his hips.
His mouth found mine again and our kiss deepened. More intimate. This time he didn’t hold back.
He carried me through the room and stopped at the bed. I loosened my legs from around his waist, and Kaden let me slide down until I stood before him. His eyes were blazing with desire. I looked at him. A shiver ran down my spine. He let his hands wander up from my hips, under my shirt. I groaned as his fingers finally touched my naked skin. Kaden raised my shirt, and I lifted my arms so he could pull it over my head. He tossed it behind him and reached for my bra, which he opened with one quick motion. Kaden was still looking into my eyes and hadn’t even glanced at my body.
I could see how much he wanted me. And I wanted him like I’d never wanted anyone before.
Trembling, I breathed in as he now let his eyes wander over me. Kaden bowed his head and leaned toward me. His breath swept over my neck, and all my nerve endings were electrified when his lips touched my skin. He kissed me, again and again, sliding his tongue over me.
“You are wonderful,” he whispered roughly. “So beautiful.”
He slid further down, kissed and nibbled on the sensitive skin of my breasts. When he placed his lips on my nipples, I let my head fall back and closed my eyes. He sucked on me, and I let out a moan like never before.
Kaden’s hand ran down my back until he reached my bottom. He grabbed me there while circling his tongue around my nipple.
I buried my hands in Kaden’s hair as he bent over me, his lips gliding downward. He stopped at the waist of my jeans, opened the button with skillful fingers and pushed them down to my ankles. I kicked them off.
Kaden looked up at me through his dark, thick eyelashes. His breathing was as fast as mine. Never before in my life had I felt so wanted.
“You’re wearing too much,” I panted and tugged at his colla
r. A half-smile spread across his face. He rose, without taking his eyes off me. Then he pulled his shirt over his head in one flowing motion.
My eyes devoured his perfect abs and followed the trail of little hairs that wandered downward from his navel. When I discovered the bulge in his pants, I caught my breath.
“Do you have any idea how often I’ve thought of you at night?” he whispered. Slowly, unbearably slowly, he reached down, opened his button and peeled off his jeans. “I’ve wanted you since the moment I first saw you in my apartment, in those damned shorts.”
Unable to speak, I hoped my kiss would say it all. Kaden put his hands on my waist and lifted me up. A second later I was lying on the bed with Kaden on top of me, his arms to either side of my head and his legs between mine. I threw my legs around Kaden’s hips and pushed up against him. Feeling his hard arousal, I trembled.
Kaden took his time—he stroked me, kissed, sucked, and licked every inch of my skin.
“Oh God,” I sighed.
Then he hooked his fingers under the waistband of my panties. I raised my head. Kaden looked up at me with dark caramel eyes.
“Are you sure, Allie?” His voice was deep and raw.
“I’m not a virgin,” I whispered.
“That’s not what I’m asking.” He tugged at the waistband of my panties. Then he sat back, put his hands around my hips and lifted me into his lap. I panted and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “I want to know if you’re sure about this. Just because it’s not your first time, doesn’t make it less important.”
This was important for Kaden as much as for me. He trusted me. I trusted him. So there was only one possible answer to his question.
I stroked his hair. “Yes,” I whispered. “I’m sure. I want this. And I trust you.”
It was enough for him. In one sweeping motion he laid me back on the bed and pulled my panties off. His fingers stroked my inner thighs, then he pushed them apart, and a second later I felt his warm mouth right at my very center.
Kaden’s tongue swirled lightly around my most sensitive spot, and I gasped. With one hand I clawed at the blanket, with the other I held on to Kaden’s hair, while he took my breath away with his mouth.
