by Danube Adele
Like when you told me you’d start seeing other guys if we couldn’t get engaged? Frustration lit his dark eyes. You know, there was a part of me that wanted to tell you to go do it. I wanted to have the courage to tell you that if you were going to strong-arm me, that maybe we shouldn’t be together. But I didn’t.
The funny was gone from the moment. My heart blipped painfully against the wall of my chest. Yeah?
He shook his head with frustration. You always got your way. On the one side, it made you a free spirit, full of energy, creativity and drive. On the flip side, no one ever told you no. And in the end, neither did I. He shrugged listlessly.
It was hard to hear, but it was true. Mostly. There was nothing I could say. I’d dragged him into the thick of things all the time, even when he didn’t want to be part of it. If I hadn’t been so selfish, you’d be alive today. Maybe we’d have gotten married and had a baby by now.
His jaw flexed. And you’re still planning.
What was wrong with what I just said? I’m just saying—
You’re making a plan all on your own for a nonexistent future. You can’t help it. What if I didn’t want to get married? What if I didn’t want to have kids? Did it ever occur to you that anything you have to manipulate shouldn’t happen anyway?
This wasn’t making sense anymore. None of it was. Of course he’d wanted to get married. We talked about it for years, Carlos. We both did.
No. It was you, and I was just going along with it.
Was the sky falling? Are you kidding me? You want to say it was all me driving our relationship this whole time?
I’m not saying that. His sigh spoke volumes and it was then I saw something in his eyes, a sad place that I’d never seen before. Had it always been there? I suddenly realized there was a whole side to him that I hadn’t really paid attention to. But it didn’t make sense. How could my reality have been so different from his? I still couldn’t overcome my inner protestation that things hadn’t been what I’d always imagined. It was too much a part of my identity.
Then what are you saying?
He shook his head, refusing to answer and looked away.
Of course you aren’t saying that, because that would make you a liar. You were part of those conversations. I wasn’t talking to myself.
The I-want-to-kick-a-tire look was back in his eyes. Frustration. Would you listen? All I’m saying is that I had other thoughts about my future that I didn’t share with you.
Then that’s on you. I looked around for an escape. Am I going to have to scale the damn tree or are you finally going to get me out of here?
C’mon, Ceci. Don’t be mad.
I’m not mad, I’m hurt. You want to blame me for your lack of communication, then you just go ahead. I’m tired of fighting. Just show me what you need to show me and let’s get this over with.
Fine. His expression closed off. In the next moment we were on the edge of the cliff. The tree we were just in shoots strong vines out of its trunk. This is a bur bur tree and it has some rubberlike consistency to it. In fact, the sap from the tree has been used to make the soles of some shoes. It’s strong. The sap coats the vines as they grow, so they’re reinforced. It could also be used to seal a wound safely, kind of like a bandage.
That’s great, but I don’t plan on playing Tarzan.
I’m just doing what I’m supposed to do. He looked like he was pouting, and usually, I would be the one to coax him out of a mood, not that he had them all that frequently, but I couldn’t. I was in my own mood.
I looked up at the sky and saw the two moons. They were telling me this is another planet.
He nodded. It is.
It was easier to hear it in the dream state, for some reason. Probably because we weren’t limited by society’s conventions or normal patterns of thinking when we were sleeping. We had more freedom of thought, which was likely why we could think so clearly just before drifting off and waking up.
I nodded with some resignation. Great. Another planet. It would be a nifty idea if I was thinking about it from Earth. Will I get to go home again?
I don’t know. I can’t see the future. He shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans.
You aren’t flipped out that I’m on a different planet than Earth? I asked this more out of curiosity than anything.
There are many planets, C. Endless. Infinite. The universe is a beautiful place. We went from the lush greenery to a desertscape. It wasn’t unusual for us to change location multiple times. Out in the distance, I saw a figure stumbling over his own feet. He fell and struggled to get back up. Clearly, he was ill. He looked young. Thin.
I’ll see him soon?
Soon.
I nodded. There really wasn’t much left to say. I knew I wouldn’t be able to help the person while we were here and turned with resignation to face Carlos, naturally used to finding comfort in his presence. His dark eyes searched my face anxiously, his hands going to my shoulders, rubbing them gently. He was still “my people” and I was his. That wasn’t going to change.
You really didn’t want to get married?
The idea was great, but it was also frightening. I knew you’d be able to talk me into seeing your point of view, and then I’d lose my own opportunity to find my own feet, figure out what I wanted to explore, find who I wanted to be in this life.
On a big sigh, I nodded, looking out over the horizon. There were mountains in the distance. Greenery. I wondered what was out there. I can understand. I’ve always been good at pushing.
Don’t be mad, okay? I don’t want to leave like this.
I stepped into his hug and felt sad. Things were not always what they appeared. I wasn’t the partner I thought I’d been, the girlfriend, and maybe everyone had been right all along. I’d been a kid trying to make adult decisions.
What did you want to do with your future?
He was quiet a moment before I felt the vibration of a chuckle. I thought it would be cool to work my way around the world. See the different worlds that people had created for themselves.
Alone?
Yeah. I wanted to have time to explore on my own, hear my own voice, my own thoughts, make my own mistakes.
I’m sorry you didn’t get to do that.
I’m doing it now. His looked down at me, nudging my face up, and his brilliant smile came from the depths of his soul. He seemed truly happy. I was genuinely glad to see that.
I love you, Carlos.
I love you, too, Ceci. Be safe.
For a split second before everything went black, I thought I saw a wolf in the distance, watching me. It made me think of Tabron.
* * *
I came awake with a start and immediately processed my surroundings. Kidnapped and dragged to this place, wherever it was but likely near to L.A. County. Expected to serve as the doctor for these people. Expected to pick a mate. It felt like there was something important I’d been thinking about before I woke, but it was lost to me now that the fog had cleared. I didn’t have time to think on it anyway, Looking down, I saw that I’d fallen asleep in my clothes while looking at a few of my family pictures on my smartpad and crying like a little baby. Jeans and sweater. My tennis shoes were on the floor. Just a hint of gray light came through the window.
Now. I had to leave now. There could be no hesitation.
Shoving myself out of bed, I tiptoed to the window, not wanting to alert anyone who might be guarding my door that I was awake. My view overlooked the courtyard with the large overhanging tree. No one was out. I could get out of here if there was a way down. Thankfully, the body was gone from the tree. I was already riding too near to the edge of sanity.
Darting a look around, I saw no obvious solution for how to get down, and a quick search around the room didn’t turn up any kind of rope. Could I climb d
own? The wall was made of stone. I hadn’t climbed in a few months, but it didn’t look to be too hard or too high up, and then I could figure out how to get away.
Grabbing my tennis shoes, I tied the laces together and hung them around my neck. Climbing barefoot was going to be easier than using clunky athletic shoes, but I definitely wanted my shoes on when it was time to run. Unlocking the window, I eased it open, cringing when it made the slightly protesting, squeaky-like noise. No one came in, so I released my breath and quickly surveyed the outside wall. Time was making me have to rush, which was extremely dangerous because this was going to be a free climb. I would have no ropes tying me into the wall. This would be a make me or break me moment.
“Here goes,” I whispered. Stepping out backward, I stuck first one then the other leg out so I was balanced on my stomach. Easing myself over the ledge, shimmying into a position where I could hang from the sill comfortably, I imagined I was bouldering at the climbing gym and coaxed myself to relax and focus. My toes sought crevices and easily found one. The moment I let go of the sill with first one hand and then the other and completely depended on the finger holds had my heart running like a racehorse pounding around the track.
Relax. Focus. You got this. C’mon, girl.
My breathing was heavy. Panic was a close thing. This was taking time. It had been awhile since I’d done this. I found another toe hold that was lower, another finger hold. Pretty soon, people would likely come through that gate, and I wanted to be long gone by the time that happened. Another foothold, another fingerhold. It was chilly out, maybe somewhere in the fifties, but my anxiety was making me sweat. My fingers were starting to feel slippery. No chalk. I needed to get down before my legs began the sewing machine shake, where they grew fatigued to the point of just moving like the needle on a sewing machine.
My hold was firm enough that I could take one hand off to wipe it against my sweater. I did the same with the other. I was still ten feet off the ground. Just a few more moves would have me there. Another foot and hand hold. Another. When I was five feet from the ground, I jumped, landing harder than anticipated, feeling my teeth rattle with the impact, and a twinge of pain from the bruised bone on my foot shot up the nerve endings in my leg. I quickly slid my shoes on, did a quick tie to keep the laces from tripping me up, and ran for the gate. It was something I could scale if I needed to, but when I got there, the lock had not been engaged. I pushed it open partway and hurried out.
The main street was quiet, with a few people milling about, but I didn’t want to risk being seen, so I tried to move along the outer wall of the courtyard. Keeping to the bushes and trees that grew thickly, haphazardly along the way, I kept my head down and plowed through. At one point, I lifted my head to take a quick glance and immediately made eye contact with a little boy in tattered clothes. The sight of him stopped me in my tracks. He was so thin. Malnourishment. And still he gave me a bright smile. He looked to be playing with something in the dirt. Bugs? What did little boys like to play with?
There was no time to wonder. I put a finger to my lips, hoping he would keep my secret, and kept moving. Coming to the end of the wall, I pushed through a dense thicket to see an open meadow and greenery just beyond. Some trees? Brush. The trick was getting through the meadow. Run? Sneak? What was my best bet? There were only a few people out and about, but that was going to change any moment. I needed to beat feet and take my chances in the forest.
Easy enough to hide there.
With my heart in my throat, I broke into a run, expecting to hear someone shout my name. A mad dash to the forest showed it was farther away than it looked, but I didn’t stop, even when I was swallowed up by the green bushes that were taller than I was.
If I was found, I would probably be hung.
Many of the bushes had thorns, and I was glad that I had my sweater on. Several times my sweater snagged, and I had to get myself unstuck, my panic overriding my sense as I yanked desperately to get free over and over again, afraid that I could hear those bastards coming after me. Finally, I broke through the last of the bushes. A wall of vines and thick, leafy trees in front of me, and I pushed even harder, faster, feeling the verdant materials slapping at my face. My hands batted them away. I crashed through a final wall of plant life only to find empty space. Instant horror washed over me. There was a sudden drop off. It was a thousand feet down at least.
Nooooo! My heels dug in to try and stop at the edge. My arms windmilled like crazy. My feet slid on the dry dirt, and I flipped around trying to grab something, anything. My nails raked the dirt as I slid over the edge, my scream echoing through the gorge. Then I caught it. A vine. It held as I dangled over a drop that would mean death for sure.
“Ohgodohgodohgod,” I chanted, looking down. Did I have the strength to climb up? I didn’t. I’d just scaled a wall and run a sprint. My hands slid down the vine an inch before I was able to catch again. Fear blasted through me. I was going to die. What could I do? I looked up. Five feet down was so much easier than climbing five feet up. And my hands slipped another five inches before I was able to catch, burning the skin with the effort to hold on and not slide. Harsh breathing mixed with hoarse whimpers of pain and fear had me squeezing my eyes closed.
I tried to hold on and stack my legs against the rocky wall to relieve pressure. I got one hand to reach and grab before they both slipped several inches.
“No!” I moaned. Tears clogged my throat and I held them back, trying to stay clear. But I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold on much longer. So much for my plan. Stupid. This was all so stupid! How could this happen to me? Goddamn it! Goddamn it!
There was no going back. Decisions led to consequences. All of my decisions had led to this.
I rested my forehead against the wall of dirt in front of me and reassured myself that I wasn’t going to feel a thing. Not a thing. It would all be so quick, I wouldn’t even know. Head trauma. The worst part would be the fall, the anticipation. If I just kept loving faces in mind, everything would be okay. People died. It was something I dealt with every day. At least it wasn’t something lingering and torturous. This would end it all immediately. Better than hanging. I was choosing this.
The fear was threatening to overwhelm me again, the idea of not being around anymore, not being whole. My breathing was short and rapid. Choppy.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay...
I let my mother’s face come to mind. I thought of her warm smile, her green eyes, her tight hugs, the smell of her perfume. My hands slipped a few more inches.
I couldn’t hold on much longer. My breath was coming in gasping spurts. Focus. Focus.
My mother and my father had given me such a wonderful life. Images of times we played together at the beach when my father used to toss me in the air and catch me again, and my mother would scold him, or how they would swing me between them in the air when the waves were about to crash against our legs.
This was it. This was all. Oh God. Oh God. Focus. Focus.
The trip to Europe when I was in high school where we went to the infamous wax museum in London where my father pretended to be a wax figure, and people were coming up to him, poking him to see if he was real. He had us giggling. Their proud faces when I graduated from medical school. Everything. I was so thankful. Their loving, smiling faces filled my mind and heart. I held them tightly, their images smiling and laughing like an old, worn movie clip. It was going to be all right.
My hands slipped again, and this time, I let them.
“Ceci!” the roar came from above, echoing through space, just as I landed a short distance below the vine on a rock overhang. I landed on my back, and my head whiplashed against the rock. Pain rocked my skull. I closed my eyes against it.
“Damn it, wake up, Ceci. Wake up!” There was an edge of desperation to the gruff voice. Why? I was fine. Except for a blasted headache. “Open your fuck
ing eyes!”
I groaned against the light and the rough voice shouting at me. Someone was pulling my eyelid up. I pushed at the large hand and closed my lid again.
“Cut it out.” Irritation swatted the air between us.
Nausea was hitting me hard. I took several deep breaths trying to calm my stomach. It started to heave, and on a moan, I turned sideways, feeling the convulsions, but nothing came out. Empty stomach. Ugh.
“Thanks to the spirits.” His deep voice was shaky, his large hand holding my hair back gently until my body relaxed once again. “What were you thinking? I told you, you don’t know this place! You don’t know the dangers here!”
I ignored his complaints and focused on myself. “My head hurts.”
“A lot more is going to hurt if we fall off this perch.”
Falling? It took a moment. My brain was briefly fuzzy, but then it caught up. I fell! Off the side of a cliff. Running through the forest into nothing. What happened? Why was I still alive? I tried to sit up quickly, but he held my arms down, and my stomach protested further. A pitiful cry slid from my lips.
“Lay still.” He balanced his huge frame over me. “We don’t both fit.”
“Oh God.” The nightmare was real. I must have passed out when I hit my head. Concussion. Minor brain injury. Major life injury if we actually fell off the ledge. Letting my eyes do the work, I looked to see that I was lying on my back with my feet dangling off the side of the precipice into nothingness. Oh God. Tabron was straddling me, knees barely fitting, his black brows furrowed over his vibrant eyes that were still blasting me with an icy look. And yet, I was never so glad to see his face.
She’s alive. No injury. I’ll strangle her for this.
At least he didn’t want me to die.
“You almost got yourself killed! I can’t believe you took off when you had no idea where you were or where you were going! That was foolish. I thought you were smarter than that.” Biting back another comment, he took a deep breath. His breath was a bit shaky. I could see he was trying to get hold of his emotions, though he still sounded like a growly bear. “And you still might. What were you thinking? We need to get ourselves back up.”
