by A. K. Evans
“You’re supposed to say that. I’m sure you’d be going against some grandmother code if you didn’t.”
“You’re right. But I’m also not lying. Now, explain why it is that you think he’ll walk away from you.”
I honestly didn’t know. Even though there’d been tremendous strides on Friday and Saturday in the progression of things between us on an emotional level, it still concerned me that I’d had so many doubts before that phone call on Friday afternoon.
“When things had started between us, they were good. Everything was just as you’d expect with something new. He asked a lot of questions and showed an interest in getting to know me. I was the same, but every time I asked anything that wasn’t just superficial, he closed down on me. Just when I thought things were headed in the right direction, he went an entire week without once reaching out to me. I did send him a text that he replied to, but beyond that there was nothing.”
I paused a moment, recalling the feelings I felt that week. The person Holden had shown me that week conflicted with the person he’d given me prior to that point.
Sighing, I continued, “When he called me on Friday asking to take me out on a date, I was so excited. And from the moment he picked me up, it was perfect. Even yesterday was great, perhaps even a little better. He started sharing a bit more about how he felt about me. It’s a good sign, but I’m still worried because I don’t understand where the silence last week came from.”
Giving my hand a squeeze, my grandma said, “This thing is still new between the two of you. But you’re a catch, my darling girl. If he’s a smart man, I’m sure he realizes just how precious you are. And it might be a bit much for him to cope with how strongly he feels for you so quickly.”
“I’m not convinced that’s what it is,” I said.
“Then what else am I missing?” she asked.
I bit my lip, not completely wanting to recall the conversation. I pushed past the anxiety and murmured, “I talked to his brother one night following my yoga class. He indicated that I needed to be patient with Holden.”
“Did he tell you why?”
I shook my head.
“So what do you want to do?”
“Aren’t you going to tell me what I should do?” I practically pleaded.
“No,” she stated firmly. “Why would I? And honestly, how could I? You’re the girl who has this unbelievable ability to leap into something based on what you feel and you’re really good at it. You’ve always followed your heart. And not once has it ever led you astray.”
I rolled my eyes. “Tell that to the girl without any parents,” I muttered.
“Leni, look at me,” she demanded.
When I brought my eyes to hers, she asserted, “The fact that your parents aren’t in your life does not mean that your heart steered you in the wrong direction. That is all about them and the choice they made. Your mom and dad aren’t leading with their hearts. And when that’s the case, there’s bound to be disappointment. They’re not motivated by what feels right. You are.”
I held her gaze as she continued, “But aside from the fact that they aren’t around right now, I know that you are the happiest I’ve ever seen you. When you were working there, you were feeling weighed down. You’d walk through my door, and it was like I could see you physically carrying the stress on your shoulders. And the minute you surrendered to your heart and took charge of your own life, you started soaring.”
She brought her hand to my cheek, stroked her thumb along it, and pleaded, “Don’t stop listening to your heart now. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you do.”
I pressed my lips together in a smile and struggled not to let any tears fall. When I managed to win that battle, I proclaimed, “I love you, Grandma.”
“My darling girl,” she started. “I love you, too.”
For the next few hours, I stayed at the assisted living facility and visited with the only blood relative I had left in my life. We moved beyond the conversation about my relationship with Holden to much lighter topics. Grandma filled me in on all the latest juicy gossip amongst her cohorts. She never failed to make me laugh.
When it was time for me to leave, I felt myself getting emotional. For some reason, I started thinking about the fact that one day I’d no longer have this. My grandmother still had a young, fiery spirit, but she was still rapidly approaching her nineties. I couldn’t imagine how I’d ever survive without having her in my life. I did my best to rid my mind of the negative thoughts and promised myself that I’d make it a priority to come and see her every week.
Not only did I know I needed that, but I was pretty sure she did, too.
Later that night, when I was curled up under my blankets and ready for bed, my phone rang. My belly began to tingle at the sight of Holden’s name on the display.
“Hello?” I answered.
“How was your visit with your grandmother today?” he asked.
I loved that he was calling to check in and see how my day with her had gone. “It was great. With the fire and everything else I’ve had going on, I hadn’t been over to see her in a few weeks. It was really nice to have the chance to catch up with her.”
“I’m happy for you,” he said. “Did she take the news of the fire okay?”
That he cared about her mental state after learning her granddaughter had been trapped inside a burning building melted my heart.
“Initially, she was concerned about my well-being. As soon as she confirmed that I didn’t suffer any serious injuries beyond needing the stitches in my foot, she seemed to relax a bit,” I shared.
“That’s good.”
“Yeah. How was your day today?” I asked.
“Missed you,” he replied softly.
Yep, there was no doubt about it. I was definitely going to continue doing what my grandma told me to do. Hearing those words from Holden, I knew I was going to follow to my heart.
“I missed you, too.”
“So, I have something to ask you,” he stated.
“Sure. What’s going on?”
There was a brief pause before he mentioned, “My family is having a small celebration next weekend for my grandparents’ seventieth wedding anniversary. I’d really like to have you there as my date.”
It seemed Holden was no longer taking baby steps.
“I’d love to join you,” I bubbled. “Can I get fancy for this or is it casual again?”
“You can do fancy,” Holden confirmed. “In fact, I’m really looking forward to seeing fancy on you.”
I felt myself smiling on the inside as I recalled his words to me Saturday morning. It felt good to know that he liked the way I looked.
“I’ll do my best to make you proud then,” I promised.
“I can’t wait to see it.”
Neither of us said anything for a few long seconds. Finally, Holden broke the silence. “Are you heading to bed?” he asked.
“No. I’m already there.”
I could hear the amusement in his tone when he responded, “Alright, then I’ll let you go, sweetheart.”
“Okay.”
“Goodnight, Leni.”
“Goodnight.”
At that, we disconnected. I stretched my arm out to put my phone back on my nightstand. Then, I curled up tighter under my blanket with a smile on my face. Having Holden lying beside me in bed would have been my first choice but talking to him before I went to sleep and getting invited to one of his family’s celebrations was easily a close second.
On that thought, I closed my eyes and felt myself easily drift.
“Are you here?” Zara asked.
“I’m leaving my house now,” I answered into the phone. “I should be there shortly. Are you still good on time?”
“That’ll be perfect timing,” she replied. “I’ll see you soon.”
I disconnected the call with Zara, turned on my car, and backed out of the driveway.
I was running a bit behind schedule today. It
was late Tuesday afternoon, and I’d spent the earlier part of my day at Reece’s gym continuing the filming of a couple training videos. As was often the case with my yoga practice, I was feeling inspired by the circumstances in my life and used that inspiration to create a program for students who might be feeling similarly.
I’d done this regularly over the years. No matter what situation was, I coped with it through my practice. So, if I was feeling stressed, I’d create a program that my students could turn to when they were feeling the same. When things in my life felt good and I was feeling powerful, I’d create different strength and conditioning classes for them. Or if my body or my mind was feeling fatigued, I’d work on a restorative program to help with recovery.
This had become such a huge part of my life and my business, and it was something that so many of my students appreciated. As long as it was providing a benefit for myself and others, I’d continue to create classes and programs by being vulnerable with whatever was going on in my life.
For the better part of the day Monday, all I did was film. I had a couple extra classes I wanted to film to complete the program, so I went in early this morning to get them done. Afterward, I came home and immediately got to work on editing my content. Unfortunately, I got so caught up in it that I lost track of time and realized I was going to be late.
I reached out to Zara around lunchtime yesterday and told her about the invitation Holden extended to me. When I told her that he mentioned I could get fancy for the occasion, she insisted we take one afternoon this week to find my fancy. Since I was holding classes all week this week, with tonight being the night that I was holding the latest class, we decided this was the best day to do it.
So, even though I’d realized I was behind schedule, I worked as fast as I could to get myself ready and out the door. Now, I was finally on my way, but still fifteen minutes late. Thankfully, it sounded like that was going to work out perfectly for Zara.
When I finally pulled up outside her place, she walked out, locked up her shop, and hopped in my car.
“Sorry I’m late,” I lamented as I pulled away from the curb.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I was actually relieved when you called because I had an unexpected client show up today who took up a good deal of my time this afternoon. We were making plans for an, oddly enough, anniversary party next month, and they wanted to have me handle the arrangements.”
“That worked out great then. I just need to make sure I keep my eye on the time because I am teaching a class tonight. It’s late, but still, I don’t want to go in all frazzled, either.”
Zara laughed. “I promise to keep you on schedule. Do you have any ideas in mind for what you want to wear to the party?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea. I just know that the pressure’s on because Holden’s expressed how much he appreciates my yoga wear and how he’s really looking forward to seeing what I can do with something fancy.”
“Alright, well I’m sure we’ll figure something out for you. What I really want to know now is how it’s even possible we’re going to find you something to wear for a special occasion with Holden’s family. When we talked last week, you were feeling pretty lousy about where things were between the two of you.”
Even though Zara had gotten the time frame correct, it still felt like that had been a lifetime ago. Holden’s change had been so abrupt and drastic that I could only just barely remember feeling so hopeless about the predicament I’d gotten myself into.
“Honestly, I have no idea,” I answered truthfully. “It all came out of nowhere.”
“What?” she asked.
I took in a deep breath and blew it out. “Your guess is as good as mine,” I started. “He called me Friday afternoon, asked if I was free to go out on a date with him that night, and then spent that night and all day Saturday with me. I visited my grandma on Sunday at the assisted living facility, but when I got in bed Sunday night, Holden called me to check and see how things went with her. I don’t know what caused the change in him, but I’m not complaining about it either.”
“I think this is all really good news. Am I right to assume that he’s giving you more now than just… how did you put it? Phenomenal sex, wasn’t it?” Zara teased.
I couldn’t help but laugh before I assured her, “He’s still giving me that. I don’t think I ever want him to stop giving me that. But yes, he’s started giving me more than just that. It’s not everything I’d ultimately want, but we are still very new. I can’t expect he’s going to spill all his deep, dark secrets after such a short time. So, I’m doing my best to do what his brother said and be patient with Holden.”
From the corner of my eye, I could see Zara turn her head in my direction. “His brother told you to be patient with him?” she asked.
Nodding, I explained, “The night you and Lexi came to my first class at Reece’s gym. After the class, he came in to talk to me about how everything went, but our conversation eventually went to Holden. I must have had the worry about our situation written all over my face because Reece easily guessed I was feeling uneasy about where things stood. He told me to be patient with Holden.”
“Did he tell you why?” she wondered.
Shaking my head, I answered, “No. And as much as I want to know why, I’m glad he didn’t. If there’s something that’s stopping Holden from completely giving in to what he feels for me, I’d rather know what that is from him. Besides, I wouldn’t want to come between the two of them.”
Zara shared my same sentiments when she said, “I wonder what it could be.”
“Me too. But I don’t want to force it out of him. I don’t even want to let on that I know there’s something he’s dealing with. For now, considering I’m seeing positive changes between us, I’m working out the rest of the stuff I’m feeling through my practice. If things between us are supposed to get where I hope they’ll go, I’ve got to just let go of what I can’t control and surrender to fate. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”
Zara didn’t respond. And she was quiet for so long, I began to worry. In fact, her silence bothered me enough that I called, “Zara?”
“Yeah?”
“Where’d you go?”
There was a moment of hesitation before she remarked, “It’s just… well, a long time ago, I found myself changing who I was for someone else. Thankfully, even though it was later than it should have been, that person is no longer in my life. It took me a long time to put myself back together. Luckily, I had Pierce there to support and encourage me every step of the way. I just don’t want to see you end up in a place where you accept something that’s less than what you want. Don’t give up having the things you want in a relationship because someone else doesn’t think you deserve to have them. I hesitate to say this because I know you guys are new, but I also think you need to know what your limits are. As long as you know that you should only accept what you want and can let go of something when it’s no longer serving you, I think you’ll be alright.”
Maybe it was ironic that all I could do was smile when I heard Zara’s words, but knowing where she’d likely heard the last of them made me happy. “Sounds like you’ve been taking one too many yoga classes,” I teased.
She laughed and assured me, “Yeah, but the wisdom and healing I’ve found through it has been crucial. You’ve taught me a lot, Leni. If I have the chance to offer advice to you now, even if it’s recycling something you’ve given me before, I’m going to do it.”
It hit me then that I wouldn’t regret forging a deeper connection with Zara. She was one of the sweetest and most genuine people I’d ever met, and I believed my life would be far more enriched with her in it.
As I turned into the Windsor Park Mall parking lot, I responded, “Thanks, Zara. I appreciate that. And you don’t have to worry. I’ve already made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t allow things to go back to where they were a week ago without some sort of explanation. If I feel Holden pulling away from me lik
e that again, I won’t hesitate to ask him about it. It’s important enough to me to figure it out. And if he can’t give me something to help me understand it, then I’ll have a decision to make.”
Having pulled into a spot, I turned off my car and looked at Zara. That’s when I continued, “But for now, as long as things are like this and we’re making steps to head in the right direction, I’ll be patient with him on whatever is causing him to hesitate on some of the things I ultimately hope to have from him.”
She smiled at me and agreed, “I think that’s more than reasonable. And I really hope the two of you get to where you want to see this lead. You know I’m always here if you need to talk.”
After all the support she’d shown me since everything happened with my studio, I truly believed her. “Yeah, I do,” I insisted.
“Ready to go find something to drive your man crazy in front of his family where he won’t be able to do anything about it?” she asked.
I shot her a blinding smile and nodded.
With that, we exited my car and went on a mission to find something that would drive my man crazy.
I’d just pulled into the parking lot outside Reece’s gym.
Zara and I managed to have a productive trip to the Windsor Park Mall. Best of all, we did it in what could have easily been considered record timing. As a result, after thanking Zara and taking her back to her place, I had enough time to go home and get a bit more editing done before I needed to leave again to teach my class.
Turning off my car, I got out and grabbed my extra yoga mats from my trunk. I was hoping I would have been able to carry them along with the yoga blocks and straps I had in one shot, but I wasn’t so lucky. Two of the mats fell out of my hands. Feeling defeated, I dumped everything back in the trunk and bent down to pick up the mats when I heard, “Leni!”
I looked up to see Connor coming my way.
“Hi, Connor,” I returned.
“Do you need some help?” he asked.
“That’d be great if you don’t mind.”
