I couldn’t hold her gaze.
I had everything to lose. That tub of ice cream was a symbol that dented my reputation, that allowed her to see the boy I’d once been. And I was terrified of ever marrying myself back to that version of my being because I didn’t know what would happen to me if I did.
I got to my feet, moving to the cliff edge and letting the wind press against my back, the teasing push and pull of it making it seem as if it wanted me to fall. Maybe the stars held my death in their grip and had that fate waiting for me. I didn’t buy into any fate but that one. I’d always known the universe was conspiring against me. That I’d eventually pay for all the blood I’d shed in every drop of my own. A man who was nothing returned to nothing. It was the only way the stars would let me leave this world.
“It’s just ice cream, Ryder.” Elise appeared beside me empty handed, leaning her head against my shoulder.
I tentatively slid an arm around her as we stood in the rain which started to beat down harder. Elise drew a shield of air around as she moulded against me with a deep inhale, her nose burying into my leather jacket and I glanced down at her in fascination. Her fingers intertwined with mine and she glanced up at me under her long lashes where droplets hung like jewels.
“It’s what it represents,” I said in a low tone and she squeezed my hand as if to comfort me. I tried to pull away but she didn’t let go, clinging to my jacket with her free hand.
“Why do you always run when you feel something outside of your tattooed bullshit?” she demanded, her jaw tight as she locked eyes with me, daring me to give her the truth.
Fuck, she knew. She saw through Ryder Draconis, King of the Lunar Brotherhood and gazed upon the worthless creature hiding beneath his skin. I pulled back once more but she clung on like a limpet, stepping into my path and forcing my eyes to stay on hers.
The truthful answer pushed at the base of my tongue like bile, but I swallowed it back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snarled, letting my temper flow, concealing everything else beneath it.
“Liar,” she stated, still staring at me, willing me to break.
My anger hit a peak and set off the rattle within my bones. “Why do you want that answer, Elise? So you can run back to your other boyfriends, satisfied that I was never what you wanted anyway?” I tried to prise her fingers off of my jacket but she still held on, like if she let go I’d vanish. And maybe I fucking would.
She gaped at me. “Is that seriously what you think? That if you show me something real about you I’ll stop wanting you?”
My heart shuddered as I processed those words, mostly only hearing the last few. That she wanted me. I didn’t think she’d ever really admitted it to me so frankly.
“You want me?” I murmured and she pushed her lips out, defiantly owning her words as she nodded.
“But I want the real you,” she whispered. “The bits no one else gets. The ones I see shining through the cracks in that mask you wear all the time.”
“You do?” I asked uncertainly, because maybe she thought she did, but if she really knew me, I couldn’t imagine why she’d stay.
“Yes,” she swore, marking a cross over her heart then pushing my jacket aside to paint the same cross on mine. I felt it like it was cut into my flesh, marked there forever. “So just eat the goddamn ice cream!” she said in exasperation.
She tugged my hand and I gave in, following her back under the tree and dropping down beside her, soaking wet and happier than I’d been in too many years to count.
She dipped the spoon into the bright red ice cream and I held out my hand to take it. She moved it out of my reach, her eyes sparkling with the game as she crawled into my lap and held it to my lips.
I didn’t hesitate this time, I opened my mouth for her with a burning kind of heat in my chest. As the ice cream slid onto my tongue, I was transported back to my childhood where a thousand good memories arose. Ones I’d forgotten I was capable of still feeling. But there they were, still living in me, still shining as brightly as they had when I’d made them. All those days spent in parks with my mother and father or playing in the woods. I was surprised to find I was relieved to know that boy was still attached to me. Because perhaps it meant that I wasn’t an entirely lost cause. And all because of Elise.
Dammit, fucking Nightshade was right.
I opened my eyes as Elise raised another spoonful to my lips and I curled an arm around her waist, holding her close as I let her feed me. I wanted to kiss her so badly it was starting to become painful to endure and I cursed that fucking deal I’d made with Inferno. How stupid could I have been to swear her off? But at least it meant he wasn’t getting her either.
I could do something within the rules though, something she would never expect from me and I was kind of curious to how she’d react.
Fuck it.
I caught her chin, turning her head away from me and running the icy cold pad of my tongue up her cheek.
“Ryder!” she laughed and I grinned, letting her see me happy.
Her eyes gleamed with an idea and she dipped her finger into the ice cream, painting a line down my neck.
“I’m hungry,” she purred and my mouth dried up, lust burning in me as I exposed my throat to her.
“Then take a bite, baby.”
She dipped her head, licking the trail of ice cream from my throat and making my cock harden for her instantly. She shifted in my lap to draw a low groan from me before ripping into my throat with her fangs. I clutched her against me, sucking in a sharp breath as she drank from me mercilessly. It was the perfect point between bliss and pain and I rode the high, aching to take her.
She finally pulled away and desire flared in her gaze as she unzipped her rain mac and tossed it aside, quickly followed by her sweater to reveal the swell of her breasts in a dark purple push-up bra that made me groan with need.
I was about to break every fucking term of mine and Dante’s agreement when she squeezed the ice cream pot to loosen the melting goop and laid back, pouring it all over her tits and stomach.
My jaw went slack as I realised she was bending the rules for me, keeping within the boundaries of the deal. She gave me a heady look and I didn’t need any more encouragement, crawling up her body and raking my tongue up her stomach, my piercing icily cold and rising goosebumps along her flesh. She moaned as my strokes became heavier and the thick, sweetness of the ice cream flooded my senses, now permanently linked to everything good in my life.
I licked between the valley of her tits and her hips bucked as I pressed my weight down between her thighs, showing her how fucking hard she made me. How much I wanted to tear into her flesh and bury myself in her body until she fell to ruin.
She slid a hand into my hair, guiding my mouth to where she wanted it and I resisted the furious urge to bite her as Dante’s part of the deal kept me from hurting her for pleasure.
When every drop of ice cream was gone, I rolled beside her, panting like I’d just fucked the life out of her even though I hadn’t even gotten beneath her underwear.
I am royally fucked when it comes to this girl.
Elise sat up, pulling on her shirt and flicking her hair from the collar as she shot me a wicked grin. “Did you enjoy that?” she asked teasingly.
“I would have enjoyed it more if my dick had been inside you at the same time.”
She rolled her eyes, reaching into her bag and pulling out a jar of peanut butter. She crawled forward and swung her leg over me, making me rear up with a grunt as she slammed herself down on my hard on.
“Fuck,” I croaked and she shifted forward to straddle my stomach with a totally innocent expression like she hadn’t done that shit on purpose. If there was one pain I didn’t like it was having my goddamn dick crushed while I was fit to fucking blow.
Elise dipped the spoon into the peanut butter, holding it to my lips while I narrowed my eyes.
“You’ll like it,” she promised.
I opened my
mouth with an empty expression, but inside I felt as whole as the kid in my memories. Before Father died. Before Mariella broke me. And though I knew it was only temporary and the moment Elise was gone I’d sink back into the chaos of my defective being once more, for now, I wanted to pretend I was healed. Just for her.
I finally had the dorm to myself and I was out of valid excuses. I needed to open the evidence bag containing Gareth’s things.
I sat on my bunk with my legs crossed, staring at it in my lap like it was a ticking bomb just waiting to go off.
I didn’t even know why it was so hard to open it. I’d packed up his old room at home, gone through the boxes they’d sent back from the academy when they’d cleared out his bunk. And yet there was something about the clothes he’d chosen to wear the day he’d died that made me wary.
Knowing that it was the last outfit he’d ever put on…some of the last small choices he’d ever made. That these things had been there in his final moments when I hadn’t been…
I released a long breath and ripped open the seal at the top of the black bag.
I pushed my fingers inside it hesitantly and pulled out his favourite sneakers. There was still a bit of mud caught in the tread, the neon orange laces making me smile for a moment as I remembered telling him they made him look like a flashy douchebag. A pair of black socks were balled up within one and his boxers were in the other.
A snort of laughter left my lips. I’d just spent weeks agonising over the emotions I might awaken by opening this bag only to find myself recoiling from my brother’s underwear. If he could see me now he’d be laughing at me for being such a wimp.
I removed a pair of black jeans next, my fingers dipping into the pockets just in case but finding nothing there.
The blue T-shirt was harder to dismiss as the scent of his cologne washed over me. For a moment I was transported back into his arms and I closed my eyes as I held the material to my face, soaking up the feeling of him being close for a fleeting second.
The ache in my heart throbbed and I chewed on my lip as I fought back any tears which might show themselves. Privacy never lasted long in this place. I didn’t want any of my dorm mates to discover me sobbing over an old shirt.
I folded the T-shirt carefully and placed it on my lap before pulling out his wallet.
It was faded brown leather, the same one he’d had for years. I flipped it open finding his bank cards, eighteen auras, a photo ID which made my heart lurch and a few sticks of gum. Not cherry. I pushed my fingers into the back pocket and wrangled out a few battered photographs. There was one of me and him at the beach about four years ago. We’d gone to celebrate him Emerging as a Pegasus. He flew me there and back between his glittering black wings and I’d smiled all day long as we swam in the sea and ate so much ice cream we’d almost puked. That was when we’d decided to move near the water one day. When we escaped Alestria and the gangs and the strip club and all the things that had made this place anything but home to us.
I smiled at the memory, fighting against the urge to turn from it as I tried to just appreciate it and keep the grief away. I didn’t want the hurt of losing him to make it too difficult for me to remember the joy of having him in the first place. I needed to be able to remember all the good things I’d had with him without falling apart each time I tried. I had to be able to smile about them instead of just lamenting their loss.
I tipped the bag up to make sure I hadn’t missed anything and a glittering white crystal fell into my hand. A warm feeling seemed to flood from it, whispering promises in my ear and making me want to hold it closer and closer to my heart.
“You opened it then?” Gabriel’s voice made me jump and I slammed my fist shut as I turned to glare at him over my shoulder. The open window was a clear sign of how he’d gotten in and my jaw tightened as he managed to shatter the small moment of peace I’d found.
“Well I thought I had some time alone to deal with it,” I snapped.
“Do you want me to go?”
I didn’t bother to respond to him as I hastily replaced Gareth’s clothes in the evidence bag. I re-stuck the seal down but it didn’t hold like it had before.
The wallet and crystal I kept out, slipping them into the pocket of my school bag alongside Gareth’s journal.
I dropped out of my bunk and stalked across the room to place the evidence bag in the bottom of my half of the closet. They were just clothes and I didn’t see why anyone would pry into that anyway. The only one who might was Gabriel and there was very little I could do to stop him if he chose to.
“Are you alright?” Gabriel asked as I turned back to the room.
“Are you ready to stop lying to me about the night Gareth died?” I asked in return, my tone icy.
Guilt flashed in Gabriel’s eyes and he slowly shook his head.
“Then I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
“Wait,” he called and I didn’t know why, but I paused at the door and scowled at him.
“I’m sorry,” Gabriel said roughly, his dark eyes brimming with what looked like pain but I couldn’t for the life of me understand why. “For lying about the night you were attacked.”
“Why did you?” I hissed and he dipped his head.
“I can’t have the FIB asking questions about me. I told you, someone wants to find me. I can’t risk my name or my photograph being associated with anything like what happened in the woods.”
“Got it. So you threw me under the bus to protect yourself.”
“That’s not how it is,” he said, moving forward and reaching for me like he thought he’d try and comfort me.
“Touch me and I’ll rip your fucking arm off,” I growled.
“Elise, please-”
“For someone who insists on me keeping away from him you sure have a hard time following your own advice. Now let me go and just keep the fuck away. And you don’t need to worry about me being your Elysian Mate. I’d sooner jump off a bridge than be tied to a lying asshole like you for the rest of my life.”
Something shattered in his gaze and for half a second I didn’t walk out on him. But I couldn’t afford to just let him get away with this.
I headed out of the room, hoisting my bag over my shoulder as I shot away to Pitball practice. I was running really damn late but I’d needed to take the chance to open that evidence bag while I could.
My heart was jittery and unshed tears burned the backs of my eyes but I fought against them, unable to give in to the warring emotions in my gut now that I was out on campus again.
But now that it was done, I felt lighter. It hadn’t even been so bad. I’d managed to drag up some happy memories to cling to as well as the dull ache of grief. But that never really went away anyway so carrying it was no greater a burden than usual.
I just wished Gabriel had given me another few minutes to wrangle my emotions back into check but of course he hadn’t. He liked to show up whenever I was feeling emotionally fragile, probably hoping to find a crack in my walls so that he could disarm me again. But it wasn’t going to happen. I might have been willing to believe that he hadn’t been the one to dose my brother with Killblaze that night, but it was obvious something had happened between them. And all the time he insisted on lying to me about it, I wasn’t interested in anything else he had to say. Which shouldn’t have surprised him really. Surely his visions could show him my anger clearly enough. But apparently that wasn’t enough to stop him from approaching me altogether. Maybe this time he’d take the hint properly and back off.
Thunder crashed through the sky as I headed down toward the Empyrean Fields and the pitch, lightning forking across the clouds soon after.
I upped my pace as the first raindrops spilled from the heavens, dashing against my cheeks and soaking into my hair. I shot down to the pitch with my enhanced speed in hopes of avoiding getting drenched, wondering if Coach Mars would make us play on in a downpour.
As I reached the pitch, the rest of the team met me, heading back
off of it and answering my question as the rain pounded down at full force.
“My bad!” Dante called, a booming laugh following his apology as Leon cracked up beside him.
“Nice of you to show up, Callisto,” Coach Mars commented in his gruff tone as he spotted me.
The rain was falling thicker now, fat drops pounding down on us and drenching everyone.
I cast an air shield and noticed Dante had done the same for him and Leon to keep the rain off of them.
“Sorry, sir,” I said. “I had something personal come up and-”
“We can’t play on in this storm anyway,” he cut me off. “So just be on time for the make up session tomorrow night and we can pretend this never happened.”
“Sure thing, Coach,” I agreed easily, tossing him a salute.
He strode away with the rest of the team, heading for the locker rooms and the safety provided by heading out of the rain. Harvey gave me a wide birth as usual now and I suppressed an eye roll in response.
Dante and Leon were shoving each other back and forth, play fighting like little kids and I grinned as I watched them.
“Little monster, tell this cheat there’s no sucker punches allowed!” Leon called as he spotted me and Dante threw another playful punch at his side.
I laughed at the childish display, always enjoying it when Dante dropped his mask and just let himself live in the moment.
“Did you cause this bad weather, Dante?” I asked and he smirked as he looked up at me.
“Leon was cheating and it pissed me off.”
Leon growled and managed to hook an arm around Dante’s waist before throwing him down in the mud. They were both covered and I grinned as I watched them wrestling, not entirely hating the way they looked covered in mud with their muscles flexing as they fought for dominance.
“You just need to be doing this in bikinis and we’d have a real show,” I teased.
Leon barked a laugh and Dante managed to flip him over so that he was pressed down in the mud instead.
“Maybe we should call this match a draw?” I suggested as they both continued to try and choke each other out.
Savage Fae (Ruthless Boys of the Zodiac Book 2) Page 26
