by Esme Devlin
My muscles clenched, and I came for the second time, even more intense than the first. He pumped into me a final time and let out a groan of his own as he thrust deep into my core, and heat radiated from him to me, inside me.
Inside me.
No, he didn’t?
He didn’t do that.
I opened my eyes, not even aware that I had closed them. What the fuck had he done?
He unpressed himself from my wet, sticky body and removed both the clamps from my tits, rubbing the ache away from each of them as he did so. I couldn’t look at him, so I found something more interesting in the room to look at instead. A dark shadow would do.
“Babe?”
I’d fucking have to look now.
“Why did you do that?”
He looked at me, but he didn’t answer. He just undid the straps that bound my legs to the stirrups, one at a time. I didn’t want to start an argument, not when I was like this, but I couldn’t help it. I was glad he hadn’t answered yet, though. I’d let him finish untying me before I pulled him for it.
When my legs were free, he helped me get them out of the stirrups and left them dangling over the end of the bed. The second my hands were loose, I swung them down and hopped off the end, seriously miscalculating just how fucking shaky and unsteady an intense orgasm could leave you. I grasped at the leather seat for balance, and he was quickly coming around to get me and lift me into his arms. I didn’t want this. He could treat me like a rag doll while we fucked all he wanted, whatever, but the second it was over I was no longer any doll.
“Put me down and tell me why you would do that.”
“Do what?” He asked, still slightly out of breath.
“You know fine well what I mean,” I sniped as I stared at him. He was so close, he’d put me down as I had asked him, but he wasn’t giving me a single inch of space.
“You didn’t like it?”
“The ties? The gag? The clamps? The brutal fucking? I liked all of that well enough. What I don’t like is you coming inside me without a single sentence of discussion before-hand.”
“That’s what you’re bothered about?”
“Are you for real?”
“Are you? You practically threw a tantrum the first time I fucked you ‘cause I didn’t come inside you.”
“Christ! You’re delusional. How can you NOT take this seriously?”
“I did it because I don’t think it’s the worst thing that could happen.”
“You don’t have a baby with someone because it’s ‘not the worst thing that could happen’, are you mad?!”
“Maybe I am.”
I didn’t know what to say. What do you say to that? We both stood there, staring at each other, both of us refusing to see how the other one could be right.
“I didn’t mean it like that, babe,” he finally said, after a pause that felt like an eternity.
“What exactly did you mean?”
“I mean… I want you forever. So why wait? If it happens, then it happens. I’ve been thinking that for a while, I was going to tell you but tonight, it just seemed right. I don’t know how to explain it… I’m not good with words.”
“You don’t get to decide, James. Christ, do you not think my life is fucked up enough?”
“Would it really be so bad?”
“Fucking hell,” I breathed, exasperated. “YES! Yes, it fucking would. You can’t just keep me forever, just because you decided you want to, and a baby will not change my mind about that. It’s like a fucking cage. This house. I see no one. I don’t leave. You’ve built a cage around me, and now you’re trying to build one inside me too.”
He took a step back, as if my words were physically hurting him. He looked hurt. But only for a fraction of a second. The wall he held so carefully around him was back in place before I could blink, and I wondered if I had only imagined the hurt I thought I had seen written across his features.
“Fair enough.”
“That’s it?”
“It won’t happen again.”
He took my hand and led me out the room and back to the bedroom. I went straight to the bathroom and grabbed a towel to put around me, putting the plug in the bath and turning on the taps. When I turned around, he was standing in the doorway, and I avoided his gaze.
“It’s not supposed to be like this, you know.”
I looked at him questioningly.
“You’re supposed to feel emotional, but I’m supposed to be there to make you feel better. I’m not an idiot. I know right now you want to be left alone. But I just wanted you to know that.”
True to his word, he turned and left, not returning until long after I had fallen asleep that night.
Chapter 18
JAMES
The abortion went down just as I expected it to. Louise followed me all the way back to the house, her bright red Fiat 500 clearly visible a couple of cars back the whole way. I drove slowly, and I stopped at amber lights. I made it damn near impossible for her to lose sight of me.
I dropped Sarah off and sorted her out for the night. Heading home back to Megan, my thoughts raced and there was a heavy feeling in my chest. I knew what I had to do, and it broke my heart a little just thinking about it. I had promised I’d never do it again, but this was for her own benefit. I hoped that one day, when all this shit was over, she would see that.
I came home, and she was sitting on the sofa, watching some crap on the TV. One glance at me, and I knew she was still upset about the night before. She’d taken it badly, and I hadn’t meant for it to go down the way it did. I hoped she would see that I wanted her; I wanted her forever, and I wanted her to mother my children and to stay with me for the rest of our lives.
The needle was in my hand as I approached her. She caught sight of it and her eyes flew to my face.
“James. Fucking don’t.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
She shook her head at me. She knew there was no point fighting. I was standing over the sofa and could see the tears welling up in her eyes. She had to forgive me for this. She would see, one day, that it was the only way.
I stuck the needle into her and her hands clenched into fists and belted my chest twice, before they fell down limp beside her. She was out cold.
I did nothing for a while after that. I should have put her straight in the car and made my way to the house, but she looked so fucking peaceful lying there. My arms circled around her small waist, and I picked her up easily, laying her down on my chest. I had no idea when I’d ever be able to do this again. For a while, I imagined that I hadn’t just drugged her, and she was merely sleeping. I stroked her hair — hair that I had ruined with my own two hands — and breathed in the smell of her. She smelled of me, my shampoo, my body-wash, faint traces of my cologne… but somehow softer.
It wasn’t right that our last words to each other had been said in argument. I regretted not sorting that out before I knocked her out, but I hadn’t been thinking straight. I didn’t want to do what had to be done, and when I don’t want to do something I twist the reality in my head to justify the action. That was stupid of me. What could I have said, though? It seemed like it didn’t matter what I said; she wouldn’t get past her mistrust of me. I told her I wanted her forever and she wouldn’t believe me… so I’d just have to show her. This was the start of me showing her, even if she wouldn’t see that for a while.
Eva entered the room and her eyes focused on Megan, curled up across my chest, her hand still semi-clenched into a fist.
“She’s sleeping?”
“I wish she was.”
Her eyes drifted across the sofa to where the empty syringe lay beside me.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m letting her go.”
I got up with her still in my arms and nodded to the throw that sat on the back of the sofa. Eva came over quickly and shook it out to unfold it before wrapping it around Megan.
“I’ll miss her,” she said, her eyes ful
l of concern.
“Aye, me too.”
I wasn’t lying.
I took Megan out to the car and tucked her in on the back seat, before driving back to the house where it all started. I didn’t drive fast; there was no rush. Putting her back in that bed was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. I bent down and gave her a last kiss on her lips before I turned away.
This could all go wrong. Maybe Jed wouldn’t come. Maybe Jed would come, and he’d never let me see her again. There were so many fucking holes in this plan that I didn’t even want to think about it, but what else could I have done?
Megan was right. I couldn’t keep her locked inside my house forever. Even if she wanted to be there, I couldn’t guarantee she would be safe. Davie had no love for her, and I was either on Davies side or I was completely fucked. You don’t just resign, not in this line of work.
I sat down the street in the car and watched as the night drew in. It was fucking freezing, sitting in a cold metal shell. I had no idea when, or even if, they would arrive, but I didn’t want to turn the engine on for fear of being noticed and scaring them away.
At around 2am, a car pulled into the street, slowly and almost silently. It was a good thing the house was left completely unprotected because the car stuck out like a sore fucking thumb. No one parked cars like that in this street, except me.
I watched as they made their way into the house with the unlocked door. I sat there shivering while the woman I loved was carried out the door by my enemies, and something inside me broke that night.
Something I didn’t even know I had.
This was it.
I looked down at my phone as it lit up the dark car. Crystal… So she was loyal to me. This was good, but it didn’t really matter whether it was me or Davie she phoned- either way he needed to be told.
“James. You need to come to the house. Some men, they came. Took Sarah,” she panted frantically down the phone to me.
“Shhhh. Listen to me. I need you to listen carefully. When I hang up, I need you to call David Kimber. Tell him what happened and that you can’t get a hold of me. You need him to come to the house. Do not say you spoke to me. Do you understand?”
There was a short pause before she replied with a simple “yes.”
“Then I want you to get out of that house. Take anyone who is there with you and leave. I’ll tell you when it’s safe to come back.”
“James, what is going on?”
“Just some business. Listen to what I’m telling you.”
“Okay.”
“You’ll call him now? David Kimber.”
“Yes.”
I ended the call and watched as three girls made their way out of the house and into a silver private hire taxi. Now it was a waiting game. I removed the gun from the glove compartment of the car and stuck it in the waistband of my bottoms, then made my way over to the house.
I don’t know how I felt about killing the man who had been more than a father to me than my actual father. I didn’t love him, and I think I loved Megan. He wanted to hurt Megan. It should have been simple, black and white. I hoped it would still seem as black and white when he was standing right in front of me.
The leather sofa in the living room was cool to the touch as I sat down against it. Must have been all the comings and goings. Would the neighbors be awake and peeking behind their net curtains, I wondered? It didn’t matter too much, anyway. I would be out of that house the second the gun was fired. That’s the good thing about being out in the middle of nowhere. No one expects gunfire, and even if they did, the police were so far away it doesn’t matter a fuck.
I waited on that sofa for what felt like an eternity. This was the same one we slept on that very first night, when she was cold and her body pressed up against mine. Did she know what she was doing then? Did she know she was slowly breaking down something inside of me that was never supposed to work properly? I had done more than alright until now not caring about anybody.
I heard a car approach outside, but I didn’t go out to look. The only thing benefiting me was that he wouldn’t be expecting it when the time came. I sat in the dark living room and pointed the gun at the door. The second he walked through, I would fire and end it.
Then the real work would begin. The vultures would circle the second they heard about what had happened. I planned to leave no scraps behind me for them to take.
I heard footsteps on the path outside. Someone was walking quickly. Too quickly. The footsteps connected with the tiled floor in the hall and then the figure appeared in the doorway of the living room. It wasn’t fucking Davie.
The lights went on. The man clocked my gun and in that split second I knew I couldn’t let him walk away from this. I fired, straight into his chest and the man buckled right before my eyes. I was up straight away, just as I had intended even thought it wasn’t Davie I had just killed. As I stepped over his limp body, I saw the gun in his hand and I knew I had made the right decision.
I ran to the car and held in the button for it to start, speeding quickly out of the street without stopping for anything. Why the fuck hadn’t he come himself? No one else was supposed to know about the house. Who was that man? Who had he sent?
Just then, my phone vibrated against the black leather of the passenger seat.
David Kimber.
I slid it open to answer and tapped the button to put him on speaker.
“Davie?”
“James.”
His voice was cool, but that wasn’t abnormal.
“Do you have something you want to tell me?”
“I just heard… They’ve taken the girls back. I’m on it already, Davie.”
“You wouldn’t have done anything stupid, would you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Cut your shite, boy. I will only give you one fucking chance, and that’s only because I think of you as a son.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Is she really worth it?”
I paused. He fucking knew. I don’t know how he knew, but he did.
“She is.”
“You’d risk everything we built together for a piece of fucking pussy. Stupid boy. Watch your back.”
He hung up the call, but the threat didn’t go unnoticed. Only a fool wouldn’t note a threat from David Kimber. I wasn’t concerned about myself, not at all. And I had to assume that Megan would be safe with her brothers now that Jed had recovered and they’d taken her home. There was only one thing he could do that would hurt me, and that was where I headed. I had to get Eva.
I called the house first, but there was no answer. I tried her mobile next, already suspecting that it would be absolutely fucking useless. She detested the thing, said she had no use for it.
I raced home, a horrible feeling in my chest. I was man enough to admit that David Kimber was smarter than I would ever be. I had planned everything out, but I had bargained on David coming to the house. I had planned to keep Megan safe if it went wrong. I hadn’t planned for Eva. Why the fuck hadn’t I planned for Eva?
I could see from the end of the drive that the light wasn’t on. She always kept the light on. I didn’t even switch the car off; I was already out of the door when I yanked the hand break up. I ran into the house and the second I flicked the light on I saw her at the bottom of the stairs, curled into a ball, a dark red circle of blood pooling around her head.
“Eva? Christ Eva!”
I rushed over to her, reaching for her hand. She was breathing! She wasn’t dead. She was cold, but that was normal for her and her shite circulation. I tried to get her to talk to me but she was only capable of little more than a whimper. I picked her up carefully, afraid that she had broken something. There was only one place I could take her, one place that was safe. I could only hope I wasn’t walking into a trap.
Chapter 19
MEGAN
My eyes fluttered open and my heart sunk the second I
realized where I was.
Home.
Could I even call it that? It didn’t feel like home. Nowhere felt like home anymore.
I was lying on the sofa in Jed’s living room, Elliot at my side and Mark at my feet. I didn’t want to talk to them. He’d done what he promised he’d never do. He’d left me. His forever was bullshit, and I had been so fucking stupid.
A single argument was all it had taken.
“She’s not said a word that’s made sense since we got her home,” Elliot said.
Fucking right I hadn’t. I didn’t want to talk to any of them. It was their ambition that had got me into this mess in the first place.
“James said she had lost her mind. I thought he was lying,” Sarah replied.
“James? Who’s James?” Now Jed piped up, his voice agitated. All of this was his fucking fault, and I didn’t want to look at him. I continued staring at the ceiling.
“Was he not in the house when you broke in? He was the one who kept us there. He looked after us,” explained Sarah.
“He’s a fucking dead man.”
“He was kind,” Sarah paused. “To me, at least.”
“Do you think he was kind to my sister?” Jed spat the words out.
