by Anders Grey
“You’re helping just by being here,” he said, sitting on the edge of the desk. His expression was still distant. Reading over my shoulder must have reopened the wound.
I gently rubbed his arms up and down, hoping the action was soothing.
“It’s wrong,” I muttered. “So, so wrong. It’s despicable, is what it is. You don’t deserve this.”
Johnny’s lip quirked for a brief second before it fell. My heart clenched painfully.
“You know that, right?” I asked, tilting his head up and forcing him to look at me. “This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Johnny glanced up at me from under dark lashes. They were warm, but the pain beneath the surface was raw. He was hurting.
I hugged him tightly, burying my face in his neck. I didn’t want to let him go.
“What they did? It’s horrible. It’s the worst, shittiest thing to do to your own child,” I went on, my anger unable to dissipate. “No one deserves this, but especially not you, Johnny. Please tell me you understand that.”
His arms slowly wrapped around me.
“I know,” he said softly. “But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
We stood like that for a few moments, holding each other in silence. I wanted to take the pain away from him, but that wasn’t something that happened in real life. The best I could do was be there for him, to comfort him, to help him in any way possible.
We eventually broke apart. Johnny’s face was dry, but mine was wet with angry and frustrated tears. He chuckled as he wiped them away.
“What do you have to cry about?”
“Shut up. I’m crying because I’m upset for you, asshole,” I mumbled, wiping the rest of my tears on my sleeve.
I stared at the letter again, half hoping it would burst into flames or something because it was frankly demonic. It was evil of Johnny’s parents to make such a cruel demand of him.
But now that the initial disbelief had passed, I was left with the harsh reality that Johnny couldn’t receive the rest of his will without a wife.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
I held my real question back, not letting it slip on my tongue: What’s going to happen to us?
Whatever relationship we had now had barely just begun, and now we were already going to lose it.
Johnny saw right through me. He took my hand, tracing patterns with his thumb over my palm as he spoke.
“I don’t know,” he said simply. “But I’m not going to turn straight for them, that’s for sure.”
I scratched my head. “Well, you don’t have to turn straight. Are you interested in women at all? If you’re bi, you could always just start dating women, and–”
“Cain.”
I stopped talking. He stared me dead in the eyes, and the intensity of his gaze startled me.
“What?” I asked.
“Why do you think I’m going to cave to their demands?”
I blinked. “Johnny, it’s your inheritance. You have to–”
“Have to what?”
My mouth hung open. I had no idea how I was going to finish that sentence. What did Johnny have to do? His parents weren’t forcing him to do anything, not literally anyway.
“They cornered you into making a decision you don’t want to make,” I said. “Right?”
He kept staring at me, and I was starting to wonder if there was something on my face. I blushed.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.
He grinned. “Because you’re taking too long to figure it out.”
He hopped off the desk and closed the space between us. His hands went to my hips, pulling me against him.
Feeling like I was missing the memo, I said, “I don’t get it.”
Without saying anything, Johnny cupped my face and kissed me. I whimpered against his lips before letting myself give in to the warmth of his embrace. I sighed contentedly as he pulled away.
“What was that for?” I murmured.
“Let me spell it out for you, author man, since that’s apparently the only way you’re going to understand,” he said with a smirk. “I don’t want a wife. I don’t want any woman. Hell, I don’t even want another man. I want you.”
I forgot how to breathe for a second. I stared at him with stupidly wide eyes. The blush creeping over my face felt hotter than the sun.
“Um,” I said.
His hands gripped my waist, and my heart began hammering.
“Me?”
“You asked me not to push you away anymore,” Johnny said. “So I’m done.”
I still found myself unable to believe my ears. My face heated up and his words repeated in my mind. I glanced down at the letter, then back at him.
He said he didn’t want anybody except me.
Honestly, part of me was scared to believe him, like if I accepted this it might turn around to bite me. But at the same time, there was nothing hidden in Johnny’s eyes. Deep down, I knew everything he was saying was purely truth.
But if he was telling the truth, then what about his parents’ wishes? The inheritance? The money?
“The letter,” I said weakly.
“What about it?”
“The inheritance. They want you to have a wife,” I mumbled, the words leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
To my surprise, Johnny snorted. “When have I ever cared about what they wanted?”
My eyes widened. Suddenly I was faced with the Johnny from a decade ago, who rebelled and lived by his own rules. But this time, he was mature enough to accept help from those who offered it.
He took my hand, and I knew he accepted me.
Johnny shook his head, casting an uninterested glance at the letter before meeting my eyes again.
“I don’t want to live the life they want for me,” he said. “I want to live my own. And if that means not taking their money so I can be with the man I love, then so be it.”
I bit my lip, knowing the check in the envelope was at least a small fortune.
Then I started.
“Wait, wait,” I said quickly, tripping on my words as my heart leapt into my throat and choked me. “What the hell did you just say?”
Johnny snorted. “Nothing. Didn’t say anything.”
I pushed my finger into his chest accusingly. “Yes, you did. I heard it. Say it again.”
He shot me a sly look. “No. I said it once and that’s final.”
“Playing hard to get now, huh?” I pounced, grabbing him by the arms and leaning up on my toes to get in his face. “Tell me.”
Johnny’s arms wrapped around my lower back, his mocking pretense gone. His eyes were as warm as his touch.
“I said I want to be with the man I love. And in case you need me to spell it out again, that’s you, Cain.”
My heart squeezed before exploding into a flutter. The urge to kiss him was stronger than anything in the world right now, and I crashed my mouth against his.
As the kiss deepened, I felt my cock stir to life again. I broke apart before it could devolve into another round of sex in the middle of the stuffy office.
“What are you going to do? Just ignore the letter?” I raised a brow. “Just ignore the tons of money sitting there in that envelope?”
“Right now?” Johnny said, leaning forward to gently bite my lower lip. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
31
Johnny
In the morning, neither of us had left. That was a good sign.
I woke before Cain. I let him sleep in, considering the long and arduous day he had yesterday. Roxy greeted me outside the bedroom with a yawn and I kneeled down to pet her. She seemed comfortable here, like she’d been living here her entire life.
“Come on, girl,” I said.
Roxy trotted by my heels as I went downstairs to prepare coffee. The rich, dark scent filled the air and I felt invigorated even before I had a sip. I prepared a light breakfast in case Cain woke before I got ba
ck from walking Roxy. Nothing special, just some toaster waffles and a pile of strawberries on the side. After pouring the coffee, I put creamer and sugar on the counter, knowing Cain liked his coffee stupidly sweet. Just like him.
As I looked at the two coffee mugs side by side, I smiled.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the urge to run. There was no oppressive atmosphere weighing down on me, pressuring me to escape. Even the mansion didn’t feel like a cold showroom husk anymore. It felt–dare I say it?–almost like a home.
I couldn’t put my finger on what had changed. Was it the physical act of buying my own furniture? Of throwing a party with my closest friends and having it feel more vibrant and fun than the scheme I’d set out thinking it would be? My cheeks flushed as I remembered the night of intimacy Cain and I shared on the couch. Maybe the memories I’d made here overwrote the ones from my childhood.
I glanced at the far wall of the kitchen. The unpleasant memory of my father threatening me that he better not find out his son was gay took a little more digging to reach than it had before.
A stronger, more vivid memory was closer to the surface–the memory of Cain and I grinding against the counter after everyone else had vacated after the party. I smirked, recalling how he’d teased me with his phone and I saw the photo of myself as his background. It warmed me.
My eyes travelled along the counter until I found the phlox flowers standing proudly in the little glass. They were still as tall and defiant as the day I’d picked them. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I thought they looked a little cozier than before as they nestled among the bottles of booze. Maybe they were starting to feel more at home, too.
I began to wonder if things had been this way all along, and it was only a shift in perspective that allowed me to see it.
The jingle of Roxy’s tags brought me out of my spell. She paced near the front door, a clear sign that she needed to go out. I made sure I was decent in a shirt and pants before taking her out into the front garden.
The sky was bright and clear, with only a few white cloud puffs lazily coasting across the blue expanse. I inhaled a deep lungful of air. I had to admit it was cleaner up here in Rosecreek than in the city.
Roxy bolted towards the flower garden.
“Hey, don’t pee on the flowers. Me and Cain take good care of those,” I said, pointing in the other direction. “Go on that ugly bush over there.”
Roxy paused, then followed my finger to the aforementioned ugly bush, where she proceeded to do her business.
I hadn’t even realized my slip of the tongue until a moment later.
Not me. Me and Cain.
I recalled how he’d been the one to take care of the garden after my parents’ death. Had I ever thanked him properly for that? I made a mental note of it.
I winced thinking back on how badly I treated him the day I moved in. Cain had taken the brunt of all the undeserved ire and anger I threw at him. He let me hate him for ten whole years and didn’t bat an eye when I finally realized what a dipshit I’d been. Even though Cain had already forgiven me, a simple apology wasn’t good enough. I wanted to do something bigger. Something worthy of his forgiveness.
And I still hadn’t confronted the true culprit. My hands balled into fists at my side. Nash fled the party before I realized it, and the next time he showed up was to force himself on Cain. My blood boiled even thinking about it.
“Johnny.”
That voice was a shock to my system. My head snapped up.
Nash stood in the middle of my driveway.
Instantly, all the fury simmering in my blood exploded. I ran at him with a snarl. Nash barely had time to lift his arms in defense before I knocked him to the ground.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Me?” Nash demanded. “You’re the one attacking me!”
I realized my fist was pulled back, halfway through a punch. Grinding my teeth, I glared down at Nash. He wasn’t fighting back but he didn’t look pleased, either. His arms were still half-crossed over his face, like he thought I’d knock his teeth out.
It was a tempting idea.
Fortunately for Nash’s face, I kept my violent fantasy in my head. I got up with a grunt, allowing him to his feet.
“Why are you here?” I asked, doing a poor job of keeping the venom from my voice.
Nash didn’t reply right away. His jaw was tight and he averted his eyes. “Need to talk to Cain.”
“Oh, hell no,” I snapped. “You’re not going anywhere near him. He told me what you did.”
A flicker of uneasiness crossed Nash’s expression. “What did he say?”
My stomach churned angrily. Was he accusing Cain of lying?
“He said you kissed him against his will,” I said, glaring daggers at him.
Nash winced. So he wasn’t denying it. My fists balled tighter and my nails dug into my skin.
“I just want to talk to him. Honestly,” Nash said.
I crossed my arms. “You’re not going anywhere near him. Not ever again.”
“You’re being ridiculous, Johnny,” Nash growled, sounding exasperated. He took a step closer. “I know he’s here. Just tell him to come outside. Please.”
“Take one more step and I’ll have the cops escort you off my property.”
“Are you serious, man?”
Thick tension ran taut between us as we lapsed into silence. Like two dogs facing off, neither of us broke first. But I wasn’t lying earlier. If I felt like Nash was a real threat to Cain, I had no problem calling the authorities. I’d never let Nash hurt Cain like that again. Seeing the terror in his pale blue eyes even once was too much.
“Johnny? What’s going on?”
Cain’s voice behind me made me turn around. He stood in the doorway, his brow furrowed. He leaned down to pick up Roxy when she trotted to him and he held her against his chest. To my surprise, he stared right at Nash, but there was no sign of fear on his face now.
“Cain,” Nash said quickly. “Can I please just talk to you?”
“Stay where you are,” I commanded. “I’m not joking.”
Holding up his hands in a peace gesture, Nash said, “I’m not going to do anything. Swear.”
“He said he wants to talk to you,” I muttered to Cain. “But if you say the word, I’ll have him gone. Don’t feel pressured to say anything to him.”
Cain frowned but called out, “What do you want, Nash? And make it quick, because my breakfast is getting cold.”
Nash’s hands lowered as the immediate threat passed. He sighed. “I just wanted to say sorry, okay? Yesterday was… a mistake.”
My lip curled. It didn’t sound like the sincerest apology I’d ever heard, but I wasn’t the World’s Best Apologizer either. Then again, Nash’s crime was worse than mine. I stuck close to Cain and waited to see his reaction.
“That’s it?” Cain said. “A mistake?”
Nash’s jaw tightened and he swallowed hard. “Yeah. It was stupid, and I shouldn’t have done it.” He avoided Cain’s gaze. “I honestly don’t know what came over me.”
But Cain’s eyes were hard as diamonds. “That’s not the whole truth, and you know it. This all has to do with Johnny, doesn’t it?”
Nash and I were both bewildered.
“It does?” I asked.
Judging by Nash’s wide eyes, Cain’s words hit him like an arrow. I waited to see how this would play out. When Nash didn’t reply, Cain took the liberty of speaking up for him. Roxy jumped out of his arms as he started forward.
“You were jealous. Hell, you’ve been jealous for the past ten goddamn years. You hated seeing Johnny get close to me, didn’t you? And when I stupidly came to you for help, you knew you had to do something to separate us. That’s why you started that rumor.”
Nash’s mouth was a tight scowl, but he offered no denial.
“It didn’t work out, did it? You thought Johnny was going to stick around and be yours, but he ran off to the
city and left you behind.” Anger and bitterness crept into Cain’s voice. “When he finally returned, you still thought I was the problem. You did everything you could to keep us apart. But it didn’t work.”
Nash didn’t budge as Cain advanced on him. Even though he was smaller and weaker, Cain radiated hostility like an invisible shield. Still, I stayed close just in case things turned ugly.
“That made you mad, didn’t it, Nash?” Cain demanded. “Your friend fell in love with me. Not you. And since you had too much internalized homophobia to talk to Johnny like a normal person, you used me as your guinea pig. If Johnny could fall for me, there must be something special about me, right? That’s why you kissed me.”
Nash stepped back. The vitriol in his expression melted under Cain’s acidic words. What remained was a tired, pessimistic man who didn’t know how to process his own feelings.
I felt like I was seeing Nash with clear eyes for the first time. For so long I’d clung to my ideal of him as my cool best friend from high school. But with all the lies and cruelty stripped away, he was just a human being who made mistakes. A lot of them. I was still trying to decide if his lie wounded me deeply enough to cut him out of my life for good.
I knew Cain had his own decision to make. What Nash did to him was despicable, but I didn’t want to force my will on him. He was never close friends with Nash like I was, so I left it up to him to decide what he wanted to do.
“Well?” Cain asked.
Nash laughed, bitter and defeated. “Well what? Nice work, detective. You got it.” He threw his hands up in exasperation. “I just wanted to say sorry for what I did. That’s all.”
When Nash turned to stalk off, Cain called out, “Wait. You’re not done, are you?”
“Yeah. I am done.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Cain snapped, a note of burning anger in his tone. “What about Johnny? Don’t you think he deserves an apology for everything you put him through?”
Nash stopped in his tracks. My stomach fell. My chest clenched uneasily as Nash faced me. I couldn’t read his expression.
