by JP Sayle
What was I missing here? I ran through what I’d seen and heard as I’d come through the door. Sawyer had been crouched over a bleeding Glenn, who had shouted out in distress. Had he only done that because he’d seen me? The knee jerk reaction at the scene I’d witnessed hadn’t given me any time to think. Now, with Glenn sitting at the counter looking…smug, I got the impression that all was not as it seemed. But what had happened?
I retrieved a cloth and my first aid box from under the kitchen sink, thinking about how to get answers. Had there been any blood on Sawyer’s clothes? Had his hands been bruised from lashing out? I didn’t think the answer was yes to either of those things.
My hands trembled as I laid everything on the counter and sat on the seat next to Glenn’s. “Let me clean you up and see what damage there is.”
He said nothing as he leaned into my touch. His eyelashes lowered and his face became flushed while I tended to the cut. Doing my best to ignore his reaction to my touch, I examined the cut. A cut that clearly hadn’t come from a punch, the way the skin was split in a vertical straight line in his brow. “How did you get this cut?” The question popped out as I considered where he’d been lying in the hall.
He hissed as I brushed the antiseptic over the wound. “You know how, that dick punched me in the face.”
“Really? He’s several inches shorter than you. The angle to cut you like this with his fist would be impossible.” I didn’t beat about the bush, because clearly things weren’t adding up.
“It happened so fast, I can’t quite remember.” He shrugged nonchalantly, but his body had stiffened when I’d challenged him. “He just came at me, I couldn’t tell you how he managed it,” he ground out between clenched teeth. His eyes sparked with anger.
“What brought you here?” I questioned, changing tact. “In fact, did I see your bag in the hallway?”
His face flushed an angry shade of red as he looked away, his lips moving as if he was trying to think of something to say. I remained silent, the churning in my guts now rivalling a sea in the height of a storm.
Things just weren’t adding up. I finished cleaning up his face and as I started to shift back, his hand moved to my thigh and he started to squeeze it. I shot off the chair, making it clatter while I glanced in the direction of the door, worried that Sawyer would appear and get the wrong impression.
“Stop that Glenn. I’ve told you it’s over. You need to hear me. I’m with Sawyer now. We’re happy together. As I said before, you were right to make the decision to split up. We don’t have anything in common any—”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Four years together show that we’ve plenty in common. You love me. Not some…man-child. Fuck, how can you want to be with a man that dresses like a bloody child? It’s just a phase you’re going through. It’s probably all connected to that bloody bar you’re working on. All you need is for me to come home. Finish that damn project and leave all that nonsense behind you. You’ll see that I’m right.”
Something nagged at me, but it was gone when it registered how utterly convinced Glenn looked as he spoke. How the hell wasn’t he getting that we were over?
His hand ran through his hair as he got up off the seat and came towards me.
I held my hand up to ward him off. “I don’t know how else to say this without hurting you, but I love Sawyer. He’s it for me. What I feel for him…well, it’s just everything.”
The following silence felt like I was in the eye of the storm, and I braced. For what, I wasn’t sure, but I knew it was going to be something bad.
“You love him?” he screeched, so loudly I was sure anyone within a five-mile radius would have heard him.
Expecting Sawyer to run into the room at any moment, I nodded. “I do, and you need to listen and hear what I say. I love Sawyer and nothing is going to change that.”
When Glenn charged forward, his fists flying, I got an idea about what might have happened earlier. I side stepped and took hold of his shoulders as he careened past me. “Stop this, you’ll end up getting hurt,” I growled.
His chest was heaving as he glared at me. “You’ve already hurt me. You and that man-child you’re obsessed with. You’ll come back to me begging, you’ll see,” he spat at me with venom. Then he spun on his heel and stalked out.
I clenched my hands to stop them trembling as I followed him at a more sedate pace. It was only as the door opened that I noticed his car wasn’t in the drive. Where had he parked? I shook my head at the whole surreal situation.
After the door slammed shut, I ran up the stairs and stopped dead in my tracks in the doorway of my bedroom. Where was Sawyer? I went to the bathroom, finding it empty. I ran to the room he’d been using up until Friday. My heart dropped to my boots at finding it empty. Oh fuck!
“Sawyer, Angel boy, where are you?” My shout went unanswered, and dread settled heavily on me as I stepped back into my bedroom. The air punched its way out of my chest so fast, and I blanched when I noticed the drawer under the bed hanging open. My legs became shaky and I struggled to walk to the open drawer. I shut my eyes and took a second to prepare before I opened them again and looked down. Thank fuck!
Sawyer’s blankie was gone but the rest of his little things remained. Would he leave without his things? I turned and eyed the wardrobe with trepidation. Shoving my shoulders back, my fists clenched at my sides. The few steps it took to reach the wardrobe felt as if I was walking through quicksand. I opened the door and my heart bled. “Nooooo!” Tears burned my eyes and a sob rose in my throat when I saw the empty space where Sawyer’s things had been.
What have I done?
Go and find him, now!
No sooner had the thought registered, I was running down the stairs and out the front door. The two bags of shopping remained sat on the floor as I flew outside, uncaring that I’d not put the fridge items away. I got in the car and my hands shook as I drove out onto the main road, following the route to Sawyer’s and hoping that he hadn’t gone through the wooded area.
I cursed up a blue storm until I spotted him, then I mewled loudly and clutched the steering wheel in a death grip. His body shook as his head rested on his forearms over the handlebars of his bike.
Look at what you did!
Parking behind him, I’d hardly stopped before I was out of the truck, my need to take away the hurt firmly in the driver’s seat.
Sawyer appeared to be so lost in his misery that he didn’t notice me as I approached him. I tentatively reached out. “Angel boy…” The words dried on my lips as his head lifted and tear drenched eyes met mine. It was impossible to stop myself awkwardly clasping him to my chest. Half expecting him to push me away, I groaned when he tucked himself into my chest and started to sob in earnest.
Words caught in my dry throat. “I’m so sorry…I really am. Please don’t leave me…I love you,” I croaked.
His gasp was followed by several hiccups as he pulled away from me, his expression showing confusion. “What about Glenn?” he whispered in a fearful tone. Fear I’d clearly caused by not giving him a chance to explain what had happened in the house.
“What about him? It’s you I love. I’m sorry you were hurt by my thoughtlessness and over reaction. Please come back so we can talk about it, please?” I begged again while my pulse tried to deafen me.
He hesitated and then his hand came up to scrub at his wet cheeks. “You love me?” his voice quivered as his eyes continued to show disbelief.
“Yes, yes I do. But I don’t think this is the place to talk about it. Please come back. Let’s talk about what happened.” I held my breath and released it in a hasty rush when he nodded.
Thank you, gods!
Not giving him a chance to change his mind, I helped remove the backpack from his shoulders and took it to the truck. Once in the back seat, I walked back to him with my heart pinching at him still sitting on his bike.
“I’ll put your bike in the back of the truck and you can ride with me.” Although it wasn
’t a question, I waited to see if he’d argue. Only when he swung his leg off the bike did the tightness in my chest lessen.
Resting the bike against the truck, I first helped Sawyer up into it and fastened his seat belt before I placed his bike in the bed of my truck. When I was sitting next to him, I took my first real breath since I’d walked into the house to find…what?
I shifted to face him and took hold of his cold hands.
When he looked at me, there was apprehension and sadness etched into his face. “I’m going to keep saying it till you believe me. I’m sorry, and I love you. Nothing is going to change that, not Glenn, not what you are, and not whatever happened today. Do you understand?” I infused as much love as I could into my words, meeting his gaze head on so he understood I meant every word.
This time, when he nodded, it appeared to be with a little more conviction, but I could still see sadness there in his eyes. I silently vowed to myself I would do my best to make sure I never caused him to look at me like that again. Because the one thing this had taught me was that my heart belonged to him and being without him wasn’t something I could bear to think about.
Chapter Fourteen
Sawyer
The drive back to Boyd’s seemed to take seconds and didn’t give me any time to pull my thoughts together. All I could see was Glenn’s smug face and his immaculate clothing. The betrayal was the hardest part to swallow. How could Boyd take sides with Glenn? How?
He said he loves you.
Does he? Does he really mean it?
Back and forth my little argued while Boyd stopped the truck and got out to help me from the cab. The blustery wind whipped at my tear stained cheeks as I stood waiting for him to reach into the back and lift out my bag.
He remained silent as he let us back into his home and my gaze landed on the bag that Glenn had brought with him earlier. “Is Glenn still here?” I asked with resignation.
“No, he left after I told him I love you.”
The stress he put on the latter helped a little to settle my pulse, but it didn’t stop me questioning, “Then why did he leave his bag behind?”
I pointed to the floor where the bag sat, taunting me with memories of what had happened.
Boyd walked over to the bag and picked it up. He opened it and peered inside, his face a mask of anger. “It looks like he thought he’d be staying. I’ll return it to him, so he gets the picture. He’s not wanted here. Can you tell me what happened before I came home?” His voice was strained, and I couldn’t tell if he was angry with me or Glenn.
My shoulders sagged and I dropped my gaze to the floor. “There was the sound of someone messing with the lock on the front door. Thinking you were about to be burgled, I came out to confront them—”
“You did what?” he bellowed, and I was sure the glass in the door shook.
I took a step back, my frightened gaze meeting his.
His chest heaved and my bag, along with Glenn’s, was dumped on the floor. The next thing I knew, his arms were wrapped around me and his face was buried in my hair.
“What were you thinking? You could have been hurt, fuck…worse…murdered.” He shuddered violently, and I could hear the anguish and distress he didn’t try to hide.
“I’m sorry…I can defend myself,” I muttered sheepishly, praying that my confession wouldn’t make him jump to the conclusion I’d thumped Glenn.
He moved and his hand cupped the back of my neck. When our gazes met, any doubt I’d had about his feelings being real were washed away by the look of love he wore. “I don’t care if you can defend the whole fucking country. You are never to do anything like that again. Do you hear me?” His lips twisted into a grimace. “For god’s sake, what would I do if something happened to you?”
The depth of his emotion helped to heal the hurt he’d inflicted and gave me the courage to talk about what had happened. As I laid it out in graphic detail what had occurred from when Glenn had entered the house with a key, to his attempt to hurt me, and eventually bashing his head, Boyd became motionless.
“That fucking bastard.” A scowl appeared as he glanced at the post Glenn had hit. A streak of blood marred the wood and confirmed what I’d said. When he stared at me, the scowl was replaced by sorrow. “Shitting hell! Why didn’t I just ask you what had happened?” he ground out, his jaw bunching tightly. “Please forgive me.”
I exhaled a tremulous breath and reached up to stroke his breaded cheek. “You hurt me. But I’m also to blame for not trying to explain what had happened. Leaving wasn’t the answer, I get that now.” And I did, after explaining what had happened. It was clear Glenn had played me and Boyd. “I know that the caring side of you would be concerned if someone were hurt, and so would Glenn. He used that, and my insecurities.” I moved my hand, placing a finger over his lips as he went to interrupt.
“I was jealous and couldn’t see why you’d want me, when you could have him.”
“He’s not half the man you are,” he whispered against my finger. His eyes pleaded for me to listen, to believe him.
I removed my finger and he sighed.
“I love you because you are a beautiful human inside and out. And once I’d got over my shock of seeing Glenn on the floor, I realised there was something amiss. If you hadn’t left, you’d have heard me tell him in no uncertain terms that it is you I love.” I witnessed a flash of hurt cross his face before he looked away.
“We’re a pair, aren’t we?” I puckered my lips, waiting for him to look back at me. The second he did, he didn’t hesitate, and his mouth took mine in a gentle kiss. I sighed into his mouth as he cupped my cheeks and deepened the kiss. One kiss melded into another until I was left breathless and aroused.
When his mouth nibbled its way to my ear, shivers skittered down my spine. He whispered, “Let’s unpack your bag and put everything back where it belongs, Angel.”
Joy flooded my chest as he released me to pick up my bag and then held out his hand for me to take. I took it and intertwined my fingers with his, hoping that the drama part of the day was over.
***
Back at work the next day, all I could think about was what had happened. With no Boyd to tell me I was being silly to worry, I couldn’t stop the fears from surfacing. Boyd had been so concerned about Glenn having a key to the house that after we’d unpacked my things, he’d called an emergency locksmith and paid a small fortune to have all the locks changed.
The questions I had about what Glenn had said when I’d left them alone had been dodged, leaving me with an antsy feeling. Now, as I chewed on my thumbnail, I wondered if I should have pushed harder.
There was also the matter of Boyd’s declaration. His feelings, I was sure, were real, but for some reason I’d held back voicing mine.
Was it because I was pissed about Glenn and what happened? I really wanted to think I was above holding grudges, but my little… Well, that was a different matter.
“You’re very quiet today, is everything alright?” Adam, who’d managed to enter the room and sit down next to me without my even noticing, nudged my arm, causing me to jerk.
The scent of his expensive aftershave was all I could smell as I glanced at him. His eyes showed their concern as he stared at me. His face was tanned from his recent honeymoon and he looked relaxed and in love. He’d only been married for a few weeks, but it seemed married life suited him. Would he understand my worries?
“I’ve a lot on my mind.” I looked away, not sure I wouldn’t cave and spill my guts. Theo was on a day off today, so the plan to talk to him had fallen by the wayside. Although Adam and I were close, Theo was the person I normally confided in.
He nudged my arm again. “You can talk to me. I’m a good listener…well, most of the time.” He chuckled, and as I glanced back at him, I caught the glint of humour.
“Boyd’s ex turned up at the house yesterday. It all kicked off. We’re okay now, but it was a little shaky there for a while.” Hurt washed over me in a wave of misery,
and I sucked back the sob that tried to escape. “Anyway, Boyd declared his love for me, but...” I trailed off. Had he told me he loved me as a knee jerk reaction to what had happened?
Adam’s expression showed sympathy. “But what? Do you love him?” he asked tentatively.
That part was easy, I did. I’d laid awake for hours last night sorting through my feelings. It was easy in the dark, with the weight of Boyd’s arm wrapped around me, to acknowledge how I felt. Yet, I couldn’t stop replaying Glenn’s disgust. It was fucking with my head and, somehow, I couldn’t seem to just say ‘fuck it,’ what did it matter what he thought? Would Boyd say ‘fuck it’ if it were a friend that knew what we were doing together?
I didn’t have the answer, and a part of me was too scared to ask him outright. It felt as if I was wearing a pair of concrete boots, my thoughts weighed that heavily on me. It hadn’t helped that I’d noticed Boyd couldn’t completely conceal that something was bothering him. Where does that leave us?
“You just gonna sit there and stare into space?” Adam tapped his watch, his head tilting as he offered me a smile of encouragement. “You’ve only ten minutes before you’re due back in the restaurant. Spill, it might help.”
Seeing that it couldn’t harm, I twisted my body, so I was looking directly at him. I ran my hands through my hair. “You remember I confessed at your stag party I’m a…Little.”
He nodded, his expression showing no repulsion.
“I was wearing an adult baby grow when Glenn rocked up.” His eyes widened as I continued. “He threw some insults at me. Thing is, I’m struggling to shake them off. It was right after Boyd found me crying in the street that he confessed to loving me. What if it was just a knee jerk reaction to me leaving him?”
“Okay back up, you left him?” Adam frowned as he rubbed at the back of his neck.
“It was for like, all of probably ten minutes.” Realising there were big gaps in Adam’s understanding, I explained more fully what had happened.
