“Are you sure?” Angus asked sheepishly.
Jeez, what the hell had Cass said in those messages? “Yes, I’m sure.”
The screen went dark before her, leaving the chairs against a black backdrop. The wall flickered, then Cass’s face and shoulders filled a box in the middle. She leaned over something, like she’d run to answer the comm.
Cass stiffened. “Ellie? What the fuck? Where the hell have you been?” Her hands flew up into the air, waving about.
“Is that Ellie?” Jessie said behind her. She leaned over Cass’s shoulder. “Hey, Ellie. Cass has been worried sick.”
“I have not!” Cass snapped, turning to glare at her sister.
Jessie snickered like the teenager she was and skipped out of the cockpit.
Cass turned back, pulling herself upright and crossing her arms to stare daggers at Ellie. “What. The. Fuck. Ellie?”
Ellie squirmed. She didn’t like upsetting Cass. Though Cass could be a bit obsessed with sex, she was pretty laid back most of the time. Except if something happened to her friends or family. She would tear someone’s entrails out through their mouth for someone she cared about.
Which was disconcerting, at best.
Ellie sighed. She couldn’t blame Cass for reacting badly. Despite her reputation, she acted as den mother for their three ships, keeping them connected. She was like a bear with her cubs. Certainly, Ellie and Victoria couldn’t handle the job. Ellie was too introverted, and Victoria was too distracted.
Victoria was so bad, Cass had placed a tracking device on her ship so the next time she went incommunicado, they could hunt her down.
“Ellie?” Cass growled.
Ellie flinched. “Sorry. Someone was blocking our communications system. We were trying to get it back, but in the end, we had to take off to get out of range.”
Cass’s eyebrows rose, and she stepped around the chair she’d been hovering over. She sat down and leaned on her elbows. “We? You’re still with Mr. Hot Body?”
“Yes. Zee is on the ship.”
Cass leaned back in a sprawl. “God, please tell me you’ve hit that by now.”
Ellie blushed. She wasn’t a prude, but Cass could be… invasive.
“Oh my God, you did!” She scooted forward in her seat like an eager puppy. “Okay. Give me details. Is he hung? What’s his dick like? Like a human or kinky?” Cass smirked, practically vibrating in her seat. “There’s just something about some alien ass. The differences make it all the more exciting.”
Ellie choked, wanting to run from this conversation. Damn, she missed cell phones. Unfortunately, there was no way to cut the transmission without Cass knowing it was intentional.
She needed a distraction.
“Ellie, I’ve identified a fleet of ships waiting outside Balaena’s orbit,” Angus said.
That was not the distraction she was looking for…
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zee walked into the control room moments before Ellie. “Report,” he said.
“As you suggested, I ran scans for anomalies and detected a large section of space without the normal light penetration present. I cannot estimate the number of ships at this time due to insufficient data.”
Ellie bit her lip, working it over and over as she thought, leaning against a seat. “What do we do?”
“We have to reach command.” In the back of Zee’s head, he remembered his failures so far in doing so. Would they succeed any better this time?
“That didn’t work last time,” Ellie said, an edge to her voice as she leaned forward.
He leaned forward as well, his head tilted down, emphasizing their height differences. “Then we’ll contact the colony governors.”
“What if they won’t listen?” She waved her hands in the air, leaning even more forward.
“Then we make them,” he said.
“You can’t just make them. It doesn’t work that way.” Her eyes looked a little wild as she edged closer.
He reached out and held her arms. “It will. It has to.”
She tensed and pulled back, ripping out of his arms. “It can’t.” She shook her head, continuing to creep backward. “It doesn’t matter. It won’t work.” Her mouth fell open, and her eyes widened as a realization struck her. “We won’t work!”
He pulled back, startled by her last statement. “Explain.”
She waved her hand in the air between them. She didn’t speak for a moment, maybe as surprised as Zee was by her words. Then she stiffened, firming her jaw. “Fine.” She crossed her arms. “You really want to know? This is fun and all, but what the fuck are we supposed to do when this is over? You’ll be on your next mission, and I’ll be on my next job.” She uncrossed her arms, waving them in time with her words. “How is that supposed to work?” She shook her head again. “We’re just too different.”
He scoffed, taken aback by her declaration. He felt cornered and a little wild, like an injured animal.
“Like you would even try.” He didn’t know where the words came from. They seemed to sprout fully formed from his emotions, completely bypassing his brain. It wasn’t true. He knew it wasn’t true, but something was building, growing out of control, and he couldn’t seem to stop it.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she screeched, shoving him into the wall with surprising strength before disappearing out the door.
“Fine! Leave!”
He stormed off, shoving the gym door open, but faltering when he stood in the middle of the space. He should go through some exercises, lift some weights. It would help clear his head, work off some of this aggression.
Where had it come from, though? One moment they’d raced to the control room, ready to face their next challenge. The next, they were ready to kill each other.
They should be focusing on the mission, on the fleet of ships outside Balaena. They should be focused on stopping an invasion. Instead, all he could think about was her words.
We won’t work.
Even in his mind, the words sent a chill through his chest.
We won’t work.
How could she say that? How could she believe that? And yet, how could they work? She was right. He would go “home” and wait for his next mission. She would traipse all over the known galaxies in a ship with no offensive capabilities. He wanted to tell her she couldn’t, she shouldn’t. He wanted to tell her it wasn’t safe.
Hacht, he wanted to join her. He’d never wanted to join the military. It hadn’t been his decision, but what choice did he have? Run away? Was it even an option? Sure, they could avoid Ateles ships and harbors, but so what? He would still be a deserter, still have that dishonor tainting his soul.
Zee had enjoyed being with Ellie, found her capable, dedicated, and honorable. She had guts and a quick mind. If things were different, he could see himself spending his life with a woman like that.
He sighed, leaning against the door. “It’s a fantasy, Zee. Nothing more.”
Ellie stormed into her bedroom, her hands clenched at her sides. She took in deep, angry breaths through her nose, her chest rising and falling. She saw nothing around her, her focus within.
Then a choked sob slipped out, and she slumped to the floor. She covered her mouth, surprised by the emotion. Tears boiled at the edges of her eyes, but she held them at bay. She rubbed her hands over her face, trying to wipe away what lay underneath, but emotion wasn’t that easy.
“Stupid,” she whispered to the empty room. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She shook her head, sighing as she surveyed the room around her.
Heavy emotion settled over her. She shook her head again. “Why did I say that?”
She should have kept her mouth shut. Why did she say they wouldn’t work? Where had it even come from? One moment, she’d been freaking out about whether the governors would listen, and the next, it hit her. Maybe it was saying his strategy wouldn’t work. Maybe it was Cass’s off-hand comment about differences. She didn’t know. The revelation had hit her
like a gut punch. It came out of nowhere and left her breathless.
Had she even once thought about taking this relationship further? Why was she bothered by its inevitable end? Relationships ended. Whether it was after a day or forty years, they all ended. Sometimes it was death, sometimes it was a disagreement, sometimes it was just a mutual understanding that the relationship no longer worked for either party. They all ended, though.
Ellie had always been pretty pragmatic about it. She didn’t truly need anyone. She could love them, miss them, even be upset at a relationship ending, but it wasn’t hard to move on. Instead of focusing on what she’d lost, she always focused on the new opportunities that lay ahead. She could enjoy the memories without getting upset because she wasn’t making new memories with that person. That was just hurting herself for no good reason.
So, why was she hung up on this? The relationship had no future. She knew that. She sighed, a little frustrated with herself now that most of the emotional weight had lifted.
Why did I have to break the damn bubble we’d been living in?
Why couldn’t I have just let well enough alone?
“Because I’m a masochist,” she said to the empty room as she got up off the floor. She crossed to the bed and flopped on it face first. She grunted, the sound muffled by her comforter.
Rolling over, she settled her hands on her stomach, staring up at the ceiling. The uniform material blurred together before her eyes.
“I don’t need a man,” she reminded herself. Captaining this ship had been the ultimate statement of that fact. “I don’t need anybody.”
But the statement didn’t have the weight it usually did. She didn’t need Zee. She could go on, go about her business. “I don’t need him,” she whispered.
But I want him…
Zee found himself in the gym without conscious thought, his mind obsessing over the argument he’d just had with Ellie. He still couldn’t believe what he’d said to her.
Like you would even try.
Why would he even say that? She had every right to storm off on him. He sagged and leaned against the wall, feeling defeated. The room was quiet and empty, filled only with the gentle hum of the various systems keeping them alive and moving. It was easy to feel alone in this room, like she was already gone.
She was right, of course, even if he didn’t want to hear it. And maybe it wasn’t a strong enough relationship, anyway. He’d always felt a strong relationship required compromise, the willingness to sacrifice. Was either of them willing to do that?
Somehow, he doubted that, and it depressed the hacht out of him.
But that didn’t change the fact that he hadn’t wanted it to end, and he certainly hadn’t wanted it to end so soon. They could have gone on a little longer, couldn’t they? They could have made the most of it in the time they had?
And suddenly, he wondered if he’d been dragging his feet. Ellie had wanted to leave awhile ago. She’d wanted to get away so they could try to reach Command. Had he been selfish in wanting to gather more information? Did he continue the investigation because they needed more intel, or because he wanted to spend more time with her?
Hacht, he didn’t know. And he would drive himself crazy thinking about all this. He pushed thoughts of her, of this whole mess, out of his head. It didn’t matter right now. He pushed up from the wall and crossed the room. He had a job to do, a mission.
For his men.
Zee’s hand brushed over some foreign exercise equipment while the memory of those last moments with his unit surfaced, taking over. His teeth ground together, impotent anger instantly boiling under the surface. They deserved proper rights. They deserved to go home.
Those men weren’t the first he’d lost over the years, and so long as he continued in the military, they wouldn’t be the last. It had never hit him this hard before, though.
As soon as he pushed thoughts of Ellie out of his head, that horror show slipped in. He still remembered the stink, how the ground sloshed and squished beneath his feet, how their bodies had bloated in the water like they could explode at any moment.
He couldn’t move, couldn’t move on.
I abandoned them there.
I should have done something.
He tried to tell himself he did what he could, that he would come back for them, but the malicious thoughts were louder, more insistent.
Zee took in deep breaths through his nostrils, each breath ragged, unhinged. He wanted to run away, but he couldn’t move. He was frozen, locked in place, shattered.
They did this to me.
Not yesterday or the day before. Not weeks or months ago. No, his people had done this to him years ago, back when they’d conscripted him. They said people were offered roles they would be best at. Did that mean he was a born killer? Was that what he was best at?
I am nothing.
No emotion accompanied that sentiment. It was a fact, a fact he’d accepted long ago. He had no life, no friends. In a life filled with nothing but the next mission, Ellie had been a bright spot, a beacon he could never keep.
Not without sacrificing everything.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Eventually, Ellie pushed herself off the bed, taking long, deep breaths to clear all the emotional garbage. She recognized she was at a stalemate. There was no point worrying about it.
“Moving on,” she said to the empty air. “Angus? Where’s Zee?”
“The gym.”
“Thanks, Angus.” She left her room, walking down the hall to greet him, but hesitated at the door.
Damn, grow a spine, girl.
Ellie pushed it open. She expected to find him working out, a mass of muscle and sweat, but he just stood in the middle of the room, his head canted to the side. She couldn’t see his expression, but something in his stance spoke to his state of mind.
Lost. He was lost.
Ellie reached out a hand, all her resolve forgotten, but then he roared, his pain all consuming. He rushed at the wall and slammed into it with his fist. He yelled again, his fists impacting the wall again and again, the metal ringing with each hit.
She rushed forward, reaching for him, but paused, her eyes rounding as her gaze landed on the place he was hitting. The metal groaned and indents marked the spot, permanent impressions of his turmoil. “Zee,” she pleaded.
He froze, both hands planted against the wall, and sagged, his head banging against the metal surface.
Finally, she touched his shoulder. Hard body armor still protected the spot. She wished she could reach the flesh beneath. It didn’t feel like she could reach him this way. She stepped up closer, slipped her hand down, wrapping her arm around his waist. “Zee?”
She looked up at him, but he didn’t face her. He kept himself locked away, staring at the wall he’d demolished. She rubbed where she could, hoping he could feel something and know she was there for him. “What can I do?”
He shook his head, letting out a sigh, before standing straight once more, his arms dropping to his sides.
Ellie stood back, walking around so they were face to face. “Did it help?”
He looked past her shoulder at the wall. “Sorry about your ship.” He looked tormented, but like he’d accepted his fate.
Haunted.
She shrugged. “It’s just a wall.” She looked back at it. The metal had caved in, overlapping dents pockmarking the surface while the plates peeled away at the edges. “She can still fly.”
He nodded.
“Why don’t we handle some easier problems, like saving an entire planet?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Easier, huh?”
“They always are.”
“Indeed.”
Ellie looped her arm with his and dragged him out of the gym and back to her room. “Angus?” she said as she stepped inside.
“Aye, Ellie?”
“Do you have any suggestions for dealing with that fleet?”
“As I’ve previously stated, I am not equipped
with the information to adequately respond to military scenarios.”
“Can you download the data?”
“With time.”
Ellie frowned and turned to Zee. “Do you have any ideas?”
Zee stepped from her grasp and started pacing in front of the display wall.
“Angus, pull up the data on the wall.”
Ellie chewed her lip, a little worried, remembering how Zee had lost himself last time he’d started reviewing the data. They didn’t have a lot of time left, for themselves or the colony.
The wall came to life as Zee stopped his pacing. In the background, it showed a map of the space around Balaena with spots marked for the estimated locations of ships. In windows popping up around that, it showed the data they’d compiled back on that planet. “Do you have any updates since we last spoke?”
“You mean since you both stomped off to cry like wee bairns?”
Ellie rolled her eyes as Zee glared at the speaker.
“What’s a bairn?” Zee asked.
She sighed, imagining Zee trying to kill the computer. “You probably don’t want to know.”
He turned to her quizzically. “I assume it is a creature prone to crying.”
“A baby, infant.”
He glared and returned to his pacing.
“Nay,” Angus said, mirth in his voice, “no updates.”
“Thank you, Angus.” She ran her hands through her hair, pulling it gently as she thought. What could they do? They needed to warn someone, but would they listen? Was there anything else they could do?
“I’m going to the cockpit to try to reach command,” Zee said as he stalked to the door.
“Good. Good luck,” she said, following him with her gaze before looking back at the wall.
What can we do?
Zee felt useless. He ground his teeth together as he entered the control room, dropping in place at the console. He prepared a packet with all their surveillance and created a message. Rubbing the back of his neck, he silently prayed this would work, that Angus could get through.
Shifting Cargo (A Shift in Space Book 1) Page 15
