“Fuck me,” I groaned. “He’s heavy.”
Lawson gave me an are you okay look and I nodded, starting to move backwards out of the room.
“Yep, let’s just get this done.”
By the time we made it to the door of the RV, I noticed the chairs outside were empty. Grateful Raleigh wasn’t there to watch, I carefully took the three steps to the dirt beneath my feet. Sweat was gathering in all the wrong places, and the grip under Alan’s feet was quickly becoming precarious. Crossing the highway, we continued another several meters into the desert and carefully laid the body over a collection of twigs and tinder which Lawson had already prepared. Taking a few steps away, I couldn’t tear my gaze from the lifeless body. It was just hitting me now. This was a living, breathing human being a few days ago. He was likely protecting his family as best he could, and now he was lying on a pyre where he would soon become ash. He was somebody, now he was nobody. He’d died raging from a virus that showed no mercy. It sucked.
Lawson’s calloused fingers tangled with mine, and he gave my hand a firm squeeze. After a few minutes, he gave a gentle tug which drew me away from the morbid sight. Bringing my hand to his lips he pressed a kiss to my knuckles. Tears threatened to spill, but I swallowed them down.
“This sucks,” I quietly confessed. Lawson nodded. “It’s not fair, and we’re not just battling that, we’re battling against each other just to exist.” Another nod, his firm composure grating on my own frayed senses. “How do you remain so fucking calm!” It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t like Lawson could scream to the heavens the injustice of it all. Coming to a halt, he brought me to a stop too, and we stood facing each other in the blistering desert. My scarf was still over my mouth and nose, sweat was slipping down the center of my back and between my boobs, I looked a hot mess, but so did he. Tugging me forward, he pressed his forehead to mine, his deeply intense gaze never leaving me. Taking my hand, he pressed it over his heart, giving a little squeeze as he then placed his hand over my heart.
“I get it,” I murmured, “we’re alive, but you can’t really call this living.”
Dropping to his haunches, Lawson scribbled in the dirt.
Surviving.
Yeah, I got it. Survive now, whine later. You don’t outlast zombies and rapist fuckers by whining. You do what you need to do to live. Maybe there would come a time when things would slow down, and each day wouldn’t be a battle just to survive. Then I could take a moment to try and come to peace with everything I’d seen and done. Right now, I just needed to stay alive and keep Noah safe…which reminded me.
“If anything happens to me,” I began, my throat tight with emotion. Lawson’s brow dipped. “I need you to get Noah to Elmendorf.” Hastily climbing to his feet, he shook his head, his strong jaw clenched tight. “Don’t even try and argue with me, soldier,” I sighed. “Just promise me, you’ll do what needs to be done, and you’ll protect her, no matter what.”
It took a while for Lawson’s gaze to return to mine. With one nod of his head, the promise was cemented. Then he pointed to me, the direction of Noah and himself. Three fingers were held high, and then he pointed in the direction of Elmendorf. He was trying to promise that the three of us would make it, but it was a promise he might not be able to keep. As long as he had Noah’s back, I didn’t care.
***
Flames climbed high into the air, the starlit backdrop of the Arizona desert framing the macabre beauty. Alan burned, and we watched, our backs pressed to the side of Raleigh’s mobile home. Noah had recited the Lord’s Prayer when Raleigh had been unable to speak. I was so damn proud of her. While she was only seventeen, she was wise beyond her years, and brave.
“Can I go watch cartoons with Felix?”
Wisdom and bravery one moment, her intellectual age the next. The RV had solar panels and a generator, so the TV worked and Felix had a healthy stash of DVDs. Resting my head against hers for just a moment longer, I nodded. Ducking out from under my arm, she raced up the stairs and into the home.
“What are your plans?” I asked Raleigh, drawing a cigarette from my last pack. there were eleven beautiful, white papered tobacco wonders in there. Or cancer sticks, as Noah preferred to call them. I really needed to quit. After this pack, I thought, lighting up. You couldn’t get better motivation then the apocalypse bearing down on your ass. Lawson stood closer to the fire, his back to me. He hadn’t moved in ten minutes, and I assumed this was one of those moments where he needed some space to digest everything that had happened. Taking a long drag on the smoke between my lips, I chanced a sideways glance at Raleigh and winced. The woman looked utterly destroyed.
“Alan had a friend in Roswell, Bodean Tommy. He was one of those prepper types.” Raleigh huffed out a laugh, but it wasn’t filled with humor. “I used to give Alan such a hard time for being friends with such a crazy bastard. Guess all those preppers are sitting back lookin’ at us normal folk and thinking ‘told you so’. Anyway, Bodean has a property somewhere east of Roswell, away from people. Alan said people are hazardous, he wanted us off the grid. When Red Rage started to make noise, Bodean rang and told us to get in the RV and get our asses down there.”
“Somewhere east of Roswell? Can you be more specific?”
Raleigh shook her head, running a weary hand through her disheveled hair. “Not exactly. I asked Alan, but he wouldn’t tell me. He’d just laugh and say if he told me he’d have to kill me.” Her voice hitched ever so slightly. “Bodean was fiercely protective of his privacy and location. Alan promised him he wouldn’t tell a soul.”
Well, fuck. Perhaps Alan should have been prepared for the chance he might end up separated from his family and given them the damn address. Bodean’s privacy seemed redundant when zombies were ravaging the world
“Figured I’d keep on headed in that direction, we’ve got enough gas to get us that far, maybe more. We got food and supplies, so we should be okay for another week or two.”
Fuckity fuck. Raleigh was on her own, and even though she looked tough as nails, getting her and Felix safely through the minefield of assholes and zombies between here and Roswell was going to take a toll, even if they made it. Roswell was on our way. Kind of. Lawson suddenly appeared in front of me and I jumped, before promptly punching him in the arm.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that, asshole.”
Fighting a smile, he leaned against the side of the RV, his bicep touching mine. Pilfering the almost finished cigarette from my fingers, he took a long drag before dropping the butt in the dirt and stomping out the cherry. Huh, Lawson smoked…kinda. He had better not assume I was sharing the last of my stash. He flicked his eyes between me and Raleigh in an obvious manner, which I guess meant he was trying to convey some sort of message. I wasn’t sure what he was trying to say, and he held up his finger in the air and did some sort of circle that I think was meant to encompass all of us. Crap on a stick, had his mind gone in the direction mine had? The right thing to do was to offer Raleigh our company. To stay together. Truth was I didn’t want to stay together. I liked the three amigos thing we had going on. It felt safe and comfortable. My brain fought my conscience, and I gave Lawson a small shake of my head. No. Lawson’s brow rose, and his chin dipped. I think he was silently reprimanding me. Asshole. Huffing with frustration, I looked away from his guilt-trip gaze and found Raleigh staring miserably toward the fire. Fuck my life.
“You should come with us,” I found myself saying. More lives to care for, the burden was already sitting heavy on my shoulders. “I mean, Roswell is kind of on the way to where we are headed. We should stick together, safety in numbers and all that bullshit.”
Sighing, Raleigh stood up and stretched out her back.
“Never been one to ask for help,” she murmured. “But just this once I feel completely out of my depth. Felix is all that matters, and I need to make sure he’s safe, so, I appreciate your offer.” That was something I could relate to. “We’ll share whatever suppli
es we’ve got to help. When we find Bodean, I’ll make sure you get all the gas and food you can carry.”
I had the feeling Raleigh was more like me than I’d care to admit. Asking for help was about as hard as swallowing nails, so her offer to reimburse us for our trouble was about soothing her conscience and making her feel stronger and more in control.
“Sounds good,” I easily agreed. Gas and food was like gold and diamonds, I wouldn’t turn it down.
“It will be tight, but there’s room for us all to stretch out in there.”
Glancing towards the door to the RV, I shuddered. Any time I’d spent inside lately had been somewhat disastrous. The open desert and stars that stretched for eternity was calling.
“Lawson and I will probably take turns keeping watch, so we’ll just crash in the car, so we don’t wake anyone wandering around during the night.”
Raleigh disappeared inside, but poked her head back out the door a moment later.
“Your girl is fast asleep with Felix.”
The thought of leaving Noah alone with strangers went against everything I believed in, but she needed a good night’s sleep. In the RV, she would be safe because either Lawson or I would be watching. I didn’t have it in me to wake her up and force her into the back of the tiny Corolla.
“I’ll leave her be if you’re okay with that.”
Raleigh smiled. It was small, but brought some life to her otherwise listless features.
“Not a problem.”
With that she stepped into the RV and closed the door behind her.
Track Twenty-Four: For King and Country, It’s Not Over Yet
CHAPTER 24
In the desert it was hot as balls during the day, but come night, the temperature dropped and the searing heat was replaced with stinging cold. Searching through my pack, I found a long-sleeve shirt and pulled it on over my filthy sleeveless band shirt. Then I attempted to get a brush through my knots before giving up and pulling my hair into a messy bun. Lawson found the perfect position to keep watch on top of the RV. Too wired to sleep, I carefully climbed the ladder to the roof, and quietly stepped over the solar panels and windows. Sliding down to my bottom beside Lawson, I took a long deep breath. The fire that had turned Alan to ashes was down to embers, glowing like bright puddles of light in the otherwise dark night. The stars were breathtaking, unobstructed and never-ending. Stretching out on my back, I watched them blinking back at me. It looked so peaceful up there, and I kinda wanted to join them. Lawson stretched out beside me, and we both just lay together, soaking up the calm ambience. When his hand fluttered over my chest, I cast him a wary glance. He grinned, and it was so wicked and sinful I found myself mesmerized by this playful side. One finger crept down my stomach, hooking the bottom of my shirt and lifting to expose my stomach.
“You wanna go there?” I whispered.
His eyes which had been focused on my revealing flesh broke away from the show and smoldered with an intensity that sent my heart into a pounding mess. Oh yeah, we were going there.
“This is a bad idea.”
Lawson returned to lifting my shirt, now propped up on one elbow so he could get a better view.
“This is the worst time to start something. We are in the middle of a zombie invasion in case you hadn’t noticed.”
His lip twitched, and my shirt was pushed over my breasts, revealing my favorite La Perla silk satin push up bra. It was navy blue with exquisite silver embroidery decorating each cup. It was decadent, impractical, and fucking stunning as if framed the small swell of my B cup boobs. Lawson just keep staring, feasting on my breasts with his eyes but doing little else.
“Well soldier, don’t just sit there and look.”
With that, he grinned, pulled the cup of my bra down and wrapped his lips around my nipple. Well damn, Houston, we had action, and it felt good … so good. Nibbling and sucking on my tender flesh, Lawson drew away and moved to the opposite side, gifting my neglected breast with the same enthusiastic attention the other had just received. The sensation shot coiled lust to that magical place between my thighs. It had been too long since I’d felt the magic of sex, and my need to feel full and loved was too strong. Pushing a surprised Lawson aside, I stood quick and began shimmying out of my cut off denim shorts to reveal the matching panties.
“We’ll do foreplay another time. I want to fuck you too bad.”
Lawson silently chuckled, reached back, and drew his shirt over his head. The scarred flesh on his chest hurt my heart, but we weren’t here to play a game of sorrow and sympathy. This was the game of bumping nasties, and this bump was going to be so, so nasty, in a really good way. My gaze dipped over his well-cut abdominals and followed his hand to the zipper of his pants. Lawson’s eyes remained glued to my body as I further exposed myself to him. Ignoring the fact I was dirty, smelly, and needed to shave, I followed Lawson’s hand as he freed himself. Holy shit, Cullen had robbed me off a descent-sized cock. Lawson was large while engorged with lust and need, but even flaccid he would have been bigger that Cullen. The scarring slid down his abdomen and stopped just above his pubic hair. Close fucking call. Straddling Lawson’s thighs, I noticed his arched brow.
“Ah-huh, your dick is very pretty and very big. I should have taken you up on that offer for a peek back at that ugly damn house”
Another silent chuckle made his shoulders quake. He became completely still though when I reached for that pretty appendage and swiped it through my most intimate lips. There was no noise, but he was groaning loudly behind those expressive eyes as I found my opening and began to work myself onto his length. Even though it had been a while, I was embarrassingly wet and took him without too much discomfort. Up and down, I slid. Lawson’s hands wrapped around my hips like a vice, helping to lift and lower me. Once fully seated, I took a moment to enjoy the connection. Sex had always been something magical for me, which is probably why I didn’t stray from Cullen or experiment with other partners for the short times we took our breaks. For me, the intimacy was important, the trust I handed to the man who touched me in such a way something poignant and special. I don’t know if it was the circumstances in which Lawson and I were thrust together, but this moment felt heavy, and filled with so much more emotion than I could remember feeling with Cullen. Unable to stop myself, the walls of my channel pulsed, and Lawson’s eyes rolled back in his head. Neither of us was going to last long. The cups of my bra were still shoved down under my breasts, and Lawson took advantage, sucking a nipple into his mouth at the same time as he reached around for my ass, spread my cheeks, and rocked me forwards.
“Ohhh, damn that feels so fucking good,” I whispered in one garbled sentence.
He continued to move me, rocking me against his pubic bone as his cock slid in and out. His mouth worked my breasts in blissful tandem. Dragging me along his length, then pushing me back, hands still firmly wrapped around my ass cheeks, I tried so hard to stay quiet. My breathing was rapid, my pulse hammering like a well-worked beast, and I wanted more. So much more. But I wasn’t going to get it because my greedy body was already reaching for orgasm. The fluttering started low in my pubic region, then extended out through my thighs, and my back arched as bliss sent the world around me into a noiseless and sightless ocean of pleasure. My groans were caught by Lawson as he kissed me deeply while still pushing and pulling my hips against his body at a wicked pace. I was already crashing from my orgasm when he launched into his own, his breath heaving from his lungs as he buried his head in the arch of my neck and fucked me like an animal. A really good animal. When we both finally stilled, connected in the most intimate of ways, I sighed.
“I wish I could feel bad for that, but I can’t. It was too awesome.”
Lawson pulled his head away, smiling like the cat that just got the cream…or the soldier who just got laid. He was so freaking handsome and good, it made me feel unworthy. He was one of those types of men you took home to meet the family. He was a forever man,
and no doubt one day he’d make a wonderful father. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. We hadn’t used protection, and I wasn’t on the pill.
“Shit,” I hissed, lifting off his lap and trying valiantly to ignore the mess that dripped between my thighs. “Shit, shit, shit.” Pulling my panties and shorts up, I looked about the desert as if expecting a pharmacy to just miraculously appear, and a morning after pill be readily available. How could I have been so damn careless? Lawson caught my attention by tugging on my hand. He was still sitting, but he’d tucked himself away.
“We didn’t use protection,” I sighed. This was bad, so, so bad. Cullen and I went without condoms, unless he’d cheated on me, in which case I refused to touch him until he’d had a blood test. But I’d always been on the pill. Now I wasn’t. And the world was nothing more than a primitive lump of death and destruction. Another tug on my hand pulled my gaze back to Lawson. This time he was standing, and he raised both hands in what I guess was supposed to be a placating gesture.
Zombie Playlist: A Rock Zombie Romance Page 18
