'My dearest Anne,' he started in a drawl. She had most likely missed something important, though she had no clue what. 'Who do you think knows more about pleasing a man, a man or a woman?'
'A man, but he's not going to write about...'
Simon hushed her with a gesture that would have been rude if they hadn't both been rather intoxicated. Still grinning, he said, 'Who is talking about writing? And can you imagine someone who'd know even more about pleasing a man than a man?'
Well, no. Maybe that was the wine speaking, but she really didn't.
'Think Anne! You're smart, you found out about Frederick and me with maybe three clues. You think and I'll have some more whisky.'
Anne did try to think, she couldn't stand not knowing, it had to be incredibly simple or Simon would not have rubbed it in. Though he did compliment her at the same time, for she had found out about them when she hadn't known a man could love..... a man! That was it!
'It's a man accustomed to sharing his sheets with a man! Trying things he'd like himself, improving on things his partner did because he can feel what it would be like. Of course one would learn much more from a partner who feels more or less the same as oneself!'
That gained her a hug and a kiss, he smelled very nice, slightly different from Frederick, and if Anne wasn't mistaken they had given Nick some of their cologne as well. After the kiss, Simon sat back in triumph.
'So, what would you like to know about pleasing a man? Do you want him to buckle? Do you want him to shudder, squeal or beg for more? Or do you want him to last longer, to keep him at as high a level of ardour as you can without allowing him a climax?'
Well, that was easy.
'All of it. I have time, my bottle is still half full, and you three have another one. Although, look, it's already half empty! They are drinking away at twice the speed you are, Simon, isn't that dangerous?'
Simon looked at both Frederick and Nick, then observed, 'I don't think so, Anne. They're both of a heavier build than I am, and Frederick at least drinks spirits regularly, not a lot, but he does it almost every night. I don't think Nick does but he can handle his drink as well, see how much energy he has? I rarely drink and I'm slight, so I can handle much less and I know it. Don't worry, we'll have a solid dinner and have them drink something bland with it, like tea with cream. All will be well. Now, let's start with the buckling.....'
Chapter 10
Nick could not remember being this relaxed, who would have thought it this morning? Was it just the booze or was he finally starting to trust Mr Frederick Manners? After expressing his gratitude towards Frederick, Nick hadn't even been disappointed with Anne moving to Simon's side, they'd be together in their lovely soft bed soon enough. Frederick seated himself beside Nick and observed, 'I'm very glad it wasn't painful for you, Nick. I'm happy to have formalized our agreement, I cannot deny that, but neither can I say I enjoyed the occasion as I thought I'd have, I'm glad we didn't have a large wedding. That would have been agony, for all of us.'
Nodding in acknowledgement Nick nevertheless thought this should be it, it was done, they'd talked about the wedding enough, time to leave it behind them. But despite his newly found trust he didn't dare change the subject as he wanted to.
'Please don't do it, Nick, don't restrain yourself again because I am supposedly above you. How come you seduced countless ladies and are totally familiar with Anne, who tells me she wasn't even nice to you at first, and yet still seem to fear me? I've never been anything but kind to you, have I?'
Even in his current boneless state Nick still had to fight a certain urge to bow or make an excuse for himself. And obviously he didn't succeed all that well, for in his own state of intoxication, Frederick's self-control failed him and he clearly showed his hurt.
'I'm sorry, Frederick, I do know you're trying and I appreciate it, but it's so strong. I can relate to ladies, but whenever I see an influential gentleman I feel so small. I don't choose to be deferential, it seems some kind of reflex, it just happens.'
'Have you always been deferential? Even as a child? Where did that come from?'
'I don't know, Frederick, I certainly didn't use to be. I'm sure my parents thought I was heading for the gallows by the time I was fifteen.'
A questioning look.
'That is not entirely true, though I did commit some hanging offences: breaking into houses, standing watch for burglars. But my parents never suspected a thing. I didn't have much respect for anyone then, I don't know
what happened. I suppose it started during my first service.'
And he told Frederick what he'd told Eric a few days ago, how he'd been terrified by his criminal neighbours' sudden disappearance and had taken service with a wealthy family as night guard. How the lady of the house had seduced him and started his near-endless chain of conquests.
'Did your master do something to you as well? For you understand your mistress did in fact misuse you?'
He'd suspected she had, and now Frederick confirmed it. He had never protested what his mistress did, but he'd never asked for it either. And though he had liked her attentions, he could not have refused his mistress even if he hadn't, not at a mere sixteen years of age.
'I don't think her husband ever found out, or maybe when the baby was born.
The master looked nothing like me. But he never confronted me if that's what you mean. In hindsight I don't think it was a good first position, it was not really a task for a boy, staying up all night, prepared to face burglars with only a cudgel. Maybe they didn't realise how young I was, I looked much like I do now, you see.'
One look proved Frederick did not believe that at all.
'Sixteen is sixteen, Nick. I totally agree with you that is too young to bear responsibility for a business, no matter how good a fighter you are. How did that make you feel?'
Nick could not remember anyone ever asking how he felt about something.
Anne did, of course, or didn't need to because he told her without her having to ask. But Frederick really cared, and that made Nick feel very good, on top of the comfortable fuzziness of the booze.
'I was often afraid and lonely, and despite my bearing such responsibility my master treated me with disdain. Of course once I did his wife his arrogance couldn't hurt me anymore. I don't think I ever felt awed by him, he never inspired respect in me because I rarely met him, never got the chance to admire him for his capabilities. I wasn't sad to leave, but there was no trauma involved, I chose to do that myself.'
'So that is not where you lost your self-respect, though you could have. It's a very sensitive time in your life, and to be forced to live at night, all by yourself, cannot have been easy. So where do you think you got such a respect for men of rank?'
'Most of the households I lived in expected me to be very respectful towards the higher-ranked staff and of course the master of the household. The staff
always knew of my secondary activities and generally that got me acclaim, but somehow there always was at least one bully in each house. It was always a matter of knowing whom to trust. Maybe I hadn't enough of a private life to recognise how distorted my views of the people around me had become, bowing and scraping where once I had been totally self reliant. But only towards the men, women always liked me. When Anne treated me with disdain I thought it quite funny, somehow I never felt hurt or insulted by her arrogance. Maybe we had an instant connection. Though if I'd first met her when she was so beautiful already I'd never have dared talk to her or tease her. It's as if beauty creates an immediate distance.'
'I remember first seeing Simon at Netherfield. I think I fell in love instantly, but I didn't know he was like me, I sought him out just to be able to gaze at him. Then fortunately he made the first move, brave fellow, I wouldn´t have dared for fear of being spurned. Though I suppose he had seen right through me.'
'You do show your feelings sometimes, Frederick, where Simon is concerned.
I can imagine he suspected you were attracted to him, but
still he was very brave to let you know. If you were not like him he would have been exposed.'
Ít was a brave thing to do, for though I hadn´t heard it, yet, living in front of the house, there was this persistent rumour going around the back of the house that he preferred men. Coming onto a gentleman might have created a stir even Darcy couldn´t have solved for him. As it was, Simonś bravery made me the happiest of men, I do think I fell for him the instant I saw him.´
´That sounds almost as romantic as Mr and Mrs Darcyś story, Frederick.
Will you tell us about it some time? I'm certain Anne wants to hear it, too.'
And Nick meant that, he was not trying to flatter his employer by showing an interest in his life, he could see the love between Frederick and Simon and he couldn't imagine any servant daring to come onto a powerful gentleman he'd only known for days.
By now, their glasses were empty, and Frederick refilled them from the second bottle of whisky. Nick was starting to get rather drunk, but he felt Anne was right, without the booze he would never get over his habit of bowing and scraping, it was so ingrained by now it would probably return as soon as he was back to sobriety. He still had a lot to learn. But Anne also wanted Nick to get to know Frederick, and so far Frederick had only shown an interest in Nick, he had not told much of himself. But Nick didn't have to think of questions to ask, for talking of Simon had triggered something in the
man beside him, who for the first time in his life had drunk enough spirits to truly lose control of his feelings.
'Those feelings you have so rightfully pointed out to me, Nick, are just the tip of the iceberg. You and I may look alike, and seem to have more or less the same character, you know, bossy, born leader, except that yours was suppressed by circumstances, making you much too deferential, and mine was encouraged by an early independence after having learned to be strong to survive. My character was shaped by my life just as much as yours. My first seven years were likely happier than yours, for of course my parents lacked nothing and I was an only child, loved by my mother but never spoiled. But then I was sent to school and everything changed. I was a sensitive child, easily frightened and eager to share my feelings, which was a terrible mistake. I suffered until I found out I was tall for my age and very, very strong. I learned to lead to survive, I didn't have the natural inclination. By the time I was allowed to go home for Christmas, my mother had passed away and comfort was nowhere to be had. I just squashed my feelings, I knew I could never show them again, and adapted totally to life among my peers, making allies, taking care of those who were talented but weaker than I, and so I became the man I have been for most of my life: popular, familiar, everyone's favourite, but still utterly alone. So you see, I'm as much a slave to my past as you are.'
'But you can be yourself with Simon, can't you?'
'I can now, but it took him a while to break my protective shell, he was as much at a disadvantage as you have been. He, too, had been brought up in servitude, and he took too much nonsense from me. We didn't see each other all that often at first, you know, with him in the back and me in the front of the house. Of course it's much better now, but it took time. And I understand now that you need time as well. I wanted you to like me, I felt hurt when you didn't respond to my overtures, but that was my problem and I tried to make it yours. If you'd stepped outside yourself to please me you'd have been in trouble with Darcy or Elizabeth. Your way is much better, I see that now.'
Nick nodded, though he doubted that Frederick wasn't really self-assured and bossy. Maybe it started as an act, but it had become habit, and now he had become so formidable that Nick couldn't think of anyone besides Mr and Mrs Darcy who would dare gainsay him. Still, despite the thick haze of drunkenness, Nick realised that Simon and Anne also had a lot of influence on Frederick, and that from now on he was included in that group. He might
never dare impose on the respected gentleman, though he could, but he would treat him as a friend and be careful not to hurt his feelings. Frederick might be adept at hiding those, he had entrusted Nick with knowledge few other people had of him, and Nick would use that knowledge to enable himself to treat his new friend with familiarity and cause him no more pain.
As the level of whiskey in the bottle dropped, their talk became ever more intimate, and by the time Anne urged them to move to their headquarters for some dinner, they were totally comfortable together, and ready to share almost every aspect of their lives.
Though it was strange to have the wedded couple disappear straight after coffee, Darcy did understand why they'd do so. And it was a perfect opportunity to go riding with Georgie and Fielding, they were ready to leave the riding paddock by now, their horses were so gentle, and Darcy would take the black instead of a hunter, nothing could go wrong. Though a little reluctantly, both pianists did agree to accompany them, and soon they were on their way across the bridge, towards a quaint village Elizabeth wanted to see again. It was not very far and the paths leading there should be very beautiful, with plenty of dry stretches to make a little speed. Not too much, just a little canter across a level field and through a straight lane.
Darcy took the lead, the path he was planning to take was one he hadn't used very often before Lady Drummond's excellent example: he usually took the road or the broader paths, but he had enjoyed the scenery of the moors so much he was planning to explore his own grounds more thoroughly, hoping to find even more scenic spots to show their visitors come April, but also Lady Drummond and the Colonel should they ever visit. The letter to the Colonel had not been sent, yet, though it was largely finished. There was still the matter of the Colonel's challenge to ride a side-saddle to address, Darcy's pride couldn't possibly allow a much older man, who was clearly the lesser rider of the two, to beat him at his own game. And yet he had not dared to do it so far. Not out of fear to fall off, he knew he could stay seated. No, he had to admit he was afraid to make a spectacle of himself. It was so unconventional to ride a horse as if he was a woman. Of course he would do it, but maybe he could at least use a less embarrassing horse than small, placid Daisy?
Georgie and Fielding were not yet up to chatting while they were riding, but they certainly were enjoying themselves navigating the well-kept path with
thick brush on both sides, trees and bushes now budding ferociously, some early species already blooming. There were no bees about, at least Darcy didn't see them, so why did those trees and bushes take the trouble? His gardeners probably knew.
Trusting his sense of direction, Darcy took a narrow path to the right, up a hill but not steeply, hopefully it would stay that way. There were some hoofprints visible where the rock was covered with soil, a horse had been ridden over this hill before, and the climb to the top should be worth the trouble since he expected the view to be spectacular. If he was right, they'd see the river winding through a mostly cultivated valley with small-scale tilled fields, orchards and meadows, and a picturesque village with a bridge where they could cross it.
The hill was thickly grown with trees and brush, and indeed, once they topped it the trees thinned until they had the exact view Darcy expected. To heighten its impact he stopped so the others could take their time admiring it.
'That is the most beautiful view I ever saw,' Georgiana sighed, 'and it's right here, where I grew up. Though I suppose I'll see some spectacular ones when we go to the continent.'
'I don't know, Georgiana,' Fielding commented. 'I've seen quite a lot of beautiful places, rough mountains, Medieval cities, the Danube valley and Vienna, endless Lower Country river plains with intricate cloud formations over them, but I suppose there is no place like good old England.'
Since Darcy preferred not to think of his sister so far away across the North Sea, he proposed, 'Shall we canter down this large field until we reach the road over there? Then we can cross the river in that quaint village and try to find another trail to follow towards the place Elizabeth wants to visit today.'
They all assented, though Fielding
and Georgie did look a little fearful, but Daisy and Fielding's horse were truly very easy-going, they would never misbehave. The new riders seemed to understand that, and off they went, Elizabeth first this time, though not too fast for the others to keep up.
The road they continued on was broad enough to ride in pairs, and Darcy ended up next to Fielding, with Elizabeth and Georgie in front of them. The horses were not ready to slow down, so they stayed in a canter until they reached the village, where Elizabeth slowed down to a walk, admiring the cottages with their wood-rail fences and perfectly trimmed hedges, laundry bobbing on washing lines, chickens pecking at the side of the road, fruit trees in the front yards either in bloom or about to bloom.
The hired maid Pauline didn't plan to live a small life in one of these neat cottages, the curtains starched and ironed, the front steps scrubbed to a sheen, the vegetable garden ready for seeding or planting from the tiny propagators most households had built from wood scraps and broken window panes to allow for early planting of their favourite vegetables. No sir! Pauline would try to find a place in her landlord's London house, completely unaware how lonely she'd be out there, feeling countrified and naïve among the hard-faced London serving maids. Maybe they should send her to town for a season, she'd either be happy to return and get married to a blush-cheeked farmer's son, or some cooper or smith with a nice clientele, or she'd adapt and find a place to suit her in town. Darcy had planned to have Nathan test the sister, but maybe they shouldn't wait for the steward to return, he would be busy enough after a two-week absence. He could probably do it himself, or maybe Georgie would like to visit the girl, she was ready for some responsible tasks.
'This is just beautiful, Darcy, I'm glad we came along, this will be such an inspiration for me. Though I know from experience that quaint small cottages can be really cold and uncomfortable in winter. My parents were always busy taking care of the cows, feeding, lugging manure to the few good fields, planting, weeding, milking, grazing the cows on the moors, churning, making cheese, and after that, my mother still had to cook and clean and take care of her brood, though my sisters helped a lot. I was glad to escape, I loved my family and missed them terribly at first, but I wasn't cut out for life on the moors.'
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