Mrs Annesley was happy enough to leave with Nick, giving Elizabeth the time to talk to her father. Imagine watching someone you loved die, the very thought of losing Fitzwilliam was enough to make Elizabeth feel like crying.
‘Lizzy, my dear, whatever is the matter? I hoped you’d see the humour in the situation, was I wrong?’
He was so very sweet, she could not stay angry with papa, but good father or not he had his duty to his wife. The feeling of intense sadness was gone as quickly as it had come up, leaving her surprised to be so over-sensitive.
‘I have no idea why that happened, papa. Thinking of Mr Annesley I suddenly imagined Fitzwilliam dying and that really upset me. Papa, we have not just Lady Catherine over but also someone truly important: the Prince of Wales is here. We call him Lord Chester because he heard us talk of Lady Catherine and he wanted to see what she was really like with his own eyes.
Of course she would not show herself to the heir to the throne so he decided to use one of his other titles. He is here because he adores Eric’s music and wanted to hear him play again.’
‘Getting emotional, my dear Lizzy, you must be with child! Congratulations, you’ll be able to spoil your own child instead having to ruin Jane’s.'
Elizabeth did not see any reason to deny her father's remark, he was right, this might be the first real sign to confirm it.
'I suppose that may be true, papa, though it's a bit early to tell.'
'Are you still afraid?'
'No, not really, and with Jane expecting I suppose we'll be able to share the experience. I just wish she lived closer.'
'That may happen sooner than you think, my dear, they've hired someone to help them find an estate of their own. But what's up with your royal visitor?
The Prince of Wales, no less, I bet Darcy wasn’t pleased to see him turn up, I’ve noticed he has a jealous streak and our crown prince has this reputation with smart women.’
See, it was better that she’d decided in an instant to tell him the truth, he would have found out anyway.
‘You are not wrong, but papa, Prince George prefers his women a bit more sophisticated than an upstart country girl. He sees and hears everything, please be careful around him, especially as long as Mrs Annesley is here.
And do take care you don’t get caught on your way to her room.’
Silence. Then: ‘You know?’
‘Papa! How could I not? All right, I didn’t know. Not until I saw you in that carriage together. Nick knew, he saw you in the back of the house one day, in town. Simon asked him to keep that to himself and he did.’
‘Do I disappoint you, my dear Lizzy?’
‘Well, yes, of course. I used to admire you so much, but since you let Lydia go to Brighton I've come to realise more and more that you're not perfect.
You made some pretty bad mistakes in your life and in raising us, and now this? Adultery, papa?'
He bowed his head in shame, but Elizabeth could see he didn't feel it that much, he was not that sorry at all.
'I'm truly sorry, my dear, that you had to find out I'm not perfect. It's called growing up, and you've been doing it at an alarming rate. Can we talk about it sometime soon? I want to know what you think went wrong, though of course I have a pretty good idea myself. But Lizzy, it does make me very proud of you. You chose the right partner, you conquered your own pride to see his qualities, and now you are the perfect lady but you also respect your staff.
I know what Mrs Annesley and I are doing is very bad, but we've decided to do it anyway. Her husband knows and approves, your mother must never know, of course, my life with her is bad enough as it is. Marrying her was the worst mistake I ever made, and though it has gained me you and Jane, I find that it is still possible to rue that foolish decision more every single day of my life. Must I really pay for one mistake by never being able to love again?
When Mrs Annesley is as lonely as I am and such perfect company?'
Elizabeth conceded, how could she not in the face of such a heartfelt plea, knowing what she did now, that far fewer people than she'd ever thought took their marital vows seriously.
'Nick did ask me to be mild, said we all needed love and Mrs Annesley was having a hard time, for years already.'
'Nick is the fellow just now who took Mrs Annesley to the house, isn't he?
Didn't he work for some London gentleman as a servant? You never used to talk to servants. Let me rephrase that, your mother talks to servants, you apparently converse with them since you also listen to them, but you never used to. What advice does he have to give that your husband cannot? They seem much of an age and Darcy is certainly very sensible.'
Now Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh, her father worried she liked a servant too much? Wasn't that the pot calling the kettle black?
'It is the fellow just now, yes. And the thing he has that Fitzwilliam lacks, despite his age, is experience with love. I'm intensely glad Fitzwilliam waited for ten years to find the perfect woman, and even more glad I turned out to be the love of his life, and that he persisted in trying to win me. But all those ten years, Nick was out there, loving countless ladies, gaining experience. And if he respectfully asks me to forgive you for needing a little love I am inclined to listen to him. You were right, papa, I have grown up a lot, and I have found that I like some of our own walk of life a lot less than the people I live with. So I tend to talk to and listen to whom I like now.
Do you want Mrs Annesley in the drawing-room with us? I can try to convince Fitzwilliam to let her be company here, she is a lady in every respect.'
'Thank you, dear Lizzy, but it would focus attention on our travelling together, which was of course rather improper, and that would be dangerous, we cannot afford to be found out. We will meet in the library and, yes, at night. Maybe we can pester your friends in their headquarters now and then?
Your sister-in-law and her husband are after all the only ones among them with a traditional marriage, I suppose they will be less inclined to judge.'
The less said about that the better, though she was dying to know how much he'd found out. Now Elizabeth needed to change and sit with Lady Catherine, she'd see her father later, as well as Mrs Annesley.
'I'm sorry, papa, but I have to run. There is something we need from Lady Catherine and I'm afraid that means I have to be polite to her as much as Fitzwilliam. And juggling the conversation between her and Lord Chester, with Mr Collins undoubtedly making a nuisance of himself, will be quite a challenge to him. He sacrificed his own morning ride to allow me mine, said she is his aunt, not mine. Though I suppose he wants her to see me in riding
skirts, and to prove my independence to his aunt, he is still very proud of my impertinence.'
'I'm glad of that, dear Lizzy, for I do not think you'll ever learn better. If you want something important from Lady de Bourgh I suppose it is wise of your husband not to leave you two by yourselves. But those skirts look great on you, and I cannot wait to see you ride astride.
Well, I won't keep you any longer. I'll just check on my room and my companion, and then I'll join you wherever you are and try to behave. Lady Catherine, Mr Collins and Prince George, my dear Lizzy, however inconvenient my sudden arrival must be to you, I'm glad to impose on you, I foresee great entertainment! But tell me, Lizzy, didn't Darcy forbid my nephew entrance to his houses?'
'He did, yes, after finding him snooping and stealing in London. But since Lady Catherine practically forced Mr Collins to come my beloved found it in his heart to have mercy on him.'
'Well, well, that is quite magnanimous of him. I'm glad you didn't take my advice and married him anyway, my dear. Imagine, Mr Collins at Pemberley after all, dear Will can liven up the most boring family party just by being himself.'
Chapter 25
As soon as they were out of earshot, Mrs Annesley's attitude changed from dignified to, well, Nick couldn't exactly find a word for it but it mostly resembled a cross between despair and outright panic. In a totally unfamil
iar display of feeling, one she would normally consider highly improper even towards a relatively unconnected fellow servant, she grabbed his arm and burst out, 'Oh, Fowler, what have I done? She knew, Mrs Darcy knew, I could see it! It will all come out, and then I'll not only be a widow, but out of a position as well and unable to pay for our house and food for my children!
How will I ever find a new situation without references? He said it would be fun, and that I deserved some fun, he can be so persuasive. And he really isn't a bad man, I do love him, you know. You already knew, didn't you? Is there somewhere we can talk before I have to face Mrs Reynolds and the master?'
Was Nick underestimating Mr Darcy's reaction when he found out? Would
his host be as angry as Mrs Annesley seemed to expect? Mr Bennet was not his relation but his wife’s, and men generally had more tolerance for adultery, though somehow Nick didn't think Mr Darcy was a typical man in that respect. He'd actually taken ten years to find the perfect woman to marry.
Which could only mean that he had very little experience with women, and yet he inspired plenty of respect in Nick. Apparently no less in Mrs Annesley.
What to say to her?
'I saw Mr Bennet in the back of the house in London and it soon became clear what he was doing there. Simon asked me to keep it quiet. Mrs Darcy made the connection just now when she saw you two together, I suppose she'll tell Mr Darcy but no-one else needs to know. Why not just do what you came to do and ignore this little thing unless someone brings it up? Just be very, very careful, Bates is still talkative, and one of the Pemberley maids even more so, a buxom, fresh-faced blonde called Pauline. And Lady de Bourgh's personal maid is trying to find out things. She cannot be trusted.'
By now they had reached the back entrance to the house, where the deliveries were made. Nick hoped they'd manage to enter the house unseen but he made sure to look as frank as ever, skulking would only cause trouble. If they encountered someone they'd just have to postpone the private moment Mrs Annesley wanted and go to the second floor, just for half an hour or however long it took for her to choose a room for the maids to ready.
Fortunately, they did not run into Mrs Reynolds, who did seem to have an uncanny instinct to stumble upon interesting or embarrassing situations. Not this time, though, and Nick decided to seek out the butler to convey Mrs Darcy's instructions regarding the sleeping arrangements of their new guests.
Mrs Reynolds would ask too many questions and Nick expected her to have some solid judgements on the subject of adultery.
That done, not even five minutes later, Nick took Mrs Annesley to a currently unused room in the servants' quarters and closed the door. He sat on the bed, leaving the single chair for the lady, for Mrs Annesley was just as much a lady as Mrs Reynolds and Mrs Eliot were. They worked for a living but had not been raised for it, otherwise Mr Bennet would not have been attracted to Mrs Annesley, he could never fall in love with a dumb or coarse woman.
Well, not anymore, if rumour was to be believed Mrs Darcy's mother was at least one of those things. Too bad, really, that she hadn't come along, Nick would have loved to get a glimpse of Mrs Bennet just to know what Mrs Darcy's mother was like. But now, Mrs Annesley needed him.
'I didn't have an idea what I was getting myself into, and I'm sure Mr Bennet wasn't either. When we first met we liked each other, talked a lot, mostly in the library but sometimes during dinner or when Mr Fielding played his first concerts in the Darcy drawing-room. They even invited me to sit with the family because Mr Bennet liked me, someone closer to his age, you see.
Then one day I was having a really bad time of it because my husband had taken a turn for the worse, so I sought diversion in my needlework. I can forget everything when I'm busy, which is why I need to be here, I have to be able to continue my piece, I will need it in the weeks to come to be strong for my husband and children. That time, Mr Bennet noticed I was feeling down and he inquired so kindly I broke down and told him everything. He comforted me with perfect propriety, but I'm afraid that is when a spark flew and lit something inside me, for he was so concerned and sweet, I'd never seen that in a man.'
How could that be? Hadn't it been the talk of the Darcy household staff in London how Mrs Annesley's beloved husband was slipping from life? How could it be that she now suggested he had never been kind to her?
His expression must have betrayed his doubt, for she explained, and in such a way that no-one in the Darcy household would have recognised the husband she described for the Mr Annesley they'd imagined.
'My husband used to be a dashing fellow, Fowler, and when I was still very young and very naïve I fell head-over-heels in love with him. He was a second son and a navy officer on his way up, and yet my parents didn't approve of his blustering ways. They said he was no good for a girl like me, I was very bookish you see, but I decided to marry him anyway, against their advice. I'd been raised to be a Mrs Darcy or a Mrs Manners, or even a Mrs Fielding, my parents would have embraced a talented, sophisticated man even if he had been from a lower class.
But I chose a different fate with my eyes open and followed my beloved husband to Chatham. We didn't live well, and my carefully groomed manners and talents were left unused as he was out at sea, making a living, while I stayed behind taking care of our little house at first, and our children as they came one by one. I still got to sew but just clothing and bedding, no embroidery with costly silk yarn, it was sturdy linen and cheap thread for me, and darning until nothing was left of a garment but rags fit only for cleaning.
And cleaning, cooking and washing took so much time, there were but few moments for myself. I did teach our five children, girls as well as boys, their
letters and as much history, geography, French and literature as I could.'
Though Nick wanted to observe that his mother had also worked hard all her life, that most people had to work hard with little time to spare, he did not. He supposed his entire family had always known hard work, whereas Mrs Annesley had been raised a lady and had probably expected an easier life.
But she was making a bit much of something he considered completely normal. Still, this was her moment and he kept his peace. He merely offered a slight observation on something that truly surprised him.
'But Mrs Annesley, you say you fell head-over-heels in love, did that love just disappear?'
'My husband was very passionate, and I do think he truly loved me even then, he'd just never learned how to express his love in any way resembling tenderness. He merely lay with me when he could before he had to go back to sea, and I thought that was all there was to it so I bore with it and merely tried to limit the number of children that resulted.'
Despite being a bit shocked at Mrs Annesley's frankness towards someone she hardly knew Nick wasn't a favourite with the ladies for nothing, he knew exactly what moved a woman, and this was very important to the London housekeeper so he merely nodded encouragingly and let her get it out, so to speak.
'Then he fell ill, and with his physically demanding occupation it soon became impossible for him to pursue his career in the navy. He was granted an administrative function and for a few years he still provided an income and was home every evening and on Sundays, proving himself a dedicated father to our children, and a fine husband as well. We started to get to know each other better, his weak spells left him at my mercy ever more often and that gave him a measure of respect for me. But he still insisted on appearing the strong one towards the rest of the world, he remained dominant to the woman who had adored him once but who had come to look upon him as a captor, shackling her to a life barely worth living. I'd been the darling of my parents and my peers, Fowler, and now I was nothing but a brood mare and a housekeeper on a very small allowance. I knew he was going to deteriorate ever further, and though he ignored that certainty as well as the disturbing signals that another lapse was imminent, I started to prepare myself for the rest of my life, making sure it would be more interesting than it had been for countless ye
ars. That may sound selfish to you, but years of mind-numbing drudgery had left me desperate to improve my lot.
With the help of the public library I dusted off my accomplishments, and when the moment came that he could no longer provide and was discharged on a tiny pension, I advertised to find a position as a governess in London. I got the position and we moved to London, but the care for my husband and children proved too much on top of a demanding day of teaching someone else's brood. Remember, I was still struggling to regain my former competence in those attainments I had been unable to keep up in a poor home, like playing the piano, drawing, and yes, even needlework. The world hadn't stopped turning when my life had come to a grinding halt in that harbour town, new techniques were constantly discovered and I took care to learn them all.
I was not going to risk getting dragged down to the workhouse with my children, I was going to work my way up in the pecking order of governesses until I had a place in a major family, with a matching salary. So with my first wages I hired a widowed friend to take care of my family, by now my husband could still mind the children but nothing more, she did the work and he oversaw it. He accepted my taking care of the income, it was that or living off charity, which he would not have survived for long with his condition.'
Nick was intrigued, why tell him this? Well, probably because she felt ashamed of cheating on her husband when she'd let everyone believe there was a deep affection between her and him. Which there might be, at a certain level, though obviously not on the subject of physical intimacy, of which Nick still considered himself somewhat of an expert. Mrs Annesley continued.
'In my second position, living with a well-to-do family to teach their two daughters the finer aspects of being a true lady, I spent all my spare time regaining my faded accomplishments, and the family's boys' tutor proved eager to teach someone actually willing to learn, so I added quite a few other skills, less ladylike ones, to improve my value as a governess for younger boys as well as girls of all ages. I taught that family's daughters until they went to school, then with their parents' references I took the next step up. I barely saw my husband and children but I sent them all the money I earned, which was enough to provide my children the education they needed to avoid slipping down the social ladder even further than I had. It took me another four years to get to where I am now, and I am so afraid to lose it all because a gentleman proved too kind to resist.'
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