by S. C. Ellen
Copyright © 2020 by S.C. Ellen
All Rights Reserved. No part of this novel may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form, without permission from the author, with the exception of brief quotations for a book review. This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, businesses, and or places are either from the authors imagination or used in a fictual matter. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The characters and plot were created by the figment of the authors imagination and are not to be interpreted as real.
Cover by: Cover!it Designs
Formatting: Stacey, Champagne Design
Editing: Elaine York, Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting
Contagious Edits
CONTENTS
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
EPIGRAPH
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
PART ONE
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
SEVEN
EIGHT
NINE
PART TWO
TEN
ELEVEN
TWELVE
THIRTEEN
FOURTEEN
FIFTEEN
SIXTEEN
SEVENTEEN
EIGHTEEN
NINETEEN
TWENTY
TWENTY-ONE
TWENTY-TWO
TWENTY-THREE
TWENTY-FOUR
TWENTY-FIVE
TWENTY-SIX
TWENTY-SEVEN
TWENTY-EIGHT
TWENTY-NINE
THIRTY
THIRTY-ONE
THIRTY-TWO
THIRTY-THREE
THIRTY-FOUR
THIRTY-FIVE
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SEVEN
THIRTY-EIGHT
THIRTY-NINE
FORTY
FORTY-ONE
FORTY-TWO
FORTY-THREE
FORTY-FOUR
FORTY-FIVE
EPILOGUE
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
For it is not the darkness that compels you,
rather it’s the comfort you feel inside of it.
To my parents and siblings: Thank you for your patience, your constant words of encouragement, and for allowing me to follow my dreams. I don’t know where I would be without any of you. It’s because of you all that I can get this book out into the world and live out all my hopes and dreams. I love each and every one of you so much, and I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for me. Especially you mom and dad, thank you for the endless amount of support, always being my shoulder to lean on, and loving me unconditionally through it all. This one is for you.
To my bestfriend Christiana: Thank you for always pushing me to be my absolute best, and always being there for me. You see the light in every situation and I always admired and appreciated you for that. Thank you for your constant feedback, and for being the greatest, best friend a girl could ever ask for. I don’t know what I would do without you!
To everyone who helped me along the way: Arijana, you did such an amazing job on the cover. Thank you for bringing my vision to life. Elaine, I appreciate your feedback and patience throughout the whole editing process. Lindsey, your attention to detail is magnificent and thank you for all of your great advice! Also, I want to give a huge shoutout to all of my extended family and friends for their constant support and daily words of encouragement, as well. You all share a special place in my heart.
Finally, to the readers: Thank you for giving a girl full of dreams, the opportunity to achieve them. I can only hope that while you are reading this book, you too will begin to find the beauty in what was, what is, and what will be, Irrevocably Shattered.
The Past
Five years old
Sicily, Italy
Momma’s eyes are red-rimmed and wide as I sleepily peer up at her. She looks so tired, and weak. I hold my tiny hand against her cheek to comfort her—something she often does to me.
“My sweet, sweet boy,” she whispers, leaning into my palm as she lays a gentle kiss on it. Tears well up in her eyes again, causing mine to fill at the sight of it. I’ve never seen Momma cry before, and it scares me. “I am so sorry, caro mio.”
I stare up at her confused, why would Momma be sorry?
“We tried our best, mi amore. Please remember that.”
Suddenly, a loud stampede of feet and breaking glass are heard throughout the house, interrupting us. Momma moves quickly in alarm, scooping me up into her arms. I begin to whine at the loud and unexpected noise. With sudden panic, she holds a hand against my mouth to quiet me. “Shh, mio figlio, per favore.”
Momma runs as fast as she can down the hall into my little sister, Rosa’s room. She picks up the sleeping baby in her other arm, and heads down the corridor constantly looking over her shoulder. An intense bang rings out, startling me and my little sister, and we both begin to cry. Momma picks up more speed, with fresh tears running down her face. “Please, please, please,” she begins to chant in her native tongue.
Momma runs into Poppa’s office. “They’ve found us! They got through the men! We need to-” She stops and inhales a sharp intake of breath.
Poppa lies still in his chair with his mouth hanging wide open. A river of red is running from a long gash in the middle of his neck. Momma’s scream pierces the air, and she nearly falls to her knees. “No! No! No!” she wails, rocking us back and forth against her chest.
“Poppa!” I shout, trying to wiggle my way out of Momma’s embrace to get to him, but she tightens her hold. “No, caro mio!”
With the footsteps growing louder, she calms herself down by taking a few deep breaths. “He will pay for this, mi amore… He will pay.” With one last tearful glance at Poppa, she runs from the room with us still in her arms and stumbles into a hard chest.
The man steadies her, and I recognize him as one of the guards who is always next to my Poppa.
“Luka! Luka, they killed him! They killed my husband!” Momma sounds like she can barely breathe with how hard she is struggling to get air into her body. The man named Luka runs a hand down her hair, trying to calm her.
“We need to move quickly, signora, or you will end up with the same fate as your husband. Give me the boy and follow me.” Momma places me in the arms of the soldier, and we are on the move again. Glass is shattering all around us, and strange bullets are flying everywhere. To get us out of the direct line of fire, we hide behind a corner, and voices are heard from the other side of it. Luka signals to Momma and me to stay quiet as he pulls out his gun, aiming it at the voices. “Look away, mio caro!” Momma quickly moves to cover my eyes, but Luka shrugs her off. “Luka, please, he’s just a boy!”
With the men on the other side finding our hiding spot, two shots are set off from Luka’s gun. My ears are ringing, and my head is spinning at the sight of the two men lying lifelessly on the floor with blood pouring out from them, much like how Poppa was found.
A queasy, unsettling feeling bubbles up in my stomach, knowing that something really bad is happening. Momma looks even worse than she did before as she tries to settle the crying baby in her arms. “I am so sorry for this life.”
“He will learn this life one way or another, signora. One day he will be the new Don of cosa nostra, don’t forget that.”
“Not if I have anything to do with it.” A man in heavy uniform suddenly appears from out of the shadows, stabbing a sharp knife right in the center of Luka’s neck.
Blood is sprayed over every inch of my tiny body, and I am roughly trampled to the hard ground. I must have hit my head pretty hard, because when I wake up again, Mom
ma, Rosa, and I are now in the cold, dark basement.
“You think you can hide from me, mia bella?” the man asks, running a gun alongside Momma’s cheek. She spits at the man, and he returns with a hard hit on the side of her face with the butt of his gun. Momma’s head hits the floor, causing her to fall asleep instantly.
I set little sister down and try to make my way over to Momma to wake her up. The man pushes me out of the way and picks up a sleeping Momma in his arms.
“Follow me, child,” he demands. The man looks familiar, but I’m not sure where I have seen him before, and a weird feeling tells me not to listen to him, but he has Momma, and I can’t leave her alone with him. So, I make my way over to Rosa, holding her as best as my little arms can. I follow him for at least five more steps before my little arms give up, and I can’t keep up with him, as he is too big, and the baby is half my size. The man, getting annoyed, stops and turns his attention towards us.
His eyes are as black as the night sky, and his smile is not friendly at all as he regards Rosa. “Such a sweet little thing. Would be a shame if she got hurt because her big brother was too weak to save her, right, child?” The man grabs my little sister’s hand and pulls out a knife. “You know what this is, right, boy?” Images of what happened to Luka spring to mind, and I try to remove her from his grasp.
“No!” I scream, pushing the man’s hand away. Unfortunately, the knife slips from his fingers and cut not only Rosa across the forearm, but mine, as well. A hiss escapes from me at the sting, and my sister wails loudly in my arms. I can’t help but blame myself for the blood that is now dripping down her skin. “Stupid, stupid boy. Look what you’ve done now.” The laugh that escapes the stranger causes anger to boil throughout my body.
“Diavolo,” I whisper underneath my breath, remembering a story Momma told me about God, and the angel that turned on him. He reminded me a lot of this man right now. This monster.
Diavolo’s face morphs into pure rage.
“Diavolo, huh?” The man bitterly laughs, roughly grabbing a hold of me by the collar of my shirt. His nostrils flare with a sick glint in his eye. “Speak of the devil, boy, and he shall appear.”
I don’t know what happened after that because once again, I wake up with little memory of falling asleep. I touch the side of my head and let out a small whimper because of the pain it causes me. Little tiny dots appear in my eyes, and I feel like throwing up.
Blinking seems to help the dots, so I continue to open and close my eyes to try and get rid of my foggy vision.
I blink once.
I see Momma lying on a dirty mattress, still asleep.
I blink twice.
I see the man removing her night gown.
I blink three times.
He is now on top of her, grunting and growling like the true monster he is.
I try to go to her, blinking as many times as I can to see so I can help her. Momma finally wakes up and groans in pain. She tries to push him off of her, but he slaps her hard across the face.
I almost trip on Rosa who is fussing for Momma, too. I don’t want her to get hurt by the monster again, so I grab hold of her and hide her in a small space behind the furnace.
The movement to save my sister causes me to grab at my head again, and this time I do throw up on myself.
I hear shouting coming from the man. He is yelling at Momma, calling her ugly and mean names. She is pleading with him to let her go, but he keeps hurting her. I am too small to push the man off of her, but I can’t let him hurt the people I love anymore. I need to be the hero like the ones Momma reads to me about and defeat the big bad monster.
I just don’t know how.
Not able to stand up for any longer without feeling sick, I fall to the ground. I try to scream for help, but more vomit comes out instead.
Keep blinking. Keep blinking. Keep blinking.
Momma falls onto the floor, naked and bloodied.
“You knew this day would come, mia bella. You and your foolish husband thought you could hide from me. You should’ve seen the look on his face before I killed him. Before I made good on that promise I made all those years ago.”
Momma screams loud and hard. “Bastardo! Take me but leave my children!”
“So long, mia bella.”
“Vaffengolo, you traitor.”
And the loud blast coming from the man’s gun causes more agony to spread throughout my head, while the black dots finally take all of my sight.
Blink! Blink! Blink!
Momma is now slumped over, lying still in a puddle of red.
The man’s eyes are wild, and his skin looks pale. “I’m sorry it had to end like this, mia bella.”
A soldier comes running down the steps, halting when he sees the man. “Are you okay, boss? We got to get out of here. The rest of his men will be here soon!”
The man, unable to stand up straight anymore, whispers slowly. “The children…”
“We need to get out of here, sir, and get you help before you end up dead yourself.”
Rosa starts fussing a little bit next to me again, and I immediately place a hand over her mouth to quiet her. Hoping they don’t hear.
The man hesitates a bit.
“Sir?” the soldier asks.
“Burn the place. Burn all of it.”
“Bene, signore.”
With one last glance around the place, both men leave. I stay as quiet as a mouse for what feels like forever. But as tired and as sick as I am, I have to go to Momma. She needs me!
I stumble, crawl, and trip on my way to her, but I finally reach her with hope that everything is now going to be okay.
“Momma?” When I get no answer back, I ask more loudly. “Momma?” With all my might, I shake her as hard as I can but still nothing. With my last bit of strength, I drag her to the furnace by me and little sister just in case those evil men return.
She is so cold.
She’s just sleeping because she’s hurt. Sometimes when I get hurt from climbing things, I like to take a nap after, too. Momma always sleeps by me when I do that, so that’s what I’ll do, and she’ll feel so much better after. And I will, too.
My eyes can’t stay open any longer, as the pain in my body becomes too much to handle, and it feels like we are safe again now that we are back in her arms. So, I cuddle close to Rosa and join Momma in her peaceful sleep.
I wake up wheezing and barely able to breathe. My body hurts with every breath that I take, but at least the pain in my head has weakened. So much smoke is in the air that it’s hard to even see in front of me…and this time it isn’t because of the black dots.
Momma must have really been hurt because she’s been sleeping for a long time, and not even this can wake her up. I grab hold of Rosa who is having a coughing fit next to me. I try to wake Momma again to help, but she won’t get up.
I then notice fire.
I scream for Momma and Poppa, but it’s like no one can hear me. The flames are coming closer and closer, and we need to get out of here, but I don’t know how.
I search around the room and spot the tunnel Poppa uses to go into the backyard. I am still so tired, and my little body is so weak and exhausted that it takes all the power in me to get up and climb up the tunnel’s ladder. I push the sealed door on top of the ceiling with all my might, but it’s not moving. Panic begins to overtake me when I see the ceiling collapse from the other side of the room.
With fear racking my body, I fumble around the door. My eyes suddenly spot a little latch on the side, so I quickly flip it, give it one last push, and it springs open revealing the cold night sky.
My bones feel like rubber, and I can barely get my legs to move, but I manage to make my way back down the ladder. The room is now fully erupted into flames, except for the small corner where Momma and my little sister are.
The smoke has gotten much thicker, and with more struggle I manage to drag Rosa up and out of the burning basement. I fight through the pain in my body to go b
ack down and get Momma. I climb down the ladder steps and almost get hit from a falling floorboard that has now caught fire. My path is blocked to get to Momma and the fire is rising higher and higher.
“Momma!” I scream. “Momma, please wake up!” My throat is burning, and my voice is hoarse. I try to go to her again, but the fire has become so large that I can’t even see her anymore. “Momma!” I cry out one more time.
I feel myself growing more tired than I’ve ever felt before, and a strange feeling of exhaustion overcomes me, even though I had just taken a nap. Things are getting too bad for me to stay here any longer, and little sister needs me. A tear falls down my cheek as I realize I have to leave Momma. I say my last goodbye, promising to see her soon when everything is back to normal. I climb back up the ladder that leads to the backyard. It’s dark and cold out still, so I find an empty shed for both Rosa and me to stay in.
Even though I am weak with exhaustion, I don’t sleep, because I’m scared thinking the men may come back and find us again.
I don’t know how long we’ve been in here for, but I am so hungry that it hurts my little body to even move. I cuddle closer to little sister anyway, but she is starting to grow cold, just like how Momma felt.
The hungrier I get, the more tired I become, until it’s too much for my little body to handle, and I too grow a little colder, breathe a little harsher, and can’t hold my eyes open for any longer.
“Porca miseria! I found them!” a man screams, waking me up. The light from his flashlight burns my eyes, so I close them back tightly.
A second voice breaks the silence. “Are they alive?”
“I’m not too sure about the baby, but the boy is.”
With squinted eyes, I see two men hovering over us. The man not holding the flashlight looks sad. “These poor children, both parents dead, huddled in a pigs’ den for three days. We should have been here sooner.”
“We’re here now. That’s all that matters. They were hidden well up here in the mountains. Call off the search and let’s be done with this.” The man scoops up my sore body into his arms. “Grab the baby, too, she looks like she might have a little life left in her.”
