Turning away, I get a few steps away before a gust of wind whips me around to face my brother one last time. Shoving my dark hair off my face, I clearly enunciate. “I love you, Jed. I always will. Even after everything, I’m not entirely certain I’ll understand you. I wish I could.” The wind stops swirling. “Kiss everyone hello for me. I’ll be back soon.”
And I turn away from where my brother asked to be returned to his final resting place—a small plot by the sea—and make my way down the street.
It’s time to go to work. Since everyone else has moved on, I find it’s the safest thing to live for now.
“What do you mean we’re out of the IPA?” I drop my head back and roll my head back and forth. “Didn’t the shipment come in today?”
My bartender shakes his head. “Not yet.”
“Lovely. Let me go up to the office and check on it. Are we missing anything else?” Just as the words come out of my mouth, my chef comes out from the kitchen holding handfuls of rotted produce.
“I can’t work with this, Maris.” She shakes it in front of me. Her white knuckles start to unclench.
“If a single piece hits the floor while we have customers in here, you’ll be looking for a new job,” I warn the temperamental woman.
“I simply cannot work with subpar ingredients.”
“And you know Skagway’s beer is the popular item on the menu.”
“Stop, both of you! Give me a few minutes to fix the problems before you keep kvetching at me,” I snap. When they finally quiet, I race up the stairs to where my office is located—a converted apartment where I used to crash when nights were too much at the family home.
“If this is how the night is going to go, I’m moving to Vienna. There’s a beautiful glacier there I can stare at—no, walk on! And men with accents. And chocolate, lots of delicious chocolate.” Reaching my office, I slam the door for two blessed minutes of privacy while I work out how to fix this issue without bankrupting myself.
Just then, my cell phone rings. If it wasn’t for the fact it’s Kara Malone Jennings, my best friend and former sister-in-law, I’d ignore it. But I’m certain I know why she’s calling. I answer her question without her saying a word. “I’m fine.”
“Try that with someone who didn’t live through this with you.” I hear her sniff into a tissue.
I can’t refute her words. I just listen to her tears, her grief, and wish I could get to the stage where that’s all I felt. But— “God, Kara, I’m so angry today.”
“Why?”
“Because everything’s a mess.” I give her a quick rundown of what’s happening at the Brewhouse. “And I…” I’m ashamed to admit the last.
“What else, Maris?”
I hesitate before answering. “I yelled at Jed today.”
“Good.”
“What?”
“It’s healthy.”
“Yelling at my dead brother is healthy?”
“Sure it is.”
“What makes you say that, oh wise one?”
“Well, first of all, it saves you from taking it out on me,” she retorts.
“Fair.” Even as we both giggle, I reach for a tissue to mop up my tears and mingled snot. “What’s second?”
“Do you really think the letters I’ve written to Dean over the years have been all sunshine and happiness? All good news? I’m so freaking pissed at him right now. Especially now.”
“Why now?”
“Crap. I was going to wait to tell you until tomorrow.”
“Tell me,” I demand.
“No. It’s a bad enough day.”
“Kara, I swear to God…”
“I’m pregnant,” she blurts out.
You could hear a pin drop between us. “You’re…what?” I don’t recognize my voice. It sounds like someone just shoved a knife in my chest and I’m bleeding out.
Because maybe I am.
“Maris, I’m so happy, and so…heartbroken.”
“No. You don’t get to be sad. Not unless it’s because you won’t have a chance to break Dean’s hands again in the delivery room. Then you can be sad. It’s a fucking miracle you’re carrying,” I hiss.
Kara begins to sob quietly. “I know. I just… I’d give anything…”
I practically choke trying to get out, “I know. But that’s not the hand I’ve been dealt, right? And I can only play the hand I have.”
A hard silence stretches out between us. “And here I can’t even celebrate by lifting up a glass of our best IPA,” I finally manage to tease.
“Why not?”
After outlining the issues, Kara says, “Hold on.” Then I hear her yell, “Jennings! Pick up the phone!”
“What? Kara, no.” But it’s too late. Kara’s husband, John Jennings, has already lifted the receiver.
“Everything okay?”
“Maris didn’t get a delivery. Is anyone on a run to Alaska?” Kara asks as if it’s an everyday occurrence for her to order her husband around the fiftieth state for my supplies like it’s her local grocery.
“Jasper is. He’s running cargo up. What do you need, Maris?”
“I can’t ask a favor this big, Jennings,” I protest.
“There is no favor too big or small you couldn’t ask us,” he reassures me. “Now, just tell me where Jas needs to go.”
“You two are a damn miracle,” I finally manage.
“No, we’re your family. I’m not sure what it’s going to take to get that through your gorgeous head,” Kara admonishes.
“It’s not gorgeous.”
Jennings snorts. “Whatever.”
“While normally I’d be giving my husband hell for noticing, I agree. You’re beautiful, Maris. From the inside out.”
Their words make me slightly nauseous. I know there’s nothing good inside me. Not really. “No, that was Jed.” Before they can protest, I fib slightly. “I have to get down to the floor. I’ll send you a text, Jennings. And by the way, congratulations, Daddy. Kara, I’ll call you tomorrow. My love to all of you and Kevin.”
I rush off the phone and send Jennings a quick text of what I need. But just before I’m about to slip my phone back into my jeans, I get a news alert.
Local Family Fosters Child. New Addition Makes Seven!
“You have got to be kidding me. Who is selfless enough to…” I click on the article before gasping. It’s my old school friend Sarah Li and her husband, Hung. I knew they had a few kids after graduation, but to foster kids as well? “How utterly selfless.”
Saving the page to read later, I leave my office and go to tell my antsy bartender and crazed cook help is coming.
It only cost me what’s left of my sanity to get it.
Maris
June
“I’ve seen wishes, hopes, and dreams die in my sister’s eyes. It makes me want to hurt the men who have done this to her. What’s the worst is I’m probably the worst perpetrator as I know Nick’s ‘why.’ Should I have told her? Would it have stopped everything else after?” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.
I hug the redhead exuberantly. “It’s so good to see you!” Sarah Michelin Li graduated the year before I did from Juneau-Douglas High School, but it didn’t stop us from being friends. Like me, Sarah’s a “sourdough.” Her family can trace its roots back to the gold rush up near Skagway.
“Do you remember when we were little, we used to dress up our Bunny Boots with stickers?” Sarah’s eyes dance as she recalls our days in grammar school.
“Which lasted until we stepped out into the snow again?” I recall drolly.
“I told that story to my youngest foster daughter the other day when she wanted to use a glitter pen.”
“What did she say?”
“Obviously, Mom, it’s because you did it in winter. You should have waited until spring.” We both double over in laughter. “I know I said it when I saw you at his funeral, Maris, but I’m so sorry about Jed.” She reaches over and takes my hand.
“
I could offer you the usual ‘thank you,’ but somehow, I think you’d see right through that.” I squeeze her hand back before letting it go.
“I would. It’s a mom thing.”
“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk with you about.”
“Want to take one off my hands? I have several available?”
“Offering up the ones you made or the ones you brought into your home?”
“Depends on the day.” And our laughter chases one another once again. “Seriously, what’s going on?”
Just then our waiter approaches. I order the fondue. Sarah’s eyes glaze over slightly. “I knew we were friends for a very good reason.”
I amend our order. “For two.”
“Certainly. I’ll be back with that in a few moments.” Our waiter disappears.
“I saw you’re fostering five kids?”
“Yep. My husband was a foster child. We always swore we’d take in as many as we could.”
“But you’re overloaded?” My head cocks to the side.
“To say the least. We barely passed the home inspection this time.”
“Home inspection?”
Sarah goes to open her mouth to answer, but before she can, our waiter is back with a tray filled with cheesy goodness and croutons. “Thank you.”
“Bless you,” she counters.
We dive in simultaneously. After a few minutes, Sarah picks up our conversation. “It’s a huge process, Maris. You have to go through nine weeks of classes. Then there’s months of working with a licensing agent to get your home study and background investigation complete—and heaven help you if you have a fire extinguisher out of place. Because there’s always going to be periodic checks you have to pass. And if you don’t, that would mean more checks. Finally, you graduate.”
“And that’s when you’re placed with a child?”
Sarah snorts. “Honey, that’s when the social workers get involved. You could be placed with a child that night, or you could be placed with one in a few months. It depends on whether or not you agree to respite care.”
I place my hand to my forehead. “There’s so much to think about.”
“Maris, are you considering fostering a child?”
I nod. “It’s something I’ve thought of for years. Jed and I had a close friend who was fostered late in his life. It…affected me.”
Sarah falls back into her chair with a jarring thud. “You’re really considering this?” At my nod, she continues. “Well, I’ll be damned.”
“Possibly, but likely for something we did in high school. Definitely not for this.”
A lightning-quick grin flashes across her face before she her face sobers. “It’s not a decision to make lightly.”
“No, it isn’t.”
After scrutinizing me for long moments, Sarah nods decisively. “Okay. When’s your next day off?” She reaches for another crouton and dunks it as deep as she can in the gooey cheese.
“Sunday.”
“Then come over for the day. You’ve met my two, but I’m not sure if you’ve met my fosters. Come experience what my life is like. It’s not easy, my friend. Sundays are paperwork days.”
“Like I’m not used to those. Only mine involve kegs and lettuce.”
Sarah, chewing on her crouton, chokes. “There’s a story there.”
I realized how starved I am and reach for a piece of bread. “From a few weeks ago. Luckily, I have a guardian angel.”
“Jed?” she asks knowingly.
“No. My best friend’s husband owns an air transport business.”
“God, up here that’s worth its weight in gold!” she exclaims.
“Don’t I know it. By the next morning, I had beer, lettuce, and tiny donuts from Pike’s Place Market.”
“Bitch. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had those?”
“Educate me on everything I need to know and I’ll make sure you get a supply of them,” I promise her.
“Deal. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. The kids are crazy this time of the year.”
“Remember Rainey Jones?”
“Who could forget Rainey? She married Brad Meyers, right?”
“Yep. I tell them their kids thaw at this time of the year; they’re so out of control.”
Sarah manages to hold back her guffaws for two seconds. “I don’t care how many times Hung goes after work with the guys to the Brewhouse. This lunch was so worth it.”
For me too. Instead I just take another bite of our appetizer as we catch up on our mutual high school friends and where their lives are. And we make plans for Sunday.
I’m so excited I can barely eat.
Sunday seems to take forever to come around. I’m not entirely certain if I should bring anything, so I call Sarah. “My two would eat anything. Bea has a peanut allergy, Richie has a seafood one. Diane, Wendy, and David aren’t allergic to anything.”
“How about ice cream?” I ask faintly.
Sarah hums her approval. “Stick with chocolate and vanilla,” she says before hanging up the phone.
I drive up to the Lis’ home and find kids everywhere. Sliding from my SUV, I stand back for a moment and observe the two girls battling with the three boys just as ferociously. One boy is chasing another girl around yelling, “I’ll get you! Then you’ll be it!”
And then the sun lights upon a brown-haired boy sitting in the middle of a mud puddle, building a pie. Happily, he decorates it with bits of grass and rocks before calling out, “Who wants some pizza?”
His “siblings” begin to laugh. “David, you’re playing pizza parlor again?”
“Yeah, come play chase with us.”
He shrugs, unconcerned. “I like pizza parlor.”
One of the girls comes over and screams, “Oh, my! There’s a dead bug on his pizza! I’m going to tell Ms. Sarah,” before running toward the house at a dead run.
My heart’s pounding not out of fear, but at a memory that’s shoving its way to the forefront of my mind that was locked away.
“Maris! Let’s pretend we’re working at the Brewhouse,” Jed urged.
I glanced back at the house. “Will we get in trouble?” I knew only adults were supposed to drink. Mama and Daddy had made that very clear to Jed and me.
“No, Sunshine. See? We’ll use the tree to mix drinks. The ground will be our bar,” he declared.
I frowned. “Daddy doesn’t let people sit on the bar, Jed. And Mama’s gonna get mad. You’re sitting in the mud.”
Jed laughed and laughed. He pulled me down onto his lap, his behind sinking deeper in the dirty earth. “One day, we’re going to run that bar, Maris. And who’s going to care if we sit on the bar or not?”
I thought for a few minutes about his words because I didn’t like the idea that one day we’d run the bar. That would mean Mama and Daddy wouldn’t be here. Still, I said with authority, “Cust…cust…”
“Customers? Is that what you’re trying to say?” Jed gave me his big smile that turned his face kind of weird.
I nodded.
Jed shrugged. “Then we get new customers. People have to accept us for who we are, or they don’t deserve our loyalty and love.”
I’m ripped from the memory as Sarah is dragged from the house. “David, sweetheart. Just tell me you didn’t eat the bug this time.” I can’t prevent the giggle at the sound of her aggrieved voice.
Her head snaps up at the sound. “Hey, Maris! Come on over and meet the kids.”
“Let me get the ice cream out of the car.” You’d think I just announced that Santa was coming for the second time in a year. Children flung their swords in every direction. Ones who were chasing each other began to race in my direction. They all found a new toy, and apparently, I was it.
All of them, except David. He observed me from a distance with wise eyes that burned through my soul.
Sarah took pity on me and yelled, “Everyone, go clean up. That means your rooms as well as your bodies. No ice cream for anyone
who doesn’t pass inspection in one hour. Miss Maris and I will be in the kitchen.” Just like they swarmed me, the children scatter. Maybe they were supporting me, because my knees almost give out once I have some distance.
David ambles to his feet. My breath whooshes out as he swaggers to the house with mud all over the back of his little jeans.
“David,” Sarah calls.
“Yes?”
“New clothes, and leave those in the laundry,” Sarah adds to his list. She walks back over and inspects his work. “That’s a mighty impressive pizza though. Good thing it’s a special occasion with Miss Maris visiting and we’re having it for dinner.”
He turns and beams at me. And that’s when I see them. One, two dimples pop out in apples of his cheeks.
Just like Jed’s.
Holy shit.
My stomach begins to cramp. I press a hand to it. Don’t get your hopes up, Maris. He’s probably Sarah’s biological child. That’s likely why you feel such a deep pull to him.
“Well, you wanted to meet all the kids, Maris. First impressions?” Sarah’s voice is laced with amusement.
“You’re a saint. And I’m glad I brought you and Hung a bottle of wine as well as ice cream.” I open the car and pull out the bags from our local grocery
Sarah’s grin widens. “Just wait until you see pizza prep. That’s when you’ll begin nominating us for sainthood.”
“Should be fun to watch.” I tell her the truth as we make our way up the flagstone steps.
“And participate in,” Sarah tacks on.
“Wait, what?”
“Everyone makes their own. And trust me, there’s a competition on whose pizza is the best.”
“You know I practically flunked art,” I growl.
“That’s why I thought this would be fun,” she chirps as we make our way to the side-by-side fridge and freezer.
Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3) Page 3
