She lets out a sigh. “It’s not that easy. It’s hard to say I’ve put certain parts of my past to bed when I really haven’t. I just choose not to look back, but forward.”
“Are you trying to make me feel better about the years we lost?”
“Maybe I am. But Nick? If we had the power to go back with no repercussions to what’s happening now, I’d do anything for more time with the men I’ve always loved.” Her fingers apply pressure to the tight muscles in my forearm in return.
“In spite of everything?” I manage to rasp, still unable to comprehend how I earned this—Maris’s love. But I’ll never willingly let it go. I’ll fight anyone or anything who tries to take it from me.
“Maybe because of it,” she muses. “After all, we know the worst things about each other, and here we are.”
“You’re right.” Then quick as lightning, I use my other hand to reach across the table and snag her buttered roll from her tray.
“Damn you, Nick! I was saving that.”
“What can I say? I’m hungry. I worked up quite the appetite earlier.”
Her lashes lower, partially covering her magnificent blue eyes. “Yes, you did.”
Suddenly, the roll so delicious a moment ago feels like it’s going to choke me when I try to swallow. “Maybe we should get an order to go. For a snack later.”
Maris hums appreciatively. “You know, Nick, living in the now is pretty damn fantastic.”
I couldn’t agree more.
I drive slowly as we approach the accident site, both hands on the wheel. I refuse to allow anything to hurt Maris ever again—especially me.
“Nick, you know the way you were driving was fine. I only trigger memories when I’m driving.” Her voice is soft, comforting me.
I make a noncommittal sound and concentrate even further.
“The speed limit is thirty-five, not thirty,” she offers helpfully.
“I’m going a speed I’m comfortable driving at.”
Twisting in her seat, she lets out a sigh. “Except there are ten cars behind you, and I suspect one of them is going to pass you soon.”
Recalling her describing how the accident occurred, I curse and begin to increase my speed. “I don’t want you afraid.”
“Nick, he was drunk.”
My hands clench on the wheel.
“He was playing stupid games because he was a stupid man.”
“Can you please stop talking about it? At least for now?” I ask her pleasantly as we pass the spot where she indicated her car flipped over. And over.
“I just want to say one more thing, and then the subject is closed.” Her hand reaches across the center console and rests on my thigh. The heat burns through my pants and seeps into my thigh. “You would have slammed on your brakes, run to me, and torn me out of that car. You would have carried me to a medical center. You would have demonstrated to the world exactly what I knew back then. You’re a man worthy of being loved.”
By the time Maris stops talking, we’re almost at her home. I pull into the driveway and up to the garage but don’t open it. Pressing the button to put the car in park, I undo my seat belt and then hers before hauling her across my lap.
“What are you doing?” she exclaims.
“This.” I pull her head down to mine to claim her lips in a kiss so incendiary, I immediately have to have her.
Right here. Right now.
Maris tears her mouth away. “Nick, just pull inside and park the car. There’s a couch…”
“No. Can’t wait.” My voice is guttural with need. I slide my hands up her slim thighs until I reach the apex of her thighs. “Who the fuck invented these things?” I groan, referring to her leggings.
Maris, who was busy trying to get to my chest, snaps her head up. “Why do you care?”
“Because I’m not sure if they should be shot or given an award.” I stretch the material so tight I can push my fingers in next to the seam. I give myself just enough room before I render the material useless as I tear it in both directions.
Then we’re both speechless: Maris because I destroyed her pants and me because she’s not wearing any panties, not even a thong.
The flap of material flops down, blocking her from my view. With a snarl, I reach up and tuck the offending material under her shirt so my view is unobstructed. “Push up on your knees a bit,” I order her.
Maris shakily braces her arms on my shoulders—one knee on the armrest on the door, the other on the center console. Her ankles are locked behind her. I slowly take each one of her hands and kiss the palm before I place it on the shoulder rest before I skim my way down her body until my lips are even with her pussy. “Fucking beautiful.”
“Are you crazy? There’s no way I’ll be able to come like this!”
“You don’t think so,” I dare her. “Oh, I know you’ll be able to come like this, Maris. In fact, by the time you come, you’re going to beg me to fuck you right here.” I trace the line of her bare lips with my finger. “Christ, you’re dripping already.” I slide the finger with the trace of her essence in my mouth.
She shivers and arches, seeking my touch, my mouth. “Please,” she moans.
“Please what, Sunshine? Please do this?” I skate the heel of my palm against her mound and slide one finger inside of her.
Maris immediately bucks her hips against it. “Yes. More, Nick.”
I hear her breath catch as I slide in a second finger. Her hips begin rocking back and forth, friction easing as her body’s natural essence eases the way for my fingers to thrust into her tight heat.
Using my other hand, I part her folds to seek out the treasure hidden beneath them. When the cool air hits her clit, Maris lets out a small whimper. I give her no quarter as I pluck mercilessly at the straining button of her clit even as my fingers continue to thrust upward. Thousands of muscles tighten on my fingers.
Fuck that. “You’re not coming unless it’s on my cock,” I vow.
“Soon,” she manages to gasp. “Let me come first.”
“After I taste you.” Pulling my fingers away, I lift my head. “I really need to taste you, Maris.”
My tongue begins to work at her clit even as I maintain the pressure inside her pussy. Even while I drive my fingers strongly inside her, my tongue is circling, flicking, before finally suckling her into madness.
Maris’s head flies back. Her back arches so much her curls dance past her ass, almost into my hands. Her hips begin desperately rocking, rising and falling. Finding her purchase, she reaches down and holds my head to her. I groan, the vibration against her sensitive flesh making her pant harder.
Finally, the words I’ve been waiting for pass her lips. “Fuck me, Nick. Fuck me the way you want to.”
What’s left unsaid between us is Fuck me the way you’ve always wanted to.
My mouth is drenched with her. I wiggle my way back to a sitting position. Then I slowly pull my fingers from her pussy. I hold them to her lips. Maris takes them in her mouth and sucks them like she devoured my cock. “God, I need inside you.” I grit the words out.
Maris untwists her ankles while I go to work on my jeans. Shucking them down my hips, my cock springs free just as her thighs spread wide over mine. I quickly drag the head through her lips to lubricate it.
She slaps both her hands on my cheeks. “Stop teasing me, Nick. Give it to me.”
She’s on fire, her glow so bright it’s brighter than the sun still burning outside despite the late hour of the night. I hold my cock steady. Maris tips her hips. And like a magnet, we’re drawn together.
She sinks down on me achingly slow. I’d think it has something to do with my size if it wasn’t for the curve of her lips. “Getting some of your own back?” I question mildly.
“Me? Would I ever…” But she can’t finish when I thrust up into her reaching as deep as I can trying to make her explode.
Gasping, shuddering, Maris rolls her hips so every time I press upward into her clenching body,
I hit her throbbing clit. Uncertain how much longer I’ll be able to hold on, I yank up her sweater and pull down her bra. My mouth immediately hones in on one of the tight buds, sucking it gently against the roof of my mouth just as I push upward.
Maris jerks in my grasp, holding my head in place. She moans long and hard as her whole body shudders. Her nails score against my neck, my head. Her lips seek out mine as her pussy ripples along my cock.
But I wasn’t done.
My hips continue to thrust and retreat, powered on by her broken inhales. I can’t help it, I have to finish. I have to shoot myself inside my woman. And then it’s there, twitching in my spine, my balls, until I explode.
As I hold her clasped against my chest, I wonder if I have enough energy to pull the car into the garage. When I say as much to Maris, she lifts her head from my shoulder and whacks me across the chest. “Should have thought of that before you tore my pants, you idiot.”
I just grin, albeit weakly. I pull her head back down. “I’ll be fine in a minute.”
It’s more like ten. But holy hell, was it worth it.
It takes me stripping Maris off upstairs before showering to get her to admit the same.
Maris
“Miracles happen. After all, I found Dean. And for some crazy reason, he fell in love with me.” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.
I stop off to visit David on the way to work. Like the ripples on water after rain stops pelleting it after a storm, my heart settles in a way it hasn’t for far too long. I luxuriate in the feeling even while I fear being caught exposed and unprepared for the next one.
Nonsense, I think to myself. You’re just not used to being this happy with so many good emotions surging through you. Nick, David, home. I’m not just fantasizing of what could be; I’m living it.
Now, I’m impatient to finalize everything. The time with Nick has lit a fire in my blood for more of…everything. Especially him. A private smile crosses my lips when I recall the way he couldn’t wait to get in to the house last night. I never thought it could be this right between us, but it is. His arrogance no longer infuriates me. Instead I find myself more amused than anything. His strength comforts instead of overwhelming me. And the streak of sensitivity in him he claims exists just for me makes my heart quiver.
I thought I was in love with him all these years? I had no idea what love was until he flooded every chamber of my heart. But as much as I love our now, I soon suspect it won’t be enough. We’ve both admitted we wasted too many years on resentment and regrets. I need to know how he factors into not only my future but the one I’ll be building with my son.
Sarah comes out to greet me, finding me buried under the arms and legs of random children. Laughing, she demands, “Let Maris up!”
“Hope you don’t mind. I just stopped by to get some quality time in before work.”
“Not a problem at all. I was going to call you, see if you were free to come by for a chat.”
My brows draw together. “Is something wrong?”
Sarah just smiles. “Why don’t you come inside? Kids, I’m stealing Maris.”
My heart melts when all of the children groan, but David wraps his arms around my legs. “Don’t go!” he shrieks, unwilling to free me.
I run my hand over the top of his hair. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Promise?”
“Always.” I follow Sarah inside where she blessedly has coffee waiting. “One day I’ll be as good at this as you,” I say reverently when she hands me a mug.
“What’s that?”
“Organization. Motherhood. Making coffee at a moment’s notice.” Our shared laughter releases the coil of tension inside me.
“I just wanted to find out how things were progressing. I haven’t heard anything, and I didn’t want to say anything in front of the children.”
“Slowly. Is it always like this?”
Sarah tilts her head. “It’s been so long since we fostered our first, but I’d say you’re probably right on schedule, Maris, if not a little ahead.”
“Really?” Excitement courses through me. “Do you think it will be soon?”
“How long has it been?”
“Months, but it feels like forever.” I draw out the last word.
Sarah rubs my arm sympathetically. “Even having had my own, I felt the same way. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it then. Couldn’t they see I was perfect?”
I bobble my cup. Thank goodness I’ve sipped down my coffee. “Sarah, are you sure you don’t have a listening device in my house? Pretty sure I said that very thing the other night,” I tease.
“Oh? Do tell.”
I flush remembering the context that I said it.
“You have that look on your face of a woman in love,” Sarah comments drolly. Her eyes are dancing.
At first I blank, uncertain if she means David or Nick. But then I get my wits about me and admit, “It’s new.” But is it really? No, I acknowledge to myself. The feelings I have for Nick have just evolved.
“Maris.” There’s a note of concern in her voice.
“What?”
“You do realize if this person is going to be around the children—any child—they’re going to have to be investigated as well?” Sarah’s words jerk me from my reverie.
“I would imagine that would be the case while I was fostering,” I reply cautiously.
She shakes her head. “You don’t understand. They could find something, anything, in the person’s history and deny an adoption. They could pull the child.”
A chill washes over me. “What are you trying to insinuate, Sarah? Just come right out and say it.”
“I’m trying to give you the best shot you have at getting what you said was your dream.” She puts her cup down and reaches for mine. Her hands clasp both of mine. “You do understand once you signed those papers you gave up your right to privacy when it comes to these children? Tomorrow, if something happened to Hung—”
“God forbid,” I whisper fervently.
“But if it did, I could lose all of them. Just. Like. This.” She lets go of my hand to snap her fingers. “It doesn’t matter to the state I’d be grieving or my children would be. What matters to the social worker assigned to those children are those children. And you need to remember that every single day. Every decision you make has to be for the child you bring into your home. Full stop. Period.”
My breathing is so accelerated, I’m certain the room is spinning around me.
Nick.
David.
Before I came here, I was so certain I was going to have them both. Now, what if I have to choose? “I can’t imagine there’s a god who would deny me love.” I don’t realize the words come out of my mouth until Sarah replies.
“I wouldn’t if it was me. But it’s not my choice. It’s none of our choice if we go through this process. You have to be prepared God assigned angels to watch over these children. It’s their mission, and they are vigilant about it. I don’t know what they may require you to sacrifice. I pray it’s not giving up one type of love in order to embrace another.”
My lips part, but I have no words to refute her worry. There’s nothing I can do but hope that maybe the sacrifices I’ve made are enough.
That and enjoy every moment where I can have them both.
“You have to go.”
“I don’t wanna,” he whines.
“Oliver is going to make fun of you. Not to mention Reece is going to remind you you’re an old man,” I remind him.
Uh-oh. Wrong insult. Nick prowls over my body, pinning my hands over my head with one hand. His muscular thighs hold mine down as he fumbles in his pocket for his cell phone. “Ollie? Nick. Take Reece on the trails for a five-mile run, then put him through the paces today. I won’t be in.” There’s a pause. “I know it’s a goddamn gift. Why? Because I need to crack the whip somewhere else this morning.”
“Oh, goodie. I like whips,” I sass.
Nick glares d
own at me. Tucking his phone between his chin and shoulder, he rolls me to my stomach and yanks down the covers, exposing my ass. Smoothing a hand up and down over it softly, he gives instructions to Oliver about the kind of run Reece should be taken on. I mumble a trail name that could be made up for all I’m able to speak right now. Nick rewards my ingenuity by placing a kiss on my shoulder though. That feels nice. I’m almost back in la-la land with that sweet stroking. I need to remind Nick this is how he should put me to sleep all the time.
He tells Oliver and then disconnects the call.
Then, pop. Nick’s hand smacks down on my ass.
Almost instinctively, my foot kicks up and nails him in the nuts. Then I curse him because he’s wearing a damn cup. He laughs and rolls off to the side while he begins smoothing his hand over the heat.
“Hmm, okay. That’s interesting.”
“Wait. I thought you said you liked whips?” Nick’s confused.
I lift my head off my very comfortable pillow. “If I turn my head and that clock has a four as the first number, you’re going to die. We didn’t fall asleep until after midnight.”
Nick, smart man that he is, simply reaches over and flips down my alarm clock.
“Second, you can tell when I’m giving you crap most of the time. Why couldn’t you tell when I was doing it just then?”
“Jealousy,” he says immediately.
“You are so full of shit.” I immediately find the spot on my pillow where my face carved a perfect impression and fall back into it.
My comfort lasts for about 0.3 seconds as Nick decides to make amends for his irrational behavior. And it’s not discomfort that floods my system, but a heat that is impossible to ignore.
Starting with the arch of my foot, he trails his mouth slowly up each leg. The tip of his tongue leaves a moist heat in its wake that has me writhing, begging. Until he pops me again on the other cheek. “No moving, Sunshine.”
“Is this supposed to be punishment?” I dare to ask him.
“Hell no. I want this to last as long as possible. Do you really think I enjoy running?”
Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3) Page 20
