Laughter rings out around the backyard as Maris races for the stairs. And for the rest of the night, Maris shares story after story about her brother and Dean.
And I forget about the news I need to share with her especially as there’s a wealth of joy dancing like stars in her eyes.
Nicholas
“Text when you land.” I hold out my hand to Oliver.
He shakes it. “Can I just say how odd this is?”
“What?”
“Me getting on a plane and leaving you here? But hey. It’s not like you’re going to be far behind, right?” His other hand comes up and clasps mine on the shoulder before he brings me close and bumps our shoulders together. “See you back in the land of warmth, boss.” Turning to Reece and a delicate woman I never would have pegged for his grandmother, Oliver gestures them to the security line. Soon, they disappear from my sight.
And I’m left standing there saying nothing because there’s nothing to say.
At least not to him.
Time’s running out.
“Why do you stay?” I trace a strand of hair from her nape down the smooth line of her back. The skin is ivory perfection, not marred or touched by the sun. It’s a canvas I paint my fingers over night after night. Taking the ends of her hair in hand, I dance it over her spine.
Maris giggles, the sound flooding my heart with joy. “That tickles.”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” I admonish, brushing her hair over her again.
She starts to scoot away, but I haul her back. Her body was carved by a higher power to fit perfectly against mine. Her flesh against mine reminds me of the power and fluidity of an ocean wave just before it crests. Its force is brutally unstoppable, something destined for eternity.
Like our love.
“Why stay, Maris?” I repeat my question. “What hold does Alaska have on you?”
She doesn’t move away, but she doesn’t answer right away. I begin to wonder if she’s fallen asleep in my arms when she shocks me with her answer. “Memories.”
“Trust me, those are portable.” Bitterness laces my tone.
“It makes it more difficult when the memories you hold are beautiful, Nick.”
“After everything that’s happened to you here, you can still say that?” There’s skepticism in my voice.
“What you heard were the bare-bones stories. It would take a lifetime to fill in the details.” Her voice is dreamy.
Therefore my voice is frustrated when I demand, “Give me an example.”
“Like Dad closing the bar the week after I came home from the hospital—despite us needing the money. He carried me outside at least once a day and roasted marshmallows with me. Mom, well, she tried to teach me to cook—”
“You can,” I interrupt.
“No, honey. I really can’t. The only thing I mastered was her meatloaf. When Jed and I still lived here together, he did most of the cooking.” She pauses. “Their graves are here—not just Jed, but Mom, Dad, and the grandparents.”
My hand stills. “You could come back to visit them.”
“That’s true, but I don’t have to.”
But what about when we leave? I open my mouth to speak them, when her next ones freeze them in my throat.
“I want to raise my children in this home—to be able to tell them the stories of their uncles and grandparents. I want the Brewhouse to go on.”
“That could possibly not happen.” Maris shoots me a dirty look. “Leaving them the Brewhouse,” I tack on hastily. “What if they want to be a hairdresser, or a scientist, or…?” Or what if they want to run Razor? In an entirely different state?
She shrugs. “Then I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. But the main one is the love in this home. Don’t you feel it, Nick? After all these years, can’t you feel the sweet memories from having been here?” She cants her head backward so her eyes meet mine.
And I give her the only response I can in that moment. “I do.”
But instead of being smug, her face falls. “It holds rough memories too. I deal with those.”
My ears perk up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean when you’ve lived somewhere your entire life, everything has ghosts.”
“Did you ever think about selling the house?”
She chuckles. “So many times, I’m surprised I didn’t have Realtors perched on my lawn like dogs in heat.”
Just the image of all Juneau’s real estate agents in a semicircle barking has me roaring. “Nice, Sunshine.”
“No, it wasn’t. It was bad. Really, really bad. That is, until Kara and Kevin came.”
A ball begins to form in my stomach. “Why then?”
“After I came home in between the funeral we held for Dean in Florida and the one we had here in Juneau, I was alone. So alone.”
“Why didn’t you reach out?” I ask angrily.
“I couldn’t.” Her voice is sad. “The way Jed’s will was written prohibited me from contacting any of you until you were all notified. This way you all were less likely to wonder why we weren’t having the ceremony sooner than we were. I had to hold the ceremony for his husband first before I could hold his ceremony for his brothers.”
I recall the letter I received from Jed’s attorney notifying me months after his actual death that he had passed and when the services would be held. “And you were alone that whole time?”
“I had Kara.” Maris swipes under her eyes. “And let me tell you, if our friendship can withstand the things I put her through during that time, it can withstand anything.” Before I can ask her what she means, Maris continues. “I essentially blamed her for their deaths, though she wasn’t there. I screamed that if it wasn’t for Dean, Jed would still be alive where he belonged—not in fucking Florida. And I said, at least she had a relative left.”
“God, Maris.” Even I’m wincing at the verbal beating Kara endured.
“All while dealing with her own tragedy and knowing her life was about to be flipped upside down. That’s my Kara. And she flew here and dealt with it again from all of you.”
I flinch, recalling what I said to Jennings about Kara. “No wonder he took a swing at me.”
“Who?”
“Jennings.”
“About what?”
“Kara.”
She nods definitively. “Good.”
“Even without knowing what was said?” I’m not even the slightest bit insulted because tempers were high, and I was so wrong.
“It’s Kara.” As if that says it all.
I kiss the crown of her head. “In any event, you’re right.”
Maris becomes quiet. I resume stroking her hair, her skin, just absorbing her. But her words freeze my movements. “So many nights after Jed died, I felt lost, alone, drifting. And cold, Nick. So, so, cold.”
Instinctively, I pull Maris’s body closer to mine to warm it. But her next words come out jaggedly—a whispered confession. It’s the kind of confession that makes my own blood freeze, making me want to throw her ass on a plane tonight, consequences be damned.
“For a long time I questioned whether if it would be easier to succumb to the elements thrown at me year after year—the air, land, sea—just to escape the pain.”
“What are you trying to tell me, Maris?” The words are torn from me.
“That I’m here because I choose to be, Nick. I may have had to deal with restless nights, lost dreams, and broken hearts, but this is where I’ll reap the rewards of my life. Here is where I’ll sow the seeds of love, family, and future.”
And as she closes her eyes to sleep, I lie awake, realizing in my arrogance I didn’t factor something critical into my plans to whisk Maris away.
Her acceptance.
As I drift off to sleep, I begin to dream. And for the first time in years, it’s not of a Smith. It’s my mother. And she’s driving away from me at the store. Over and over again.
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“No, you only w
oke up four or five times. It was such a joy.”
“I’m sorry about that.” My embarrassment makes me irritated. “Would you like me to sleep in a different room?”
Maris stares down at me incredulously before stalking off to her en suite bathroom and slamming the door. I hear the snick of the lock and then curse roundly. “Great job, you fucking idiot.”
While Maris is in the bathroom, I grab my cell phone and check it. Just like I asked, there’s a text from Oliver. Got Reece and his gran all settled. Nice digs Charmaine found. Did you up her budget? Ha ha.
I type back. Different budget than yours. Now get to the gym and get him working. You should have his training plan in your email.
Then I glance at the clock and calculate backward. Shit. Never mind. You’re already there. Let me know how it goes with Tatum.
I toss my phone to the side as Maris steps out. She’s damp from having hopped in the shower but is quickly braiding her hair. “Where are you going?”
“I have work to do. You?” Her voice is saccharine sweet.
“I was planning on taking the day off.”
“Well, I’ll be in my office for a few hours.”
“Come on, Maris. It was just a few bad dreams.”
“I decided you were right. It’s your business.”
Sensing a trap, I tread carefully. “Okay.”
“In fact, nothing you do makes no never mind to me, Nick.”
What. The. Hell? “How can you say that?” I bellow.
“We haven’t exchanged avowals of eternal devotion. You don’t share, well, I don’t have to either.”
I sputter. “So what? It’s just sex?”
She gets close to pat my arm consolingly. “Great sex. Fabulous sex. I’ve just had a couple of the best orgasms I’ve ever had. But more?” She shakes her head, the braid flipping and flopping instead of her hair rippling all the way down her back in loose curls.
“What utter crap. We have more than that. Look at everything you’ve shared with me.”
Her head turns, and fuck me, I want nothing more than to wipe the manipulative curve off her lips by slamming my tongue down her damn throat. But her words pin me in my place faster than any fighter ever managed to. “That’s right, Nick. I’ve been the one who shared.”
Damn. “You know it all anyway,” I clip out.
Hurt infuses her features, and her face blanks. “I might know Jed’s view, but I don’t know yours. And much like you read the emails about what happened about my accident and managed to pry out my emotions… You know what? Just forget about it.”
Maris starts yanking clothes from her dresser. I leap up on the bed and cross it in two strides before jumping down. “You don’t need those.” I wrap my arms around her.
“If you think for a hot second I’m crawling in between the sheets with you right now, you’ve been hit in the head way too many times.” Fury and hurt lace her voice.
I place a soft kiss against the exposed skin of her shoulder. “There’s no way in fuck you’re getting into the ring wearing jeans. Or boots.” I take a wild-ass guess based on the socks she yanked out to wear.
“Who said I’m getting into the ring with you, Champ?”
“Because I’ll answer one question for every punch you actually manage to land.” She squirms around, breasts pressing up against my abdomen, making my cock harden.
“Why can’t I kick?” she demands.
My lips twitch. “I’m wearing a cup. You’ll take a cheap shot.”
Her smile lightens the room and my heart. “Maybe I’ll break it?”
I laugh. “You can try, Sunshine.”
“Nick.” Maris lifts her hand to cup my bristled chin. “Are you sure?”
No. I want to discuss my past about as much as I want to let go of the woman in my arms. But still I reply, “We’ll see how many rounds you can handle.”
Her breath wafts over mine as her fingers dance beyond my cock to cup my balls. “I can handle more than you think.”
Maris is good, damn good. She packs a wallop behind her punches I wasn’t expecting. When she lands a roundhouse kick to the back of my knee, I drop to the mat, breathing hard more from the excitement of our sparring than anything else. Her hand whirls out, nails sheathed, the heel aiming for my heart. “Do you really think you can take me?” I pant.
“No. But the object isn’t to take you down as much as it’s to end this once and for all. I’m sick of wasting what’s left of my life on something I’ll never truly have.”
Just as her hand is about to make contact, her body sags into itself. “I’m not going to apologize to you for being strong enough to tell you I love you. That I care about who you are and what happened to you. I’m only sorry that in the end, if you can’t open up who you were to me, it will irrevocably change who we are. Somehow, you managed to make me stronger than yesterday. Why won’t you let me help you take some of those ugly memories and make them all right? Do you want to carry these burdens forever?” She turns away, but not before the overhead light catches the film of tears coating her dark blue eyes. “If you can’t tell me, find someone to talk with, Nick, because bottling all of this up inside? It will eventually hurt more than just us. It will penetrate every aspect of your life. Trust me, I know. Jed tried to get me to speak with a professional for years, but at least I had him and Kara.”
“Maris.” But before I can choke out more than her name, she’s sliding out of the ring. I surge to my feet. “Stop. Please!” But by the time I get the words out, she’s scooped up her shoes and keys and burst out the gym doors.
I vault over the ropes and snatch up my hoodie, heedless of any routine. All I can think about is getting to her. But my heart stops when I hear a slight clink hit the floor.
Her grandfather’s cross—Jed’s cross. She hasn’t taken it off since the first night I made love to her, but she took it off to enter the ring with me. “Why now?” My legs begin to shake as I collapse into the folding chair.
“Maybe I can help answer that,” a voice comes from the doorway.
“Christ. Not now, Rainey.” Not when the woman I loved for so many years just walked away after I so stupidly assumed we’d finally find a way to make it work.
“Yes, now, Nick.” She slides her handbag into the same seat Maris removed her stuff from just moments before. “Tell me about what happened with Maris.”
“You mean you didn’t hear enough?” I drawl as I loop a towel around my neck. I’m fisting the cross chain tightly.
“No, you ass. I didn’t hear shit. I was coming in to invite you both to dinner, and she blew past me with tears on her face. Now before I throw your ass into a car so we can go after her, tell me what happened?”
“Nothing. We got into a disagreement.”
“Does it involve why you’re running away from her?” Disapproval laces Rainey’s voice.
Fury causes me to take an involuntary step forward. “What the hell do you know about it. You don’t know dick about my life, Rainey. You weren’t abandoned when you were a kid in Ketchikan!” I shout.
“No, instead I watched my husband and his friends get abandoned every time they needed a friend,” she yells back. “Want me to list them out?”
Maris’s voice interrupts our argument. “That won’t be necessary, Rainey.” Maris stands there, arms crossed.
Rainey storms away, while my heart sags in relief. “I was terrified you’d left.”
Maris shoots me a cool look before announcing, “I’m not stupid enough to get behind the wheel of a car when I’m upset. One wreck to change the course of my life is bad enough.”
And unlike the kicks and hits I took in the ring, her words do drop me to my knees. I scrub my hands over my face. “Christ, Maris.”
“Let’s go, Champ. I’m through with this little exercise.” Maris turns on her heel and walks out.
Quickly, I scramble into my sweats. Rainey’s still standing by the door like a sentry. When I reach her, I push the door open over
her shoulder. She doesn’t even look in my direction before she announces, “She doesn’t deserve to be hurt anymore, Nick.” Then she walks out.
Too late. I’ve already hurt her more than I should have and for no good reason.
And I’m likely to again.
Nicholas
“What is it you want to know” I ask her dully.
Maris doesn’t say a word. But the look she shoots me before heading up the stairs makes me realize I pushed things way too far.
Shit. I made the bargain, and ever since we left the gym and I slid the cross around her neck, to which I received a clipped “Thanks,” Maris hasn’t said anything. Then again, have I asked her any questions? I’ve been trying to guide—hell, manipulate—her into talking about something, anything, but what I promised. I even bartered with the discussing our future. “Maris, we really need to have a conversation about this.” And while it’s the damn truth, this isn’t the time for it, though fuck if I know when that’s going to be even though at one point that would almost have been as terrifying to discuss as the past.
But not now, not since Maris has the future looked as bright. And I actually want her to know there is one for us and the past doesn’t impact that. And like a crashing realization, I want to bang my head against something. If the past doesn’t matter, then why can’t I talk about it?
As soon as that bit of enlightenment hits, I follow her. When I reach the main level, I find her head tipped back as she swallows water from a glass. I pause to admire the way her creamy skin works over the long line of her neck. Her dark hair is pulling away from the tight braids she’d done it up in before we went to spar. Her sweatshirt’s partially unzipped, exposing the tops of her breasts captured in her tight sports bra. “Damn thing’s holding in my favorite part of you,” I remark.
Maris rolls her eyes. Putting the glass on the counter, she reaches under her chest and jiggles her boobs. “As soon as I change, they’ll be back in their normal shape.”
Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3) Page 22
