“Nick! God damnit!” I race after the two of them, which isn’t easy because everyone in my fucking bar is there to see Nick Cain. They just never thought they’d get to see him in action.
And most of them are yanking out cell phones.
I hit Dial.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
“This is Maris Smith. There’s about to be a fight at Smith’s Brewhouse,” I announce breathlessly.
“You have a number to call, Ms. Smith…” I start to get lectured.
“This is the same man who hit me and left me for dead!” I scream. Just as I do so, some of my patrons hear me and stop moving. They shuffle out of the way so I can run and save the lives of two men, only one I care about.
A new urgency enters her voice. “We’ll have a patrol car there shortly, Ms. Smith. Please stay on the line.”
“Right.” I cross the threshold of my bar just as Nick throws Carter to the ground. “Don’t!” I scream.
“You’re defending this monster?” he roars.
“No! I’m protecting you! There’s about two hundred people with cell phones aimed at you. The cops are on their way to get this piece of shit.”
Behind me, Amaq and Brad come racing up, Brad guarding Nick by standing in front of him. Amaq plants one foot in Carter’s stomach when he tries to rise. “Just try it.”
The sirens roar in the distance. “Let the police handle it. Please?” I beg the man I love.
Brad says something to Nick I can’t hear. He throws up his hands. “Fine, whatever. I’ll give the statement to the police. Then I’m gone.”
And something in the way he looks at me makes me shiver.
It takes me two hours to clear the patrons and the police from the scene. There’s still one more battle I need to have before I get to drive home. I stride into the bar to face whatever Nick’s ready to throw at me. But when I get in there, the only remaining people there are my staff.
Amaq passes me with a keg on his shoulder. I follow him over to the bar. “Thanks for everything you did tonight.”
“Like it isn’t something you wouldn’t do for us, Maris.” His eyes rake me from head to toe. “You doin’ okay?”
“I’d be better once I know this isn’t going to negatively impact Nick in any way.”
“Yeah.” We’re both quiet for a moment before Amaq unhooks the keg. “Did he get a hold of you before he left?”
“Left?” A churning in my gut worse than anything I faced earlier with Carter Jones comes back. “What do you mean he left?”
“Uh-oh. He and Brad took off. They didn’t say anything to you?”
I clench my jaw. “No. If you’ll excuse me, Amaq. I’ll be in my office.” I spin on my heel and stride across the floor which was packed before.
“Maris!” Amaq’s voice stops me in place. I turn my head. “When I yelled you had an emergency, he tore through the restaurant. That’s a man stupid in love with you.”
“Then where is he when I need him, Amaq? When I need to lean on him, why can’t he be here?” Knowing the young man I employ can’t give me the answers, I fly up the stairs.
Unlocking the door, I slip my phone from bra, which is where I tucked it again after the police arrived to control the situation. It’s what my dad taught me, what Jed taught me. Don’t take on a crazy man intent on doing me harm. Call the police and get myself to a safe place.
I did what I know is the best thing to do. So why do I feel like I’m being punished?
I dial Nick’s number and wait for it to ring.
It rings.
And rings.
I get his voicemail. I take a deep breath and leave a message. “I’m leaving for home shortly. I love you.” Then I press End.
I give it two minutes before I try again. Still no answer. I grab my purse and keys. Then I check my phone. Nothing. Not a word.
Well, at least I know what to expect when I get home. It’s a good thing I’ve seen Nick pissed off in the ring otherwise his size might actually intimidate me. But if he thinks for one moment he’s going to get a woman who’s about to back down, he’s got another thing coming.
I thank my weary employees for their hard work before I stalk off to my car. Sliding behind the wheel, I start the ignition. I drive cautiously past the accident site, victorious when once again I pass it without incident. Then I begin to get mad.
As I turn onto my street, I begin yelling. “Does he not give a damn how I’m doing? Was he not worried if I’d be able to make it home after tonight? What the hell is his problem?”
Then I slam on my brakes.
There’s no lights lit.
Nick’s not here. He hasn’t called or texted to see how I am after being pissed at the way I handled things at the Brewhouse.
“Me. I guess I’m the problem.”
My heart aching, I pull into the garage of my darkened home, something I haven’t had to do in weeks.
It isn’t until I turn off the alarm, I get a text. It’s from Rainey. He’s here and safe. How are you?
I start to type back before I decide to hell with it. He doesn’t deserve to know. If he wanted to know, he’d be here. Wouldn’t he?
Maris
“I hate fighting with Dean. In the end, we’re both too stubborn to say we’re sorry, but we love each other too much to go to bed without saying ‘I love you.’ Of the two, I’ll take the second because I know he’ll be with me through thick and thin. Until the end.” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.
I can’t believe Nick crashed at Brad and Rainey’s last night. If he disagreed with me, fine. We’re two people with explosive personalities, and disagreements are bound to happen. I don’t understand why he didn’t come back so we could work things out.
“Okay, Maris. Look at it from his point of view. The man who crashed into you trapped you at your bar as if he owned it. You called the cops after Nick stepped in to deal with the situation. Nick’s supposed to be your love, the man you turn to. On top of which, he’s a fighter. He’s overprotective of you. So’s Brad for that matter. They had no idea you had things under control.”
But what about when he’s no longer there? The niggling thought presses in. I shove it aside. Nick hasn’t said a single word about leaving, giving me more and more hope every single day he plans on making this work between us.
Still, I reach through my shirt and clutch the cross Jed left. I’m searching for that kernel of faith. “It was late when you got home. Maybe he and Brad tied one on.” But that was then.
This is now.
Now, we’re going to fix this because he needs to understand I’ve run this bar for years without his intervention. Carter could have shown up at any time. I am a capable woman, completely able to do what I did—which was contacting the police.
But there’s no escaping the fact he didn’t speak to me before leaving. That was a personal cut.
Pulling into the gym, I notice it’s only his car here. I barely spare a thought for where Reece and Oliver are.
I turn off my SUV, drop my keys in my pocket. I fling open the door to find Nick alone working on the heavy bag. His head swivels to the side. His face is blank.
Ding, ding, ding. Let the fight begin.
I stalk toward him. “Not even a phone call.”
“Rainey said she would let you know I was okay.” Nick begins to punch the bag again.
“It is not Rainey’s job to let me know how you are, Nick. It’s yours.”
His muttered “Sorry” sounds like a kid who got caught eating one too many Oreos.
“You know what? If you don’t want to have an honest conversation, then I’ll leave. See you around.” I turn and start to walk away.
A large boom makes me jump. I whirl around to find Nick using his foot to steady the bag. “You want to talk? Then fine. We’ll talk. What in the hell were you thinking?” The last is said at such a volume, it seems to echo off the rafters.
“What was I thinking? Maybe you’ve forgotten, but
I’d called the cops, Nick.”
“And what were they going to do?”
“What they’ve done any number of times.” I shrug.
“Any number of times?” he asks incredulously. “What kind of place are you running, Maris?”
My eyes narrow to fine slits. “A restaurant and bar. Don’t even try to tell me in your vows of purity you’ve never been to one before.”
“This isn’t about me.”
“No, it’s about the fact you can’t believe I can keep my head in an uncomfortable situation. You think this is the worst?” My laugh is ugly, but so are my feelings. “No way.”
“Unbelievable. Why haven’t you ever sold it?”
The question shocks me. “My family legacy, and you want to know why I haven’t up and sold it? Are you crazy? It may be gone if no child I adopt wants it, but that’s the only way ownership shifts out my hands.”
“Don’t you want something else? Something different?”
The look in his eyes combined with his words cause my stomach to flutter. “Like what?”
“Days where you can just be a mom, nights with your family. Warmer weather.” He steps closer and runs a gloved hand down the side of my face. “Just a chance to be.”
“What are you asking me?”
“Come to New Mexico with me.”
“For a visit?” I tread cautiously.
He shakes his head, but a small smile starts to spread. “Come with me, Maris. Let’s get out of this place with the bad memories for both of us.”
“What happened to Reece’s training?”
“He and Oliver went back last week. Once Reece’s grandmother said yes, we made it happen quickly. Reece is already working with other instructors at Razor.”
I rear back. “Excuse me?” More so than his overprotective behavior last night, this is worse. Much worse. “This happened last week?”
Nick opens his mouth, and the only word that comes out is “Shit.”
I try not to hear the desperation in his voice as I shove ineffectively against his chest. “Yesterday, today, I thought this was just about the bar. What’s next? Is it going to be a fight about David? What the hell is this really about? What are we really fighting about?”
“Maris, no. I didn’t mean…”
“Mean to what? Make me question again whether you’re going to be able to live in Alaska?” His muscles bunch beneath my fingers as I finally piece together what he’s been holding back. “You don’t plan on staying,” I whisper.
“I’m can’t. I have a flight booked to leave.” Those soft words from such a strong man make me almost choke on the emotions swirling inside me.
“When?”
“Soon.”
“I asked when, god damnit!”
“In three days.”
I slap my hand to my mouth and push out of his arms. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“What? Us?” There’s panic in his voice.
“After everything you’ve just said, is there an us?”
“This wasn’t how I planned on talking to you about all of this.”
“When did you plan on it? When I came home to find your bags packed by the door?”
A muscle twitches in his jaw. A bitter laugh escapes my lips. “Come on, Nick. Not even you can be offended over a comment like that. You leave in three damn days and you haven’t mentioned it to me yet?”
“There hasn’t been the right time.”
“What? In between slipping your cock inside me you couldn’t find the right moment to say, ‘Hey, baby. It’s been a blast, but time’s up.”
He storms up to me and grips my arms. He yells, “It has never been like that between us. How can you say that?”
“How can I know differently? Is that really the impression you’re leaving me with?” His hands slide from my arms.
“Don’t my words, my actions, count, Maris? I’m not saying this is going to be forever.”
“No, you wouldn’t.” I’m not sure how I manage to speak when I can barely breathe.
“I can’t fucking believe this.” Nick takes his frustration out on the folding chair in front of him. He kicks it and it goes sliding across the floor with a screech.
“So, this is it?” I can barely get the words out.
He’s standing at least five feet from me, hands opening and closing at his side. “I guess it is. Unless you want to come with me.” The ultimatum lies between us, causing a fissure so great I can’t cross it and neither will he.
“To do what, Nick? Sit around your house every day while I wonder about all the people I’m breaking promises to?” My words hold every ounce of my heartbreak.
“And what about the promise you made to me? That you loved me?”
I swipe my fingers under my eye to catch the wetness. “That has never changed, will never change.”
“But you’re willing to walk away? From us?” he roars.
“I’m not the one leaving. And honestly, Nick, you’re acting like it was up for debate. In your mind, you’re already gone.” At my words, his movements still. As does the beat of my heart when I recognize the truth in front of me. Nick is done. With training, with Juneau.
And with me.
“Right. Then I guess there’s nothing more to say.” He crosses his arms across his chest, protecting himself from what? Me? He’s the one who’s running away. Again.
I want to make him hurt, but what pain could I inflict on the man who just told me he’s packing up and leaving? I berate myself over and over. I don’t know why I had any sort of faith this might work out.
Faith.
Slowly, I reach behind my neck and unclasp the chain. “Actually, I do have one more thing to say.”
“What’s that?”
“Catch.” I underhand the gold chain in his direction. Perversely, I’m glad the shock on his face is even a small semblance to the one destroying my heart. “I think you’re going to need to search harder to find something to believe in if you can toss it away so easily. That’s not what faith is about. Hell, it’s not what family is either. You of all people should know that.”
I turn on my heel and walk in the direction of the door. I don’t register the footsteps behind me. It’s as if all of my senses have been shut down to protect me from further harm.
Until he touches me.
Whirling me around, I come face-to-face with the chest I’ve lain upon, kissed, whispered dreams to. And it’s heaving up and down as if he’s gone a full three rounds. Before I can say a word, he whispers, “If there’s anyone I’d stay for, it would be you.”
My head shakes back and forth. “The only person capable of making the Champ, the Nicholas Cain, do anything is himself. Somewhere along the way of falling in love with you, I forgot that.”
“Come with me. We can be together anywhere but here.”
God, if Nick had come to me before I fell in love with the other part of my heart, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say yes. “I can’t leave without him, and you won’t stay. That leaves us—” I point back and forth between us. “—with nothing.”
“The hell it doesn’t,” he snarls, before yanking my head toward his. His lips crash down on mine for the most savagely beautiful kiss in the thousands we’ve shared in such a short time. I know that until my dying day I’ll remember each and every one, but this one will be seared on my soul since I know it will be the last. I pour all of the love I’ve held for over twenty years into this single kiss. It holds each tear I’ve shed and every one I will. And buried beneath it are all the lies I’ll tell myself for the rest of my days that having had Nick for even this little while was enough.
Pulling back, I clasp his chin. “Like the sea, you crashed into my life and my heart. When you leave, you’ll drag my soul with you.” And before Nick can say a word, I break free from his arms and slam through the door. I run for my vehicle, running as far and as fast as I can to keep what I can of my soul intact.
I have to survive somehow when he l
eaves. After all, I won’t be alone anymore. Someone will be relying upon me who will feel my agony if I can’t control it.
I head out to Eagle Beach for the rest of the day. I’ve turned my phone to silent. I want no contact with anyone, especially anyone remotely connected with me or Nick.
I can barely keep my head together, and when I should be leaning on the people closest to me, I can’t. So, I’ll give myself a few hours to fight for some semblance of serenity, and then I’ll go home and rid it of everything related to Nick.
Everything.
After I get home later, I walk upstairs and see Nick’s already been here.
And he’s gone. Everything that was his is gone: his bag, his clothes, his cologne. It’s as if we didn’t have the last month. And maybe we didn’t anywhere except my heart. How ridiculous was I to believe his was moving in the same direction mine was?
Drifting through the rooms, I collect photos, Jed’s journals, and the Chihuly bowl before making my way to the fire pit outside. Then I get the fire roaring.
For long moments, I stare into the flames feeling nothing. Then I remember a passage my brother wrote about me, and my lips curve humorlessly. “I want to dare Maris to open up her heart to love someone. She gives of herself from what appears to be a limitless fountain—over and over again. But something has to feed that spring to keep it flowing clean and pure. I have ideas on what that could be, but it’s not an easy road. And in the end, it may not be enough.”
“Always have to have the last word, don’t you, Jed?” Then I hurl the bowl into the flames. I quickly turn as the delicate glass shatters against the wood logs. Once the fragmented pieces begin to warm, they begin to bubble. Then by the fistful, I toss in photos. If they weren’t important to the Jacks before now, fuck them. I think viciously. Why do I have to be the one with all these memories?
Then I reach for the stack of journals. I begin to tear the pages out and toss them in the fire. Words I never should have read. “I’d still hate him.” Tears cause my eyes to burn more than the smoke. “I would still be whole.”
Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3) Page 24
