“Pretty much,” I admit. I smooth my hand up and down her back. “You were drifting away.”
Her chin lowers. “I know.”
I hesitate. “Maris…”
“I’m going to give Rainey and Meadow’s aunt a call.” She lifts a determined face back up. “I don’t know if it’s the pressure of adopting, which in turn brings me back to the why. I thought I accepted that, but how could I, Nick? I was barely a woman.”
“And then twice you sacrificed your heart for your best friend.”
Maris waves her hand. “That wasn’t a sacrifice; that was a gift. That was me emotionally connecting to the children I’ve sworn to protect until the day I die.”
“I didn’t think I could love you more until just now.”
Maris kisses my jaw. “But I need to do this for the family I’ll have. They deserve all of my heart. Our hearts,” she amends.
I hug her close before asking, “Now, why Rainey and Meadow’s aunt?”
Maris grins wickedly. And witnessing that smile on her face after entering this room filled with despair earlier fills my blood with fire. And hope. Then Maris reminds me, “Do you recall the stories that used to be told about Aunt Alice in Connecticut?”
And I wheeze like I took a direct hit to the solar plexus. “Crazy Aunt Alice—the shrink who’s every dentist’s dream?” Rumor has it she also maintains items to hurl around her office to relieve stress as well.
And she and Maris are going to speak?
I start chanting the Hail Mary out loud.
Maris chortles until I’m done. Then she leans on my chest, and in the moonlight reflecting off the sea, I see the stars dancing in her eyes.
And in my heart, I know everything’s going to be fine.
Maris
“I’ve been blessed with so much family, I’ll die a rich man. Hopefully, that family will expand many times over before that day will ever come.” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.
“I still reserve the right to kick him in the ass,” Rainey declares.
“Rainey,” Kara admonishes her lightly as she rocks her daughter against her.
We’re crowded in Kara’s office which we declared a no-guy/no-kid zone as soon as Meadow and Kody walked through the front door. Jennings, wanting time with his brand-new baby girl, immediately agreed until Kara ferociously declared, “Who pushed her out?” Wisely, he backed off and corralled everyone toward the kitchen.
Now, as I confront the memory wall, I catch Kara and Meadow up on what happened, about my past and my inability to have children, with the whirlwind romance between me and Nick—the good and the bad, and the crushing disappointment that fortuitously led to my fleeing to Florida early.
And ultimately the conclusions I came to about myself.
“I’m not ready.” My eyes lock on the baby Kara’s rocking. There’s still a hunger burning inside me for a child, but I need to grieve the possibility of never having children before I can be a mother to the ones I’ll have. And I will have them. I have no doubt.
“For Nick?” Meadow’s voice is shocked.
“No, for a child. I thought I dealt with all of this long ago, but how could I?”
“Why did you never say anything, Maris? We could have supported you” The deep pain resonating in Rainey’s voice reminds me of what I read about her loss of a child. Meadow reaches over and squeezes her sister’s hand. “There are things we’ve all been through that, while not the same, might have helped.”
Kara hums, but I’m not sure if that’s her agreement or her speaking to her daughter. Either way, I answer as honestly as I can. “Because to admit I needed help meant exposing my heart. And look what happened when I did that?”
“Yet, look at what you gained—what we gained—when each of us did that very thing,” Kara murmurs.
We’re all silent for a few moments before Meadow resolutely declares, “Family.”
“The right members of it,” Rainey agrees.
Kara’s eyes are locked on mine. I’m breathing through my mouth to try to prevent the tears filling my eyes from falling. Then she whispers, “The best kind of family. The kind that loves you for who and what you are. No matter what. The kind you can always come home to.” And I lose that battle.
“You all gave me a gift I never thought to have,” I croak out.
“What’s that?” Kara asks, while she tries to soothe a fussy Deana.
“Sisters. Women who understand me, trust me, believe in me. You are my family, and I will love all of you for the rest of my life.” My declaration sends Rainey and Meadow into each other’s arms. Kara gracefully gets to her feet, carrying my niece.
“Good. It’s about time you understand that your family didn’t end when Jed passed away.”
“I understand now.” I try to communicate twenty years of friendship in the tremulous smile I send her way. But suddenly a noxious smell permeates the room. “What is that stench?” I demand.
Kara puts her daughter in my arms, spins me around, and flings her office doors open. “That, Aunt Maris, is the smell of first baby poo. It’s time for you to get some good photos of Daddy’s face as I go make him change it.”
“Thank God. I thought you were going to make me do it.”
Kara’s smile turns pure evil. “No, I’m saving a blowout for you. How dare you call Jennings and not talk to me first? Talk about being on my shit list.” Then Kara storms through the house calling, “Jennings! I need your help! Fast!”
I begin to giggle. “Shit list. Kara literally has a shit list. God, I love it.” Within seconds, Rainey and Meadow join me. And there we stand laughing until Kara literally drags Jennings back. But none of us are howling as loud as the baby, whose soiled diaper is making her irritable.
And then Jennings tops all of us when he gets a look at the tar-like substance stuck to his daughter’s tush. “What the hell is this crap?” he roars.
“That, darling, is your daughter.” Kara merely slaps another wipe in his hand.
And I lift my camera for another photo. Jed, I know damn well you’re watching. I love you.
Deana peeing on her father mere seconds later is my answer. Especially when Jennings begins to shake and then leans over to pluck a kiss from Kara. “Seriously? You know it’s our brothers who encouraged her to do that.”
“Of course they did. I’ll thank them later.” Kara winks at me.
And before Jennings realizes I got the whole thing on camera, I duck out of the nursery and out the back door. Nick breaks away from the conversation he was having with Kody and Kevin to come over. “What’s wrong, Sunshine?”
I hold up my hand. “Excuse me, may I have everyone’s attention?” The backyard becomes remarkably quiet except for the younger hellions. “I have on camera Deana baptizing her father when he went to change her diaper.”
Nick tries to snatch my phone from my hands. “No way.”
I slap his hands. “Just wait for the family.”
His face softens. “I can do that.”
Kody, without thinking, hands his beer to Kevin before racing over. Kevin gives it a glance and starts to lift it to his lips before Meadow saunters by and smacks the back of his head. He scowls and hands her the drink.
Brad, who had been standing at the grill with an arm around Rainey, holds the spatula to her. She whacks him on the butt with it before saying, “Go!” He jogs over, already pulling his phone out.
When they get there, I unlock my phone.
And we relive the perfection of Jennings’s first moment of torture with a little girl, knowing this is the first of many.
By the time Jennings and Kara reappear in the backyard, the guys have smeared ketchup and mustard on their faces for Jennings to wipe off. “It’s good practice.” “Come on, buddy. It can’t be worse than shit.” “My kids are full grown.”
Jennings opens his mouth to respond to all of them at once, but Kara just lays her hand over his mouth. “They’re your family.”
And th
at appears to be the answer of the day.
Family. We’re family.
The professional photographer has come and gone, taking pictures of couples, families, and the entire group. The kids are in the media room watching a cartoon under Kevin’s supervision. And the eight of us are relaxing around the fire pit reminiscing about who we were then and now.
And those who aren’t here.
“Does anyone have a desire to go back and see the Lumberjack Show? We told the kids we’d take them next summer when we went back to Juneau,” Kody asks. Meadow’s curled up on his lap.
“You’re coming back?” Brad demands. Rainey, who had been relaxed back against his shoulder, pops up.
Meadow grins. “Of course. Probably before that, but we can’t fit in a trip to Ketchikan as well as seeing you all.”
Brad punches Kody in the arm. “What the hell was that for?” Kody demands.
“We’re supposed to talk about these things, dick. Especially because we were figuring out how to visit you all in Montana.”
Nick leans up and whispers, “Do they forget you live there?”
I shake my head. “No, but I’ve always lived there. And besides, with Jed gone…” Nick squeezes me to show he understands.
He raises his voice slightly. “Does this mean you guys are going to blow me and Maris off when you come up? Because if you are, don’t ever expect to get good fight tickets ever again.”
The silence that falls isn’t uncomfortable. It’s the guys readjusting their expectations. While the women already have, I can practically feel them trying to calmly accept the new status quo between Nick and me. After a few minutes with nothing said, I burst out with, “Are you all going to be this bad with your daughters? I’m almost thirty-nine years old. Plus, it’s Nick.”
It’s Jennings who speaks for them all. “We’re trying to think of what Jed would say, Maris.”
The trees around us rustle, and I feel the cross slide against my skin. Without understanding how I know for sure what my brother would say since he already did, I whisper, “He’d say, ‘All I want is for you to find a love that makes you happy.’”
“And does Nick do that?”
Nick’s arms squeeze me tight. He’s not perfect; then again, neither am I. So, I answer Jennings honestly. “The day I fell in love with Nick, he brought back things I didn’t know I was missing.” Like life. And life is complicated, messy, and full of doubt. It’s also filled with miracles, inspiring, and filled with dreams. Together we’ll learn how to deal with the ups and downs.
“Yes,” I murmur. My eyes convey so much more to Nick.
“Well then—” Jennings doesn’t get to finish his thought because Kara elbows him in the stomach.
Instead Kara sums it up beautifully. “Be happy, my friend. Just be your version of happy.”
Be happy.
Yes. With the man curled behind me, I can certainly do that.
Nicholas
June - Seven Months Later
Brad stands before us, wearing a plaid shirt that, damn me, is a freaking replica of the one he wore when we were Lumberjacks down in Ketchikan. Hell, his whole outfit looks like something we used to wear. And I promised my fiancée he’d take this responsibility seriously. I just hope she forgives me sometime before the end of our honeymoon to New Mexico.
It isn’t until he starts speaking that I begin to understand how much thought he put into his role being our wedding commissioner. “We all know who should be standing right here today. Likely, he’d be wearing an outfit much more outrageous than this, but my wife refused to let me wear flamingo shorts to a wedding. Even though I had what I knew was a compelling reason.”
Tears burn the back of my eyes. I tip my head down just in time to catch Maris dabbing at hers. Turning her fully in my arms, I laugh right into Brad’s face. “Jed wouldn’t have listened.”
A smile spreads across his face. “I know.” Reaching up, Brad yanks down his suspenders and begins unbuttoning his shirt. Within moments, he flings away the flannel to reveal a truly noxious picture of Jed in those damn shorts printed on a T-shirt.
Maris screeches with laughter. Thank God I’ve got her wrapped so tightly in my arms, or I know she’d have landed in the wet earth in her wedding dress.
“Bradley Meyers, you…” Rainey yells where she’s standing with Kara, who’s holding Deana, and Meadow. All of whom are wearing bridesmaids’ dresses in flamingo pink.
“I, what?”
“You’re perfect. Absolutely amazing. Carry on.” Then I hear her musical giggle mix together with our guests that include Kevin, the employees of the Brewhouse, everyone from Razor that Jennings could fly up—including Tatum, Oliver, Reece, and of course Charmaine and Harold. It also includes a few other people including Mrs. Gustofson and the Lis.
“Listen, did you think it was just me?” Brad nods to my side of the wedding party. And that’s when I start to guffaw. The men are all wearing identical T-shirts under their Team USA or Team Canada plaid shirts.
My wife-to-be exclaims, “This is epic.”
Jennings steps forward from his job as best man and smooths a strand of flyaway hair away from Maris’s face before leaning down and brushing a kiss against her cheek. Pulling back, he whispers, “Be happy, finally, little Mari Sunshine.”
Maris’s eyes fill with tears. “I’ve been happy for a long time, Jennings. You know that.”
I entwine her fingers with mine as we face Brad.
But neither of us is prepared for what we’re about to hear.
“I had a speech prepared—it was even Rainey approved. Then Jennings stops by this morning with a letter. He explained Kara’s been guarding this for a long time. She was given specific instructions on when it was to be given to the bride. Nick, if you’ll please take Maris’s hand.”
I face my love, my bride, and twine our fingers.
Brad clears his throat.
“Dear Maris,
I knew I’d never be able to tell you how much I love you today of all days. So, I entrusted this letter to Kara.
There are not enough words to tell you how beautiful you look. The sun is glinting off your hair, making your eyes more impossibly blue than they were when I first fell in love with you so long ago.”
Maris beams up at me. But I’m trying my damned best to stay upright.
Because I didn’t write this letter.
“I know you’re going to be happy because I know you’ve waited for the perfect man.” Brad pauses for a moment to let the audience laugh. Maris’s brow lowers, her head tips to the side. “He’s going to love you and treat you as well as I do, or I swear, I’ll haunt him long after I’m gone. I swear that to you, Little Mari Sunshine.”
Maris gasps, yanking one of her hands from mine to cover her mouth. I slip my arm around her waist to hold her stable. “Did you know?”
“I had no idea. All I knew was I didn’t write this letter.”
Maris leans her body against mine. She takes a few deep breaths to get her bearings before nodding at Brad to continue.
Brad swallows before managing, “I love you, Maris. You’ve been the best gift in my life. It’s been just a few months since we got back from my wedding where you did this honor for me, yet I can’t imagine what it will be like walking…” Brad falters. “Walking you down the aisle. Okay, I take it all back, the dumb schmuck doesn’t deserve you.”
Everyone starts to laugh, including me. I cup her chin and brush her lips with mine. “Very true.”
She just rests her head against my heart as we wait for Brad to finish. He inhales and exhales before he continues,
“I’ll just be the guy…in the wings…who will always love you. Near and far.
I love you, Maris.
Your brother,
Jed.”
If there’s a dry eye from any of our friends, I’d be shocked. Somehow, Jed knew he’d have to be able to conquer his love for his sister on this most important of days.
“Nick, th
ere’s a letter for you as well,” Brad shocks me.
Maris squeezes my hand so hard, I’m terrified she’s going to break it.
Brad rolls his lips together before he slips Maris’s letter to the back of the stack he’s holding. Clearing his throat, he begins.
“Dear Nick,
It’s your wedding day. Wow. I know I’m going to be too happy to speak.
Then again, if you’re marrying anyone other than Maris, I’m obviously not at your wedding. But I wish you happiness anyway. Dude, what the hell’s wrong with you? Turn around, walk out, and get on a damn plane to Juneau. Can I make it more clear than that?
Get your head out of your ass.
Love,
Jed.”
Everyone in the audience is howling including me and Maris. “Who…who was in charge of that one?”
Brad points his thumb at himself. “I’ve had this letter for years, man.”
Jennings is bent over in a squat. Kody is bracing his hand on his shoulder. I squeeze Maris before asking, “Give me a second?”
“Yeah.”
I step forward and haul Jennings to his feet, then wrap him in a hug. Kody comes in from behind. And Brad fits himself to my back. When we’re huddled together, I whisper, “We miss you, you crazy bastard.”
“Every single day, Jed,” Jennings affirms.
“It isn’t the same without you,” Kody concurs.
“It should be you conducting this wedding ceremony,” Brad admits.
“So, do it Jed-style. You know Maris will love it,” I dare him.
Brad’s wicked smile spreads slowly before we all step back.
I take Maris back in my arms. “Do I want to know?” she asks.
I’m about to answer, when Brad proclaims, “It only took these two close to twenty years to realize they met their perfect match. I’m surprised Jed didn’t take one of the many sharp implements available to him to make them listen.”
Maris starts shaking. A quick check and I grin. She’s trying not to burst out laughing.
Return by Sea (Glacier Adventure Series Book 3) Page 28
