She glanced up at her studio, wondering how many art supplies would fit in her Land Rover.
“No.” She stood, swallowing back her fear. She would not allow it to defeat her. “I’m not packing up and leaving.”
Though she was weary beyond belief, she wondered if she would be able to sleep at all this night. It seemed useless to even bother undressing. Still, the thought of a long hot bath and some time spent in front of the fire seemed a better option than pacing and muttering.
Picasso’s ears lifted and he raced to the door, tail wagging, body wriggling with excitement. Toulouse followed suit, standing at attention beside the door.
“What is it?” Suddenly alert, Sidney got to her feet and wiped furiously at her eyes.
“Sidney.”
At the sound of Adam’s fierce voice, she stormed across the room and shouted at the closed door, “Go away. You’ve done enough damage for one day.”
He pounded the door with his fist, causing the dog and cat to start dancing around in circles. “I’m not leaving until you unlock this door.”
“Fine. Just stand out there all night and freeze, for all I care.” She turned away and paced to the kitchen, to lift the whistling kettle from the stove.
There was another loud knock on the door, and Adam’s voice sounded as furious as she felt. “Open this door. We need to talk.”
“You’ve said it all. There may or may not be a madman on the loose. I may or may not be in danger. But either way, since I’m such a helpless female, you and my grandfather think that I really ought to pack up and run. I don’t believe there’s anything left for you to say.”
“Sidney.” His tone was softer now. Not so much angry as sorry. “Please.”
Sidney laid a hand on the door and pressed her forehead to the cold wood. “I can’t, Adam. Can’t you see that I’m trying to deal with this in my own way?”
“Yes. I can. Now just open the door.”
She looked at the dog, staring hopefully at the door, tail beating a jungle rhythm on the floor. And then at her cat dancing circles and waiting anxiously for the door to open.
Their reactions were nothing compared with her heart, beating a wild tattoo in her chest. She hated that, even now, with hurt and anger bubbling inside, this man’s mere presence could make her feel something more. Something wild and desperate and hopeful.
She turned the lock and opened the door just a crack. “Don’t think this means—”
Before she could get the words out, Adam strode inside and grabbed her roughly by the upper arms, staring at her with such intensity, it had her pulse speeding up. “You’ve been crying.”
She drew back, struggling for dignity. “I always cry when I’m afraid or mad.”
“You’ve got every right to be both. I’ve managed, in a couple of weeks, to turn your safe world on its ear.”
Safe. Dull. In her mind, those two words had come to mean something very similar.
Her chin came up in that infuriating way he’d come to recognize. “Yes, you have. Thank you very much.”
While they stood toe-to-toe, the dog and cat danced eagerly around their ankles. Adam and Sidney took no notice.
Much to her horror, instead of bothering to reply, Adam hauled her roughly into his arms and kissed her until they were both breathless. When at last he lifted his head, she found herself struggling to fill her lungs.
He kept her close, his words muffled against her temple. “I’m so sorry, Sidney. Sorry for making such a mess of this. Sorry for confiding in your grandfather before you. Sorry for not telling you the truth the first time I realized what you were beginning to mean to me.”
“And just what do I mean to you?”
“More than I wanted.” He held on tightly. “If you won’t pack up and go where it’s safe, I’ve decided that I’ll just have to stay here with you.”
“You decided?” She pushed free of his arms. “Just like that, you decided? What about what I want?”
His eyes narrowed on her. “It’s what you want, too.”
“How dare you presume—”
“Don’t lie. Not to me. Not to yourself, Sidney.” His words were a strangled snarl. “If I wanted to, I could have you out of those clothes and into your bed inside of five minutes.”
“I think I’d have something to say about that.”
In reply he lowered his mouth to hers. The longer he lingered over her lips, the more a feeling of weakness seemed to spread through her limbs, until she wondered that she could still stand. Reflexively she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tightly as she kissed him back.
When the kiss ended he lifted his head and regarded her through narrowed eyes. If his breath was a little ragged, and his throat far too dry, he chose to ignore it. “Now try to tell me you wouldn’t come willingly to bed with me.”
Her eyes frosted over, and then her tone. “Was there some point to that…experiment, other than your ego?”
“The point is, despite what you say, your kisses tell me something else. You want me here, Sidney.” His tone lowered with passion. “And the truth is, I want to be here with you.”
“I don’t need you to protect me.”
“Maybe not. But I need to be here. Not for your sake, but for mine. I need to and I want to.” His voice became a fierce, impassioned whisper. “Let me stay, Sidney.”
“Because you feel responsible for me now.”
“Because I want, more than anything in this world, to be here with you.” He took in a breath, fighting to remain calm. “I told your grandmother that I couldn’t be what you want. And that’s probably true. But true or not, I need to be here with you.”
“And just what is it you think I want?”
“You want what your grandparents have. What your parents had. What your sisters have found.”
“What’s wrong with wanting that?”
“Nothing. That’s the natural order of things. A man, a woman and a vow to remain together for a lifetime. That’s exactly what you deserve. But I’m not the guy who can give it to you.”
“Of course not.” Her voice was pure sarcasm. “Why would a man who’s been all over the world want to spend time here with me?”
“Stop putting yourself down. I love being here with you. But I don’t know how I’ll feel a few weeks from now, a few months from now, let alone years. This is all new to me. And I’m not going to lie just to get you into bed.”
“I suppose I should thank you for your honesty.”
“I don’t want your thanks.” He started to reach for her, then seemed to think better about it. “I was sorely tempted to tell you what you wanted to hear, just to satisfy my own needs. If you weren’t so special…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m not the hero type. But you…you deserve all the happiness in the world. Certainly more happiness than I can offer you.”
“I’ll be the judge of what I want.”
At her tone he lifted his head. “All right. I’ve had my say. Now it’s your turn. Go ahead, Sidney. Hit me with your best shot. I deserve it.”
She clutched her hands together tightly at her waist, as though holding herself together by sheer willpower. “You seem to know me very well. It’s true that I want all the things you said. And someday I’ll have them. But right now, I want you to stay the night, Adam.”
If the earth had opened up and swallowed him, he wouldn’t have been more surprised. His voice was rougher than he intended. “Even after everything I said?”
She nodded. “Maybe I was hoping for a promise of a lifetime together. But if I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that promises, no matter how heart-felt, can’t always be kept. I won’t hold you when you’re ready to move on. But for whatever time we have left, I’d like to spend it together.”
He was looking at her as though he couldn’t believe what he’d heard. With a quick shake of his head he closed a hand over her wrist. “Sidney.” His voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. He l
ooked down at her hand, then into her eyes. “What you’re offering is everything I’ve ever wanted. But don’t you understand that I’m trying to do the right t”
“Yes. And that just makes me…want you more.” She hated the fact that he could hear the tremor in her voice, and see the way her eyes were filling. “Stay the night, Adam. But not because you’re afraid of leaving me alone. Stay because you want to be with me. And if you want to leave in the morning, I promise I won’t hold you.”
With a sigh of impatience he framed her face with his hands, as though peering deep into her soul, before pressing his lips to the corner of her eye.
At the first salty taste of her tears he knew he was lost. In one swift motion his arms were around her, dragging her close, while his mouth covered hers in a kiss so hot, so hungry, she was nearly consumed by it.
His hand fisted in her hair as he drank her in like a man starved for the taste of her. The hand at her shoulder tightened, and she could feel the tension throbbing through him. As he deepened the kiss it was neither soft nor easy as the others had been, but rough, needy. She found the fact that he was fighting for control deeply arousing. She returned his kisses with a passion that startled her. Now that she’d opened herself up to him, there seemed no way to stop the needs that rushed to the surface. The need to have his hands on her until she trembled. The need to have his mouth moving over hers until they devoured each other. The need to put aside all the restrictions she’d set on herself and simply indulge her passions until she was sated.
How long? she wondered, as the kiss spun on and on until her blood ran hot from it. How long had she forced herself to live by a strict code of conduct? To pretend that nothing mattered in life except her art? And now, suddenly, her carefully laid plans were tumbling wildly out of control. All because of this man, and the need to be with him. To have him with her.
“Understand,” she whispered. “The choice is mine. The decision mine.”
Her heart was beating so wildly in her chest, she feared it might simply explode. A wild, primal beat that had the blood throbbing in her temples.
Even while these emotions thrilled her, they frightened her. There was a darkness in Adam, a taste of danger she’d never before experienced. Was that what set him apart from other men? That edge of excitement? His willingness to face the unknown? The sense that he’d seen things, done things, that she could only imagine?
He ran hot, wet kisses down her throat and heard her moan with pleasure. Suddenly all thought was wiped from her mind as she arched her neck to give him easier access.
He sighed in frustration when he encountered the neckline of her sweater. Before she could remove it he caught it by the hem and tore it over her head, then tossed it aside.
All he could do was stare as he held her a little away.
Desire slammed into him, and he fought to bank it. “You’re so tiny. So delicate. So perfect.” His words were little more than a ragged whisper as he studied the soft curves, barely covered by a hint of lace, and the narrow waist, nipped by the waistband of her skirt. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”
“I can’t change the fact that I’m small.” She pressed a finger to his lips. “But I won’t break, Adam. Touch me. I need you to touch
He did. And felt her tremble. When he cupped her breasts in his hands and followed with his lips, he felt a series of shudders ripple through her. Annoyed with even the simplest barrier between them, he tugged aside the wisp of lace, then did the same with her ankle-length skirt and panty hose. And then his hands were on her, and his mouth, that incredibly clever mouth, was moving over her relentlessly until she nearly wept with pleasure.
Her body was so delicate. All soft curves and tiny waist. Flesh as pale as milk. But her size was deceptive. There was strength here. In the eyes that stayed steady on his, despite whatever fears she might have harbored. In the hands that firmly tugged his shirt from his waistband and fumbled with the buttons.
At last she managed to slide it away from his shoulders. Then she was free to touch him as he was touching her.
This was what she’d wanted. Only this.
She loved the feel of those hard, corded muscles beneath her hands. She could feel them bunch and tighten with each touch. Those strong artist’s fingers moved along the flat planes of his stomach, then upward across his hair-roughened chest. She heard him suck in a breath and it only made her bolder. Her fingertips encountered the long ridge of scar that ran from his chest to his shoulder and down his arm. She thought of the pain he’d endured and the strength he’d needed to survive, and her heart filled with a new and even greater emotion.
Without thinking she pressed her lips to the spot, causing his breath to back up in his lungs and his heart to thunder. For Sidney it was a heady feeling to know that it was her touch that had caused such a reaction.
The feel of her hands, her lips on his flesh, was the sweetest torture. The thought of taking her now, hard and fast, had the blood pounding in his temples.
Instead, he caught her by the upper arms and held her apart from him.
Misreading his intentions, she motioned toward the other room. “My bedroom…”
He gave a sound that might have been a laugh or a moan of frustration. “Too far.”
“But it’s only…”
He dragged her close and savaged her mouth, cutting off whatever else she’d been about to say. Then his hands were on her, rough with impatience, touching her everywhere. He trailed his lips over her body, pausing to taste, to nibble, until she couldn’t seem to find enough breath to fill her lungs.
As he pleasured her and himself, the air around them seemed to thicken until each breath they took became an effort. Their bodies were soon slick with sheen.
He pushed her back against the wall and found her hot and wet. She was wonderful to watch as he drove her to the first peak. He saw her eyes widen, the pupils darken with passion. She tried to speak his name. Before she could, he covered her mouth with his and kissed her until they were both gasping.
Her legs were trembling, and she feared they could no longer hold her. As if sensing her need he caught her hands and lowered her to the floor. Though the sofa was just steps away, even that was too far now. Caught in the blinding heat of passion, all they could do was cling as they took each other into the very heart of the
“Sidney.” He framed her face with his hands, staring into her eyes with an intensity that had her heart thundering. “My sweet, beautiful Sidney. You’re so much more than I deserve.” And still, knowing that, he had a desperate need to possess her, to make her his alone. He continued to kiss, to caress, to drive her closer and closer to the edge. It was deeply arousing to cause her to lose all control, and to know that he was the reason.
She sighed and moved in his arms, her eyes steady on his, all her focus on him. At this moment he was the center of her universe. The world outside this room no longer mattered. The wind sighing in the trees couldn’t match the sob that caught in her throat at he moved over her, kissing her, touching her. The chill air of the cabin couldn’t cool her heated flesh. The ticking of the clock on the mantel couldn’t match the erratic beat of her out-of-control pulse.
When she dragged his face down for one more slow, drugging kiss, he found himself slipping beyond reason.
He’d fought so hard for control. He’d wanted to take her gently, as she deserved. But now the needs inside him were struggling like wild beasts to break free, and he was helpless to hold them at bay.
His mouth savaged hers. His hands dug into her hair, pulling her head back fiercely so that he could look into her eyes as he entered her. For one brief moment he went perfectly still, shocked that he could be so rough with one who deserved better.
“Adam. Oh, yes, Adam.” With her body arching into his, she wrapped herself around him and drew him in deeper.
He was lost. He could no longer deny the need that was all-consuming.
He felt his entire body and soul straining toward release,
and marveled at her strength as she kept pace. Her nails scraped his flesh. Her eyes opened, staring into his as she began to move with him, climb with him.
They were tossed into the foaming, churning waters of a storm-tossed lake, and still they continued to move. Arms clinging. Lungs straining. Hearts racing as they hurtled through space, shattering into millions of tiny pieces before drifting on a gentle current toward a distant light.
Chapter 11
“That was…” Words failed her, and Sidney felt her throat clog with unshed tears.
“Incredible.” He lifted a finger to her mouth. Traced the outline of her lips, still warm and moist from his kisses. “And so are you.”
Her mouth curved into a smile. “You’re not half-bad, either.”
“Gee, thanks.” He chuckled, and the warmth of it spread through her, leaving her feeling incredibly lighthearted.
He waited for his world to settle. When it did, he managed to lift his weight from her, rolling to one side and drawing her into the circle of his arms.
He played with a strand of her hair. “The first time I saw you, all I could see was this.” He lifted a handful of hair and watched as the silk strands sifted through his fingers. “The color of autumn leaves. And then I saw your face, and for a minute I was robbed of speech.” He stared into her eyes. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
“Adam, don’t tease.” She could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks.
He shook his head. “You really don’t know, do you?” Before she could protest, he traced the outline of her eyebrow, her cheek, her chin. “Let me tell you what I see when I look at you, Sidney.” He took her hand in his and brought it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the palm. “You’re so small, so delicate looking. But I see such strength in you. You can do anything you choose. And what you choose is a life apart from others, not because you shun people, but rather because you need to avoid distractions in order to feed your art.”
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