by S. M. Shade
“Now, now, you can’t treat Inflatia that way. She deserves all the respect of a real woman, remember?” Trey warns.
Shaking his head at our identical smiles, Denton pulls the seat belt across the doll, buckling it in. “Inflatia, your flaps are out, behave yourself,” he says, pulling down its mini skirt.
The smirk on his lips tells me he plans to play along. Denton won’t be outdone. If they want him to date a doll, he’s going to own it.
The movie Jani and I chose is a chick flick that the guys would usually balk at, but tonight we get no complaints. Noble parks beside us, and we all get out. Denton pulls Inflatia out of the passenger seat and adjusts the skirt and halter top it’s wearing.
I have to stifle a chuckle at the sight of the tattoo Trey gave it. Denton’s name in a heart right in tramp stamp territory. Sliding his arm around Inflatia’s rubber waist, he carries the doll alongside him as if she’s walking. The rest of us fall in behind him.
Heads are on a swivel from every direction, and I see more than one phone pointed toward him as we get in line for tickets. The eyes of the young woman working the ticket booth nearly pop out of her head. “Did you lose a dare or something?”
Denton fakes offense. “I have no idea what you mean. I need two tickets to Love Me Nightly for myself and my beautiful date.” He grins at Inflatia and pulls out his money. “Don’t worry, lovely, I’ve got this.”
Now she isn’t sure if he’s kidding or crazy. She rings up the sale and hands him two tickets. Without a glance backward at us, he struts over to the concession counter with his date.
“Well, you can’t say he isn’t a good sport,” Jani says, as we get our tickets and join him.
“Aw, Inflatia doesn’t get a snack?” Noble asks.
“She is a snack. And we prefer to share. More intimate, you know.”
Laughter surrounds us in the line to get in, and the ticket ripper’s eyebrows try to leap off his forehead when Denton hands him a ticket for himself and the doll. “Uh…enjoy the movie,” he says.
“I plan to. Hope she can keep her hands off me so I can see the end.” Grinning back at us, he waits for us to hand over our tickets and follow him into the theater. We showed up early, and the lights haven’t been lowered yet, so there’s a decent size crowd watching him walk in with Inflatia.
Murmurs and hoots of laughter ring out as he chooses a couple of seats and struggles to get it to bend in the middle like it’s sitting down. The squeaky noise the plastic makes rubbing together has all eyes on him. My chest hurts from trying not to laugh. He finally manages to wedge the doll in there where it appears to be sitting and is low enough not to block the view.
It doesn’t matter much since he chose the second row from the top. The rest of us sit in the row behind him.
People aren’t shy about whipping out their phones to get a picture or video of the guy dating a blow up sex doll, and Denton just waves. “Please, I know she’s cute, but you’re making her self-conscious.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ll still get laid,” a guy calls out.
“Hey, she’s a lady!” Denton argues.
He kisses the cheek and turns the head like she’s looking back at us for a moment. The sight of the O shaped mouth and vapid face tears the laughter from my throat. It’s so ridiculous.
The lights dim, and everyone quiets. About halfway through the movie, he puts his arm around Inflatia and lays his head on its shoulder, which makes a loud squeak, drawing both laughter and orders to “shh”.
Denton is completely unruffled until after the movie when we’re in the lobby, waiting for Jani to use the bathroom. Trey, Noble, and I stand in a group, talking while Denton sits on a bench with his arm around Inflatia’s waist.
My first clue that something is different is the look of horror on his face as two women approach him. They look about our age, but I don’t know them. “Hey Denton,” one of them says, her tone hesitant.
Denton’s cheeks heat up. “Hi Darcy. Jolie.” He nods at each of them.
I glance at Noble, who looks ready to burst. In a low voice, he fills me in. “She’s a girl he asked out last year. Then she saw him buying crab shampoo and cancelled. I don’t think he’s seen her since.”
“Jolie was in our English class,” Trey volunteers.
Jealousy washes over me for a split second, before I laugh at myself. He’s sitting with his arm around a sex doll. I doubt he’s about to get hit on.
“What are you doing?” Jolie asks.
“Uh, you know…date night,” he answers lamely.
Darcy takes another look at the doll and takes a step back. “Uh, yeah. So, it was good to see you again.” They both take off like he might infect them with something.
The guys are in hysterics, and Denton gets to his feet as Jani returns. “What did I miss?”
“The moment that made this a true bro code penalty,” Noble laughs.
Denton flips him off, but by the time he’s strapping Inflatia back in the passenger seat, he’s grinning again. I love his carefree attitude, the way he can joke about himself. The worst kind of people are people who can’t laugh at themselves.
The restaurant we’ve chosen is a cheap Italian place, chosen because it’s a popular hangout for the local college kids. I would’ve bet the hostess wasn’t going to allow him to bring the doll in, but she only giggles, shakes her head, and leads us to a table.
As she’s walking off, Trey chases after her and whispers something to her. Giggling again, she nods before walking toward the kitchen.
“What was that?” Denton asks, glaring at him.
“What? I just asked for her number.”
“Bullshit.”
A group of guys who apparently know Denton and Trey wave from another table, and Trey leaves to go talk to them for a moment. “Damn it. Do we have to run into the whole school tonight?”
The night only gets better. A few minutes after Trey returns, the hostess stops at our table with a bottle of wine and two glasses. “This is a gift from that table.” She gestures towards the table of guys Denton is trying to ignore. “For you and your…uh…date. I hope she enjoys red wine.”
Even the hostess is taking shots at him now, and I almost feel sorry for him. He watches as she pours two glasses, then retreats. I reach for his hand, biting back a grin, and he pulls it back. “Are you trying to make Inflatia jealous?”
Giggling, I shake my head. “I would never dream of it.”
Sighing, he looks around. “So many people judging our love. I just won’t have it.” His remarks are flippant and light hearted, but I see him swallow hard and steel himself before standing up.
Digging in his pocket with one hand, he pulls Inflatia out of the seat with the other, and glances toward Trey, who nods. Trey stays seated but holds up the doll so it’s standing as Denton kneels in front of it.
Too many phones to count are now recording this turn of events. It’s not every day you see a grown man propose to a blow up doll while his friends watch.
“Inflatia, please ignore these haters and agree to be my wife. I promise to always keep you inflated to the correct PSI and never fill you with helium, so we won’t drift apart.”
“Imagine how embarrassing it’ll be if she says no,” Trey announces, and half the restaurant erupts in laughter.
I swear it looks like Inflatia is looking down at him with that O face as Denton produces a Ring Pop like the one we had to pry off Aiden’s toe and works it onto the doll’s finger.
“She looks so surprised!” a guy yells from the other table, cracking everyone up. Getting to his feet, he takes a bow, and grins at the customers’ cheers. Shoving the doll back in the seat, he hisses. “Okay, debt paid. Can we go now?”
“Without celebrating?” Trey asks, gesturing toward the waitress now arriving with a small cake. Congratulations is written in icing between two burning, heart shaped candles. So, that’s what he was talking to the hostess about. Perfect.
She places the cak
e in front of Denton with a smile, and he shakes his head, smirking as he leans to blow out the candles.
The way he shifts pushes the doll over an inch or so, and the flame brushes the rubber arm. It’s just for a second, but it’s enough. An acrid smell wafts up, and though it doesn’t catch fire, it’s enough to put a melty hole in Inflatia.
The air starts leaking out and there’s nothing on this earth that could stop my laughter now. The look on Denton’s face as the doll slowly starts to deflate switches from confusion to amusement. Glancing around, he realizes everyone—and I mean everyone—is watching him now.
“No!” he shouts. “Don’t you die on me! We were supposed to have squeaky babies together!”
My sides ache, and I try to catch my breath as I take in the scene unfolding around me. A few months ago, I never would’ve imagined this. I was terrified, nearly homeless, and only had one real friend. Now, I’m surrounded by people who make me laugh, people who are becoming like family. Plus, I’m head over heels in love. Even if the man in question is currently giving mouth to mouth to a wilting blow up doll. I couldn’t be happier.
Finally, Denton shrugs, rolls up what now more closely resembles a sheet of flesh colored plastic, and gestures to the empty seat beside him. “Babe, come back to me, please. She meant nothing to me, I swear.”
Laughing, I move over to the empty chair.
“Well, how rude. You just abandon me after our awesome date,” Trey scolds.
“Don’t worry. I thought this might happen, so I brought a friend for you. She can take my place.” Reaching in my oversized purse, I pull out Beulah and set her on the table.
Trey scoots his chair back, revulsion washing over his face. “Get it away!”
These frat hell guys are crazy, but as Denton likes to say, I give zero fucks.
The End
Thanks for reading!
If you’d like to read more of this series, the first book, Scarlet Toys, is FREE.
You can get it HERE.
If you’d like to check out more of my work, I have two books that are always free!
Everly, Book one of The Striking Back Series:
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Landon, Book one of The In Safe Hands Series:
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Acknowledgments
I planned to end this series as a trilogy, but after Clean Start, the messages from readers and talk in my group made me reconsider. Fortunately, the Violent Circle residents had more to say.
So, first I want to say thank you to everyone who messaged wanting more of the crazy neighbors. I wouldn’t have continued without the encouragement. And yes, there will be another book in the series.
Next, I want to say thank you to my BTS obsessed P.A. and friend Melissa Teo. Her love of books is so contagious, and if you aren’t already a member of her group, B.A.N.G. , get in there now so she can use her book pusher magic on you. You’ll love it.
To my betas, who never blink an eye when I send them scenes with cartoon pony rumpy pumpy or seductive dinosaurs in lingerie, thank you for helping me clean up the typos and inconsistencies. Otherwise, the book might’ve been weird.
Colette Trainor, Paige Sayer, Amanda Munson, Bridget McEvoy, Veronica Ashley, Christina Santos, Sarah Piechuta, Julie Anne Addicott, Theresa O’Reilly, and Julie Dickerson, you girls rock.
The cover of Zero Fucks was created by Ally Hastings of Starcrossed Covers. Thank you for another amazing cover, Ally!
To my always entertaining group, Shady Ladies, thank you so much for all the laughs and fuckery. You make the group a truly fun and drama free place to hang out.
Last, but never least, thanks to all the book bloggers, page owners, and group owners who help me and so many other authors get our stories without you. I appreciate it so much.
About the Author
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More by S.M. Shade
The Striking Back Series
Book 1: Everly
The first time I met Mason Reed, we were standing naked in a bank, surrounded by guns.
That should have been a warning.
An MMA champion, trainer, and philanthropist, but not a man who gives up easily, Mason is trouble dipped in ink and covered in muscle.
Growing up in foster care, I'm well aware that relationships are temporary, and I do my best to avoid them. After a sheet clenching one night stand, I'm happy to move on, but Mason pursues me relentlessly. Sweet, caring, protective, and at times, a bossy control freak, this persistent man has climbed inside my heart, and I can’t seem to shake him.
After saving me from a life threatening situation, he’s also won something much harder to obtain. My trust. But does he deserve it? Is his true face the one he shows the world? Or is his charitable, loving manner only a thin veneer?
This book contains sexual situations and is intended for ages 18 and older.
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Book 2: Mason
From the moment I saw her, I wanted her in my bed.
I should've stopped there.
Everly Hall burst into my complicated life and changed it forever. I'm a fighter, but I had no defense against this beautiful, stubborn woman.
Now, I stand to lose everything I have, everything I am. My secrets are dangerous, and put more lives at stake than my own. I intended to tell her in time, but my time is up.
Everything rests on Everly.
This is the conclusion of Mason and Everly's story.
Contains violence and sexual situations and is intended for adults 18 and older.
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Book 3: Parker
Hit it and quit it.
One and done.
Hump and dump.
That has been my philosophy on relationships for the last seven years. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bad guy. I'm always upfront and truthful with the women I date. I don't promise them anything but a good time.
I could've gone on happily sleeping my way through the major metropolitan area if it wasn't for her. The dark haired beauty who haunts my days and keeps me awake at night. Strong and sweet, she makes me reconsider everything I believe about love.
Too bad she's completely off limits.
I've never been good at following the rules.
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Book 4: Alex – An M/M Romance
Ninety- two days. Thirteen weeks. That’s how long it’s been since I lost my love, my best friend. It’s been everything I can do to drag myself out of bed and get back to work, but I know Cooper would want me to move on. I think he’d even be happy if he knew who I want to move on with. The target of my affection, though, may not be so thrilled about my choice.
He’s straight. Or he thinks he is.
A womanizer of the worst kind with a face and body that keeps a steady stream of willing women at his door, he seems happy to work his way through the entire female population. But there’s no mistaking the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention.
One way or another, I’ll sho
w him what he really wants.
This is book four of The Striking Back Series, but can also be read as a standalone novel.
Intended for 18 years and older. Contains sexual content, including sex between two men.
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The In Safe Hands Series
Landon, Book One
Zoe
I’m not interested. I’m not interested in his blue-green ocean colored eyes, his lean muscular body, or that crooked smile that can be so infuriating. I have more important things to worry about, like how to keep myself in college and my sixteen year old brother fed and sheltered. We all know life is hard, some of us just learn that lesson younger than others, but that doesn’t mean I’ll give up. I intend to succeed and make sure my brother has the opportunities he deserves, and no privileged jerk is going to distract me.
Landon
I don’t date. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from celibate, but my condition makes carrying on any kind of normal relationship impossible. My life revolves around In Safe Hands or ISH, the underground hacker group I work with to track down and take care of predators and sex offenders who beat the system. I’m satisfied with my life until the day I meet the smart mouthed, compassionate, determined woman who opens my eyes to possibilities I never thought existed.
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Dare, Book Two
Ayda
I hear him.
His deep voice and rumbling laugh. The bang of the headboard slamming the wall and fake screams from yet another woman. Derek is a pile of muscle and ink, a bad boy fantasy only a few layers of wood and plaster away. It’s all I expect or want him to be.
