I was quiet, as if I were waiting for an answer that I knew would never come.
“I miss him terribly already,” I said after a moment. “I don’t know what to do. Mother is ill again, and being the eldest, I must take care of Minnie, Florence, Joan, and Torin all by myself. That is unless Mother sends us to Aunt Florence’s house in the country. But, Grandmother, I don’t want to go.
“You see, I met this man. He is wonderful and charming and…and…” A spark of red caught my eye in all the gray that surrounded me, and I paused. Squinting to see through the rain, I saw a single rose sitting on top of Grandmother’s grave. It must have been placed there for a while now, the petals dark and hard and crisp. Leaning forward, I picked up the flower, careful not to touch the thorns that were still sharp and craving blood, and brought it to my face. I inhaled its scent; a sweet, brittle scent that also smelt of decay. I let my hand drop into my lap, breaking away some petals from the flower. I bowed my head and let the floodgates open.
I cried. And cried and cried and cried.
In the midst of my tears, I felt two strong arms wrap around me and hug me close to a warm body. I could smell the scent of rosewood, and knew instantly that it was him. He didn’t say anything; just held me.
And that’s all I wanted.
A sudden rumble of thunder made the image disappear from my head. I gasped and snapped my eyes open. My vision was blurry from tears.
Lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating the hallway where I stood. I gasped in fear. I hated storms. I hated the frightening bolts of electricity that snapped out of the dark clouds like vipers ready to strike. I hated how loud thunder was, and how it sounded like the rumble of an angry monster. I hated everything about storms.
Another bolt of lightning shot down from above, followed by the low, menacing sound of thunder. I took in a sharp breath, then spun, ready to bolt–not caring where I went, as long as it was away from any windows–when a pair of arms stretched out, welcoming me to them. I ran to them and buried my face in his chest.
“It is okay, Em,” Casey whispered. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. “I’ve got you.”
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I buried my face in the soft material of his shirt, letting the tears pour out of me.
Casey hugged me to him with one hand as he shifted his other hand to my head. He stroked my hair, and for some reason, it only made me cry harder.
“Everything will be okay,” he said soothingly. “Everything will be okay.”
And even though I had tears running down my face and a racing heart, I believed him
TWELVE
I WOKE UP to the sound of my alarm clock blaring the next morning. I pried my swollen, crusty eyes open and turned my head to look at my alarm clock that sat at the edge of my desk. Six thirty a.m. flashed in a bright green light. I groaned as I sat up. Reaching forward, I turned off the horrendous beeping. Then froze.
How did I get to my room?
I slowly pulled my arm back toward me and looked around. There were no signs that Casey had been here. But how then? The last thing I remembered was being embraced by him, and letting him chase away my fears with the soothing sound of his voice.
I sat there on my bed, trying to dig up anything that could help me understand how I had gotten to my room, but came up blank.
Just forget about it, I thought. It doesn’t matter anymore. You made it back to your bed without being scathed.
And with that, I fell back against my pillow.
“Ugh.” Nova’s bed groaned as she stretched out on her mattress. “Is it seriously time to wake up already?”
I didn’t reply. Instead, I rolled over on my side, facing the wall, and squeezed my eyes. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep.
“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” I heard Nova get up and move over to the side of my bed. Even though I had my eyes closed and was facing away from her, I could feel her eyes on me. “You’re not your usual peppy self.”
“I don’t feel so good,” I replied hoarsely. I licked my dry lips, then pulled my blanket higher on me. “I think I’m just going to take a sick day.”
“Suit yourself.” Nova yawned. Loudly. Then padded over to the small closet that we shared and pulled out a towel and her toiletry items before she disappeared out of the room.
Alone, I exhaled deeply and let myself be taken into the darkness.
***
It didn’t feel like I had slept for very long, but when I opened my eyes and looked at my alarm clock, I saw that it was already after twelve.
I should probably get up, I thought as I raised my arms above my head and twisted my neck to the right. I heard bones crack. It felt good.
I kicked away my blanket and got up. I made my way to the closet and grabbed a fluffy towel and my shower caddy, then made my way out to the showers.
Being that it was already noon, and everyone was at class, I had the bathroom all to myself. I made my way to one of the shower stalls, closed the curtain, and stripped out of my pajamas. I turned the hot water on full blast and let it spray against my back and shoulders until they turned pink and raw.
I didn’t get out of the shower for another fifteen minutes. Wrapping my towel around me, I picked up my caddy and made my way back to my room.
I struggled to open the door while keeping ahold of my caddy and towel. Somehow, I actually managed to do it without dropping anything. I moved into the room, closed the door behind me. Turning around, I shrieked, seeing a figure standing by the window.
The caddy fell from my hands and landed on the floor with a clatter. As did the towel from around my body.
“Em?” Casey turned to look at me. “I–” His eyes grew wide as he saw my naked form. His mouth popped open.
“Don’t look!” I shrieked.
“I am terribly sorry!” Casey quickly turned around and shielded his eyes with his hand.
I reached down and snatched the towel from off the floor, quickly shielding myself. “What are you doing here, Casey?” I asked, my voice still tinged with hysteria.
“I wanted to make sure that you were alright,” he replied, not looking at me. I was grateful for that.
“Well, thanks.” I couldn’t help the bitterness that crept into my voice. I turned toward the closet to put away my caddy. Then I pulled out a large white shirt with black splatter print of fingered peace sign and a pair of gray leggings. I quickly changed, then slipped on a pair of boots and my red beanie hat.
“You can look now,” I told him.
Casey slowly turned to look at me, as if afraid I was still naked. When he saw that I was dressed, his shoulders sagged in relief.
I walked over to my bed and crawled across the mat-tress. I leaned my back against the splotchy white wall and pulled my legs up under me. “So you brought me back here?” I asked.
Casey nodded, then took a seat on Nova’s bed across from me. “I was afraid to leave you alone when it was storming.”
“Did you know?” There was something off about Casey. It was as if he had come back to me last night because he knew that I was afraid of storms.
“Know what?” His brows crinkled slightly toward the middle of his forehead.
“About my thing with storms?”
Casey hesitated before speaking. “No, but I heard you screaming.”
Screaming? Did I really scream last night? For some reason, I didn’t remember screaming at all, but I did remember crying. A lot. Maybe I had been lost in all my crying that I don’t remember screaming?
“Are you okay now?” Casey asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I blinked and focused back on Casey’s face. His sweet, handsome, concerned face…
What do you think you’re doing?! Warning bells shrilled inside my head. Get ahold of yourself, Em!
“Y–yeah,” I stammered. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I prayed that Casey didn’t notice. “I’m fine. Thank you.”
He continued to look at me, his eyes s
earching my face.
“Casey?” I croaked. I leaned forward just a notch and raised an arm, swiping a hand before his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Forgive me.” He quickly stood up, and I watched him as he made his way to the door.
“Wait!”
He stopped with his hand on the door handle and turned to look at me. There was a hopeful look in his eyes. “Yes?”
I froze, staring at him. My mouth was open, ready to say something. But nothing came to mind. I didn’t know why I called him back.
“Yes?” he said again.
Okay, Em, this would be the part where you say something. Anything. Anything at all. Just. Say. SOMETHING!
“Can I see you again tonight?” I finally blurted.
Hearing the words vomit out of my mouth made me internally cringe. Why did I just ask him that?
Stupid, Em. Stupid. I mentally smacked myself on the forehead.
“Of course.” He smiled sweetly at me. “Until then, Amoy.”
My heart stuttered to a stop. A chill swept through me. It felt like there was a dozen baby spiders tap-dancing up and down my spine. “What did you just call me?”
Casey’s face changed into what looked like a shadow of fear.
“I said ‘until tonight,’” he said quickly. “Until tonight.” Then he hurried out of the room.
I sat there, staring where Casey had just stood only moments ago. I knew that he didn’t say what he claimed to have said. I had heard what he said; he had called me Amoy.
Just like what that one boy called that girl in the vision I had during Mr. Atherton’s class, I thought.
A feeling of dread spiraled through me. All the way down to my toes.
***
Later that day, I had stopped at Dr. Langley’s office to pick up some new medication, then went back to my room to call Mom.
“Em!” Mom trilled as soon as she picked up the phone. “How are you? Did you go to Dr. Langley to get some new medication?”
“I’m good,” I said, replying to her first question. “And yes, I went to Dr. Langley’s.”
“Good.” She sounded relieved.
“How is everything at home?” I asked, memories coming forth. With Dad gone and Mom being ill, I wouldn’t doubt that the house was in total disarray.
“Everything is fine. Why do you ask?”
“I just want to make sure you’re doing well,” I replied. “I know that with Dad being gone, you have to look after the little ones.” I frowned. Minnie should be helping, but I know the girl was probably hiding somewhere with her nose stuffed in a book, getting lost in a whole other world.
“Em?”
“It’s just,” I started, brushing Mom off, “I really don’t want to go move in with Aunt Florence.” She was a bitter old woman, who glowered down at everybody.
“Em.”
“I mean, I know she was Dad’s sister and all…” My voice trailed off. I really couldn’t think of a positive adjective to describe Aunt Florence. Memories of the wooden spoon she’d smack across mine and my siblings’ hands flooded my mind. I could feel the sharp sting on the back of my hands just thinking about it.
“Emma!”
I blinked rapidly, the memories and the stinging subsiding until they were completely gone. I focused back on Mom. “What?”
“I’m not sick, and you don’t have an aunt Florence,” she said.
I frowned. “What?”
“You don’t have an aunt Florence,” she repeated, slower this time. “Your Dad is an only child. And I’m not sick.” She paused. “Where in the world did these ideas come from?”
I sat there feeling numb. What did she mean that none of which I said were true? How could it not be when the memories were so vivid in my head?
“Em?” Mom hedged. “Are you okay? Do you need to go see Dr. Langley and get some medication for these …things that you claim to have happened?”
“No.” I shook my head even though she couldn’t see. “I’m fine. Really. It’s just…a dream I was remembering. I just…I just got a little mixed up. That’s all.”
“Well, if you’re sure.” She didn’t sound convinced.
“I am.”
Mom moved onto a different topic, and she and I talked for another good minute before she had to leave to pick up my little brother from school.
Hanging up, I leaned back against the wall and stared at Nova’s Evanscence poster until the dark colors started to swim before my eyes. What had happened to me? Why did I think that Mom was sick? Who’s Aunt Florence, and why did I mention her? How could I feel the stinging of wood smacking against my knuckles, when Mom nor Dad had never even spanked me before?
Suddenly it hit me. The vision I had seen last night. It all came rushing back to me and I felt suddenly overwhelmed. I leaned forward, cupping my forehead in my palms. What was wrong with me? Was I going crazy? I was losing focus on reality and make believe.
No, I’m not going insane. It was just a little mix up. That’s it. It can happen to anyone.
“Knock, knock.” The door opened suddenly and Lena popped her head into the room, her dark auburn hair falling around her shoulders.
“Lena?" I blinked and turned to face her. “What are you doing here?” And how did you know where my room was?
She opened the door wider and made her way over to me. She handed me a light blue folder, then fell down onto Nova’s bed across from me. “Well, I saw that you weren’t in class today, so I went around and collected your homework for you.”
I took the folder from her. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
I stared at the folder and saw that Lena had written Em with a thick sharpie on the front. Opening it, I saw that I had several worksheets and a few book assignments. I frowned slightly, then tilted my head up to look at her. “How did you know the classes that I’m taking?”
A guilty blush rose across her freckled face. I knew then that she had looked at my file.
“Lena,” I scolded.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” She raised her hands in mock defense. “I only wanted to help.”
I sighed. I guess I couldn’t really be mad at her if she was only try to help.
“So, why didn’t you come to class?” She raised an eyebrow into a sharp arch, and a smile rode across her face. “Decided to play hooky today, huh?”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” I didn’t want to tell her about Casey. Knowing Lena, she’d just dig for details that I didn’t have. In fact, I didn’t know much about Casey, besides him being the rightful owner of Brier Hall and the tragic story of his grandfather.
“It’s okay. Sometimes I need to skip just because.” She shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I glanced down at my phone that sat on the bed beside me. I just realized I hadn’t talked to Rue in a week. I should message her.
“So what have you been doing?” Lena asked. She looked around the room and stopped when she saw Nova’s poster. She frowned slightly.
I looked back at her. “Nothing really,” I replied.
“Well, that’s got to change.” She grabbed my hands and stood to her feet, pulling me up with her.
“What are we doing?” I asked. I didn’t like the devious twinkle in her eyes.
“Dress shopping!” she trilled. She let go of my hands so that she could clap her own. “The Autumn Ball is in two weeks. Two weeks! And we have yet to pick an outfit to wear.”
“What are you guys talking about?” The door swung open and Nova came in. Her eyes darted to me as she pushed her way past Lena. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty is finally awake.”
“We’re going to go dress shopping for the Autumn Ball,” Lena replied.
“Ugh. Gag me with a spoon.” Nova made a weird gagging noise as she dropped her backpack on her desk.
“I don’t know if I’m going to go or not,” I admitted to Lena. I really hadn’t thought about the dance much, but I really didn’t feel like getting all dres
sed up. Besides, I didn’t really know anyone here; only Jayden, Lena, Nova, and Casey.
Casey. My heart did a weird little jig inside my chest.
“What?” Lena’s face fell in disappointment. “Seriously?”
I shrugged, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry?”
“Then who am I going to go shopping with?” A look of hope filled her face and she turned on her heels to look at Nova. “Nova…?”
“No. No way.” She shook her head, then ran her fingers through her bangs that slashed across half of her face. “I’m not going to that stupid dance.”
“Why not?” Lena whined.
“Because I’m not going,” she replied.
“You guys!” Lena threw up her hands. “You have to go. If not, I won’t have anyone to hang out with there.”
I looked at Nova, who was busy picking at the black polish she had painted on her nails. As if feeling my eyes on her, she looked up.
“What?” she asked.
I glanced back at Lena. She still had that sad puppy-dog look on her face.
“Ugh!” Nova rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll go, but I’m not buying anything.”
“Yay!” Lena clapped her hands again, then reached forward and snatched Nova’s arm. “Come on. I don’t think my mom will allow you to leave Brier Hall, because of your record and all–no offence. But we can go to the library and order dresses off the computers.”
Nova glowered, but didn’t say anything.
I watched as they left, Nova throwing dagger eyes at me before the door shut behind them.
Sorry, Nova. Guilt crept through me. Maybe I shouldn’t have made her go with Lena.
But maybe she’ll enjoy shopping for dresses online? I mused. Though something inside me seriously doubted that.
THIRTEEN
AROUND NINE O’CLOCK, I stole out of the room and hurried down to the ballroom. Casey was there, waiting for me by the piano.
Insanity Page 8
