Three men stepped in through the open door and interrupted the flow of questions Deirdre had lined up. Fionnghall quickly gave orders to them to go find Lady Marion and bring her back.
“And ye have no business comin’ back without her. Understood? I dae nae care if ye have to go all the way to England to get her,” he said and the guards left.
“Deirdre, I have to confess somethin’. Marion did tell me that she was goin’ to leave,” Fionnghall said. He ran his fingers through his hair in a stressed motion and looked at her.
“What? And ye didnae say anythin’? Why didnae ye stop her?” Deirdre asked, furious at her brother for keeping something like that a secret. Had she known about Marion’s plans, she surely could have persuaded her to stay.
“I didnae think she meant it. She was upset. And I certainly didnae think she would leave in the middle of the night, without sayin’ anythin’,” Fionnghall explained. It pained Deirdre to see him so hurt and in agony. Clearly, despite his fairly composed outside, he was burning on the inside. He loved her, for Lord’s sake.
“Really? Ye didnae think she would leave in the middle of the night? Isn’t that exactly what she did when she left England in the first place?” Deirdre asked and her voice sounded a little bit more accusing than she meant it.
She instantly felt bad, as she saw her brother’s shoulders drop. With a quick step, she was already by him and hugging him.
“We will find her. Won’t we?” she asked quietly.
After Deirdre left to go inform the watchtowers, Fionnghall stayed in his chambers. Going to breakfast with the Brun family would be out of the question and there was no talking to Laird Brun right now. There was no way he would be able to focus long enough to have a complicated conversation.
Fionnghall thought he would be in shock. Or feel anger, pain, hurt… something. But instead, he felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. As if his entire body had gone numb and nothing could ever make him feel anything again. It was as though his mind and body were blank. Like the life was sucked out of him the second he had learnt that Marion wasn’t with him anymore.
How could he have known that Marion had been serious about leaving? She had been upset. And there was no way he could have guessed that she would leave in the middle of the night. Though Deirdre had made a good point. Maybe he should have known. He should have run after her and changed her mind. He should have persuaded her to stay.
Now he had no one else to blame for Marion’s departure and his worst fear had been realized. Marion had brought love and life with her when she arrived. Feelings and emotions he thought he’d never feel again. And now that she was gone, she had taken everything with her.
How was he supposed to live without her? His life before her had been meaningless, living day by day to do the same things over and over again. His entertainment had been simple and his future set. Set by someone else a long time ago. But he hadn’t cared about any of that. He had his horses, his whiskey, and a few good friends and that was all he had needed.
He could truly say he had never been happy before Marion. And now that he knew what it was like to wake up every morning with something to live for… now he needed it. He couldn’t go back to living like he had before, as if Marion never existed. As if she hadn’t changed his life forever. As if he had never loved her.
And how could she have done this to Deirdre? To her best friend? Over the past months, they had become so close a stranger could easily mistake them for sisters. They loved each other deeply. Had Marion not thought about how much she would hurt not only Fionnghall, but Deirdre as well? It was very hard for him to see his sister so sad and desperate.
She was always in a good mood, always happy. In many ways, Deirdre was the exact opposite of Fionnghall—happy, lively, open. But today, there was nothing opposite about their feelings. They both loved Marion and they both were shocked and hurt by Marion’s departure.
Fionnghall started to get the feeling back into his body. It was pain. Pure pain. If he had known that loving someone would hurt so much, he might have never wanted to feel the happiness that love brought. Was the pain worth those few happy days he had spent with Marion?
No, I cannae think like this. She will be back. The guards will find her. She will come back. She has to. There is nothing left for me here without her.
He stood up. He couldn’t just stand idle. He had to do something. Maybe doing something would at least keep his mind away from these destructive thoughts and emotions.
Deirdre had gone up to the main watchtower to inform them about Marion’s departure and that they were expecting the guards to bring her back. Their first order was to immediately inform Fionnghall, should they spot Marion and the guards returning.
He would talk to the guards who were on duty last night. Someone must have seen something.
21
Something To Fight For
Deirdre came running in before Fionnghall had a chance to even finish his thought. She was out of breath and the hems of her gown were dirty and wet. If he didn’t know better, she would have looked out of place in the castle.
“Deirdre? What happened?”
She put her hands on her hips and took a few deep breaths before explaining the reason for her breathlessness.
“The guard… in the east watchtower… saw Marion leave,” she said through her breaths.
“When?” Fionnghall was immediately awake from his numbness.
“In the middle of the night. He didnae ken the exact time. He said he saw her riding out towards the sheep pastures when it started raining,” she puffed, still trying to catch her breath.
Fionnghall thought back to last night. It had been drizzling for a while, but the rain started getting heavier around midnight. She would have around six hours head start by now.
The advantage, and the disadvantage, was that Marion didn’t know the moors. She could be going in a completely wrong direction.
“And what was his reason for nae tellin’ anyone about her departure?” he asked with an edge in his voice.
Deirdre smiled a little bit, humorlessly.
“He said he didnae care about people leavin’ the castle. That his job is to notify is someone wants to come in. Nae go out.”
Fionnghall pursed his lips. Of course, Marion wasn’t a prisoner and she could leave if she so chose. His main concern was Marion’s safety, as she didn’t know the moors and she was alone. An English woman alone in the Scottish moors was not a good combination—she should have been able to figure that one out already on her own. She had been lucky before, that it was Jack who had found her and not someone else. Not everyone was as kind-hearted.
“What are we goin’ to do?” Deirdre asked and Fionnghall could see tears filling up her eyes again. She had never had a real friend, not like Marion. She had just lost her best friend. And he had lost the love of his life.
Fionnghall hugged Deirdre, trying to console her in her sadness. Though as he was sure, hugging her wouldn’t take away the pain.
“There is nothin’ more we can dae, I am afraid,” he replied and let go of Deirdre. She had never in her life looked so sad and alone. “We just have to wait and see if the guards can find her.”
And then what? What if the guards brought her back just so she could tell Fionnghall that she didn’t want to stay? That she was still going back to England? And that she really didn’t love him after all?
Up until now, Fionnghall had been certain that Marion had lied about that part. That she did really love him but was just upset about the upcoming wedding. But what if it was true? It wouldn’t be the first time a woman had played his heart only to leave him stranded after finding out about the engagement to Lady Beitris.
If she really still wanted to go, Fionnghall would let her. Only then, he would assign someone to guide her back to the border of England. Lie or not, he cared for her and would not want to see her hurt, no matter the scenario.
“She loves ye, Fionnghall. She told me so,” Deirdr
e said all of a sudden, as if she had read his thoughts.
“Does she? Or was she just after the title all along?” Fionnghall asked bitterly, with a shadow of a doubt creeping in.
Deirdre looked stern and decisive. When she put her hands on her hips like this and looked at him with a tilted head, she reminded him of their mother. In fact, she was the exact picture of her.
“Aye! She doesnae need any titles, Fionnghall, are ye dumb? She is Lady Marion Bewforest, of Ackworth. Why would she come here just to be after a Scottish title? Eh?”
Fionnghall couldn’t argue with this point. If only Marion were here to shed light into the situation. If only he could speak with her and understand what she had done.
“And speaking of titles, why are the Brun’s still here? Did ye nae talk to Laird Brun?” she asked and sat down in a chair next to the fireplace to dry off her hem and feet.
Fionnghall didn’t need a reminder of the unwanted guests in the dining room. Probably having an excellent breakfast, completely unaware of how disliked they were and how much he wished they would just go back to where they came from. If it weren’t for them, Marion would still be here.
“Laird Brun came back last night, as drunk as can be. Couldn’t even keep his eyes open,” Fionnghall responded. There had not been a moment when he despised him more than right this minute.
Deirdre didn’t respond.
Minutes ticked by without any news from anyone. Fionnghall would have been perfectly happy staying in the room waiting for the guards to come back, but Deirdre pulled him back to the moment. She reminded him about the unwanted guests, who were still guests, regardless.
“The Bruns are goin’ to wonder where ye are. Ye are the host and ye should still appear to breakfast,” she said quietly.
The Brun’s didn’t need to know anything about Marion’s departure. It was better to let them think she was still there. Otherwise, he would have to deal with their smug expressions.
“Where’s Jack? Tell him to go in me place,” he asked.
“Jack is with the guards, looking fer Marion,” Deirdre responded. She looked like a dog who had just lost her favorite toy.
“Of course,” Fionnghall responded. He was happy that Jack had gone, but now he’d have to show up at the breakfast table.
“I will go with ye,” Deirdre said thoughtfully.
They headed downstairs into the breakfast room in silence. Both of their thoughts were busy with their own worries. However, as a Laird, Fionnghall was used to pretending. He often had to pretend to be in a great mood though he was not feeling well. He had to entertain unpleasant guests before.
Deirdre was even better at it than he was. She had dried her tears and composed a calm expression on her face that wouldn’t let out any secrets.
Before they even got to the room, Fionnghall heard loud chattering coming from behind the closed door. It sounded like Laird Brun had finally sobered up and joined the rest of his family.
“Top of the mornin’ to ye!” Laird Brun yelled as soon as he opened the door. He seemed to be in an unusually good mood despite his drunken night and possible consequences of it.
“G’morning,” Fionnghall responded and nodded to the women at the table.
Deirdre floated to her seat and greeted the Brun family coldly but courteously.
“Such a great mornin’ and excellent breakfast,” Laird Brun said. “Have I thanked ye yet fer yer hospitality? I daenae think I have. It is so very good of ye to have us here. And me Beitris is so excitedly waitin’ fer the weddin’, aren’t ye, darlin’?” Laird Brun said and pinched his daughter’s cheek.
Fionnghall saw Deirdre wipe something off of her cheek discreetly.
“I am glad ye feel at home,” Fionnghall replied, astonished by Laird Brun’s extremely good mood.
What could have caused it? Whatever it was, his good mood would surely play to Fionnghall’s advantage when he finally got to speak with him alone. After the breakfast was over, he would ask him to stay. The sooner he would get the conversation out of the way and the Brun’s out of his castle, the better off everyone would be. And when Marion came back, she would see that he had kept his promise.
Marion was immersed in darkness. The rain and coldness she had felt before was gone. She couldn’t see hear or feel anything. It was only in the back of her mind that she had a thought. A thought that told her to get up. She remembered she had fallen off her horse in the middle of a thunderstorm. Home was far away. She was lost, alone and didn’t know what to do.
In the darkness, it was nice and warm. If she stayed here forever, she wouldn’t have to get up, feel the coldness or sadness anymore. She would just stay here and sleep a sleepless dream day after day, month after month, year after year until she felt better.
That little voice inside her head was now screaming for her to get up and continue her journey. But she simply could not make her muscles move. In her mind, she knew she should open her eyes, stand up and go. However, her muscles and her body seemed to belong to someone else.
Marion didn’t know how long she had laid on the ground. Her consciousness was slipping in and out but she never opened her eyes. Never once did she move a muscle. Only after a long, long time did she start hearing voices.
At first, she thought it was her mind again playing tricks on her. It could have been a dream. She dreamt of hearing Jack’s familiar voice, but that could not have been. After all, she was in the darkness alone.
“She’s here!” she heard somewhere in the background. It was a voice she didn’t recognize. It wasn’t Jack.
For a moment, she heard steps, hooves stomping into the rocky ground. Chattering. Questions.
Suddenly, she felt something underneath her. Her head fell back as she was picked up. The whole time, Marion wanted to open her eyes and see who it was and ask what was going on, but her eyes refused to open. Her body refused to listen to her.
After a while, she didn’t even care about waking up. She stopped fighting and instead, fell into unconsciousness and darkness again. Into the world that had no thoughts, no pain, no feeling. Nothing.
If she was lucky, she wouldn’t wake up again. She wouldn’t have to feel anymore.
The time that passed could have been anything between a second and a thousand years. There were voices in the background again, but they were muffled and sounded like they came from underneath the water. Slowly, she felt something pulling her up from her deep black darkness. It was like she was floating in the air and she didn’t know how high she would have to go before she would be above the clouds.
A familiar, husky voice that she loved so much made her heart jump. It was the sun towards which she was floating.
22
Saved
Fionnghall couldn’t bear to see Deirdre so heartbroken. She sat by the fireplace in the downstairs drawing room and her head was bowed and resting in her hands. She had been crying ever since they had learned about Marion’s departure and there was no consoling her. She had lost her best friend and she had no way of knowing if she was ever coming back.
The letter Marion had written was on the floor. She had read it over and over again and finally let it drop on the floor, where it now laid crumpled.
Fionnghall sighed deeply and grabbed a small glass cup from the shelf. He poured a drink of brandy in the glass and handed it over to Deirdre.
“I ken this is nae somethin’ people would approve of,” he started as Deirdre looked at the glass and then him, puzzled. “But I reckon, under the circumstances, this would dae ye some good.”
Deirdre took the glass hesitantly and sniffed the golden-brown drink. Her nose wrinkled a little bit, but she took a sip of the brandy. It was clear that she didn’t like the taste, but Fionnghall was sure that it would relax her at least a little bit.
Her eyes were red and puffy. The tears had left streaks on her face and she didn’t even try to dry them off anymore.
“How could she dae this to me? And to ye?” she exclaimed al
l of a sudden. It made Fionnghall raise his eyebrows. He had never heard Deirdre raising her voice.
Fionnghall sighed and shrugged.
“She had her reasons. I just wished I had known she was serious about leaving,” he said with a barely audible voice. “I would have stopped her, no matter the price.”
Deirdre shook her head. In the corner of his eye, Fionnghall saw her eyes fill with tears again.
The door opened and Laird Brun, Lady Brun, and Lady Beitris stepped into the room. Deirdre quickly wiped away the tears on her face and turned away from the guests.
Captivating the Highlander: A Steamy Scottish Historical Romance Novel Page 20
