by KL Donn
Dear Steele
Love Letters Book 6
KL Donn
Copyright © 2021 by KL Donn
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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Contents
Blurb
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Epilogue
Epilogue
About the Author
Also by KL Donn
Blurb
Revenge by Love.
Dear Steele,
For so long, I've wanted to bare my secrets.
Tell you of my longings.
But her hatred will keep us apart.
Dear Ava,
I've waited for you for years.
Now, you're finally ready.
Nothing will stop me from making you mine.
Dedication
For everyone who asked for more.
Chapter 1
Ava
Dear Steele,
I feel like I've known you my entire life, and it shouldn’t be shocking that I feel the way I do. I’m sure to you it would be, though. I know Heather would be pissed if she ever found out I’ve been in love with you for so long.
Some days, I don’t even feel like we’re friends anymore. We just go through the motions, I guess. I’m not even sure I’m sad about it; I know she uses me.
I’m sorry… that’s your sister. I shouldn’t complain. At least I’m not alone when I’m at school. She lets me sit with her friends instead of by myself.
High school sucks. I remember watching you when we were younger. You were always so outgoing; people gravitated towards you like a beacon of light. I think that’s one reason I fell so deeply in love with you. You never once treated anyone with anything but respect. I never felt like an outsider with you around.
I'm not sure when it happened, but over the past two years, I’ve gradually grown to love you. I’m sure my presence is not even a blip on your radar, but I always tried my best to be around when you were on leave. You’ve become such an exceptional man, and I’m already jealous of the woman who will one day steal your heart.
I used to pay close attention to you when you came home. The way you moved was always with purpose. When your parents threw that huge pool party, I spent almost half the time faking sickness so I could watch you from the upstairs bathroom without being caught. Admiring as the water trickled down your firm muscles every time you left the pool filled my dreams for months. The way your skin would ripple with each stroke of your arms in the water never fails to make me shiver when I think about it.
I miss you, Steele, so much. Things have gotten tense at home with my parents' impending divorce, and neither want to leave the house behind. I’m 18, so I don’t think they care too much about what happens with me. With graduation in just a few weeks and my acceptance to Berkeley, I don't have time to ponder whether they do or not. I just want out of here.
I wish I could send you this letter. I wish I could confess my love for you face to face. I wish for so many things that will never be.
Always yours,
Ava
Folding the letter I know I’ll never send but pull out often to read since writing it two weeks ago, I startle when Heather leans over my shoulder. “What’s that?” she asks.
“Jesus, Heather,” I rush out, holding my filled hand to my heart. “Can’t you knock?” There’s a party tonight, and for some reason, she’s invited me.
“So what is it?” She never can let anything go.
Stuffing the paper in my underwear drawer, I reply, “Nothing important. Let’s go.”
I shouldn’t have left the room first. I would have seen her go back for it. I would have found out her hatred for me was complete.
I just shouldn’t have left first…
Chapter 2
Steele
It’s been almost three weeks since I received Ava’s letter confessing her love for me, only I’m almost certain she wasn’t the sender. She’s right about Heather using her, though. My little sister went from funny and sweet to vindictive and cold-hearted overnight a couple of years back.
I don’t know how it happened or when, hell, even why. She was suddenly just filled with all this hate towards anyone close to her. Especially Ava.
I often wonder if she knows Heather sent it and whether I should write her back. Ava has been reserved since the day we met. She’s not extremely outgoing, but man, can she be funny. And quirky. Cute as hell too.
Until I received her letter, I don’t think I thought of her that way, but now, looking back, there was always this connection to each other. I speculate on what it would be like to have her at home waiting for me. What her lips would taste like the first time I kiss her. Will she grip my biceps as our tongues duel, or will she wrap her arms around my back to pull me closer? Does she like being kissed along her neck or does she prefer across her shoulder?
“Jesus, Lieutenant, when are you going to write her back?” My friend Garth, and fellow bunkmate, asks over my shoulder.
“I don’t know if I should,” I respond.
“This your sister’s cute friend?” he asks, and my gaze flips from the letter to the man, wondering how the hell he knows. “Steele, you’ve been talking about her since we arrived back here, six months ago.”
Shit. “I have?” How the hell did I not notice that?
“Yup, and isn’t that her picture under the pillow on your bunk?” Damn.
Leaning back in my chair, I try to recall all the times I’ve spoken about Ava, and he’s right, I do talk about her. A lot.
Standing, I stride to my bunk and pull out the picture. The edges are frayed, and the color has faded. Because every damn night, I’m looking at it.
Goddamn. He’s right.
I suppose I have my answer now.
I’m writing Ava back.
What the hell do I say?
Rummaging through my trunk, I find the pictures our unit took last month and pull a couple out. It’s been a long fucking time since I’ve seen Ava in the flesh, and now that I’m romantically thinking about her, I want to make sure I’m clear about my interest.
Pictures will hopefully help.
I include one of my entire unit, one of me and our K-9, and two of me: one shooting at target practice and the other without a shirt, playing a game of basketball.
Shoving the images in the envelope, I stare blankly at the piece of paper, wondering what the fuck I’m supposed to write.
Chapter 3
Ava
Searching through my bag for my keys, I curse myself for taking the extra shift at the coffee shop. It’s dark, cold, and I can smell the rain yearning to fall. But I need the money. Since my parents’ divorce, Mom has been travelling like crazy after selling my childhood home, and Dad has a new girlfriend who’s pregnant.
Sure, college is paid for, my dorm is paid for. Everything is paid for. But I’m left alone, with no family. I work, I study, I go to school. My friends are few and far between.
Heather laughed when I confronted her about my letter to Steele when I realized it was missing the next day. After insulting me about how pathetic I was and telling me what a loser she thought me to be, she then confessed to mailing it. I haven’t spoken to her
since then.
When I moved on campus, I made sure to have all my mail forwarded to the dorms, just in case Steele wrote me back. But it’s been a few months, and I haven’t heard anything from the man. I struggle daily between crushing disappointment, embarrassment, and heartache.
Finally getting the building door open, I slip inside just as the rain lets loose. Unlocking my mailbox, I have junk, bills, and flyers. Exciting, not. The building is quiet and eerie as I climb the three flights to my dorm room. I’m not normally out this late.
Entering my room, which is more like a small apartment because I am fortunate that my dad is loaded, so he made sure I had my own space, at least, before ditching me for the new family. After dropping my mail and keys on the small entrance table, one envelope slips to the ground, and as I close the door with my hip and lean down to pick it up at the same time, I nearly fall on my ass when I see the return address.
Steele wrote me back.
Staggering, I drop onto the couch and stare at the envelope before opening it. A minute ago, I was dead tired; now, I’m wide awake.
Dear Ava,
I realize I wasn’t supposed to see your letter. And you’re likely pissed at Heather for sending it because, let’s face it, we both know she did, but I’m not disappointed.
In fact, I’m the exact opposite.
If you hadn’t written it, if she hadn’t sent it, I wouldn’t have been forced to examine how I felt about you. And, babe, there are some genuine feelings there.
Do you remember the end of the year party Heather threw last summer? You hid in the pool house nearly the entire time, hating that Heath was forcing you to wear that hideous black and green polka dot bikini. Christ, you hated that thing.
I remember walking in, your back was to me, and you were muttering under your breath. I had no idea it was you those first few seconds, but I remember thinking, “Damn, a girl brave enough to wear this tacky thing has my full attention,” and you did. Not just that day, either, but every day after too.
I’m a fool for not making the first move, then maybe your letter wouldn’t be filled with so much doubt and heartache. I never want to be the reason for your pain, Ava. I want to make you smile, to make you look forward to waking up each day. But mostly, right now, I want to make you fucking sigh my name every goddamn night.
I hope to hear back from you real soon.
Yours,
Steele
Whoa.
Like holy whoa.
I guess I never truly anticipated him responding, but for him to share my feelings? That’s a whole other realm. Excitement rushes through my veins as I hold the letter to my chest.
He likes me.
He cares.
Steele could be mine.
Chapter 4
Steele
Since mailing my letter back to Ava, I’ve watched the postal truck come and go a dozen times. We never know how long it will take for mail to come, and as disappointing as that is, it makes the arrival that much sweeter. Yeah, we could Skype, and eventually, I hope we’ll get to that, but for now, I get the feeling that Ava prefers putting pen to paper. It’s less pressure.
“Package, Lieutenant.” Taking the box, I’m surprised to see Ava’s name with a different mailing address on it.
Sitting behind my desk, I cut through the tape and flip open the sides. Tins of baked goods rest on top, and when I get to the bottom, there’s the fucking swimsuit. In all it’s terrible polka dot glory with a note pinned to it. “Since you like it so much, consider it yours.” I howl with amusement as I drape it across the edge of my desk. It definitely looked better on her.
Another envelope at the very bottom catches my eye; I open it up and remove the letter and pictures she sent along with it. Most are selfies of her being silly. Drinking coffee, reading, lying in bed. But the one that makes me pause is the one of her and I laughing at that damn party. I can see it now, the attraction we share. The attention other boys were giving her, but she only had eyes for me that day.
Dear Steele,
There was never a time when I imagined you could possibly return my feelings, though I hoped for that greatly. I had to read your letter fifty times before the words truly sunk in. And even now, I’m not sure they have.
I’ve crushed on you for so long that I figured I’d grow out of it when I came to college. I’d meet some cute boy, forget about you, and move on. I’d fall in love, he’d ask me to marry him, we’d have babies and live happily ever after.
I was asked out three times after arriving at school by well-meaning sophomores, but none of them hold a candle to you. I was never attracted. Didn’t get butterflies in my belly. That silly way you make me lightheaded and feel on top of the world didn’t happen either.
All I could think about was you.
But you never wrote back.
Honestly, I didn’t think you would. I mean, why should you? I was your little sister’s most hated friend. Why would you give me a second glance?
Then your letter came.
Now, I feel like I’m floating on cloud nine.
Is that weird? It should be.
I don’t even know if we’ll click once you come back home. Heck, I’m not even home anymore, and I have no plans to return.
My parents have moved on, Heather hates me, and I was never close friends with anyone else. I have nothing to go back there for.
So, I guess what I’m wondering is, how can we possibly work?
Sorry to be so heavy-handed. We’ve known each other for years, yet now that our feelings are in the open, I feel like we’re complete strangers. I don’t know anything about what you want in the future. I don’t even know what I want.
Do you want marriage and babies? Are you in the Navy for life? What do you see your future looking like?
It’s way too late for these thoughts. Maybe I should go to bed.
Enjoy your goodies.
Night,
Ava
Scratching my head, I’m not entirely sure what to think of her ramblings, but I know exactly what my future holds, and she’s a part of it.
Chapter 5
Ava
Dear Ava,
Anyone ever tell you that you overthink things? Because you are.
How about we start simple. Pretend like we’re complete strangers and go from there. Might help take the pressure off.
Hey! I’m Steele Carter, 29 years old from Los Angeles, California. Currently, a Naval lieutenant based out of San Francisco. I’m a Navy man for life. Joined the day I turned 18 and haven’t looked back. I plan to remain in Intelligence for as long as I’m able.
I aspire to have a family. Wife, as many children as she’ll give me, dog, white picket fence. I want it all, and I won’t stop until I get everything I desire.
What else?
I have a sister who is kind of a witch and turned on her best friend after finding out the boy she was crushing on was interested in the other girl. Now, when I say turned into a witch, I mean she went full-on The Craft witch darkness. Even though the other girl had no idea about the boy. Not excusing the behavior, but at least we know the reason.
I just received word that I’ll be getting some leave soon, and who knows, maybe by the time my next letter is due to you, I’ll be there instead.
Tell me everything you want, Ava, even the little things.
Steele
Blowing out a deep breath, I reread his letter. He didn’t run; I thought he would. I thought maybe he’d feel pressured into returning my feelings or have to pretend to, and I wanted to give him an out with all my heavy talk.
It didn’t work.
Instead, he reciprocated every sentiment I expressed and so much more. He shared with me his dreams that match my own; in fact, he revealed far more than I imagined he would.
Learning about Heather eases some of my misery. For a long time, I struggled with her rejection. All the hurt she brought me and never understanding why was awful.
Staring at the bo
oks on my desk, I debate whether to write him back right now or finish studying; it’s a no-brainer. Steele holds far more of my attention than the anatomy books that overwhelm me.
Taking another gulp of my coffee, I begin writing. Responding to him about everything he’s asked of me and what I think of everything he’s said.
I even get brave enough to ask him to Skype with me when we can make the time work. I have no idea where he is, only that my letter has to be rerouted from his base to get to him.
I’m giddy as I sign the letter and slip it into an envelope. I’m still so young, yet I’ve always felt much older, which makes me feel silly because the worst thing to happen to me is my parents divorcing. But then I remember how often I was left on my own to raise myself.
With a sigh, my thoughts circle the drain as I avoid studying. Becoming a teacher has been a life-long goal, but I can’t seem to focus for longer than a class.
Flopping back on my bed, I imagine a future where Steele and I work out. One where we have children and get our happy ending. We’re a family. A real one, too, not one like mine where it was all for show.
Closing my eyes, I see it clearly. A little boy and a little girl, looking just like Steele, a sweet golden retriever, and a cute little cat. White picket fence and all.
It’s what I want. What I crave.
Chapter 6
