by BL Mute
“Hey, Chief.” I listen as Lucas talks. “Yeah, everything is fine. I was wondering if you could stop by for a minute… No, everything is fine, like I said, we just have some business to discuss… Okay… Okay.”
As he ends the call, Julius comes out of Charlie’s room with her in tow. When they stop in front of me, her eyes don’t meet mine. She hardly acknowledges my presence.
I shake away the feeling of betrayal and do what I came here to do. “Sloan is on his way, right?” I look to Lucas, and he nods. “Good.”
Charlie tips her head. “What are you doing, Teddy?”
I want to tell her I’m finally putting an end to all the bullshit. That I’m getting to the bottom of who murdered her father in hopes she’ll forgive me, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know if it’s my pride or the fact I’m still so angry with her about everything, but I just can’t.
I continue to ignore her question, the same way she practically ignored me. I try to focus my attention on Julius. “Take her upstairs and write down every detail you can remember about where Emil is holding our stuff. I have a plan.”
She inhales sharply through her mouth and shakes her head. “Teddy don’t do this. It won’t end well.”
I close my eyes for a second and smile at the fact she knows exactly what I’m planning. She’s always had a way of knowing things before I say them. It’s one of the many things I loved about her.
Loved…
The word bounces around my mind and almost makes me sad. An emotion I’ve kept under lock and key beneath my heart. An emotion I swore to never feel, but that’s the thing with Charlie… She makes me feel.
For the longest time, all of the years I spent watching her, and the weeks I had her before I left, my love for Charlie was never a question. I knew I would step in front of her if war came. Take any bullet, challenge any man—I would have done anything for her. But now my mind is questioning my love for her all on its own.
I shake the thoughts away and look back to her. “I’m doing what needs to be done. Go with Julius and draw up a map for us to follow.”
She pauses, her mouth slightly open like she wants to say more, but she doesn’t. She disappears up the steps with Julius.
Once they’re out of sight, I turn back to Lucas. I want to say something, anything, but I can’t even bear to look at him the same way. Thinking about him and Charlie together makes me angry. I can feel the blood in my body boil. My heart races, ready to explode, but I don’t act on it. Keeping your composure when you’re in a position like mine is key. If the enemy sees your own walls crumbling, they’ll light the match to speed up the process.
Cedric always told me love is a killer. I never knew what he meant, but I’m seeing it now. It kills you inside slowly at first, but you don’t notice because it’s masked with lust. Then, slowly, it seeps to the outside, coating every surface, space, and person within reach. The problem with that? All of my love died with Charlie. Every ounce I had to give I gave to her willingly. I let her take it, use it. I let her change me. I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened, so why am I so damn angry about it?
I push away the thoughts and inhale deep through my nose. If anyone is to blame here, it’s Charlie. She’s the outsider, not Lucas. She’s the one who wrecked what we had, and I fucking let her. But not anymore.
Before I can finally break the silence and ask some bullshit question to fill the quiet space, a knock sounds out from the other side of the door. I lock eyes with Lucas before turning and opening it.
Sloan stands on the other side in his khaki suit with his gold badge pinned above his heart. “Evening, Chief.” The look on his face is one I’ve seen before, but instead it was Charlie who wore it.
His eyes scan over my entire body, lingering on every inch. “What the fuck,” he whispers. “You’re dead.”
I smile. “As far as anyone knows I am. But I need your help.”
He holds up his hand and shakes his head. “No. Let’s go back to the dead part first. You can’t die, then suddenly reappear and not expect me to ask questions.”
I do my best to explain my plan as quickly as possible, telling him why I decided to fake my own death and anything else he may want to question.
“So, you did it to trick the leader of the cartel out of hiding?” He raises a brow and snorts. “How’d that work for you?”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Honestly? Pretty well. I actually have a lead to follow now. Something I wasn’t able to obtain with even your help before.”
The small smile falls from his mouth. “And they knew this whole time?” He points to Lucas.
“They, as in the twins, yes. Charlie, no.”
He closes his eyes as he leans his head to one side, then the other like he’s stretching. “You know, before Charlie’s dad died, I made him a promise to watch over her. That meant physically and mentally. If anyone tried to hurt her, I’d hurt them. And you know what you did?” He doesn’t let me answer. “You hurt her, Theodore. That girl was broken.”
“You don’t think I know that?” I step closer to him.
“No. I don’t think you do. If you actually gave two fucks about her, you wouldn’t have put her through all of that.”
“It was for her own good. I needed this to be believable. If she knew, I wouldn’t have been able to stay away.”
A sad snicker escapes his mouth. “You know how I know you don’t care about her? Because if you did, it wouldn’t matter if she knew or not. If you cared, you wouldn’t have been able to stay away. Period. You’re more in love with the idea of her than you are actually in love with her.”
His words stop me in my tracks and vibrate through my mind. Maybe the old man is right. I brought her here on my own agenda first. Used her for any information she had on the cartel. We wanted the same result, so it was okay. But the more I think about it, the more Sloan’s words settle into me.
Everything I love about Charlie had some sort of benefit for me. Her body? I’d fuck her for a release. Her personality? Fuck. She’s nothing but bratty, but at the same time, she can definitely hold her own in a battle of wills. If you’re going to fuck with the mafia, you need that. You need to be smart. Her being able to handle herself physically was a bonus too. I wouldn’t have to watch every move she made or worry she’d end up dead because I know she wouldn’t let it happen.
“Here’s the stupid map. I don’t see why you can’t just take us there.”
I look behind me and see Charlie descending the stairs as Julius follows. I don’t even have time to reply to Sloan before she’s next to me, shoving a piece of paper into my chest.
“We will all be going, but for now this is going with him.” I take the paper from Charlie and fold it up before handing it to Sloan. “Take this and leave it on your desk or somewhere visible. I want Snyder to see it.”
He levels his eyes with mine before snatching it from my hold. “We aren’t done with our conversation,” he says as he opens the door.
I give him a crooked smile. “We never are, Chief.”
Another huff comes before he steps out and vanishes.
“What conversation?” Charlie questions behind me as I watch Sloan’s taillights grow smaller and smaller.
“Don’t worry about it.”
I can hear the attitude and frustration in her voice. “Care to tell me why you wanted him to have that, then?”
I close the door and look back to her. “If Snyder finds it, I’m sure he’ll tell the ATF agent which will result in more snooping around trying to pin down the location of what you wrote down. When that happens, I guarantee he’ll come knocking on our door wanting more info. When he does, we will give him exactly what he wants.”
She crosses her arms and pops out her hip. “Yeah? And what’s that?”
“Someone to pin shit on. We’re going to give him Emil.”
I pace the floor in my room, trying not to freak out over what Teddy has planned. When Chi
ef Sloan left, I was speechless. Words refused to formulate sentences, then travel to my mouth. I wasn’t completely sure what Teddy wanted to do, but I had an idea. I was just hoping I wasn’t right.
My door swings open as Teddy steps inside. “Charlie, we need to talk. About last night—about today.”
“There is nothing to talk about. You’re an idiot and have a death sentence obviously. I thought maybe you were smarter than this, but clearly you’re not.” The words come out quick and sharp without even thinking, unlike a few moments ago.
He lets out a single huff, then rushes toward me.
“What, going to grab me by the throat again and tell me how you’re in charge? Or how I should watch my mouth? I’m done listening to you.”
I’m not sure if it’s the anger from last night or the complete bewilderment at what he’s doing, but I’m not lying. I don’t care anymore. And maybe that’s the problem with love that comes so quickly.
You get caught up in the honeymoon phase and think that’s how it’ll always be. You don’t take the time to learn who your partner really is. Sure, I knew Teddy was a bad guy. I just didn’t think he was that kind of bad guy. The one that would treat me like dirt over something I’ve already tried to correct. Something I’ve already apologized for. I don’t think he realizes it, but he’s doing nothing more than pushing me away even further.
I turn and try to retreat to my bed, but he catches me by surprise yanking me back by my hair. His face comes over my shoulder and rests by my cheek. “You really think you run this shit, Charlotte? Because you don’t. If I were smart—which I’m obviously not because I fell for you—I would kick you on your ass to the curb. Too bad I still want you. I still need you.” His words are a hiss.
“You can think whatever you want if it’ll make you sleep better at night. That I love you, or you’re better than all of this, but it won’t change the fact of who you are and what you’ve done. You’re—” He kisses my cheek. “—a—” His lips find my jaw next. “—whore.” Pain vibrates through me as his teeth dig into my neck, and then he pushes me away, still holding my hair.
A silent sob claws at my throat, begging to be released, but I won’t let it. Instead, I bite my lip and prepare myself for whatever he throws at me next.
“You know, Charlie, I tried to give you everything you could ever want. You’ve never had to ask for a single thing. And the way you repay me is by defiance? By sleeping with someone I practically raised?”
Anger vibrates through my body. “I never slept with Lucas. Never.” The words grind out between clenched teeth.
His grip on my hair tightens. “I don’t believe you,” he whispers. I hear the buckle of his belt coming undone followed by the low sound of his zipper. “I’d be a fool to believe such a lie.”
My eyes stay glued to my bed in front of me as he lets his body lean into mine. “I don’t care what you believe anymore, Teddy. Nothing I say even registers with you.”
He snaps my head back, bringing his face next to mine again. “Good.”
Everything that comes next happens so fast and so slow—all at once. He pushes up my dress and rips off my delicate panties. They never stood a chance against him. Normally his roughness wouldn’t bother me, but this is different. He’s like a completely new man doing anything he can to hurt.
“Teddy, no!” I yell, but it’s no use.
“What’s the matter? Don’t want to fuck because I’m not Lucas? Or have you moved on to the cop now?” He laughs. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out how you talked to him? See, from what I saw, I couldn’t figure out if you were trying to get information or seduce him. Probably the latter.”
My body freezes.
“Didn’t think I would know about that little exchange too? Don’t you know by now that I see everything.”
Suddenly, my heart breaks. Literally breaks. I can feel the small threads that have been barely hanging on finally snap, sending my heart shattering into my ribs. I’m not sure if this is just the last straw, or maybe the fact I’ve felt too guilty to realize how terrible he’s been, but nonetheless, every piece of my heart sinks to my stomach.
I grab my hair above his hand and yank myself away, then turn to face him. My voice is a murmur. “Why are you doing this? Why do you want to hurt me?” Tears fall from my eyes and hit my cheeks, but I push them away roughly with the back of my hand.
His eyes meet mine, and for a split second, the fight leaves.
His blue orbs become soft as he studies my face. “I need you to hate me, Charlie.”
“Why?”
“Things are just easier when you hate me.”
His confession is the light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel. It gives me hope, but it’s short-lived.
Just as quickly as the fight left his eyes, it returns. With one hand he pushes me to the bed as the other finishes the job of pulling down his pants. I try to raise up—to run—to do anything other than let him on top of me, but he crawls over me, securing his palm in the center of my chest.
“Teddy, please,” I beg, but it falls on deaf ears.
I claw at his arm and wiggle my way up the bed as far as I can go, but he’s stronger. I try to remember everything my dad taught me, but when I see his face, I can’t bring myself to jab his eyes or push my palm into his nose.
“Teddy!” I scream.
No response.
I look to my side for anything I can grab to try and fight him off, but he acts before me. He clasps both of my hands in one of his, then uses his other to flip me over. He lets my hands go only long enough to pull them behind my back.
I feel like a fish out of water, jerking and kicking, but with his hands around mine and his knees engaging mine, nothing I do is any use.
“Teddy, please. Don’t do this,” I cry.
Again, he doesn’t respond.
Soft fabric loops around each of my wrists, then tightens, and everything in me goes still. My thoughts are erased. My body turns lax. And my fight completely evaporates.
“Hate me.” I can feel his hot breath on the back of my neck as he pushes into me. “Please.”
The pain in his voice doesn’t match his actions, and it confuses me, but everything about Teddy since I’ve been back has confused me.
“I”—thrust—“need”—thrust—“you”—thrust—“to”—thrust—“hate me.”
Pains tears through my core as screams threaten to escape me, but I swallow them down. I won’t let him know he’s killing me slowly. He pulls out and I hear him spit before he dives back toward me.
He pushes his hand into the side of my face before hooking two fingers into my mouth and prying it open. Tears bite behind my eyes before they finally fall again, soaking the bed beneath me. And just when I think it’s finally coming to an end, he pulls out and flips me over.
One arm drapes over my stomach heavily as the other grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. “Look at me while I do this.”
I give in to his command and stare at him with cold eyes and a quivering lip. His eyes are empty. Dead. Sweat beads down the side of his face, dripping onto me, feeling like battery acid. He bares his teeth and growls as he fucks me harder and harder, breaking my soul with every thrust.
Finally, he comes with a roar inside of me. His hand releases from my chin, but he keeps his arm over my stomach, trying to gather the last bit of strength he has.
When he finally pulls out, I’m not sure what to do with myself. My mind is a complete haze, and my body feels like it’s in shock. My arms are screaming to be released as the pain continues to pulsate from my shoulders all the way down to my hands.
He steps back into his pants and leaves the room like it’s just another day with zero care for me.
I stay in the bed, replaying the entire ordeal over and over again in my head. What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve it?
All questions I ask myself and can’t even answer. Everything I try to counteract it with is nothing more than a pitiful excuse to stick
up for Teddy. Maybe he didn’t mean it. It was me, I made him angry, but that’s all bullshit. Teddy is a ruthless fucking criminal. A mafia leader. A murderer. Rape wouldn’t be something beneath him.
I stand from the bed and wince at how sore I am from being pried open. Cum trickles down my legs, sinking into the carpet, and I’m completely disgusted. All I want to do is get Teddy off me. He touch, his smell, his fucking cum.
I rush to the bathroom with tears flowing down my face and a sob finally breaking free. I try to turn the water on, but it’s no use. My hands are still bound, so I sink to the floor instead and let myself cry. I let myself really mourn because the man I loved really did die. All of the tears I’ve shed for that man don’t even compare to now. My Teddy is gone, and a monster is in his place.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
It takes me a minute to realize I’m not dreaming and that someone is actually banging on my door. It can’t be Julius. He has no respect for privacy, and Carl doesn’t knock like the motherfucking police, so that leaves two options. It’s Charlie or Teddy.
The thought of Charlie needing me, or that something is wrong, has me bolting upright, not even bothering to wipe the sleep from my eyes. As far as Teddy…
I don’t bother putting on a shirt before I sprint across the room and to my door. When I open it, the sight on the other side has me questioning a lot of things. I’ve worked under Teddy for the past eight years, and never once have I seen him broken.
I’ve seen him mad enough to burn down buildings, sad enough to scream, but never broken. Never broken and… crying. “Boss?”
I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say or do with him in front of me. Brotherly love is kind of a foreign concept. We don’t hug. We don’t comfort each other. And we most definitely don’t fucking cry. Sure, he isn’t a blubbering mess, but Boss has never been one for dramatics. If it wasn’t for the light from the hallway shining directly over him—making the streaks of almost dried tears on his cheeks glisten—I wouldn’t know he was crying at all.
“Lucas, I need you to go take care of Charlie.” His voice is cracked and weak.
