“I can’t. I have to stay here.”
She pulled in a deep breath. “Kate Bennett, I’d take you over my knee if I thought it would do any good. But I just have this feeling . . .” Her eyes filled with sudden tears. “It’s like your grandfather is right here. Right next to me, whispering that everything is going to be all right. That you’re old enough and wise enough to make your own decisions. You just have to promise me you’ll be safe.”
Though it was not something I could promise, I did so anyway.
“Is Jack inside?” I asked, quick to escape her before emotion overwhelmed me.
She nodded.
I gave her a brief hug and then slipped around her to find Jack in the kitchen. He was standing at the sink, staring out the window into the backyard. He turned when he heard me come in.
He took in my resolute expression, bobbing his head when he understood I had no intention of leaving. “I’ll go with them, if you’d like,” he offered.
“Please? They need you more than I do.”
He swallowed hard. “Holy dooley, girl—don’t look so morose.”
“I look morose?”
“You look . . . resigned.”
“I guess I am.”
“To what?”
I didn’t answer his question. “I might need your help, Jack. I want Patrick to go too.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Don’t be a galah. He’d never leave you. Especially not now.”
“I can’t tell you why, but . . . He needs to be with the twins now.”
He pursed his lips. “I already called Claire—she wants Maddy away from here. She’s not going to be happy, that’s for sure. But maybe Claire’s got a point.”
I moved closer, sticking out my hand. “Thank you, Jack. For everything you’ve done. For me and my family.”
He tried to smile as he shook my hand. “No worries, Kate. It was always my pleasure.”
I heard the front door open and I knew Patrick had arrived. I dropped Jack’s hand, but before I could move away he embraced me. “It’ll be all right, Kate. It’ll all be right.”
“Thanks, Jack,” I whispered against him.
By the time we pulled back, Patrick was standing in the kitchen, watching us. He looked to Jack. “Are you going, then?” he asked.
Jack answered smoothly. “Sure am. I think the young’uns will be glad to have me along.”
Patrick nodded once. He was avoiding my gaze. “I’m glad you’ll be with them. I think I might send Claire and Maddy, just in case. That should leave enough of us here for Kate’s protection, until we can figure out another way to stop the Demon Lord.”
“Patrick?” I asked suddenly. “Can I talk to you?”
It was obvious he didn’t want to look at me, but his head moved fractionally until our eyes locked. His were wary. “Of course,” he said with false ease.
I led the way into the family room, sensing him following right behind me. I tried to pull in steadying breaths, low and full. I didn’t stop until we stood in front of the dark TV, and when I turned around we stood facing each other for a long moment.
His breath was coming faster. His jaw was tightening with every second I hesitated.
I cracked my mouth open. “I’m staying here, but I want you to go with them.”
He stopped breathing altogether. He gripped both of my hands, squeezing tightly as he tugged me closer to him. “Kate,” he whispered thickly, hoping to keep our conversation muted in the quiet house. “Please, just hear me out. I know you’re terrified—I’m terrified. But I’ve been thinking this through all day. I have another option—a better option.”
I sighed, rolling my eyes toward the ceiling because it was too hard to look at him, to see the desperate hope in his gaze. “Patrick, I don’t want to argue—”
“Kate, I want you to come with me.”
I closed my eyes, ducking my head. “I can’t. I called Terence. I’m helping Hanif with the mission.”
He froze before me. “No,” he breathed at last. “You can’t do that. Without Alex’s military experience, you don’t stand a chance—”
“Peter Keegan is a Special Seer. I’m sure if he’s aware of what happened to Lee, he’ll help us out. We’ll have enough people to get the job done.”
His words were urgent—lined with desperation. “You can’t trust him. And even if you could, he’s only a schoolteacher. Kate, you can’t do this. You cannot lead these Seers in an assassination attempt. It’s not in you, and we both know it. You need to come with me.”
“I can’t go with the twins. It will only endanger them—”
“Not with the twins,” he interrupted, impatient I wasn’t following his line of thought. “Just you and me. We’ll go somewhere, where even the Guardians can’t find us. Somewhere with no ties to the Demon Lord.”
“What about the twins? My grandma?”
“It will only be for a few years. Until all of this has died down. Until Terence and the Council find another way to kill the Demon Lord. They will if we just give them time.”
I shook my head. “Patrick, this is insane.”
“No, it’s not. I can work, provide for you. I can protect you, keep you alive. It doesn’t matter where we go. I don’t care. As long as I’m with you and I know you’re safe.”
Tears blurred my eyes, and I knew he noticed because his grip on me tightened. More than anything, I wanted to do exactly what he was describing. Just me and him. I trusted him perfectly—he’d keep me safe. After so much pain and fear, I’d finally feel safe.
The idea was intoxicating. But I couldn’t lose my focus. “Toni? Lee?” I questioned, voice tight with emotion.
Patrick slid closer to me, voice turning soothing in an instant, sure he was winning me over. “He’ll protect her, Kate. They’ll be safe. Probably safer without us around.”
I shook my head slowly. “Patrick, you’re not thinking clearly.”
“This is all I’ve been thinking about since last night,” he argued. “We have to stay together. If I stay with you, that future can’t happen. As long as we’re together, things won’t play out that way.”
I blew out my breath. He was jumping to irrational conclusions. Didn’t he understand that this was going to happen whether he was with me or not? I don’t know how I knew, I just did. I was going to die, and we both needed to come to terms with it so we could focus on protecting the twins. “Patrick . . .”
His hands moved up to my shoulders, his long fingers flexing their hold, as if somehow he could force me to agree. “Kate, I’m begging you to come with me.”
“What if I did?” I whispered, staring at a point past his shoulder. “What if that’s what we did before? I came with you, and we were safe. For a while. And then everyone we left behind died because we weren’t there to stop it? What if this is exactly what we tried and it failed? What if the twins died because we were selfish and didn’t—”
“I don’t care,” he interrupted stubbornly. “I have to try. You have to try. For me. Kate, please, just do this for me.”
It would be easy to say yes. Yet it was impossible. Maybe he sensed that. And so he did something I never imagined he would.
He sank to one knee, his brilliant blue eyes running across my face before settling on mine. He spoke without further preamble. “Kate Bennett, will you marry me?”
I blinked down at him, completely shocked by the sudden shift in conversation.
His lips pressed together as he shifted to both knees, still clinging to my hands. His voice was uncommonly rough—throbbing with emotion. “I’m not afraid to beg, if that’s what it takes. I love you more than any man could ever love you, Kate, and I promise to always love you, to always care for you. For every day of forever. I won’t rest until I find a way to give you everything you deserve. I swear I will make you happy. Please, please say you’ll marry me.”
My mouth hung partially open. I was completely speechless. I’d often thought of how great it would be to love him for the
rest of my life, but I hadn’t actually thought the word marriage. But to know he had . . . I was distracted by the thought of becoming his wife. Thinking about the possibility of marrying him, being his completely . . . It caused my heart to almost dissolve with pleasure. Even if we never had children, if he never grew old . . . Life would be great with him. More than great. It would be a miracle. It would be a type of heaven.
But no matter how much I wanted him, he was the one thing I couldn’t have. Because when I died, I would never see him again. I couldn’t be his. Not in the way he wanted. Not in the way I was desperate to have him.
I reached down and took hold of his hands, tugging weakly. Pain crossed his face at my apparent rejection, but he followed my gentle prompt and rose to his feet, unable to meet my gaze, his shoulders slumped in defeat.
I slipped one of my hands free to stroke his tight jaw. “Patrick O’Donnell,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “I want to say yes. More than anything I want to say yes. But I can’t.”
He pulled in a shivering breath. “Why?” he demanded.
I attempted to smile, failing miserably in the process. “Because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already will.”
He bowed his head, forcing my fingers up into his hair. “Kate,” he mumbled into the space between us. “I don’t care if our time together is a lifetime or just one more day. I need to know that you love me like I love you.”
I shook my head at him. Did he honestly doubt my feelings? “I do. Patrick, I love you so much.”
He peeked up through his eyelashes, his tone pleading. “Then say you’ll marry me.”
I stared at him, waiting for someone—anyone—to tell me what to do. When no answer was forthcoming, I had to improvise. I leaned closer, seeking his lips. He realized what I wanted and his mouth eagerly found mine. He was willing to set any weapon upon me if somehow it could persuade me to say yes and come with him. My hand knotted in his hair, our joined hands interlocked and his free fingers framed my face. Our lips melted together, blurring our emotions until they were thoroughly mixed. We held each other tightly, forgetting that we were in my family room, forgetting the Demon Lord, and all the dangers that faced us. I forgot I was tied to the earth at all. In that wonderful moment, nothing could touch us. Nothing could pull us away from each other.
But it had to end. I had to keep this from happening. I needed to stay, and he needed to go. Somehow, it was the only way to save the ones I loved.
I ended the kiss, keeping my forehead against his. “You need to go.”
His body shuddered and he swallowed convulsively, fingers curling around the back of my neck. “Kate, please . . .”
I laid my hands on his wrists and tried to pull his hands away. They only tightened against my skin in response. I sighed, tipping my head to rest against his forehead. I was losing strength, if not my resolve, to push him away. Couldn’t he realize I was trying to be strong for him?
“I said that everything we try fails,” I breathed. “I’m not going to take a chance with the lives of my sisters.”
“Kate . . .”
I pretended to ignore the wonderful sensations his fingertips pressing against my skin inspired, and I cut into his plea. “If I died to tell you this, it must have been the only way to save them.” I heaved in a short breath. “Patrick, I don’t want you to go.” My voice broke on the last word, and I could feel the muscles in his face waver and fight the urge to contort. I pulled in a breath, blinked back stinging tears that threatened to fall. “I made my parents a promise after they died: that I would look after Jenna and Josie. It’s a promise I made to myself when all of this started in the first place. You’re supposed to be with them, now. Not me. You’re the only one I can trust to keep Jenna and Josie safe.”
“Please, please don’t make me leave you,” he croaked.
My mouth compressed, my tears finally slipping free. He didn’t pull away from the moisture, just pulled me in until my head was cradled between his neck and shoulder. His fingers stroked my hair, hooked it behind my ears, and my whole body shook.
“Please, Kate?” His lips were at my ear, his head ducked above mine. He held me tenderly, filled me with the confidence that I needed him with me.
“Patrick, I want—” I stopped the desperate words before they could betray me, before he could understand just how much I wanted to disregard everything and stay with him. But I had to give him up. It was the hardest sacrifice I could ever imagine, but if it saved my sisters . . .
I may have kept him from hearing the words, but they still ran through my mind, further wearing me down. Patrick, I want you with me more than anything. I’m terrified. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to do this alone. I want you close so I won’t be as scared. I’ve never been so scared. I want you, Patrick, forever. And I can’t have you.
I pinched my eyes closed against his shoulder and tried again. “Patrick, I need you to save the twins. Promise me that after I’m gone, you’ll—”
He simultaneously jerked back and pushed me away, hands firm around my upper arms. His blue eyes were stormy, flashing with a fierceness that made my stomach drop. His low voice was bitter, his words brittle and snapping between us. “You’ve given up. Already. Since the moment I told you. Haven’t you? You don’t expect to survive this. You never did. You agreed to help Terence because in your mind, you don’t stand a chance. You think you’re going to die, and you’ve decided to stop fighting.” His fingers curled more tightly. I’d never seen him so impassioned—so upset. “You’re not going to die. Not now. Not like this.” A tear streaked down his face, but his eyes remained hard on mine. “Do you understand me? Destiny can only control you if you let it. If you choose. You can’t give up. Kate, please, you can’t give up.”
I swallowed, determined to stop his frantic words. I cupped his face in my too-small hands, fingers brushing against the moisture. I leveled him with my firmest stare, glad the emotions rushing through me had been stopped at the sight of his tears.
I could be strong now. I had to be. He needed me to be. It was the only way I could let him go.
“Patrick, you listen to me,” I said evenly. “I haven’t stopped fighting. I’m going to keep fighting, do you understand? I’m not going to quit. And neither are you. We’ve made it this far. I’m not about to give you up. Not even close.”
He tried to say something, but I shifted my hand to cover his mouth.
“Patrick, I won’t stop fighting,” I repeated. “I promise.”
His eyes squeezed closed at my words, his shoulders falling in defeat.
He knew I wasn’t going to budge. I was still going to send him away, despite everything. I was still going through with the mission to the Demon Lord’s past.
In his mind, I’d given up, despite my assurances that I hadn’t. Or maybe he’d listened closer, heard that I’d only promised to keep fighting. Maybe he’d heard the undertones of defeat in my voice—the words I hadn’t dared to voice.
I knew my end was coming. Just as he did.
And as if the knowledge wasn’t painful enough to him . . . In his eyes, I was asking him to give up too.
***
I was sitting on my front room couch watching the sunset. My mind felt almost blank after the afternoon’s strong emotions. I could hardly believe that Patrick was gone. That my family was gone.
Patrick had called a couple hours ago to let me know that they’d arrived safely. He was invisible, but Jack and Maddy were not. The twins didn’t question Maddy’s presence—Jack was weird enough that anything he did or anyone he brought along on an adventure didn’t raise suspicions. They were safe. That was what I tried to focus on. My family was safe. That didn’t mean they were entirely out of danger, but Patrick would be there to protect them.
Patrick . . .
I knew Patrick wasn’t happy with me. He wasn’t even accepting. But he followed my wishes just the same, packing his bags and then sneaking t
hem into the back of the van without anyone seeing. He’d reentered the house before I could follow him, and watching him stand in the entryway, open door behind him, brought back memories of our first kiss.
He’d moved quickly, knowing time was limited. He’d stepped up to me and slipped off his leather bracelet—the black one Toni had stolen so long ago. He wrapped it around my wrist with sure fingers, whispering shortly, “You need to give it back to me, because I have to return it to the poor fool who lost it.”
Though we knew it was a shaky promise at best, I told him I would.
He didn’t kiss me on the lips when he left. Just a quick brush of his mouth along my cheek, as if he couldn’t bear to be around me for another second. I tried not to let it get to me. After all, he had reason to be upset.
Saying good-bye to the twins was just as bad. They thought I was spending the week with Lee, and they barely took the time to hug me because they were so intent on rubbing in the fact that they got to spend a week on a farm. Jenna gave me a hug, but it was distracted. “Lilly Gibbs has horses!” she kept saying excitedly.
I patted her head. “Don’t break your neck.”
It had been the last thing I’d said to her.
Josie hadn’t given me a hug good-bye, and I wasn’t about to drag her back out of the van to give her one. I’d stood in the driveway and watched them back out. Watched them leave me. Just like I’d wanted.
Why didn’t I feel a sense of victory?
Toni and Lee were in the kitchen with Claire, trying to pack up anything we could take over to the warehouse, where I would be living for at least the next week.
So wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t hear Toni until he spoke from behind me. “Are you one of those freaks who like sunsets more than TV?”
I glanced up at him, my smile extremely halfhearted. It was the only answer I had energy to give.
He plopped down next to me on the couch, his khaki shorts exposing his knobby knees. “So, are you all packed?”
I nodded vaguely, staring out the window again. “Yeah, I think so.”
“The warehouse isn’t that bad, you know.”
Guardians (Seers Trilogy Book 3) Page 26
