She cut a piece even though it was still too hot and picked up her phone. Taking bites of the gooey brownie, she contemplated what to do. She really didn’t want to be alone that night. Then she thought of what her mom had said that morning about telling Greg the truth and decided to call him.
“Hey, Dad. Got a minute?” Lexa leaned against the kitchen counter.
“Sure, what’s up? The kids there yet?”
“No. Maddie just called. She canceled her date with Mike. They got in a fight.”
Greg made a sympathetic noise.
“Mom told me this morning that she told you the truth about what happened in Taiwan.”
There was a pause, and Lexa could hear rustling from Greg’s end. “Yeah. I wish you’d told me yourself. Why didn’t you?”
“No one enjoys speaking of things they’re ashamed of.”
“It’s not your shame.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Lexa popped the last bite of brownie in her mouth and eyed the pan.
“It does matter, Lexa. It’s kept you from your Taiwanese heritage.”
She swallowed before speaking. “Can I come over?”
“Oh, um . . .”
“Wait, do you have a date?” Lexa pushed off the counter. Was her dad dating already?
“No, nothing like that. But I’m meeting some friends for dinner. I can cancel . . .”
“No, don’t. I’m glad you’re going out. We can talk this weekend or next week.” Lexa let out a laugh. “After all, I’ve waited this long.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. Have a good time. Bye.”
She hung up and scrolled through her phone again. She and Andi had set up Bumble accounts. Lexa had swiped right to like some of the men and had gotten a few instant connections. There was one guy in particular who’d caught her eye, and they’d messaged back and forth. He’d asked her out for drinks that night, but she’d said no since she was supposed to be babysitting. Would it seem desperate if she messaged him now, asking to meet up?
Hey, so plans changed and I don’t have to watch my niece and nephew. Any chance of meeting for that drink tonight?
To her relief, he answered right away. Sure, I’m free. Where do you want to meet?
She suggested a restaurant where she knew the bartender, and he said he’d meet her there in an hour. After putting down the phone, she sat for a moment thinking about Jake. Was it wrong of her to go out on this date? She wasn’t in a relationship with Jake. And as much as she liked him and was looking forward to seeing him again, she knew he wasn’t right for her. So wasn’t it in her best interest to keep dating to find the right guy?
Springing up, she headed for her closet to find something to wear. With all the chaos in her life right then, she was glad she didn’t have to spend Friday night by herself.
* * *
• • •
The restaurant wasn’t crowded when she got there. Her friend Rob, a skinny man who usually had a cigarette dangling out of his mouth when he wasn’t working, acknowledged her from behind the bar and nodded in the direction of a man sitting at the far end.
“Lexa?” The man with thick dark hair and chiseled cheekbones stood when she reached him.
“Nice to meet you . . . uh.” She suddenly couldn’t remember his name. Was it Paul? No, it was Peter. She’d been so drawn by how good-looking he was in his profile picture that she’d barely glanced at his name. Yes, she could be shallow sometimes.
They shook hands, and he held a barstool out for her.
“You’re as beautiful in person as your photos.”
“Thanks. You look like you too.” They smiled, even as their eyes appraised each other.
She ordered a Cosmo, and they chatted easily, talking about their jobs. Her eyes widened when he said he used to be an underwear model, and she couldn’t resist checking him out. Smoking body. He was easy to talk to, and she relaxed, glad she’d decided to contact him rather than stay home in her apartment.
Out of the corners of her eyes, she saw Rob hovering, his brows furrowed together. She wagged her eyebrows at him, trying to signal that she liked the guy.
“Are you okay?” Peter asked. “Something wrong?”
“It’s all good.” She turned back to him, and he moved his barstool closer.
“Can I tell you something?” His whisper caused shivers of anticipation to go down her spine.
She nodded.
“Asian women are like lotus flowers, ready to blossom under the right guy’s touch, and I think I’m that guy for you.” He reached out to caress her cheek. “I love the subservient manner of Asian women. You’re all so dainty.”
Lexa drew back sharply. Oh, dear Lord, no. He was one of those—a guy with yellow fever, who loved Asian women unconditionally. She cast about frantically in her mind for an excuse to end the date right now. A sudden case of stomach virus? A sick aunt?
Unaware of Lexa’s inner thoughts, Peter continued to whisper. “I’ve always wanted to drive down the FDR Drive in my convertible on a hot summer night with the top down and a beautiful Asian woman in the passenger seat next to me.” He paused and leaned even closer, causing Lexa to lean far enough away from him that she almost fell off her stool. “While giving me a blow job. What do you say? I have my car out front. Want to get out of here and go for a drive?” And with that, while her mouth was hanging open, he took the opportunity to ram his tongue inside her mouth, where it darted around like a serpent ready to strike.
She pulled back and made a choking sound, trying to catch her breath. Peter mistook this for passion and whispered, “Got you all hot and bothered, didn’t I? I knew you were going to be the right girl for this fantasy, being Asian and all. I can’t wait to feel your mouth on my hard cock while the wind blows through the car as I’m driving down the FDR.” And then he licked her ear.
That did it. She jerked her head away and waited until he looked at her. “Do you want to know what I think?”
He smirked and leaned back, thinking he had her. “Tell me.”
“I think,” she said, and leaned in so he’d be sure to catch each word, “that you need to cool off.” And she upended the rest of her drink over his crotch and hopped off her stool.
He reached for a napkin to blot his lap but gave her a sly smile and narrowed his eyes at her. “Oh, you so feisty,” he said in a fake Asian accent. Bringing his hands up in prayer, he bowed to her. “Konichiwa.”
“Konichiwa is Japanese, you, you . . .” Lexa sputtered, unable to think of a word insulting enough to hurl at him. “I’m half-Taiwanese.”
His eyes lit up. “I love Thai food!”
Lexa’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “Taiwan! Not Thailand. Listen. I’m not subservient, and I’ll never blossom, so this date is over.”
“Oh, so sorry,” he said in that fake Asian accent, which drove her crazy. He wagged a finger in front of her face. “You, my lotus flower, are playing hard to get. I know your games.”
Rob walked up to them and studied Peter like he was a diseased piece of fruit. “Lotus flower? Lexa is not a lotus flower. Is there a problem here?”
Peter held up his hands. “No problem. The lady and I were just getting acquainted.”
“No, we’re not. And I’m not playing hard to get. Let me make it clear.” Lexa enunciated each word clearly. “I’m. Not. Interested.”
Peter stood and made a move toward Lexa. Rob stepped between them. “I’d leave her alone, buster. Lexa knows Kung Fu.”
Peter raised an eyebrow at Lexa. “Oooh. You play rough. I love it. You look so delicate on the outside, but you’re a tiger on the inside.” And he made claws with his hands and growled.
“Okay, that’s it. You’re out of here.” Rob grabbed Peter by the back of the shirt at the same time that Lexa reached for Peter’s drink and threw it in his face. She knew it was immatu
re, but oh, it was so satisfying. Peter sputtered and started to protest, but the other bartender came over, and he and Rob escorted Peter out the front door.
By the time Rob returned, Lexa was fuming. She was mad at the man who thought it was okay to ask for a blow job within minutes of meeting her, and mad at men who had an Asian girl fetish. Did he think just because she was Asian, she would give him a blow job on the first date?
“I was trying to get your attention and tell you I think he’s married,” Rob said. “He kept doing the ring finger rub, like he’s touching a ring that’s usually there.”
Lexa smacked her forehead. “He probably has a wife and kids stashed somewhere.”
“Scumbag,” Rob growled.
“I’m out of here. I’m going to go visit Andi at Bisque.” It was still early, and she didn’t want to go home yet, where the pan of brownies was sitting in her kitchen and the ghosts from her past threatened to resurface. She knew Andi was going to die laughing when she told her.
“Go, go,” Rob said, giving her a hug. “Sorry your date didn’t work out.”
Lexa grabbed her purse and was about to leave when Rob cocked his head to the side and asked, “Why the FDR? Why not the West Side Highway?”
15
Lexa sat at a round table covered in a long white tablecloth in her favorite dim sum restaurant in Chinatown. She shifted on the gold fabric–covered chair as she waited for her mom and Phoenix to arrive. She couldn’t believe Maddie wasn’t coming. She’d called her one more time that morning, but Maddie hung up on her as soon as she mentioned Phoenix’s name.
Lexa was a nervous wreck. She’d accepted her mom’s change in sexual orientation well, she’d thought, at least better than Maddie. But actually meeting her mom’s new lover was another thing. She was afraid she’d blurt out something inappropriate like, “So what do you two do in bed?”
Before she could obsess more, Susan and Phoenix arrived.
“Sorry we’re late. The subway was so slow this morning.” Susan studied Lexa’s face. “You look terrible. Are you not sleeping?”
Lexa glared at her mom and swatted her hand away when her mom reached for her face. Probably to point out the bags under her eyes.
Susan gave Lexa a look but then turned to introduce Phoenix. Phoenix was a slim woman with short, fashionably styled salt-and-pepper hair, and she wasn’t much taller than Lexa. She was dressed in a flowing tunic printed with large bright flowers over white leggings and gold strappy sandals. It might have looked garish on someone else, but on Phoenix, it looked elegant. There was a serenity about her that matched her bedroom, and Lexa felt a rush of heat to her face when she remembered how she’d snooped through this woman’s drawer.
Susan did most of the talking while they waited for the dim sum carts in the cavernous restaurant, which was beginning to fill with the late Saturday morning diners. “I told you Lexa’s a personal trainer and fitness instructor, right?” Phoenix nodded. Susan turned to Lexa. “And you know Phoenix is an acupuncturist?”
“I know, Mom.”
Susan turned back to Phoenix. “Lexa inspired me to go for my yoga teacher training. She’s the one who told me to try yoga and acupuncture when my migraines got so bad.” She looked at Lexa. “I guess we have you to thank that we met.”
Phoenix gave Lexa a small smile.
“So you’ve known each other, what, two years now?” Lexa asked.
“Yes. But we didn’t become, um, intimate until after I told Greg about Phoenix.” Before Lexa could respond, Susan changed the subject. “Phoenix, did I tell you Lexa used to do Kung Fu? That’s why she got interested in training.” She turned back to Lexa. “And you and Phoenix have a lot in common! She’s half-Asian too.”
Lexa had never seen her mother so unhinged. She bordered on hysteria, and Lexa couldn’t help thinking she’d get whiplash from the way she was looking back and forth between Phoenix and Lexa.
“Susan.” Phoenix laid a hand on Lexa’s mom’s arm. “You’ve told both of us about each other already. Don’t worry so much.”
Susan blew out a breath. “Sorry. I’m a little nervous.”
Just then, a waitress rolled a metal dim sum cart to their table. Phoenix reached over and picked out a bamboo basket of crystal shrimp dumplings and another of roast pork buns. “You’ve told me so much about the food here, and I can’t wait to try it.”
Lexa waited for the next cart and chose a basket of steamed beef short ribs with black bean sauce and one of the pan-fried turnip cakes. Her mouth watered as more carts came by, and soon their table was full of food.
As they ate, Lexa could see her mom visibly relax. The conversation remained light, focusing on the food they were eating. Susan told Phoenix they had started this monthly dim sum tradition soon after Maddie got married. Lexa was sorry her sister wasn’t there with them.
When the cart with sesame balls rolled by, Phoenix reached for one. “Susan said these are your favorite.”
“No!” Lexa shouted so loud that Phoenix dropped the plate back on the cart with a thud, causing the waitress to let loose a stream of rapid Cantonese, none of which they understood. “Sorry.” She could feel her cheeks burn as eyes turned to look at them from surrounding tables. “I don’t like them anymore. They’re too . . . They bring bad luck.”
“What?” Susan looked startled. “I thought you didn’t believe in Chinese superstitions and ghosts?”
“I don’t.” Lexa stabbed her chopsticks into the sticky rice wrapped in a lotus leaf on her plate, remembering too late that chopsticks sticking up indicated bad luck. “But, you know, I was reading about Taiwanese funeral customs, and it said that the Chinese believe the soul of a deceased could become stuck somewhere between here and the afterlife. It got me wondering if my father’s soul is stuck.”
Phoenix tilted her head in interest. “Because of the way he died?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe you need to go back to Taiwan . . .” Her mom stopped when Lexa leveled her with a stare. After a moment, she changed the subject. “I thought sesame balls were considered good luck?”
“They are. But I was eating one when you told me you were leaving Dad. And I had taken a bite of one when Hsu-Ling called to tell me my father died. So my brain kind of decided sesame balls equal bad news.”
“Oh, no.” Susan looked stricken. “I brought those sesame balls with me because I thought they would help soften the news.”
Lexa made a face. “You turned me off them.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Lexa suddenly realized what she said and turned to Phoenix. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you and my mom are bad news. But it was bad news for my dad, and then Maddie flipped out . . .”
“Lexa, don’t apologize,” Phoenix said. “I know what you mean.”
Lexa nodded and looked down at her food. She thought of Greg, all alone in his tiny studio, and suddenly felt guilty for sitting there, making nice with the woman who broke up his marriage. Maybe it was too soon to be meeting Phoenix. Maybe Maddie had the right idea. She should be with her dad that day. But she wanted to support her mom. It was all so confusing.
“Susan told me about your father. I’m sorry, Lexa.” Phoenix’s comment jolted her back to the conversation at the table.
“Thanks.”
“My father died when I was twenty-two,” Phoenix said, her voice low.
Lexa looked up. “He did?”
“It was an accident, like your father. One day, he was just gone.”
“Oh, no. I’m sorry.”
Phoenix waved a hand. “It’s okay. That was a long time ago. I just wanted you to know I know what it’s like to lose a father.”
Susan’s phone rang. She looked at the display and said, “I’ll be right back. It’s the real estate agent about the house.”
Lexa studie
d her plate as her mom left the table. She hadn’t lived in that house in over ten years, but it was always waiting for her when she needed to go home. Now there would be either Phoenix’s apartment or Greg’s tiny studio. Those weren’t home.
“Lexa.” She looked up to find Phoenix studying her intently. “Your mom told me about what happened all those years ago in Taiwan. I felt I should tell you that I know.”
Lexa picked up the teapot and poured herself a cup. “I know. Mom told me yesterday that she told you.”
“She did?”
“Yes. I’m surprised she told you before she told Dad.”
Phoenix held out her cup, and Lexa refilled it. “She told me before we became lovers.”
Lexa made a face. It was hard enough picturing her mom having sex with her dad. She really didn’t want to picture her mom and Phoenix together. Maybe she wasn’t as accepting of her mom’s news as she’d thought.
Lexa took a sip of her tea. “You mean when she was going to you for acupuncture?”
“Yes. For those bad migraines.”
“How did you get from migraines to talking about me? Don’t you just put the needles in and then leave the patient?”
“I do. But we’d talk before and after the session. I asked her if there was anything going on in her life that might be causing her stress.”
“And she just told you?”
“No, not right away. It came out slowly, over the two years I was treating her. She was really worried about you. She needed to tell someone.” Phoenix reached out and placed a hand over Lexa’s. Her hand was smooth and surprisingly cool. “I’m sorry that happened to you. And that your father died before you could make amends with him.”
“Yeah.” She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with Phoenix. She hadn’t even talked about it with her dad yet, and this woman she’d just met knew her long-held secret.
“If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone not involved.”
Lexa pulled her hand away. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She couldn’t believe this woman was trying to work her way into Lexa’s life by bringing up the one thing she didn’t want to talk about.
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