Then Anna opened her mouth and blew us all away. From high soprano to low alto, her range was incredible; but it was the emotion in her crystal clear voice that sold us all. She made the music real in a way that stabbed our listeners right in the heart. Anyone who heard her walked away carrying pieces of her in their soul. It was unanimous—she was in.
Adjusting songs, as needed, to fit her range, we began playing again, and drawing even bigger crowds. This year, we’d landed a permanent gig at Subculture, a local bar that fit with our techno grungy emotional sound. There was only one problem—Anna was only eighteen.
Stix managed to get a fake ID made and we gave it to Billy, the owner of the club. I knew he didn’t believe for a minute that Anna was twenty-one, but the ID was good enough to cover his butt legally; so he looked the other way. He wanted her in there too—she was packing the house every night we played. Of course, this meant I had to work even harder to keep guys away from her, but it was worth it. She was amazing.
Staring at her now, I realized she’d become such a huge part of my life. I couldn’t imagine her not being around.
“What are your plans after you graduate?” I asked, suddenly fearing that we might lose her—that I might lose her.
She glanced over her shoulder at me, before turning back to stir the pot. “I thought I might register for a few classes at UW. I want to stay close by so I can still sing with you.”
Relief flooded through me. “That sounds awesome. What are you going to major in?”
She chuckled. “Music. You should know that.”
I shrugged. “I figured as much; but I didn’t know if you harbored some secret passion I didn’t know about.”
“If you don’t know it, then it’s not worth knowing,” she replied; which, for some reason, made me feel strangely pleased. “I tell you pretty much everything. How are things going with Jen?” she asked, changing the subject.
“We broke up,” I responded flatly, remembering the insane argument we’d had the night before Jessi died.
Anna moved the pot to one of the burners that was off and turned to stare at me. “Really? Why?”
“You’d laugh if I told you.”
“No, I won’t. I promise.” She continued to stare, waiting.
“Jen was convinced you and I have a secret fling going on.”
Anna snorted and burst out laughing. “Seriously?”
“I told you it would make you laugh.” A slight pang shot through my heart that she found being with me so unbelievable. “Yes, seriously. She thought I was cheating on her with you.”
“Did you tell her it wasn’t true?” she asked.
“Of course I did! She wouldn’t listen though. She insisted I pay too much attention to you and said I follow you around like a puppy. I told her I simply tried to make sure you and Jessi were safe and that no one was bothering you.”
“What did she say?”
“She gave me an ultimatum—said it was her or you.” I took a deep breath, glancing down at the salad bowl in front of me as I sliced a tomato. “I chose you,” I added, in what I hoped was a nonchalant tone. Unable to look at her, I kept chopping. This was the closest I’d ever come to admitting my changing feelings for Anna out loud. I couldn’t admit them now. Not ever. Dammit! I’d screwed things up so badly! Anger fused through me.
“Hey. Take it easy on that poor tomato,” Anna chided. “It’s supposed to be chopped, not pulverized.”
Dropping the knife, I wiped my hands on a dishtowel, still unable to look her in the eye. The next thing I knew her arms were wrapped around my shoulders from behind and she leaned her head against mine. I sucked in a breath, trying to steady myself.
Her sweet voice in my ear made my senses hum. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through such a difficult time alone. I would’ve come sooner if I had known everything that was going on.”
Unable to help myself, I turned on my stool to face her, gathering her into my arms. “You’ve been having a rough time too. Besides, you’re here now,” I whispered softly against her dark hair when she laid her head on my shoulders. “That’s all that matters.” I wanted to kiss her—wanted to tell her I was falling in love with her. Night after night of rehearsing, being with her on stage, listening to her sing, watching her perfect sultry body sway, I’d become mesmerized, just like everyone else. I knew the other guys in the band cared for her too. I wanted to tell them to back off, that she was mine; but I couldn’t. She wasn’t mine and never could be.
Jen was right. There was something going on between us, but it was all in my head, a fantasy I wanted more than anything, but would never be able to have. Anna would never be able to forgive me for my role in Jessi’s death. If she knew the truth, I’d lose her completely from my life—something I’d never be able to bear—so I’d suffer alone in silence and take what I could have—her friendship. My feelings for Anna had already destroyed Jessi’s life; if the truth came out, it would only destroy more. I couldn’t risk that.
Anna let me hold her for several long moments and I relished every second until she pulled away, leaving me feeling incomplete and empty.
“Let’s get you some food,” she said, going to the cupboard. “You look like you’ve lost weight. Have you been eating?”
“Not really,” I admitted honestly, my stomach growling as if to support my claim. “My mind has been a little preoccupied.”
She sighed. “Which is code for you’ve been plastered out of your mind, isn’t it?”
It amazed me how well she knew me. I didn’t answer; instead I watched her dishing up our plates of food.
“You know I hate it when you drink like that. It scares me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I really was. Upsetting her was something I never wanted to do. Her feelings were important to me.
Sliding the plates and silverware across the counter to where I was seated, she came around and joined me. “Is that your lyric book?” she asked, nodding to where it poked from my bag, still on the floor by the pool table, where I’d dumped it days ago.
“Yup,” I replied, taking a bite of chicken as I attempted to mask the nervous wave that rushed through me. Jessi’s suicide note lay crumpled inside it. It was the last thing she’d written—I couldn’t make myself destroy it—not yet.
“Wanna go over the words of that last song you’ve been working on?”
“Sure,” I said, jumping to retrieve the book before she went for it. Crouching in front of the bag, so it was hidden from her view, I carefully slipped the note out and tucked it down the side before returning to the bar. “Here you go.” I set the notebook beside her plate and she opened it to the last page that had writing on it.
“I really love the lyrics to this song, Caleb.”
Leaning over, I glanced at them, wondering if she had any idea how many of these songs came from inside my own soul. Did she have an inkling that these words were about her? If she did, she certainly didn’t show it.
Anna quietly began sing the words to the first verse.
“Every day I wake up and look around me,
Wishing your face could be the first I see.
But that isn’t you, lying in my bed,
I look away, and my heart fills with dread.”
I closed my eyes, letting the sound of her voice fill my head. Even with an impromptu practice, I could still hear the emotion she projected. My emotion. She continued to the chorus.
Baby, I want you, make no mistake,
Baby, I need you, before my heart breaks,
Isn’t there something between you and me?
Something beautiful . . . we could be . . .
I wish she knew that it was me asking the question to her. Would she be appalled? Dare I hope she’d be excited? I’d watched her for a while now, silently hoping she’d make some sort of advance toward me, taking the guesswork out of how she might feel about me. Maybe that was my answer. She’d never done or said anything romantic to me—always keeping things light and airy
between us. She continued to the second verse.
I hear your laughter; I see your tears,
I want to hold you and keep you near.
My secrets are hidden, so deep inside
You’re the only one, who keeps me alive.
Keeping my eyes closed, I focused on each of the notes, allowing the music to build inside me, my mind automatically filling in with the musical instruments as though she were singing with the band right this moment.
Baby, I want you, make no mistake,
Baby, I need you, before my heart breaks,
Isn’t there something between you and me?
Something beautiful . . . we could be . . .
My fingers twitched as I imagined the guitar solo that would go right there, and I wanted to drag out my guitar and play as she hummed along with the chords I had written. Her voice catapulted into the refrain, picking up the increased tempo perfectly.
Don’t leave me, don’t hate me,
You’re what I need.
Please help me, please save me,
Or I can’t breathe.
I need you, beside me,
So desperately . . .
Something beautiful
Something beautiful
Baby, I want you, make no mistake,
Baby, I need you, before my heart breaks,
Isn’t there something between you and me?
Something beautiful . . . we could be . . .
Baby, I want you, make no mistake,
Baby, I need you, before my heart breaks,
Isn’t there something between you and me?
Something beautiful . . .
Something beautiful . . .
Anna’s voice dwindled off at this point and she paused, leaving the song unfinished. “Is this where you were having trouble?” she asked.
Opening my eyes, I nodded. “Yeah. I’d intended to end it right there, but it seems like there is something missing. What do you think?”
She slid my pencil out of the spiral and wrote four words.
Baby, I want you . . .
“How about this? Taking it back to that first line in the chorus and leaving it hanging. I think that captures the emotion and shows the continued longing that’s unresolved.”
Her grasp of musical emotion never ceased to amaze me. “I think you’re absolutely right. Spot on, as usual. I guess that’s why you’re always packing the house.”
She grinned and bumped my shoulder with hers. “Whatever. They’re all there to hear your great music,” she said with a laugh. “And to drool over you, of course. All those girls think you’re drop dead gorgeous.”
“They do, huh?” I chuckled.
“Like you don’t know. They never stop staring, and when you flick those bangs back from your eyes, I swear they swoon on the spot.”
“They do not.”
“Trust me, they do. They all fall prey to that load of testosterone you’ve got rolling off you. I pay attention to them. I know.”
I knew what she was saying was true, but I liked hearing her touting my praises. “And why are you paying attention exactly?”
“Because they all want a piece of you.”
“And that bothers you?” I waited with baited breath for her answer.
She shrugged. “Yeah, kinda.”
Elation. “Why?”
She stopped fiddling with the pencil, dropping it onto the paper and turned to look me square in the eye. “Because none of them are good enough for you.”
There it was, the sign I’d been hoping for—only it was too late. I couldn’t do anything about it now. Yet I still found myself leaning in closer as my eyes drifted down to her full lips. “And why aren’t they good enough for me, Anna?”
She swallowed thickly, her gaze flickering hesitantly over my face. “Uh . . .” She hesitated.
“Tell me.” I encouraged her again, moving still closer.
The door to the loft burst open and Anna and I broke apart as Rick and Riley stumbled in laughing.
“What are you two doing back already?” I asked, surprised. “I thought you were having dinner at your parents’ house tonight.”
“Dad got called in to work so Mom asked if we’d mind postponing until tomorrow,” Rick replied. “Something smells good here though.”
“We made dinner together,” Anna said. “Help yourselves. There should be plenty.”
“Thanks,” Riley replied.
I couldn’t decide if I was incredibly disappointed or greatly relieved that they’d interrupted. Something had definitely been happening between us, but I had no business trying to kiss Anna—ever. However, I couldn’t help feeling robbed of the moment. I was sure it would’ve been . . . something beautiful.
Tell Me Why
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Chased Dreams Page 21
