Tired of Death - Dungeon

by Neil Hartley

  Where the Golem had been standing was a large pile of ceiling.

  “Couldn't find Golem,” shouted Redthorne from the other side of the cavern, “this was the best I could come up with.”

  Dreth eyed the pile of rock. It moved slightly.

  “I wouldn't hang about it I was you,” said Cuthbert. “That won't hold it for long.” Even as he spoke an arm broke through the rubble, dislodging several large boulders.

  Dreth skipped past and retrieved his black sword from the floor where he’d dropped it. Just as he did so the first of the ogres, a huge dirty white creature wielding a studded club and wearing a battered helmet, broke through the Orc lines and stepped into the cavern. Several, more normal sized creatures, followed closely behind.

  The giant ogre saw Dreth and squinted at him. “Fee fi fo fum,” it said in a deep bass voice. “I smell the blood of a... zombie.”

  Several of the following ogres shook their heads.

  “Nearly had it that time sir!” said one. The giant swung his club idly and knocked the speaker flying.

  “Be he 'live, or be he dead,” he continued, walking slowly towards Dreth and company. “I'll grind his bones to make my... porridge.”

  The other ogres groaned.

  Dreth started to reverse, but the sound of sliding rock made him stop and turn. Behind him the Golem rose from the rubble like a vengeful mountain. Red eyes glared at him, piercing the dust like demonic searchlights.

  “Oh poop,” said Percy.

  “Look!” shouted Dreth, pointing at the Golem. “It has your box! Get it quick!” He dived out of the way as the big ogre roared with anger and charged, club held high. The rest of his force raced after him.

  Dreth winced as the two sides met with a massive crash. “Let's not wait and see how this turns out,” he said.

  They ran around the edge of the cave, ducking once as an ogre flew out of the melee over their heads, to smash into the floor beyond and lay still.

  “Do you think they will stop it?” asked Redthorne.

  Percy shook his head. “They will delay him, but ogres don't have anything strong enough to beat a Guardian Golem,” he said. “You can't kill them unless you find their heart, or break the body into little pieces, from what I hear.”

  The group ran past piles of Orc and ogre bodies, back down the passage they had been before. The barricades had been smashed, and corpses of both sides littered the way.

  “Look at all this food!” wailed Cuthbert. “What a waste!”

  “You can stop and have a snack if you want,” said Dreth, jumping over a headless corpse, “but I’m not waiting for you.”

  They raced down the now deserted tunnel towards the Ogre side, arriving there with only one slight delay, when Percy tried to collect body parts for 'supplies', and climbed over the unmanned barricade at the end.

  The ogre caves were mostly deserted. Only the young and a couple of old creatures had been left behind. Those looked suspiciously at the group as they passed, but none made a move to intercept them.

  “What are we looking for?” said Percy as they wandered around the main cavern.

  “I don't know. Some kind of entrance, probably one not oft used,” replied Dreth.

  “How about that?” asked Redthorne, pointing to a dark corner.

  They followed his finger. Set well back into a recess was a metal door. Upon closer inspection it looked unused; rust had built up over the surface. There didn't appear to be any lock, just one large handle. Dreth took hold of it and pulled.

  It took a bit of straining, but it eventually cracked open. “A little help here,” he said.

  Percy and Cuthbert ducked around him and grabbed the edge of the door. With the three heaving together the portal finally, reluctantly, opened. A waft of cold air came from beyond.

  “Ahh, smell that dungeon breeze,” said Cuthbert.

  “I will, when I get a new nose,” grumbled Percy.

  “Come on, I’d rather not wait for the ogres or that blasted Golem to show up again,” said Dreth. He pushed the two zombies forward, into the dark behind the door.

  “More tunnels!” shouted back Cuthbert.

  Dreth, Redthorne and Sprat entered, dragging the door shut behind them and blocking out the light.

  “Allow me,” said Redthorne, and cast several magic-torch spells.

  The tunnels, once illuminated, turned out to be roughly hewn from bare dark red rock. The area just beyond the door was fairly wide, but it headed down and quickly narrowed.

  “Lead on then,” said Dreth to Cuthbert.

  The zombies started down the tunnel, but Redthorne spoke to him. “I need a rest,” he said. “I still have to sleep, even if you don't, and casting spells drains you.”

  Dreth nodded. “Fair enough, we’ll rest as soon as we get a little way away from here.”

  They walked on, stumbling down the uneven passage. Soon it split into two. Figuring one was as good as another, Dreth let Cuthbert decide which way. This meant he had to let Percy decide the next one of course. Soon they were hopelessly lost.

  “Well, at least the Golem won't find it easy to track us,” said Percy cheerfully.

  “I need to stop,” said Redthorne, after a little further. “I’m fit to drop.”

  Dreth signaled a halt, and the wizard unrolled his sleeping mat and fell onto it. He was snoring in minutes.

  “Ahh, look at that. How sweet,” said Percy. He moved forward slightly. “Do you think he would miss a hand?”

  “Leave him alone,” said Dreth, trying to find a comfortable place to sit.

  “It's not fair. Cuthbert has his Halfling foot,” Percy complained, pointing to Cuthbert's belt.

  “Do you still have that thing?” asked Dreth.

  “I’m aging it. Halfling meat is best aged, very tasty.” Cuthbert licked where his lips would have been, had he had any.

  “Daddy,” said Sprat. “Have we seen a soul yet?”

  “Not yet son,” said Cuthbert, straightening out some of his sons’ limbs.

  “But I want to be warm, like the man in the funny dress,” sniffled the young zombie.

  “They’re robes, not a dress,” said Cuthbert. “Don't worry lad, Uncle Dreth will find us a way to make everyone warm again, won't you Uncle Dreth?”

  “You may get lucky whilst I’m looking for my contract,” replied Dreth. He narrowed his eyes in thought. “What did that oracle say about you? You have to redeem your sin? What sin is that then?”

  Cuthbert looked up, and was quiet for a while. “It was a long time ago,” he said.

  Dreth waited, but nothing more was forthcoming. He shrugged to himself, and settled down to wait.

  ~ * ~

  “Did you hear that?”

  Dreth looked up, broken out if the revere that he used instead of sleep. “What?”

  “I thought I heard something,” said Percy, peering into the dark, back the way they came. “Maybe it’s the Golem.”

  “We had better go,” said Dreth. “Wake up the wizard, he’s had long enough to rest. We should get out of here.”

  Cuthbert poked the sleeper, who spluttered as he awoke. “Come on wizard, we need to move,” said the zombie.

  Redthorne quickly packed his gear, and within short order the team was moving off again. They walked for another hour, choosing passages at random, until the tunnel started to open up.

  “Finally,” said Dreth.

  They emerged into a vast cavern. The stalactite laden roof soared high over them, dimly lit by some sort of lichen. Straight ahead, running across from left to right, a chasm plunged into inky blackness. The path veered off, running parallel to the deep underground canyon. The other side could just be made out in the gloom, too far across to jump.

  Percy peered over the edge cautiously. “That's a long way down,” he said.

  “Come on, keep moving,” said Dreth.

  They
walked along the path for a while. It was twisty and uneven, and in several places narrowed alarmingly.

  “Anyone know anything of this place?” asked Dreth.

  “Not me,” said Percy.

  “Nor me,” said Cuthbert.

  “Me too,” piped up Sprat.

  “Well, you’re only little,” said Percy.

  “Maybe so,” replied Cuthbert, “but he has the brain of an adult. I think it was a ranger actually.”

  “What's that?” asked Redthorne, interrupting the genealogy conversation. He pointed upwards.

  They followed his gaze, to see a round something swooping down upon them. A hissing noise accompanied the creature as it flew into range.

  “Beholder*!” shouted the wizard, and dived to one side to avoid a beam of

  energy from one of the monster's eyes.

  “Hold hold! We’re on your side!” shouted Dreth, waving his arms about over his head.

  The beast flipped away, flying round in a circle. It came to stop above and in front of them, and studied the group for a moment.

  “We’re from the undead area!” shouted up Dreth. “I’m Dreth, from the Undead Way, these are my frie... companions.” He waved at the others.

  “Oooh, nearly slipped there,” said Cuthbert.

  The beholder came closer carefully, hovering a short distance from them, over the canyon. His main eye glowed a dull white. “Zombies!” he said. “Long time since I saw any of you lot here. What do you want?”

  “We’re heading towards the center of the dungeon,” replied Cuthbert helpfully, earning a Look from Dreth.

  “Really? How exciting!” The beholder flew closer. “I always wanted to know what was in the middle.” He waved some of his eyestalks. “Names’ Robert,” he said. “Bob for short.”

  Dreth introduced himself and the others. “This mage is with us,” he said, pointing to the wizard, who was crouching behind a rock.

  “Well, not sure about an adventurer, but if you vouch for him…” Bob was cut off from above.

  “Robert! What are you doing there? Are you speaking to someone? If it’s that floozy from down the way you are going to be in trouble…” The voice was high pitched and grating.

  Bob sighed. “The Ball and Chain,” he explained as another beholder, slightly smaller, came into view.

  “Well, the ball anyway,” whispered Cuthbert to Percy, nudging the other zombie and winking. Percy sniggered.

  “Who’s this? What are you doing speaking to intruders?” The second beholder floated next to Robert, waggling her eyestalks angrily.

  “They aren’t intruders. They’re guardians, same as us!” protested Bob, rolling his major eye at Dreth.

  “Guardians they may be, but not like us, oh no! We do our job Robert Beholder! You may not care, but I don't want one of those letters thank you very much.” She floated down a little. “Remember what happened when that giant slug refused to slime? Warning letter one day, shriveled piece of skin in a pile of salt the next. Now, you use your ray on these creatures or there will be no you-know-what for you tonight.”

  She bobbed next to Bob, crossed metaphysical arms and tapped a metaphysical foot.

  Her husband heaved a deep sigh. “But honey...”

  “Don't you honey me! You do what I say! Now, is it going to be little piles of intruder dust, or are you going to be sleeping in the hatching chamber on your own again?”

  “...but I’ve been talking to them! How would it look if I suddenly used my disintegration beam now? Downright rude is what.”

  “Fine, in that case you can float up to the top of the cavern and then swoop down again. Your new friends can have that long to bugger off, or something. We run a respectable chasm here, no chatting with the victims.”

  Bob’s face fell, he rotated to face Dreth and, incidentally, away from the missus. “Sorry, but I better do as she says. Once she’s in this mood there’s no talking to her...”

  “I am right behind you you know!” interrupted the shrill voice.

  Bob made that 'clenched teeth' look all males get at some point or other when dealing with unreasonable spouses. “Look,” he continued, “if you turn about you should make it out of our territory before I reach the roof and back. It's probably for the best, you wouldn't make it through the next chamber anyway, and I really don't want to disintegrate you. It always gives me a splitting headache when I do that, which isn't funny when you’re basically all head.”

  Dreth raised a finger. “It isn’t really very convenient you know,” he started.

  “We don’t care!” Mrs. Beholder pushed her husband out of the way. “Now, are you going to get going, or do I have to do the job myself?” She glowered at them.

  Dreth scowled. He didn’t want to have to fight his way through these beasts if he could help it, they had the advantage of terrain if nothing else, but he didn’t really want to go back either. He scratched his head.

  At his side the black sword whispered to itself. “Kiillllll….” It said.

  *A magical creature. They are spherical (ball shaped) with no limbs and float in the air. Beholders have one large eye, and several other smaller ones on eyestalks. They can cast a variety of magics that emanate from these eyes, and are generally not monsters you would want to trifle with.

  Cavern Chaos.

  Mrs. Beholder glared at them, something Beholders are well equipped to do. She opened her mouth again but Dreth raised a thin finger to forestall her.

  "Excellent!” he beamed, subtly forcing Darkblood down into its sheath. “I would expect nothing less from a pair of such frightening guardians. Quite right, not to let strange creatures make their way through your cavern without any explanation. No doubt when I finally report to the management this will earn you a commendation!”

  The female beholder closed her mouth for a moment and then opened it once more. Dreth spoke again before she could say anything.

  "No doubt you’re wondering what I’m talking about.” He folded his arms and nodded. “Let me tell you why we're here, and why we're heading to the center. A Guardian Golem has gone berserk and is rampaging through the dungeon; he’s been attacking hard working denizens, not unlike yourselves. I’ve even been forced to consort with mere adventurers to help bring him to task.”

  “A guardian?” asked Bob, eye swiveling left and right.

  “Yes, he’s coming this way even now,” said Cuthbert, stepping forward. “He piled through a whole tribe of Ogres just up the way,” he gestured back towards the caverns, nearly knocking Sprat into the chasm as he did so.

  “He is?” squeaked Bob's wife. “This way?”

  "Under the circumstances, I'm sure that you would want to let us pass as quickly as possible, and to take refuge yourself as well. After all, we wouldn't expect you to try to actually stop a berserk Golem. That would be beyond even your abilities..."

  Bob swelled up at this, expanding like a balloon being pumped too energetically. “I will have you know we are Advanced Level guardians! We’re quite capable of dealing with a Golem here and there.”

  “Now dear,” his wife floated next to him. “You know Golems are resistant to magic, your rays would have little effect, and if it’s a Guardian Golem...” She paused a moment and looked at her husband.

  Bob coughed and deflated a little. “Well, I suppose they aren’t weak enemies, and I wouldn't want to put you in the way of something as dangerous as that. Still...”

  “Look, let's go back to the hole and stay out of the way until this has blown over.” Mrs. Beholder rubbed up against him.

  “Before you do so, any directions would be appreciated. We’re a little off course...” Dreth smiled a skull grin.

  “You know, I wouldn't mind seeing the center myself,” said Bob.

  “Now Robert, let's let these nice undead go. You know we don't exactly get on well with Von and his creatures anyway.” She started to drop awa
y into the chasm.

  Bob sighed. “I suppose so.” He turned to Dreth. “Follow the path until you come to the bridge, you can’t miss it. Watch for the plank in the middle though, it's a bit loose. Once you are over, turn left and take the tunnel with the large green rock next to it.”

  “Thank-you,” said Dreth. “Your actions will be noted.”

  “Come on Robert!” echoed a voice from below.

  Bob winked several eyes and bobbed up and down. “Have to go, good luck to you!” He turned about and dropped out of sight into the crevasse before any of them could say anything more.

  “Damn, I wanted to ask him about what’s ahead,” said Dreth, standing on the edge and peering into the depths.

  “Von and his creatures,” said Percy. “Apparently.”

  “Let's get a move on,” Redthorne stood up from behind his rock. “I feel too exposed here, and I dislike depths.”

  “Nice couple though,” Cuthbert said conversationally as they moved off. “Must remember to ask them to our next party.”

  ~ * ~

  Two spots of red appeared in the dark, swiveling back and forth as they drew closer. The ragged kobold scout cowered against the wall. He knew it had been a risk, sneaking into these tunnels, but curiosity had finally overcome good sense. Now it pushed itself against the dead end and prayed to Kolog, the god of small beings trapped by bigger ones*.

  The Golem stamped up the passage, crushing a loose rock underfoot as it did so, and then stopped as the tunnel ended in a blank wall. It had lost track of the prey, and the good mood it had built up ripping apart ogres was beginning to dissipate.

  “You!” it shouted, spotting the kobold trying to meld into the rock face. The little monster fell to its knees and started wailing. The Golem picked it up between two fingers and drew it close to its mouth. “Have you seen a bunch of undead and a wizard pass by here?”

  “N...n...n....n....n...no s...ssss..sir.”

  The Golem growled and studied the hanging form for a moment. It was insignificant, not worth wasting any time over. “Bah.” Dropping the creature it turned about and stamped back up the tunnel.

  Behind it there came a noise of a minor monster wetting himself.

  *A minor god, and one that’s not seen often. It hides most of the time.