by James, E L
“Maxim, I’m a widow. I’m twenty-eight, and I’m a widow. This wasn’t part of the plan.”
I take her hand in mine. “I know. It wasn’t in any of our plans. Even Kit’s.”
Pained blue eyes meet mine. “I don’t know,” she says.
“What do you mean?”
She leans forward so she’s facing me and in a conspiratorial whisper says, “I think he meant to kill himself.”
I squeeze her fingers. “Caro. That’s not true. Don’t think that. It was just a horrid accident.” My eyes meet hers, and I’m trying for my most earnest look, but the truth is—I’ve had the same thought. I can’t let her know that, though, and I don’t want to believe it either. Suicide is too painful for those of us left behind.
“I keep going over that day,” she says, searching my face for answers. “But I have no idea why…”
Alas, neither have I.
“It was an accident,” I reiterate. “Let me sit.” Releasing her, I slump into the chair opposite hers, facing the fireplace.
“Do you want a drink? After all, this is your house.” Her words have a bitter edge that I ignore. I don’t want a fight.
“Blake already offered, and I declined.”
She exhales and turns back to stare at the flames. We both do, each of us lost in the pain of losing Kit. I had expected the third degree from her, but she’s not forthcoming at all, and we sit in an uneasy silence. After a while the fire dies down. I get up and place another couple of logs in the grate and stoke the flames.
“Do you want me to go?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
Okay, then.
I sit back down, and she tilts her head to the side, her hair falling across her face until she tucks it behind her ear. “I heard about the burglary. Did you lose anything important?”
“No. Just my laptop and my decks. I think they smashed my iMac.”
“People are shitty.”
“They are.”
“What were you doing in Cornwall?”
“This and that….” I’m trying for humor.
“Well, that’s illuminating.” She rolls her eyes, and I glimpse a flash of the spirited Caroline I know. “What were you doing in Cornwall?”
“Escaping from gangsters, if you must know.”
“Gangsters?”
“Yes…And falling in love.”
* * *
Alessia explores the kitchen cupboards and drawers, look- ing for something to cook for supper. She’s not examined their contents in any comprehensive way before. But as she goes through them, she notes that the utensils are all clean and the pots and pans are pristine. She suspects they’ve never been used. Two of the pans still have the price stickers attached. She finds a few groceries in the larder: pasta, pesto, sun-dried tomatoes, some jars of herbs and spices. Enough to make a meal, but these ingredients don’t inspire her. She eyes the kitchen clock. Maxim will be a while yet. She has time to go to the local store to find something a little more enticing for her man.
A silly grin spreads over her face.
Her man.
Her Mister.
At the bottom of the armoire, she finds the Ziploc bag that she’d stuffed in Michal’s old rugby sock—the bag that holds her precious savings. Taking out two twenty-pound notes, she slips them into the back pocket of her jeans, grabs her coat, sets the alarm, and leaves.
* * *
“What?” splutters Caroline. “You? In love?”
“And why would that be so improbable?” I note that she doesn’t continue her line of questioning about “gangsters.”
“Maxim, the only thing you love is your dick.”
“That’s not true!”
She cackles. And it’s good to hear her laugh, but not so good that it’s at my expense. Noticing my less-than-enthusiastic reaction, she tries to bring her amusement under control. “Okay, so who’s been on the sharp end of it?” she says indulgently.
“You don’t have to be quite so crude.”
“That’s not an answer.”
I gaze at her, and the warmth and humor slowly fade from her face.
“Who?” she presses me.
“Alessia.”
She frowns for a split second, and then her eyebrows shoot up. “No!” She gasps. “Your daily?”
“What do you mean, no?”
“Maxim. She’s your fucking daily—literally!” And a dark cloud crosses her face; a storm is brewing.
I shift in my seat, irritated by her response. “Well, she isn’t my daily anymore.”
“I knew it! That time when I met her. In your kitchen. You were so weird and attentive toward her.” She spits each word out like venom. She’s horrified.
“Don’t be so dramatic. That’s not like you.”
“It is like me.”
“Since when?”
“Since my bloody husband upped and killed himself,” she hisses, her eyes glassy with animosity.
Shit.
She went there. She’s using Kit’s death in an argument.
I gulp down my shock and grief as we glare at each other, the air between us ripe with our unspoken thoughts.
Abruptly she turns her attention back to the fire, her contempt evident in the stubborn line of her chin. “You should just fuck her out of your system,” she grumbles.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get her out of my system. I don’t want to. I’m in love with her.” My words are softly spoken, and they hang in the air as I wait for Caroline’s reaction.
“You’re crazy.”
“Why?”
“You know why! She’s your fucking cleaner.”
“Does that matter?”
“Yes, it matters!”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“QED. You’re crazy if you don’t think it matters.”
“Crazy in love.” I shrug. It’s the truth.
“With the help!”
“Caro, don’t be such a snob. You can’t choose who you love. Love chooses you.”
“Bloody hell!” She stands suddenly, looming over me. “Don’t give me some bullshit clichéd homily. She’s just a grimy little freeloader, Maxim. Can’t you see that?”
“Fuck off, Caroline!” I stand up, bristling with a sense of injustice, and we’re practically nose to nose. “You know nothing about her—”
“I know her type.”
“From where? From where do you Know. Her. Type, Lady Trevethick?” I enunciate each syllable, my words echoing off the blue-painted walls and framed artwork of this small drawing room.
I’m furious.
How dare she judge Alessia? Caroline, like me, has led a life of utter fucking privilege.
She blanches and steps back, looking at me as if I’ve just slapped her.
Fuck.
Mate! This is getting out of hand.
I run my fingers through my hair.
“Caroline, it’s not the end of the world.”
“It is to me.”
“Why?”
She glares at me with a look that’s both wounded and enraged. I shake my head. “I don’t understand. Why is this such a big deal to you?”
“What about us?” she asks, her voice wavering, her eyes wide.
“There is no ‘us.’ ” God, she’s so annoying. “We fucked. We were grieving. We’re still grieving. I’ve finally met someone who makes me step up and think about the life I lead, and—”
“But I thought—” She interrupts me, though her words dry up at the look I give her.
“What did you think? Us? Together? We had that! We tried that! And you chose my brother!” I’m shouting.
“We were young,” she whispers. “And after Kit died…”
“No. No. No. You do not get to do tha
t. Don’t try to make me feel guilty—it takes two, Caroline. You made the first move when we were both empty and aching with grief. Maybe it was just an excuse. I don’t know. But we’re not a good combination. We never have been. We had our chance but you went off and fucked my brother. You claimed him and his title. I am not your fucking consolation prize.”
She gapes at me with horror writ large on her face.
Fuck.
“Get out!” she whispers.
“You’re throwing me out of my own house?”
“You bastard! Get the fuck out. Go!” she screeches. Picking up an empty wineglass, she hurls it at me. It hits my thigh and falls to the wooden floor, where it shatters. We glare at each other in the ensuing and oppressive silence.
Tears pool in her eyes.
And I can bear it no more. I turn on my heel and exit, slamming the door behind me.
* * *
Alessia walks briskly down a side street toward the convenience store that she knows on Royal Hospital Road. It’s a cold, dark night, and she pushes her hands deeper into her pockets, grateful for the warm coat that Maxim bought for her. A tingle runs up her spine, raising all the fine hairs on the back of her neck.
She glances behind her, suddenly uneasy. But under the streetlamps all is quiet; she is alone, except for a woman walking a large dog on the other side of the road. Alessia shakes her head, chiding herself for overreacting. In Albania, at night, she would be wary of the djinn—the demons that roam the earth after sundown. But she knows that this is superstition. She’s still jumpy after her encounter with Dante and Ylli. All the same, she picks up her pace and trots to the end of the street and around the corner to the Tesco Express.
The store is busier than usual, and she’s grateful that there are many customers milling through the aisles. Grabbing a shopping basket, she walks to the fresh produce section and begins to browse through the vegetables on sale.
“Hello, Alessia. How have you been?” It takes a fraction of a second for her to realize that the calm, familiar voice is speaking in Albanian. It takes another fraction of a second for fear to grip her heart and her soul.
No! He’s here!
* * *
I stand outside Trevelyan House trying to get a hold of my temper. Furious, I button up my coat against the February chill.
That did not go well.
Fisting my hands, I thrust them into my pockets.
I am so fucking angry right now. Too angry to go home to Alessia. I need to walk off my temper. Consumed by my thoughts and beyond pissed off, I turn right and stride up Chelsea Embankment.
How could Caroline think she and I had a chance?
We know each other too well. We’re supposed to be friends. She is my best friend. And she’s my brother’s widow, for fuck’s sake.
This is one fine bloody mess, dude.
But truth be told, I had no idea that she had designs on me beyond the occasional fuck.
Shit. She’s jealous.
Of Alessia.
Fuck.
My mind’s a mess. I scowl as I cross Oakley Street and stalk past the Mercedes-Benz garage. Even the familiar grace and beauty of the Boy with a Dolphin statue on the corner cannot lift my mood. My anger is as dark as the night.
* * *
Alessia turns, her heart pounding, fear streaking like lightning through her veins. She’s suddenly dizzy, her mouth dry. Anatoli is standing over her, invading her space. He’s close. Too close. “I have been looking for you,” he continues in their mother tongue. His full lips are twisted in a seemingly casual smile that doesn’t touch his piercing, pale blue eyes. He scrutinizes her, looking for answers. His chiseled face is thinner and his fair hair longer than she remembers. He looms over her, bundled up in what looks like an expensive Italian coat, intimidating her even now.
She starts to tremble as she wonders how the hell he found her. “H-h-h-hello, Anatoli,” she stutters, her voice shaky and full of fear.
“Surely you can do better than that, carissima. No smile for the man you are going to marry?”
No. No. No.
Alessia’s feet seem frozen to the shop floor as despair rises through her body. Her mind races—how can she escape? She is surrounded by shoppers going about their business, but she’s never felt so stranded and alone. They are oblivious to what is happening in front of them.
Gently Anatoli strokes her cheek with a gloved finger, and her stomach recoils.
Don’t touch me.
“I’ve come to take you home,” he says casually, as if they’d been talking only yesterday. Alessia stares at him, unable to speak. “No kind words? You are not pleased to see me?” His eyes flash with a spark of irritation—and something more, something darker. Speculation? Admiration? A challenge accepted?
Bile rises in Alessia’s throat, but she swallows it down. He grasps her arm at her elbow and squeezes. “You are coming with me. I have spent a small fortune tracking you down. Your parents are devastated by your disappearance, and your father says you sent no word back to them that you were safe and well.”
Alessia is confused. This is not what happened. Does he know that her mother helped her? Is her mother okay? What did her mother say?
He tightens his hold on her arm. “You should be ashamed of yourself. But we’ll deal with that later. Right now let’s go and collect your things, I’m taking you home.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I storm down Cheyne Walk.
Fuck it. I need a drink to help me calm the fuck down. I snatch a look at my watch. Alessia’s not expecting me back until seven. I have time. I do an about-face and head back to Oakley Street, with the Coopers Arms firmly set in my mind as my destination.
The wind whips around me, but I don’t feel the cold. I’m too angry. I cannot believe Caroline’s reaction.
Or maybe I knew it would be bad.
Did I? That bad? Throwing-me-out-of-the-house bad?
Bollocks to that.
Usually the only person who makes me this angry is my mother.
Both of them are appalling snobs.
As am I.
Fuck.
I’m not! No.
What will Caroline say when I tell her I want to marry Alessia?
What will my mother say?
Marry someone with money, darling.
Kit chose wisely.
My dark mood grows darker still as I stomp into the night.
* * *
“I am not going with you,” Alessia says, her voice shaking and betraying her fear.
“Let’s discuss this outside.” Anatoli tightens his grip on her elbow to the point of pain.
“No!” Alessia cries, and she wrenches her arm free from his hold. “Don’t touch me!”
He glares at her, his neck reddening and his eyes narrowing to icy pinpricks. “Why are you behaving like this?”
“You know why.”
His mouth presses into a hard line. “I came a long way for you. I am not leaving without you. You are promised to me by your father. Why are you dishonoring him?”
Alessia flushes.
“Is it the man?”
“Man?”
Alessia’s heart beats faster. Does he know about Maxim?
“If it is, I’ll kill him.”
“There is no man,” she whispers quickly, her fear spiraling out of control, sucking her down deeper into her despair.
“That friend of your mother. She sent an e-mail. She said there was a man.”
Alessia is dumbfounded.
Magda?
Anatoli takes the basket from her and clasps her arm once more at the elbow.
“Let’s go,” he says, and he leads her toward the automatic door, dumping the shopping basket on the nearby stack. Alessia, still reeling from his sudden appearance,
allows him to lead her out into the street.
* * *
I stand at the bar nursing a Jameson. The amber liquid sears my throat, but it calms the violent storm as it pools in my stomach.
I’m a fool.
A priapic fool.
I knew that bedding Caroline was going to come back and bite me on the arse.
Fuck.
She’s right, though. I’ve never thought beyond my dick. Until Alessia. And then that all changed.
Changed for the better.
I’ve never met anyone like her, someone possessing nothing—except her talent, her resourcefulness, and her beautiful face. I wonder what I would have made of my life if I’d been born in lowlier circumstances. Maybe I’d be a struggling musician—if I’d even learned to play. Shit. There’s so much that I take for granted. I’ve been coasting through my life, everything handed to me on a plate, nothing affecting me and doing exactly as I pleased. Now I have to work for a living, and several hundred people depend on me and my decisions. It’s a daunting task and a huge responsibility that I have to accept if I want to maintain my lifestyle.
In the midst of this turmoil, I found Alessia, and in an indecently short time I’ve come to care for her more than I’ve ever cared for anyone. More than I’ve ever cared for myself. I love her, and she loves me and cares for me. She’s a rare gift, a wonderful woman who needs me. And I need her. She’s a woman who makes me step up my game.
A woman who makes me want to be a better man.
Isn’t that what one wishes for in a life partner?
And then there’s Caroline. As I stare despondently into my glass, I have to admit that I hate arguing with Caroline. She is my best friend. She has been forever. My world feels out of kilter if we’re at loggerheads. It happened occasionally, when Kit was here to mediate, but she’s never thrown me out of the house before.
What’s worse is that I had meant to ask for her help sorting out Alessia’s legal status in the UK. Caroline’s father is a senior director in the Home Office. If anyone can help, he can.
