“Sandy, girls like us have as many rights and opportunities as other girls. I’m not less worth just because I’m not an extra-small-sized girl or I don’t work as a model. Moreover, I think it’s a narrow view judging a person only by his or her physical appearance.”
“Was Marc Hailen who told you this? I don’t think that…”
“No, he wasn’t. I’m saying this because that’s what I think. Maybe I’m not the most beautiful girl in the world, but I’m special and worthy of being loved, too.
“You… you aren’t the girl I used to know,” muttered Sandy, dazed and incredulous that Berenice could tell her such things. How was it possible that meeting Marc Hailen had changed her so much in a matter of days?
“Could it be that after dealing with a Hollywood star you got a big head?”
“No, it couldn’t. Quite the opposite. Marc has just destroyed me with his arrogant and domineering behavior,” and the he saved me with his kindness.
“Are you sure about this? Still, I saw him kissing you.”
“That kiss meant nothing to him. It was just another way to control me.”
“Well…”
Luckily that interrogation stopped as soon as new papers had to be filed.
The two colleagues did not speak to each other for the rest of the day and at the end of working hours Berenice rushed to her home where she found Marc quarrelling with someone on the phone.
From the call she only grasped that he would have met that person in a couple of days.
When Marc noticed Berenice had arrived, he came to the point and hung up quickly.
“Is everything alright?” she asked him tense. She felt the moment of separation was getting close. Marc’s nose had come back to normal and the scratch of his face was a blur after all.
“Yes, it is,” he answered sharply.
Berenice wanted to ask him more, but Marc’s cold and detached behavior stopped her.
Also during the dinner the usual playful and pleasant atmosphere seemed to have vanished into thin air, to give way to a tension that could be cut with a knife.
That night they slept together, but they only were locked together.
“Are you going away, aren’t you?” muttered Berenice when she felt Marc’s body relax beside her.
She thought he was sleeping, but Marc answered instead.
“Yes, I’m.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.”
Berenice had to hold her breath to not collapse in tears.
“And are you telling me or letting me find this surprise once I would come back home from work?”
“I hate the goodbyes, so I’d have told you tomorrow evening at dinner. I think I’ll leave shortly after twilight.”
“So it’s a goodbye…”
“At least until I end this movie. It’s just a matter of weeks, but we’ll meet again afterwards. I promised you I’d have taken you to my brother and his wife, remember?”
“ Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I never do.”
Berenice knew that sooner or later she should have parted from him, but the thought of missing him made her feel really bad.
She wanted to ask him if she might call him or send some e-mails, but the lump in her throat kept her from speaking.
Grieving and heartbroken, she closed her swimming eyes and pretended to sleep, hoping to find solace in dreams at least, but this did not happen.
The following morning it was really so hard to leave that hug she now loved, but that she would not have enjoyed any longer.
She silently got up, went to have a long shower and cried uncontrollably again, cursing what she considered a stupid weakness.
When she stepped out of the shower, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were so swollen and red with tears that only an idiot would not have understood how she was suffering.
Annoyed by her own distraught look, she blow-dried her hair well, putting a special mousse on her natural curls to set them, then she spent much time in putting on a heavy make-up.
She did not like making herself up, but she had to do it if wanted to hide both the bags under her eyes and her swollen eyelids.
Although she used eyeliner for the first time, the result was outstanding.
The pink eye-shadow blurred the flushing, the mascara would have distracted Marc’s attention and the foundation cream equalized the colors of her face that ranged from paleness on her cheeks to purplish blue around her eyes.
She finished making up with a glossy lipstick that her mother had bought to her some months ago, as well as all other cosmetics.
She had a last look at herself in the mirror and, reassured by that Berenice who was enough false to not even look like herself, stepped out of the bathroom.
In the kitchen there was already Marc making some coffee.
“What did you put on your face?” he burst out disgusted while seeing her arrive.
“It’s make-up. Have you ever heard about that?”
“Since when do you put on it? I’ve been staying here for days and I’ve never seen you put on even a lip-gloss and now instead… you don’t even look like yourself!”
“Every now and then I like changing.”
“Take that stuff off your face,” got annoyed Marc, trying to clean her mouth with a napkin.
“Stop it! Look what you’ve done! Now I’ll have to put on the lipstick again!”
“You don’t like me like that.”
“But I don’t have to be liked by you,” replied Berenice, going out without even looking at the substantial breakfast Marc had made. There were crêpes too.
“But where are you going?”
“To work. See you tonight.”
She heard him curse but could not stop.
In front of him she felt she would be collapsed at any moment, so she rushed to work.
It was still early and at the office there was only her older colleague, Kurt Dosen.
“I’m sorry you’ve laid off. It was very unfair, above all if we consider that you’re going to be dismissed to give way to Karen Jordan.”
“I thank you. The only good thing is that I’ll have the severance pay at least, although I’ve to use up all my unused vacation days and work permits before.”
“According to your calculations, how many working hours do you still owe to the company?”
“I don’t know. Today I’m checking it.”
She was about to go towards her desk to see how much she still owed to the company, when she saw a sixteen-year deliveryman enter the office.
“Miss Collins?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
“This is for you. From your husband,” he said, handing in a bag to her.
“Who?”
“Marc Collins. It was him who told me…”
Did Marc use her surname?! That was why the deliveryman thought they were married.
“He isn’t my husband.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t want to sound too forward. Please don’t tell Mr. Collins. I’ve been working for him for three days and he always gives generous tips to me.”
“Really? And what are your tasks exactly?”
“He tells me each time. Yesterday he sent me out to buy a new sofa and today I’ll have to go and buy some clothes and food for him. He’s very precise about what he wants and if I don’t meet his needs, he sends me out again.”
“Why don’t you tell him to go doing shopping by himself?” snapped Berenice acidly, imagining how arrogant and conceited Marc was always with her when he wanted something.
“He can’t, pour soul. He’s light-sensitive,” defended him the deliveryman with a contrite look.
So is that what he’s telling people?
Berenice tried to repress a laugh, took her bag and said goodbye to him.
Just as the deliveryman was about to go out, his words sprang to her mind. He had talked about a sofa.
“Excuse me, who is the sofa for?” she asked
him, but the deliveryman had dashed off to mount his scooter and run the last errands.
If he bought a new sofa to me without consulting me first I’ll kill him!
She wanted to get angry with him, but actually that umpteenth kind gesture towards her only made her heart race: she was about to collapse in tears again.
She opened the bag. There were some plastic boxes inside, full of tidbits that Marc had cooked for her that morning. At the bottom there was also a pack of refreshing tissues with a card:
"Eat and clean your face. Don’t come back home until you change back to Berry I know".
He had the breakfast delivered to her. That thought made her weep for joy and she finally found herself again to have a lump in her throat.
How could she stop loving him if he was so kind?
Full of despair, she repaired to the bathroom.
It took her almost half an hour to pull herself together and touch up her make-up.
Everybody in the office noticed first her absence and then the lightly smudged make-up on her eyes, but nobody dared to query, thinking that sadness was due to her layoff.
Sandy did not dare to confront her either.
Once Berenice was alone and with no other paperwork to do, she dealt with her own pay envelope . After a few calculations she realized she had accrued so many vacation days, work permits and overtime days that she would have worked for the company just till the end of that week.
That working day seemed to be never ending and after lunch she decided to take a few hours off.
She had eaten all the delicacies Marc had delivered to her, so at lunch she only drank a strawberry milkshake.
She spent the afternoon walking around the town.
In those days she had discovered that walking through the streets of downtown liked her very much. It made her feel better and she could think about Marc without crying.
She should have had the strength to let him go.
She was grateful of having a sweet memory of him at least.
She thanked her destiny for bringing them together.
She only wished their pseudo-story had lasted longer.
She knew she would miss him so much, because he had brought not only confusion into her life, but a new awareness of herself too.
Grateful for that destined meeting, she was struck by some men’s costume jewelry in the window of a jeweler’s shop.
As she saw a steel cross with a black caoutchouc string, she smiled.
Marc had told her that he always ended his love affairs by giving a present to women and wishing them well, hoping they might have carried out their future plans.
At that moment Berenice decided that also their pseudo-story would have ended that way.
She wanted to leave a good memory to Marc.
No tears or heartbreaking goodbyes.
13
“You spent years coming back home! Would you mind telling me where you’ve been and why you didn’t answer my phone?” got furious Marc as Berenice tried to collect herself after seeing the stunning man who had opened the door shortly before. He had new clothes bought and set his hair too.
He was breathtaking in his almost elegant trousers and a white slightly unbuttoned shirt.
It was really hard now to think of saying goodbye to him that night without shedding a single tear.
“I hit some traffic,” lied Berenice, trying to not hint she had been walking around the town for hours before picking up the courage to come back home.
“But if you didn’t go to work by car!”
“The sidewalks were crowded.”
“The dinner is almost ready. Go and get changed,” he ordered, offended by her lies.
As she was passing by the sitting room she saw a new sofa covered with some soft deep purple fabric, the seats in polyurethane and the plumed back . It looked very comfortable.
Berenice pretended to not pay attention to it and made for her bedroom where she found a pastel pink dress. It was similar to the white one he had forced her to put on once.
However this dress was lighter and with more flounces.
She had a quick shower then tried it on. It fitted her perfectly.
There was also a small box.
She opened it.
Inside she found a rosy golden raspberry-shaped pendant.
And these words engraved on the back:
FOR MY BERRY. MARC
Becoming emotional, she wore it too.
She slipped into a pair of white high-heeled shoes and without making her up she made for the dinner table.
“You’re so beautiful! I’m real good at choosing suitable dresses for you.” He welcomed her with a radiant face, planting a sweet kiss on her lips.
“Thank you. You shouldn’t have… and thank you for this too,” she said, fiddling with the pendant.
“I found it online and suddenly thought of you. Mike, my errand-boy, had to go to about five jeweler’s shops before finding it in Brocketville.”
“Poor Mike. You definitely treat him like a slave.”
“Do you know me, do you?”
“ Precisely.”
It was a peaceful evening. Neither of them hinted at Marc’s imminent departure.
The dinner was really special, although Marc admitted he had to order some things in a delicatessen.
“I’ d have liked to take you out to dinner, but…”
“Never mind, Marc. Everything is perfect.”
“Just as perfect as everything I do .”
“Exactly,” answered Berenice, plucking up courage to start the speech she had prepared. “That’s why I really hope the movie you’re acting in will be successful. You deserve it.”
Marc looked at her suspiciously without uttering a word.
“You’re a good actor, even if I adored hearing you play the violin. I hope one day you’ll go back to play. Even without The Dark Angels.”
“It’s hard practicing with the violin when you’re acting in a movie.”
“I get it, but I hope you might find fulfillment in what you really desire. If you aren’t so fulfilled in acting, as you told me one day, then I hope you’ll reconsider your plans for the future. I only wish you to be happy.”
“And you? What about you?”
“Me? I’m fine. This week I’ll finish working for my company. I’ll have three free weeks and I thought to relax and then start looking round. I’m sure I’ll find a new job soon.”
“I’m glad of hearing you so optimistic.”
“Yes, I’m and I owe that to you.”
“To me?”
“Sure… I thank you for what you did to me these days. I’m not just talking about the delicious dinners you always make, the presents you gave me including that beautiful sofa I saw in the sitting room, or this wonderful pendant. Marc, you’re so special. Although I almost broke your nose and I’ve been keeping you away from your life for days, you’ve overwhelmed me with kindness as nobody has ever done. For the first time I felt not to be a zero with excess pounds, but someone special and worthy of love. I’m not saying that for what we shared under the sheets, but for the rest. One day you told me I’m enough strong to tolerate you and enough sweet to love you. The truth is that I wasn’t even aware of being a strong person before meeting you. On the contrary, I always felt so vulnerable that I seemed to spend all my energy in hiding my weaknesses, above all in front of my parents and friends. Now I do feel better about myself and I owe that to you. Now I know I can love and be loved. Thank you for bringing out the sweetness and self-confidence in me.”
Berenice was proud of what she could express freely, aweless and without shedding a single tear, although she felt her swimming eyes burning. Seeing the arrogant and conceited Marc Hailen struck dumb was priceless.
Smiling at his disorientated and upset look, she got up and went to the bedroom to take the small present she had bought him that afternoon.
“This is for you,” she said, handing in a small blue packet.
/> Still speechless, he gingerly opened the gift wrapping.
Berenice sat next to him waiting for his reaction.
In the packet there was a white small box and a card that Marc read loud.
“ For Marc, the worst not-boyfriend of the world. With love, Berry.”
“As a boyfriend you might be the best, but as a not-boyfriend you’re terrible,” explained Berenice, amused by Marc’s frown.
“I was even believing in your words shortly before.”
“I was honest, but don’t give yourself airs… and now open the small box. I really hope you like it.”
Marc opened the box and took a caoutchouc necklace with a steel cross-shaped pendant out of it.
“What does it mean?” he asked, giving her a grim look.
Is that just something that he felt or was Berenice ditching him? Should that be the case, he would never let that happen . Even at the cost of being rude.
“It’s a small present to wish you a successful career. I know it’s not precious, but…”
“Berry, I thought you learned the lesson, but you’re disappointing me instead,” he cut off firmly, shaking his head disapprovingly.
“Why?”
“Why do you think when I leave my women I always give a pendant inset with diamonds to them, instead of some meaningless steel cheap stuff like this one?”
“Because you’re so rich that you can afford it, is that right?”
“No, it isn’t, you idiot. I spend so much money to make sure my present couldn’t be rejected, otherwise I’d run the risk of not concluding the night in my favor. My method has always been successful so far, because no woman has never dared to reject a diamond jewel.”
“Yes, but I don’t have enough money to buy diamonds.”
“ Too bad. Take it,” he exclaimed, putting the pendant in her palms. “For all I care, you can return it to the shop where you bought it.”
“A gift should never be rejected,” burst out Berenice, offended.
“Yes, it should instead. However I give you the opportunity to remedy. I’m being busy with the movie and some interviews for about ten days, but when I finish, I’ll take you to meet my family, as I had promised you. I expect a decent gift by then.”
A Star in My Life Page 11
