Troy squinted, keeping his movements quick and precise. “And here comes my knight in shining armor.”
“Yeah, your one-armed knight who only won because you kneed the man in the balls, and he wasn’t ready for me,” Oscar scoffed.
Troy frowned at the bitterness in Oscar’s voice. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“That thing where you just...dismiss something nice I said. I wouldn’t have been able to knee Erik if you hadn’t surprised him, and even if I could, I wouldn't have been able to fight him off. He had me at a disadvantage, and I never got the combat training you did. You saved my ass tonight, Oscar, and don’t you dare try to pass that off like it’s nothing.”
Oscar lapsed back into silence, either out of anger or because he was mulling over Troy’s words. They remained in silence as Troy finished up the last of the stitches, checking over his work before turning to clean up.
“Who was he?” Oscar asked.
Troy closed his eyes. “Someone I had a weekend fling with.”
“A fling?”
“Would you prefer I say that I fucked him?”
“The whole weekend?”
Troy turned to face him. “Yes, the whole weekend. We met at the club, and I had the weekend off. I went back to his place that night and stayed till Sunday afternoon.”
“Recently?”
Troy ground his teeth. “Like a month ago. Why, what the fuck does it matter?”
“Do you do that often?”
Troy slammed the box of supplies shut. “Jesus, Oscar, why the fuck does it matter?”
“Because it matters.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
Oscar narrowed his eyes. “You’ve been sleeping around again.”
“Oh, fuck me,” Troy growled, yanking the box of supplies off the tray.
“You have.”
“I’m not doing this, Oscar. I’m not going to stand here and deal with an interrogation about what I’m doing in my private life, okay? If you wanted to have a say in what I do or don’t do on my own time, maybe you shouldn’t have ended it and walked out my door.”
Oscar’s eyes widened, his lips thinning. “That’s not what this is about.”
“Then what’s it about?”
“You aren’t being safe.”
Troy snorted. “Like hell I’m not. I work in the medical field, Oscar. You think I don’t know in excruciating detail what happens to people who aren’t safe? I mean, c’mon, everything stays wrapped up, and I get myself tested regularly.”
Oscar ground his teeth. “That’s not what I meant. Look at what happened tonight! You could have fucking died if I hadn’t been there to step in, Troy.”
“I can’t predict when someone is going to lose their shit, Oscar. I’ve been doing this for long enough to have good instincts, but there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t trip the radar. That’s the risk you take,” Troy said, waving a dismissive hand at him.
Oscar stood up, towering over Troy. “And that’s it? You just put your life at risk for a bit of sex?”
“You’re going to stand there, covered in scars, missing half your arm, and lecture me about risking my life?” Troy asked incredulously.
“It’s not the same thing! Not even close.”
“Just because I’m not huddled behind a dune somewhere risking my life against an armed enemy doesn't mean it’s not my life to live however I want, just like it’s yours to live how you want. I don’t have to answer to you, Oscar, that stopped a long time ago. So, it’s the same damn thing, even if you don’t want to admit it.”
Oscar let out another growl, reaching out to take hold of Troy before he could turn and walk out of the room. Troy went rigid, staring up at the other man, his heart hammering away in his chest.
“You could have died Troy, do you understand that?”
Troy began to pull away. “I do, and I’m thankful that you saved my ass. And in the future, I’ll be more cautious when dealing with other people. Happy?”
“No.”
And before he knew what was happening, Oscar bent down, and kissed him.
6
Oscar
What was he doing?
Troy had stupidly put himself at risk, and all for what, a bit of dick? Though Troy had never outright said it while they’d been dating, Oscar had always suspected that Troy had played a little loose and fast with his sex life. It had never bothered him, it wasn’t like he thought Troy was still doing it while they’d been a couple. And in all honesty, he wouldn’t have cared to find out that Troy had resumed his old habits.
But to be so flippant about nearly dying because of some random guy Troy had slept with? Coming around that corner to find that fucker with his hands wrapped around Troy’s throat had filled Oscar with a rage he’d never felt before in his life. He would have gladly killed the man right then and there, and probably would have if it hadn’t been for Troy’s interruption.
And now he was kissing Troy, feeling his lips, stiff from shock, pressed against his own. Oscar could feel the muscles in Troy’s shoulders easing as he gave in to the kiss, not quite returning it, but softening into it.
Reluctantly, Oscar pulled back, uncurling his fingers from their grip around Troy’s shirt. The expression on Troy’s face looked as though someone had clubbed him unexpectedly in the back of the head, and there was more color in his cheeks than before. Oscar’s heart pounded as he withdrew his hand, letting it fall.
Troy scoffed, brushing his lips with his fingertips. “Well, didn’t see that coming.”
Oscar looked down, shrugging. “Makes us even.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Troy asked.
Oscar snorted. “It’s what you did to me...the first time.”
“Oh, right,” Troy chuckled. “Almost forgot about that.”
“I didn’t,” Oscar whispered
The night was warm, but the breeze coming off the ocean was cooling. Growing up in the desert, Oscar had never been able to appreciate how beautiful the ocean could be, especially when the moon was reflecting off its surface. Walking beside him, Troy hummed a soft tune to himself, his eyes flitting between the open water and back to Oscar.
“So, it was just you and your brother?” Troy asked out of the blue.
Oscar nodded. “After our parents died, he was all I had left. I guess he could have let me go into the system, or try to find some sort of distant relative, but he didn’t. Considering how much shit I put him through, he might have been better off if he’d got rid of me.”
“Troublemaker?”
“A lot more than that.”
“Ohhh, trouble with the law then.”
“It’s a miracle I’m not in juvie.”
Troy smiled. “Nope, just the military.”
Oscar snorted, but didn’t deny the man a small smile in return to say he caught the comparison. It was only the second time he’d seen Troy, and Oscar was a little surprised by how easy it was to talk to him, to share things with him that Oscar typically didn’t share with anyone else. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Troy had a way of making him laugh.
“I’m an only child, so I’d be up a certain creek without a paddle if something had happened to my mom and dad.”
“Oh, only child syndrome,” Oscar said.
“Damn right. I don’t share, and it’s all about me!”
As Oscar shook his head, Troy jumped forward and leaped onto a large piece of driftwood. It was just enough to put him level with Oscar, and he smirked.
Oscar stopped in front of him, raising a brow. “Feeling tall?”
“For the first time in my life, it’s an amazing feeling.”
“You’re still short.”
Troy reached out, laying his hands on Oscar’s shoulders. “Yeah, but now I can do this.”
Oscar’s heart leaped into his throat as Troy wasted no time closing the distance between them. Their lips met, and Oscar’s breath caught in his chest. The kiss wa
s slow and with more gentleness than Oscar thought he’d ever known in his life, and as Troy pulled away, Oscar thought it didn’t last long enough.
Troy smiled, his eyes catching the moonlight and illuminating his happiness. “Worth it.”
“I always meant to ask,” Oscar began.
Troy cocked his head. “What?”
“How, how did you know?”
“How did I know what?”
Oscar scoffed. “C’mon Troy. That was only the second time we’d hung around one another, and the first time was at some drunken party. I’d never said anything about me...well, you know.”
“Being gay, you can say it,” Troy coaxed.
Oscar scowled. “Not the point Troy.”
Troy chuckled. “Seven years since the first time I kissed you, and you’re only just now asking me that? You had a whole year of us being together to ask.”
“And I’m asking now.”
Troy shrugged, taking a step back and averting his gaze. “I guess I just knew. There was something special about you from the first moment you looked at me, and I just had a feeling, I guess.”
“You risked a lot for a feeling.”
“I never said it was a smart move, but my heart told me to go for it.”
Just one more thing Oscar was never quite going to understand about Troy. The man seemed perfectly happy, living his life by the seat of his pants. If Troy felt something, he just went for it, without so much as a single thought to how good an idea it might or might not be. Oscar couldn’t fathom rushing into a situation simply because it felt right, and even his time running around on the streets had been filled with more forethought and caution than Troy showed. Oscar had always been the voice of reason, the one who tried to make sure there was a plan, both to get in and get out, and he never rushed into anything.
Yet, he’d just kissed Troy without so much as a second thought.
Worse yet, he didn’t want it to stop there. Oscar’s fingers itched to reach out and stroke the exposed skin of Troy’s neck tenderly, skin that was already bruising from his altercation with Erik. Another burning wave of hate and rage filled him as he stared at the darkening skin, his fingers clenching at his sides as he fought to keep himself under control. For all his pride at being able to control himself, his anger had always been the hardest emotion to conquer throughout his life.
Well, that and his feelings for Troy.
As if sensing his thoughts, Troy reached out and took hold of Oscar’s hand. For a brief, horrible moment, Oscar watched as Troy reached for his right, only to shift to his left hand. Worse was the sensation of his right hand’s fingers opening up as though to accept the hold. While it wasn’t the first time Oscar had felt a sensation that shouldn’t be possible from his missing limb, it was the first time it wasn’t an itch or a sensation of pain.
“We never said goodbye,” Troy said softly.
They’d never said the words, but Oscar had walked away, slamming the door behind him, without so much as a letter or call afterward. It should have been enough for them both, so they could walk away and never have to look back. Yet as Troy’s fingers wrapped around his own, squeezing, Oscar realized there had been so much left not done, too much left unspoken.
God, his chest ached.
Troy smiled hesitantly, looking down at their joined hands. “Maybe there was a reason for that.”
A bang jerked their heads up and sent Oscar’s heart racing furiously. Troy grunted when Oscar’s fingers gripped his too hard. A call rang out down the hallway, sounding full of concern and alcohol in equal measure. Troy pulled his hand free, turning around as he peered through the curtain.
“Aw shit,” Troy muttered as the voice, which became multiple voices, made their way past them.
“What’s going on?” Oscar asked.
“From the looks of it, a fight, and a bad one at that,” Troy answered as he leaned out of the room to watch the group.
“Why is it that soldiers off the field get into more trouble than ones on it?” Oscar asked.
“You should know the answer to that,” Troy said.
Oscar grunted. “Less to do.”
“And not enough trouble, so they have to make their own,” Troy finished.
Oscar opened his mouth before he heard a sharp voice cut through the din. From the sound of the owner, they were not too happy about the gaggle of soldiers who’d stumbled through the door, particularly considering they’d apparently brought their alcohol with them. Oscar winced as he heard one of the drunken men whine, complaining that there was nowhere else to put it. Sure enough, the angry voice replied in kind, taking no shit in the way only a Doc could.
Troy grimaced, glancing back at Oscar. “I should probably go help. Whether it’s Dean I’m helping or the poor dumb drunken bastards who are quickly getting on his bad side, I don’t know yet.”
Oscar snorted. “Dumbasses.”
“Yeah, but they’re our dumbasses when they come through the door. You wouldn’t think someone like little ol’ Dean could strike the fear of God into them, but by God, you’d be wrong.”
Oscar shook his head. “I’ve seen you in action. I think not being afraid of anyone, no matter who they are, is just part of being a medic.”
Troy winked at him. “It’s what you love about me.”
Oscar almost fired back, in a way that would have been both refusing to admit that Troy was right, but simultaneously not saying he was wrong either. A good deal of their relationship’s banter had been Oscar knowing full well he loved how little of his own shit Troy would put up with while trying to find ways not to own up to it. What bothered him more, much like the kiss and their brief intimate touch, was how easy it was for him to fall back into old habits.
Troy chuckled, stepping half out of the room. “Go get some rest, Oscar. Everything will feel better in the morning. We can talk later.”
Troy’s prediction had turned out not to be in the slightest bit accurate.
Oscar woke up the following morning, his mind lurching into full-blown confusion and anxiety before he’d had the chance to have his first thought. Sitting up in bed, he brought his left hand to his chest, feeling the constriction of stress and worry rise to the center.
“Shit, Troy,” he muttered, the man’s face flashing into his head.
God, he’d kissed the man again. He’d reached out, taken hold of him, and drawn him in close until their lips met like they had so many times years before. Despite six years having passed, nothing had changed about the feel of Troy’s lips against his. Troy had grown an extra inch or two maybe, put on a little more muscle over the years, but kissing him the night before had been a blast from the past.
Letting out a deep sigh, Oscar pushed himself out of bed and headed for the shower. During the months of being without his arm, he’d managed to learn how to go about his morning routine without too much struggle, though his hip was smarting again after being out all night walking around. He knocked back a couple of his pain pills before brushing his teeth, hoping they would take the edge off for the rest of the day.
His head still felt stuffed to the gills as he made his way across the base and into the office. Christian was already hard at work, typing away at his computer and chatting away with someone on the phone. Oscar took his seat, unlocking his computer and trying to find something to lose himself in to distract him from his thoughts.
“You in there?” came Christian’s voice after several minutes, jerking Oscar from his thoughts.
He looked up, bewildered. “Huh?”
Christian snorted. “Been trying to get your attention for a bit, you okay?”
Oscar nodded. “Just got a lot on my mind is all, I’m okay.”
“You should try getting more sleep, you look like hell,” Christian noted.
“Thanks.”
Christian chuckled. “Anytime. You think you’ll be able to focus for a bit?”
Oscar looked at his screen as though to protest, and then realized he was lo
oking at chaos. He’d been absentmindedly opening emails and various memos, but he hadn’t done more than look over them mindlessly. His brain had been running over everything from the past twenty-four hours so much that he’d done virtually nothing for the past half hour.
Oscar winced. “Yeah, sorry. You got something specific for me?”
“How do you feel about sorting through some old crap and getting rid of what we don’t need in the system anymore?”
“That would be fine if I had any idea what should stay and what shouldn’t,” Oscar admitted.
“And that’s why you have me here,” Christian said with a grin.
The other man hopped up, quickly leading Oscar to where he needed to go. Oscar was thankful to have something, anything at all, to distract him from his thoughts. To pull him away from the desire to find Troy after his shift was over, to continue what he’d started the night before.
Although he didn’t need his inability to focus on his job as an example of why he needed to stay as far from Troy as possible, it certainly helped. His time with Troy had been wonderful, life-altering, and had changed everything Oscar had once believed about himself and about love. It was the first functional relationship Oscar had ever had with someone who wasn’t his brother, and it was far too easy to love Troy.
But loving him meant putting himself, and his private life at risk. Troy lived his life out in the open, free and clear of worry or fear, but that wasn’t Oscar’s life. It was too easy to become enamored by Troy and to let the man draw him into his way of living. It probably shouldn’t have taken the kiss, but Oscar realized then just how badly he wanted the other man.
Oscar closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly to jostle the thoughts free from his brain. No, they couldn’t revisit the past, they couldn’t fall into one another and get swept away. They were better off the way they were.
7
Troy
Here We Go Again Page 7
