“It’s...complicated.”
“It’s complicated, or you don’t want to tell me the truth?”
Oscar clenched his jaw. “Okay, maybe I ended it for a reason.”
“Well, your ability to state the obvious is still intact, I see. Okay, if you’re not going to tell me the reason, maybe you can tell me if it was a good one or not?”
Now there lay the million-dollar question. “I...don’t know.”
Gabriel made another soft noise. “So, let me see if I understand what little information you’ve given me. You and this girl were a thing once upon a time, and you...had feelings for her, maybe even loved her. Then you ended the relationship, for reasons you’ve kept to yourself, and you don’t sound so sure that it was for the right reasons. Now you’ve run into them again, and based on the struggle you’re going through, the flame has reignited.”
“I...maybe?”
“Right, you’re struggling because it’s just that awkward to see them again after a messy breakup.”
Oscar scowled. “Are therapists supposed to be sarcastic?”
“Good thing I’m being your brother right now and not a therapist, huh? Were you in love?”
“What me and…” Oscar began, clamping his lips over the sound of Troy’s name.
“Yes, you and this flame of yours,” Gabriel said in amusement.
Oscar frowned, thinking back to their relationship and nodded.
The storm had hit hard and fast, bending the tops of the trees as the wind howled, and splattering the sliding glass door to Troy’s apartment with rain. Oscar was perfectly happy to remain locked away indoors, where he could stay both dry and warm. Troy, however, had other ideas.
Troy pressed his face against the glass. “Wow, it looks so awesome out there.”
“Yes, very awesome,” Oscar said with a smirk.
Troy stuck his tongue out at him. “You know, like creating awe. Awesome.”
“Sorry, but I didn’t get no fancy edumacation,” Oscar said with a thick accent.
“Only because you skipped school, you jackass.”
Oscar frowned as he watched Troy’s hand go to the door handle. “What are you doing?”
Troy opened the door, letting loose a gale of wind and a torrent of water. “I’m going out in the storm.”
Oscar stood up. “You’re nuts. It’s practically a hurricane out there.”
Troy winked at him. “I know, right?”
Lightning split the sky as Troy stepped out, and a huge crack of thunder rent through the sound of the wind and rain. Troy walked the small distance from the edge of the concrete slab that made up his porch and down onto the grass. Oscar followed him to the door, wincing as his face was splattered with the rain being blown so hard it felt like little pinpricks.
“Troy! C’mon, this isn’t a good idea!” Oscar bellowed over the wind.
Whether Troy heard him or not, he didn’t look back. To Oscar’s annoyance, the man stepped out into the middle of the patch of grass and held his arms out as though he were going to take flight. The wind whipped through his rain-soaked clothes, and Troy’s face was turned up toward the sky as though basking in the rays of the warm sun. His expression was one of peace, with the corners of his mouth turned up to show a happiness Oscar couldn’t understand. The lightning flashed once more, so close that it cast Troy in a brilliant light that washed out his hair and skin for a moment. When the crack of thunder came, loud and close enough for Oscar to feel as well as hear, Troy’s eyes finally opened.
And his face broke into the most beautiful smile of mixed reverence and happiness.
Oscar’s further complaints died in his throat as he stood there watching Troy. Witnessing as the man who had somehow slipped beneath all of Oscar’s barriers and traps, stood before the might of a storm as though he belonged there.
Oscar felt his heart swell.
“Yeah, yeah, we were,” Oscar whispered.
“And are you now?”
Oscar gave a sad smile. “I think...that’s one of the questions I’m not sure how to answer.”
“I bet if you answer it, you’ll get the answer to all the other ones too.”
“And that’ll solve all my problems, huh?”
“Don’t be an ass. Look, I’ll be honest with you, Oscar, you’re probably going to be at the base for however long you stay in the military, or you’ll be there for a while anyway. So to me, there’s not much in your way of getting together with this girl, except for you. Does she want to be with you?”
“God, save me, yes, and I don’t know why,” Oscar said.
Gabriel grunted. “So, that’s it.”
Oscar looked around in bewilderment. “What?”
“Look, Oscar, you need to be willing to love, but you also have to be willing to accept love. Which, speaking as someone who knows you pretty good, you’re not so great at doing. Figure out where your heart is, stop being an idiot, and do what’s right once you figure it out.”
Oscar’s mind whirled, now fully awake and dragging up images from the past. Troy’s face bubbled up in his mind, and Oscar’s heart squeezed.
“And when you do? Go talk to them.”
“I will,” Oscar promised.
11
Troy
Despite not having made the promise, Troy kept his distance from Oscar for a couple of days following their argument in the street. Considering how life and fate seemed intent on making them run into one another, Troy had limited himself to going to work and coming back to his apartment. Even his food had been ordered in, as he was desperate to make sure Oscar had all the space he needed.
He was not a man to be caged in, however, and having stayed home on Friday night already, Troy felt ready to climb the walls by the time Saturday evening rolled through. Troy was left to stare at the wall above his TV, wondering vaguely why there was never anything on for him to watch. It always felt like, no matter how interesting something sounded, he could never stick with it for very long.
“Maybe I should take up gaming,” Troy said to himself.
His eyes fell to his keys, and he seriously considered driving himself to the store. The knowledge that it would cut into his budget was a minor concern, especially when the sense of crippling boredom weighed down around him like a thick cloud. It seemed a little unfair that he felt trapped in his apartment just because life didn’t know how to give him a break.
He was spared from having to make the decision by a swift knock on his door. Troy practically leaped up from the couch, eager to have someone to distract him. He flung open the door to a startled looking Oscar.
“Jesus, Troy, you always answer the door like you’re under attack?” Oscar asked.
Troy blinked, looking around. “Oh...you…”
Oscar raised a brow. “Were you expecting someone else?”
Troy frowned. “Don’t be an ass. I just…”
Wasn’t sure if Oscar was going to ever speak to him again was all.
Troy shook his head. “Wait, how did you get my address?”
“I was sworn to secrecy.”
“You mean, Dean.”
“I mean, Dean.”
Troy sighed, opening the door further and stepping out of the doorway. “I swear, that man likes to act like I’m nosy, but he’s just as bad.”
Oscar stepped in, closing the door behind him. “He seemed quite eager to give me your address. Is this some sort of revenge?”
“Probably, the little shit.”
“Which means he knows about everything.”
“Not...everything,” Troy said slowly.
He stood there in the silence as he looked Oscar over, waiting to see what he would say. He’d come dressed casually, a simple pair of blue jeans and a red shirt that went well with his tanned skin. There were still dark circles under his eyes, but Oscar didn’t look worn out, in fact, his eyes were bright and riveted on Troy’s face.
“You look good,” Oscar finally said.
Troy looked
down at his pair of baggy basketball shorts and the tank top he’d thrown on, so he was wearing at least something around the house. “I look like I just rolled out of bed.”
“And?”
And he didn’t have anything to say to that, actually.
“Alright, you win this round,” Troy admitted, backing up toward the kitchen.
He stepped around the small dining room table still stacked with the night before’s laundry and into the small kitchen. “You want something to drink?”
“No, I’m okay,” Oscar called back.
Troy shrugged as he snatched a bottle of water from the fridge. “Suit yourself.”
Stepping back into the dining room, he stopped when he realized Oscar was still standing in the same place Troy had left him. The bigger man was staring into the nearby living room, cocking his head as he tried to get the right angle to see in there. There really wasn’t a whole lot to see. Troy hadn’t got around to unpacking most of the decor items he still owned.
“It’s a little bare in here, I know,” Troy admitted.
Oscar looked at him, smirking. “Looks kind of like my place.”
“Says the man who’s only been here for a couple of weeks,” Troy said with a wince.
“Ever planning on decorating?”
“One day,” Troy said slowly.
They continued to stare at one another as Troy’s nerves began to jump and jerk. He knew there was only one reason Oscar would have come to his apartment unannounced. Troy was wary of whatever Oscar had to say, but he also didn’t want to sit around, waiting for the inevitable.
Oscar looked down. “So, on to why I’m here.”
Troy snorted. “It’s like you read my mind.”
Oscar glanced toward the living room. “Can we sit down?”
With a sense of foreboding, Troy nodded, stepping into the living room and sitting down on the couch. He looked up, watching as Oscar’s eyes shifted between the chair and the couch, indecision on his face. Without realizing it, he’d put Oscar in the position of having to decide where to sit, forced to choose between sitting close to Troy or separate from him.
With a sigh, Oscar dropped himself onto the couch beside him. “So...I’ve been thinking…”
Which would have normally been the time for Troy to throw out some witty quip or a sarcastic comment. The problem was, he felt his tongue lying uselessly against the bottom of his mouth as he waited. He’d kept himself so busy over the past couple of days, Troy hadn’t allowed himself to think about the inevitable conversation with Oscar. Now that he was face to face with him, Troy didn’t know what to say, and could only sit and stare.
Oscar’s mouth worked before finally looking up. “I’ll be blunt. Being with you was the best time of my life, and the scariest, which is saying something. I can’t...I can’t live like you do, out and open, I mean God, Troy, do you have any idea...I mean, if Gabe...I can’t lose him, Troy.”
Troy closed his eyes, bracing for the inevitable even as his heart went out to Oscar. As much as he railed against Oscar’s choice to stay in the closet, he did understand the fear. Oscar had so few people in his life, and his brother was the most important. Troy didn’t know enough about Gabriel to say how the man would take it, but to lose his bond with his brother would utterly destroy Oscar.
Oscar reached out, carefully taking Troy’s hand in his as though he might not be allowed to. “But you were right. I wouldn’t have kissed you if it didn’t mean something, and hell, between seeing you almost get choked by that asshole, and seeing you…”
Troy frowned, unconsciously curling his fingers around Oscar’s. “You saw us? Like...saw me and that guy?”
Oscar raised a brow, smirking. “I saw enough, why do you think I was so pissed?”
“Because you were jealous?”
“And you didn’t even know the guy’s name?”
Troy frowned. “I knew it. I just...forgot it.”
“Really?”
“It wasn’t important. And don’t change the subject.”
Oscar’s smirk grew. “Yes, I was jealous. Just like you didn’t care enough to know about a guy’s name.”
Troy huffed. “Because I was trying to stop thinking of you. It didn’t work out too well, which is why I bailed on him and tried to go home. Only to run into you.”
“Almost literally.”
“Yeah, life has been weird lately.”
Oscar drew Troy’s hand closer to him, shaking his head. “My point...actually, I realize I didn’t have a point. But the point of me coming here is that I did do some thinking, and I did realize I was being a possessive, jealous ass who wanted you all to myself. And I mean, it’s easy for me to stand around and say it’s not a good idea, that it was scary, because it was…”
Troy leaned forward, heart pounding hard enough he’d swear he could hear it. “But?”
Oscar pulled his hand away and reached into his jeans to pull something out. “But I never quite left it behind, even though I walked away, I couldn’t...leave it there.”
Oscar handed the object to him, and as Troy took it, he realized it was a folded picture. Opening it, a smile came to his face as he looked it over. The two of them had had a couple of free days at the same time and had taken an impromptu vacation to the beach a couple of hundred miles south of where they’d been stationed. Troy couldn’t remember what the name of the beach had been, but he remembered how much fun they’d had, playing in the water and lounging in the sun by day, and at night, holing up in their hotel room for hours at a time.
“I remember the girl who took this picture. She’d been flirting with you before we asked her to take a picture of us,” Troy said with a laugh.
Oscar smiled. “It was the first time I can ever remember someone just knowing I was gay. And she didn’t care.”
“She said we looked cute,” Troy added.
Oscar looked down at his lap. “And happier than I thought I’d ever be in my life.”
“Does...this mean, what I think it means?” Troy asked.
Oscar picked his head up and reached out again, this time holding his hand out. “I’m not going to pretend that I’m not still worried, or that my old fear isn’t still there. But I can’t stand around, living and working on this base, knowing you’re here and pretending I don’t want to be with you.”
“Even though it freaks you out?” Troy asked.
Oscar snorted. “I was freaked out every time I had to go out into the field, knowing there was a chance I’d get shot. If I can face that, then I can deal with being a little freaked out about how good being with you makes me feel. At least at the end of the day with us, I know I’m going to be happy.”
Troy’s smile softened, and he reached out to cup Oscar’s face and draw him closer. Oscar leaned in without resistance, and Troy brought their lips together. His body flamed with a rush of pleasure and desire as Oscar’s stubble brushed against his skin. Oscar unwound his fingers from around Troy’s so he could hold onto the back of Troy’s neck and draw him in even closer.
Troy let out a happy little hum as he was pulled against Oscar’s body. He’d never been shy about how much pleasure he gained from the feel of Oscar’s strong chest and stomach against him. Without thinking, his hands roamed down Oscar’s sides, stroking the muscles as he carefully explored. Oscar leaned back, taking Troy with him as he fell back against the arm of the couch. Troy fell against the hard bulk of Oscar’s body, hips pushing down against the other man as their mouths parted.
“Shit, you got bigger,” Troy murmured against his lips.
“Just harder,” Oscar chuckled.
Which was true in more ways than one. Troy was all too aware of the sensation of Oscar’s straining cock pushing up against him as they kissed. A thrill of anticipation and pleasure ran up his spine as he ground down against Oscar’s groin, a low moan of happiness escaping him.
Troy sucked in a breath, trying to keep himself calm. They’d only just agreed that they were going to make a
go of things, and it was going to his head, both of them. The last thing he wanted was to go too far, too fast, and risk driving Oscar away after the man had talked about being so fearful. But damn, it was hard to keep his mind focused on staying in control when he could feel Oscar’s warmth against his skin, the man’s hand against his neck, his lips pressed against his, and his cock straining against his thigh.
Oscar gasped, pushing his hips up against Troy. “Jesus, I missed this.”
“Did you?” Troy asked, burying his face in Oscar’s neck.
“Would you believe me if I said I didn’t realize how bad I missed you until just now?” Oscar asked, running his hand down Troy’s shoulders and back.
Troy nodded. “I know the feeling.”
Oscar glanced toward the wall behind the couch. “Bed?”
Troy didn’t even bother with a witty quip, leaning back and grinning. “You don’t have to ask me twice.”
Pushing himself up, he let Oscar rise from the couch. Troy had managed to take two whole steps before Oscar’s arm was around his waist, drawing him back. Troy arched into him, pressing his ass against his cock as Oscar’s hand wandered down. He moaned softly as Oscar’s teeth sank into his skin, sucking gently.
Troy managed to turn around, stumbling backward as he tried to pull Oscar with him toward the bedroom. They continued to grope and stroke one another as they made their fumbling way, neither of them capable of stopping until Troy felt himself bump into the bed. Without missing a beat, he dropped down onto the edge, reaching out to undo the buttons on Oscar’s pants, revealing crimson boxer briefs.
“Always did love you in red,” Troy said as he hooked his fingers into the briefs and pulled them down with the pants.
It took some wiggling on his part, but he managed to drag them down enough to reveal the heavy length of Oscar’s cock. Troy let out a reverent breath, reaching out to run his fingers over the length carefully, refreshing his memory of the feel of it in his grasp. Oscar sucked in a sharp breath when Troy leaned forward, taking the tip into his mouth and sucking gently. The salty-sweet taste of Oscar spread over his tongue as the man leaked copiously, his fingers curling against the back of Troy’s head.
Here We Go Again Page 11
