by T S McKinney
He looked at the rainbow-colored wrist bands like he was noticing them for the first time. “Oh. That’s what these are? I thought they were some sort of 80’s party favors.” He shrugged. “Okay, that’ll work for me. That means I can have more cocktails, right?”
Underage drinking was wrong and illegal. His father might very well kill me. On the other hand, I wasn’t there to be a game warden—just to keep him safe from the kidnappers if they happened to return. On the other, other hand, I didn’t want him intoxicated. I needed him completely sober as I hoped to rebuild our broken relationship. “Let’s lay off the cocktails until we know for certain,” I answered cautiously. “I don’t want you to miss out on anymore of the fun.”
He frowned in between bites. “What kind of fun? What did I cause us to miss last night?”
I felt my heart do a bit of a flip-flop inside my chest when Ari referred to us…it had been the first time in so damn long. The one innocently tiny word caused a huge grin to spread across my face. “No biggie, really. It was a Wizard of Oz themed party—not very exciting. Tonight, we have a pirate theme, and I can’t wait to see you decked out as a pirate.” I shrugged. “What can I say? It’s been a fantasy of mine since I saw the lineup of nightly parties and festivities.”
Ari’s excited face plummeted in dismay. “Where did you read all this stuff? I didn’t see it…so, I didn’t bring any costumes. I can’t go to the parties dressed like,” he looked down at himself and muttered, “a go-go dancer.”
Laughing, I answered, “Well, there actually is a go-go dancer night, so you’ll have it covered. For the other nights, I brought us both costumes. I was afraid that in your…haste to make reservations, you might miss some of the trip’s highlights.” I’d had to pull every trick in the book, call in every favor owed to me, and promise my first born to Satan in order to get costumes for both of us on such short notice. No need to tell Ari that, though. Just seeing him in some of the things I’d chosen would be well worth the extravagant amount of money I’d paid to have everything shipped overnight and directly to the ship. A friend of a friend of a friend helped out on getting the ship to accept the packages. Well, a friend of a friend of a friend and a few Benjamins was what really helped.
“I hate you,” he grumbled. “I really, really do.”
There was absolutely no conviction to his voice, though. None. Not even a hint, so hope blossomed in my chest. “Well, let’s see what I can do to change your perception of me while we’re on this cruise, shall we?” I stood up and stretched. Since he’d cleaned his third plate of breakfast foods, I assumed he was finished. “It’s still pretty early, but the sun’s out. Let’s lounge around the pool for a while, let the food settle and talk about old times. When we get that itty-bitty bit of a mega lie worked through, we can talk about what all you had planned to do on your vacation cruise.”
His bottom lip puckered out the same way it used to do when he was upset about something or if he wasn’t getting his way. Like a total fool, I’d fallen for it every time…and felt myself falling for the same trick again. Yep, bottom lip pucker equaled me giving him the world if he asked for it. Using the sternest voice I was capable of, I asked, “What’s wrong now?”
He looked down at his clothes again and stammered, “I can’t wear this stuff in front of you…especially my swimsuits. I’d expected to be alone on this trip, Eli; not surrounded by people who know me—people I’ll see after my feet hit dry land again. I feel like a fool.”
Hmmm…how in the world Ari could ever feel like a fool in those swim trunks was beyond my comprehension. He looked hotter than a fucking runway model in Milan. “Well, you look like a gorgeous motherfucker. It’ll be a miracle if I don’t get into a fight with some handsy, hairy guy in the first thirty minutes we are on deck,” I answered, referring to the shaved gorilla that had tried to hit on him yesterday. Watching that shitshow had nearly killed me.
He fought back a grin and said, “You’re just saying that.”
“I don’t do that, Ari—lie about important things.” Well, that was a lie, but Ari didn’t need to know it. I could change for him. I would change for him. “If I say you look hot, you look hot.”
Ari stared at me for several long, intimidating seconds. He’d always been able to do that—unnerve me with his soul-searching eyes. He was normally skittish and wouldn’t look people in the eyes, but when he did…damn, he could see straight into the darkest corners of your mind.
Finally, he whispered, “Are you back to hurt me, Eli? Are you only doing all this to…to…punish me for lying to you? Is that why you’re here?” He drew in a deep breath and said, “I know it was wrong to lie. I shouldn’t have done it. I’d take it back if I could.” He frowned and stopped talking. Then said, “No…I wouldn’t take it back. Even knowing how wrong it was, I’d do it again. I wanted you that badly, Eli, and I knew that once you found out how old I was, you’d leave me.”
And there he was, right in front of me—the Ari I’d fallen in love with years ago. The Ari that was vulnerable, yet unafraid of showing me everything. The Ari that kept most of himself hidden from everyone else but gave it all to me. The Ari that still owned my heart.
I’d planned on having this discussion—not in the buffet dining room with strangers surrounding us, but I would follow Ari’s lead, like I always did. “What you did was wrong and dangerous, Ari. Bad things could have happened if the lie hadn’t been revealed when it was. No, bad things would have happened. I wanted them to happen. Intended for them to happen. Hell, Ari, touching you was the only damn thing I thought about back in those days. What we shared, while beautiful and innocent in my eyes, could have led to the destruction of my future.”
His bottom lip pouted again. “But having said that, the past is in the past. Nothing happened. What I don’t understand is how you could ever think I’d come back to hurt you, Ari. I loved you more than I loved myself. I left you to protect both of us, not just me. You were too young and deserved time to explore life and have some fun. I was ready to look at fucking house plans and start naming pets. It would have been impossible for me to stay near you and not touch you…so I had to leave. It wasn’t to hurt you or punish you, Ari. It was only to keep us safe.”
Two tables down, a group of men were listening to every word. No, this definitely wasn’t the perfect setting for what needed to be said between me and Ari. It seemed, though, that I couldn’t stop talking once I’d started—once it seemed like I had his undivided attention for the first time in years. “The night of Baker and Seth’s collaring ceremony, you asked me why I was back, and I thought I made my intentions pretty damn clear. Maybe I didn’t, so allow me to clarify—you’re mine, Ari. You were mine years ago and you are now…until you tell me you’re not. Just…just give us a chance before you say those words, okay? I think we both deserve that much.”
There…the ball was definitely in his court.
*****
Ari
I guessed that one of my countless flaws was that I said exactly what was on my mind, without properly considering the consequences. I’d spent my entire life doing it—like lying about my age the first time Eli had asked me. I hadn’t hesitated, just plopped it out there like if I said it with enough conviction, I could somehow make it true. Unfortunately, my lie, regardless of how much I’d wished it to be the truth, had ended up being exactly what it was—a lie.
I’d known it would end badly, that there wasn’t an appropriate reason for me to put Eli in such a precarious position, but I’d also never wanted anything so damned badly in my life…so I’d lied. That lie, spoken in haste but with conviction, had led to some of the happiest days of my life but also the worst days of my life. Losing Eli had nearly killed me. He’d been there one minute and then gone the next.
A note. The sorry shit had not only left me, but he’d done it with a handwritten note. Poor handwriting, at that.
For years, I’d blamed Eli solely for all the pain and suffering I’d endured due to
the aftermath of my lie. Eli…not me. Never me.
So, when I’d cried myself to sleep, I’d blamed Eli. When I’d once again been faced with the harsh reality of not fitting in due to my age and inexperience, I’d blamed Eli. When I couldn’t seem to find the desire to have sex with another male or female, I’d blamed Eli.
Eli. Eli. Eli.
When he’d returned, acting like he gave two fucks, I’d found a way to twist and turn his words into something threatening. When he’d saved my life and then gently cared for me in the filthy alleyway, I’d managed to convince myself it was nothing more than Eli doing his job—he would have done the same for anyone. When Baker called me to say that it had been Eli who’d pulled strings with his sister to get my babysitting job on the cruise, I’d told my friend that he was only doing it as a way to hurt me. I’d gone so far as to beg Baker to try and intervene with Samantha on my behalf. He’d refused, reminding me of how I’d laughed at his struggles with Seth.
When Eli had taken care of me yesterday during my Pukeahontus performance on deck and then continued caring for me throughout the entire night, I’d returned his sweet gesture with one childish tantrum after another.
But when we’d sat with one another in the dining room that morning, Eli being more attentive to my oddities than my own father or best friends, the coldness inside of me had started to thaw. It wasn’t like I was the Grinch with his expanding heart or anything like that, but I might finally be in a position to admit that I had done my fair share to ruin the relationship between me and Eli years ago.
I’d lied. I’d told a really bad lie. Really terrible things could have happened to Eli if he’d taken me to his bed…like I’d begged him to on each and every occasion we were together. Yeah, I’d been a horny bastard back in the days of Eli. When things had ended between us, I’d tried to remain that same horny bastard, but nobody stood a chance after Eli—not one fucking person.
As soon as he waltzed back into my life, Mr. Horny Bastard returned with a vengeance. I’d done nothing but fantasize about Eli taking me to bed…even if I had put forth a valiant effort of pretending it was somebody other than Eli. All my jerking off sessions had started with me and some gorgeous movie star or deliciously decadent male model, but they’d all ended with it being me and Eli.
Nobody but Eli. It was always Eli.
So, when breakfast had ended, the words had tumbled straight out of my mouth. I’d just pointblank asked him what his intentions were. Things could have ended badly for me. He could have laughed in my face. Even worse, he could have lied. The words would have been the same, exactly what I wanted to hear, but they could have been a lie…but they weren’t.
I might not know how to act properly in a crowd, make a grown man moan in the bedroom, or stop washing my hands twenty times a day, but I knew when Eli was telling the truth. A warmth settled in my stomach and started slowly but surely making its way to my heart. What if there was still a chance for us?
“I’m sorry I lied,” I whispered, finally meaning it for the first time. “I never meant to hurt you, Eli. I was only afraid of losing you.”
He pulled me into a hug and whispered, “Sorry, angel. It’s going to be a lot harder to lose me than you think. I’m not going anywhere.” He tilted my head to where I looked up at him, straight into his beautiful gray eyes. “You can lie about your age, change cruise lines and the date of your departure, or dye that beautiful blond hair…but you’ll never lose me. I’ll be with you until you demand that I leave.”
There was no way in the world the super-tight speedos or booty shorts were going to hide what his words were doing to my body. I should probably be humiliated. I wasn’t, though. When I was with Eli, I felt invincible.
I felt like I belonged.
“I already demanded that you leave me alone,” I argued weakly…but kept my arms locked around his waist just in case he tried to make a run for it.
Grinning, he answered, “But you never meant it. The eyes don’t lie, angel—only those beautiful lips of yours.”
“Why do you call me angel?” I asked, knowing he wouldn’t tell me. He’d done it when we’d dated and wouldn’t tell me then. A part of me suspected I’d never learn the truth.
“Why did you dye your hair?” he countered playfully.
I grimaced as his words forced me to recall my ridiculous efforts to go incognito, just in case Eli caught on to my strategy of switching cruises. Suddenly so very self-conscious of my quick dye job in the bathroom sink of my house, I reached up and tugged on the dark strands. When I’d finished, I hadn’t thought I’d done a horrible job—at least not for my first attempt at dying hair. Apparently, I’d been mistaken.
I shrugged. “To try and help hide my identity. You know? In case you got suspicious because I caved on you accompanying me on my vacation cruise.” Using one of the weird wrist bracelets Eli had put on me sometime during the night, I tried to pull my hair back in a ponytail. Yeah, like that would hide my obviously atrocious dye job. “It sucks, right? Oh well, it’ll grow out in a few months.”
Eli immediately reached out and halted my movements. “Those bracelets are for your motion sickness and are supposed to be on your wrists, angel.” He gently put the bracelet back where it belonged. “And I never said nor meant to insinuate that I didn’t like the new color.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Actually, it’s hotter than fuck. I like it blond. I like it dark brown. Hell, Ari, I like everything about your hair. I was merely wondering why you’d done it.”
“Oh. Okay. I guess. Yeah, that’s okay.” My hand attempted to smooth out a wayward curl. “Are you sure? I could probably get it bleached out if it’s too hideous.”
He burst out laughing and several men from the tables surrounding us laughed along with him. “Hideous? Angel, you’re gorgeous, and you know it!” He smacked my ass and said, “Let’s hit the pool before it gets too hot.”
I followed behind him, my hand caught within his larger one, and pondered what he’d just said to me. Gorgeous? Me? That was hilarious. Everything about me was just…wrong. Wasn’t it?
Eli tugged until I was alongside him. “You’re thinking about something awfully hard back there, angel,” he said quietly. “Anything you want to share?”
We’d made it to the elevators but when I saw the crowd waiting to ride the glide, I motioned for us to take the stairs. It was only two floors up to get to the main deck, and I’d eaten a hell of a huge breakfast. Walking would do me good. It would also give me time to think out a new strategy. Things had shifted over breakfast. Years, it seemed, had disappeared—transforming me back into Mr. Horny and all I could think about was luring Eli into my bed.
I was legal. Almost. Well, I was legal for sex, if not for alcohol.
I wanted him.
He said he wanted me.
Could that mean there wouldn’t be a problem? That by the end of the night, I’d no longer be a virgin? That before the midnight hour I would finally have gotten fucked by the man who’d held my heart so tightly that nobody else had gotten a chance to break through the cage he’d locked it into when he’d left me?
Eli grabbed three towels from a steward, selected two lounge chairs for us, and asked, “How’s this spot? Not too much sun, but enough, I think. We’re close to the bar, so it shouldn’t be hard for me to grab a few beers and you one cocktail throughout the day. Three steps and we’re in the pool if it gets too hot.” He started placing the towels on the lounge chairs, tucking in the edges to make sure my body didn’t have to touch any of the icky plastic that thousands of people had already touched at one time or another. He looked over his shoulder and the expression on my face must have given me away. “What? Is this a bad spot? We can pick another one—wherever you want, angel. This cruise is all about making sure you have a good time.”
News flash—a good time equaled his cock in my ass!
Instead, though, I said, “No…this is fine. Perfect, actually.”
Shit, why couldn’t I just have the co
urage to ask for what I wanted? Normal guys wanted to fuck all the time, didn’t they? Eli might even be enthusiastic if I suggested we just go back to the room and have a roll in the sack. Hell, I wasn’t even close to being normal and I wanted Eli to fuck me. Eli, on the other hand, seemed determined to find us the best sunbathing spot instead of my G-spot. Yeah, I’d read about the prostate. I knew it existed—didn’t have a clue how to find it, but I suspected Eli did.
“You sure?” he asked. “You don’t look sure.”
“I’m sure,” I answered flatly. I was actually only sure that I was probably going to die a virgin.
“Okay, then…if you’re sure,” he answered as he pulled his T-shirt over his head and slipped out of his baggy gym shorts.
I swallowed down a gulp when my eyes landed on the extra tight, extra short swim trunks he had on. They weren’t speedos like mine. They were black instead of pink. They looked fucking fantastic and I’d never in my life been more envious of a piece of fabric. That motherfucking lycra fabric was rubbing up against everything I wanted…while I was forced to stand next to Eli, staring at his junk like a complete and utter sex-starved idiot.
Which was painfully close to being accurate.
“Off with the booty shorts, angel. Show me those pretty pinks again,” he said. “I nearly swallowed my fucking tongue when I saw those this morning. Damn, Ari. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
I grinned. “Well…you are older than me; we probably need to worry about the old-age thing.” His words had made me feel brave and special, so I pulled my shirt off and the booty shorts quickly followed. I heard a few whistles. Eli silenced them with an icy glare, though.
When I started to lie down on the lounge chair, Eli made a no-no sign with his finger, stopping my motion immediately. “First of all, you’re going to pay for the old man comment. Between your birthday spanking and that comment, you may be sitting on pillows for the rest of the cruise. Secondly, and most importantly, I’m gonna need you to lie on your stomach, not your back.”
