‘I brought you here because...it’s possible to walk away from the everyday. To see things more clearly than you might otherwise. And because I wanted to know why someone as beautiful and accomplished as you are seems so sad.’
No. She couldn’t hear this. Aksel needed to take the rose-coloured spectacles off and understand who she really was.
‘I’m not sad. I just see things the way they are.’
‘That no one’s ever going to accept you for who you are? That’s just not true, Flora.’
‘Well that’s not my experience. And for your information, I didn’t give up on men completely, I just...approach with caution.’
He shook his head, giving a sudden snort of laughter. ‘I’ve never thought that sex was much like stopping at a busy road junction.’
Trust Aksel. But his bluntness was always refreshing. She’d been skirting around the word and now that he’d said it... They were talking about sex. And unless Flora was very much mistaken, this wasn’t a conversation about sex generally, it was about the two of them having sex. Despite all the reasons why it shouldn’t, the thought warmed her.
‘I’m not going to have sex with you, Aksel. I can’t...’ Flora didn’t have the words to tell him why and she buried her face in her hands in frustration.’
‘You don’t have to give me any reasons. No is enough.’
Not many men took rejection the way that Aksel did. He’d pushed her on so many other things but this was where he drew the line. His smile let slip a trace of regret, but he accepted what she said as her final answer.
It wasn’t final, though. Everything they were to each other, all the things they’d shared came crashing in on Flora. She couldn’t let him believe that she didn’t want him. The problem was hers, and she had to own it.
‘It’s not you. It’s me.’
‘It’s a good decision, Flora. We’ve both been hurt. I’m leaving in five weeks, and you’ll be staying here.’
And despite all that she wanted him. Maybe because of it. A relationship that had to end in five weeks didn’t seem quite so challenging as something that might end because her genetic make-up, something she couldn’t change, wasn’t deemed good enough.
‘But I want to explain...’
His face softened suddenly. ‘There’s no better place to do that than at a camp fire.’
‘After Tom left me I had a few no-strings affairs, with men I knew. I thought it would help me get over him, but...they just didn’t turn out right.’ Flora couldn’t bring herself to be more specific than that. She was broken, and even Aksel couldn’t mend her.
‘They ended badly?’ Aksel came to the wrong conclusion, which was hardly surprising. She was going to have to explain.
‘No, they ended well, it was all very civilised. But things didn’t work physically. For me, I mean...’
He was looking at her steadily. She could almost see his brain working, trying to fit each piece of the puzzle together, and when he did, she saw that too.
‘I think that when two people have sex, an orgasm is something that you create together.’
Sex and orgasm. All in the same sentence and without a trace of embarrassment or hesitation. That made life a lot easier.
‘I don’t want to fake it with you, Aksel. And that’s all I know how to do now.’
Tears began to roll down her cheeks. She wanted to be with him, and all that she’d lost hurt, in a way it never had before. Flora heard the scrape of Aksel’s all-weather jacket as he reached for her, and she shied away.
‘The way I see it is that we have a connection. I don’t know why or how, but I do know that I want to be close to you, in whatever way seems right. Do you feel that?’ The tenderness in his face made her want to cry even more.
‘I feel it. But it’s too late...’ Flora made one last attempt to fight the growing warmth that wanted so much more than she was able to give.
‘Maybe I just ask you to my place for a glass of wine. We put our feet up in front of the fire...’
Frustration made her open her mouth before she’d put her brain in gear. ‘You don’t get it, Aksel. I want wild and wonderful sex with you, and frankly a glass of wine doesn’t even come close...’ Flora clapped her hand over her mouth before she blurted anything else out.
The trace of a smile hovered around his lips. ‘You’re killing me, Flora. You know that, don’t you?’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’
‘That’s okay. You’re worth every moment of it.’ Aksel leaned forward, murmuring in her ear, ‘Close your eyes. I won’t touch you, just imagine...’
Here, alone with him on a windy hilltop, warmed by the crackling flames of a fire, Flora could do that. She could leave her anger behind, along with everything that stood between them, and visualise his kiss and the feel of his fingers tracing her skin. She shivered with pleasure, opening her eyes again.
‘You’re smiling.’ He was smiling too. The knowledge that he’d been watching her face, knowing that she was thinking of him, sent tingles of sensuality down her spine.
‘That was a great kiss. One of the best.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘So we kissed? I’m glad you liked it. Any chance I might get to participate in the next one?’
He was closer now, and Flora closed her eyes again. This time she didn’t have to imagine the feel of his lips on hers. They were tender at first, like the brush of a feather, and when she responded to him the kiss deepened. She grabbed the front of his jacket, pulling him close, and felt his arms wrap around her.
Arousal hit her hard. The kind of physical yearning that she’d searched for so many times and which had eluded her. It was impossible to be cold with Aksel.
‘That was much better. There are some things I can’t imagine all on my own.’
He grinned suddenly. ‘I liked it much better, too.’
‘Would you like...to continue this? Somewhere more comfortable?’
‘Will you promise me one thing?’ He hesitated.
‘What’s that?’
‘Don’t fake it with me, Flora. However this turns out is okay, but I need you to be honest with me.’
She stretched up, kissing his cheek. ‘No secrets, no lies. It’s what I want, too.’
* * *
The thought that Flora had trusted him enough to feel that this time might be different was both a pleasure and a challenge. Aksel kicked earth onto the smouldering remains of the fire and shouldered his backpack, holding her hand to guide her down the steepest part of the hill, which led most directly to her cottage.
Flora unlocked her front door, stepping inside and turning to meet his gaze when he didn’t follow her.
‘Have you changed your mind?’
‘No. But it’s okay for you to change yours. At any time.’
She replied by pulling him inside and kicking the door shut behind them, then stretching up to kiss him. It was impossible that she didn’t feel the electricity that buzzed between them and when she gave a little gasp of pleasure, unzipping his jacket so that they could nuzzle closer, it felt dizzyingly arousing. He wanted her so badly, and she seemed to want him. The thought that he might not be able to please her as he wanted to clawed suddenly at his heart.
Maybe he shouldn’t take that too personally. Flora had been quick enough to tell him that he wasn’t in charge of everything that happened around him. He would be a kind and considerate lover, and if things didn’t work out the way they wanted, he’d try not to be paralysed by guilt.
‘I’ll love you the best that I can...’ The urgent promise tore from his lips.
‘I know you will. That’s all I want.’ She took his hand and led him up the stairs.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HE WAS LETTING her dictate the pace. Caught between urgent passion and nagging fear, Flora had no idea what she wanted that pace to be. Aksel
pulled back the patchwork quilt that covered her bed and sat down, waiting for her to come to him.
She opened the wooden box that stood on top of the chest of drawers, rummaging amongst the collection of single earrings and pieces of paper that she shouldn’t lose. Right at the bottom, she found the packet of condoms.
‘I have these. I hope they’re not out of date...’ Her laugh sounded shrill and nervous.
‘Let’s see.’ He held out his hand, and she dropped the packet into it. Aksel examined it carefully and then shot her a grin. ‘They’re okay for another six months.’
‘Good. Maybe we’ll save one for later.’ The joke didn’t sound as funny as she’d hoped. In fact, it sounded stupid and needy, but his slow smile never wavered.
Aksel caught her hand, pressing it to his lips. She sank down onto his knee and he embraced her, kissing her again, and suddenly there was only him. Undressing her slowly. Allowing him to patiently explore all the things that pleased her was going to be a long journey, full of many delights.
‘Stop...’ She’d let out a sigh of approval when he got to the fourth button of her shirt, and he paused, laying his finger across her lips. ‘Be still. Be quiet, for as long as you can.’
‘How will you know the difference?’ In Flora’s rather limited experience, most men wanted as much affirmation as they could get.
He gave a small shrug. ‘If I don’t know the difference when I hear it, then I really shouldn’t be here.’
Flora put her arms possessively around his neck. This guy was not going anywhere. And if he wanted her to fight the rising passion until there was no choice but to give in to it, then that was what she would do.
She kept silent, even though her limbs were shaking as he undressed her. The touch of his skin against hers almost made her cry out, but she swallowed the sound. Flora had never had a man attend to her pleasure so assiduously before, and while the physical effect of that was evident in the growing hunger she felt, the emotional effect was far more potent.
He moved back onto the bed, sitting up against the pillows, and lifting her astride him. Face to face, both able to see and touch wherever they pleased. She reached round to the nape of his neck, undoing the band that was tied around his hair, and letting it fall forward.
‘Is that what you want?’ He smiled suddenly.
‘Yes.’ She kissed him again. ‘I want that too.’
Aksel laughed softly. ‘What else?’
It was an impossible question. ‘It’s too long a list. I don’t think I know where to start...’
‘How about here, then?’
She felt his arm coil around her back, pulling her against his chest. His other hand covered her breast, and she felt the brush of his hair against her shoulder as he kissed her neck. Flora closed her eyes, trying to contain her excitement.
She couldn’t help it. Her own ragged cry took her by surprise. Wordless, unmodulated, it was as if Mother Nature had climbed in through a window and stripped away everything but instinct and pleasure. She felt Aksel harden, as if this was what he’d been waiting for. If she’d known that it would feel so good, she’d have been waiting for it too.
‘I want you so much, Flora...’
But he was going to wait until she was ready. Flora reached for the condoms, her hands shaking. When she touched him, to roll one on, she saw his eyes darken suddenly, an involuntary reaction that told her that he too was fighting to keep the last vestiges of control.
When she lifted her body up and took him inside, Aksel groaned, his head snapping back. And his large gentle hands spread across her back.
This time things were going to be different. No faking it, and... No thought either. She was thinking too much. Flora felt herself tremble in his arms, returning his kisses as the tension built. A soft, rolling tide that must surely grow.
He sensed it too. The fragile, tingling feeling rose and then dissipated, leaving her shaken but still unsatisfied. All the same, it was something. More than she’d experienced for a long time.
Aksel didn’t question her, but as he held her against his chest she could hear his heartbeat. He wanted to know.
‘It was nice... Something.’
‘Not everything, though?’ His chest heaved, with the same disappointment that Flora felt. Nagging frustration turned once more to hunger.
‘Can we try again?’ He was still inside her. Flora knew that he must feel that hunger too.
‘Maybe we should stop. I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘You won’t. I want to try again, and this time I...don’t want you to be so gentle.’
He hesitated. Flora knew that she was asking a lot of him. Just take me. Make me come. Maybe that was too much weight of expectation to put on any man.
But she knew that he wanted to. She wriggled out of his arms, moving away from him. Bound now only by gaze.
‘Don’t you want me?’
‘Are you crazy, Flora? You’re everything any man could want, and far more than I have a right to take...’
‘But I’m asking you to do it anyway.’
For one moment, she thought he’d turn away from her. And then he moved, so quickly that he’d caught her up and pinned her down on the bed before she knew quite what was happening. His eyes were dark, tender and fierce all at the same time.
‘Take my hand.’ His elbows were planted on either side of her, and she reached up, feeling his fingers curl around hers in what seemed a lot like a promise. Whatever happened next, he’d be right there with her.
* * *
They’d faced passion together, and then faced disappointment. The kind of disappointment that a man—Aksel, anyway—found difficult to forget. If Flora hadn’t already given him a good talking to about the nature of guilt, he’d be feeling far too responsible, and much too guilty to do this.
But when he’d tipped her onto her back, she’d gasped with delight, smiling up at him and putting her hand in his when he asked her. Trapped in her gaze, entering her for the second time was even better than the first. Better than anything he’d ever done, and it felt liable to overshadow anything he ever would do again.
She wrapped her legs around his back, and he felt her skin against his, warm and welcoming. He began to move, and her eyes darkened as her pupils dilated. Her body responded to his, a thin sheen of perspiration forming on her brow.
Aksel watched her carefully, revelling in all the little signs of her arousal. Suddenly she gasped, her whole body quivering for a moment in anticipation and her hand gripping his tightly. And then that sweet, sweet feeling as Flora clung to him, choking out his name.
It broke him. His own orgasm tore through him, leaving him breathless, his heart hammering in his chest. When he was able to focus his eyes again, the one thing he’d most wanted was right in front of him.
‘You’re smiling.’
Flora reached up, her fingertips caressing the side of his face. ‘So are you.’
‘Yes.’ Aksel had the feeling that it was one of those big, stupid after-sex smiles. One that nothing in this world could wipe from his face. ‘I’m not even going to ask. I know you weren’t faking that.’
The thought seemed to please her. As if she’d wanted him to feel the force of her orgasm, without having to be told.
‘I loved it. Every moment.’
‘I loved it too.’
Her hand was still in his, and he raised it to his lips, kissing her fingers. Easing away from her for a moment, he arranged the pillows and she snuggled against him, laying her head on his chest, so soft and warm in his arms. Aksel let out a sigh of absolute contentment.
* * *
Flora had slept soundly, and she woke before dawn. The clock on the bedside table glowed the numbers six and twelve in the darkness. Twelve minutes past six was more Aksel’s wake-up call than it was hers.
But he was still as
leep. And she felt wide awake and more ready to meet the day than she usually did at this time in the morning.
She moved, stretching her limbs, and his eyelids fluttered open. Those blue eyes, the ones that had taken her to a place she’d been afraid to go last night.
Afraid... The clarity of early morning thoughts wondered whether it might just be the case that she’d been afraid all these years. Afraid to give herself to a man who didn’t trust her enough for her to trust him back.
But she’d given herself to Aksel. In one overwhelming burst of passion that really should have been accompanied by booming cannons, waving flags, and perhaps a small earthquake. And she couldn’t help smiling every time she thought about it.
He stretched, and she felt the smooth ripple of muscle. Then he reached for her hand, the way he had last night. He was still here, with her. Still protecting her from the doubts and fears.
‘God morgen.’ He leaned over, kissing her brow.
He’d lapsed into Norwegian a few times last night as they’d lain curled together in the darkness. It was as if his thoughts didn’t wait to be translated before they reached his tongue, and although Flora didn’t know what he’d said, the way he’d said it had left her in no doubt. They had been words of love, whispered in the quiet warmth of an embrace, and meant to be felt rather than heard.
‘Are you...?’ Did he feel as good as she did? Did he want this moment to last before the day began to edge it out? Flora couldn’t think of a way of saying that in any language.
He chuckled, flexing his limbs again. ‘I am. Are you?’
‘Yes. I am too.’
All she needed was to lie here with him, holding his hand. But the sound of paws scrabbling at the kitchen door broke the silence.
‘That’s Dougal. He won’t stop until I let him out...’ Flora reluctantly tried to disentangle herself from Aksel’s embrace, but he held on to her.
Festive Fling with the Single Dad Page 13
