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Prologue
I HAD ALWAYS suspected that there were dark and forbidding secrets in Wyndemere House, a nineteenth-century Gothic Revival mansion that had been in the Davenport family for nearly eighty years. The secrets lingered in every corner like old spiderwebs catching dust in an attic long after the spider had died, and they echoed in every footstep as if they followed everyone about the house. As a child growing up there, I feared learning what they were. At times, when I thought a shadow had glided across the walls in my room like sliding ice or when I thought I heard the sound of what I imagined to be sobbing leaking through the ceiling from one of what I knew to be empty bedrooms above, I shuddered, embraced myself, and tried to avoid dreams.
Because the house was old and the stories about the Jamesons, the people who had lived in it even before the Davenports, were legendary tales about witchcraft and lost children, it never occurred to me as I grew up, living with my mother in what were the help’s quarters, that the one secret that would most affect my life was kept locked up in my mother’s heart. No matter where we lived, that secret would have festered until, like the black flower in The Scarlet Letter, it blossomed and left me naked and defenseless in a world where eyes could condemn and voices could sting like angry hornets.
The dark-gray stone-faced house with its louvered black vinyl shutters, towering brick chimneys, and gargoyles replicating those on Notre Dame in Paris couldn’t help but be forbidding, despite the great care that was taken to surround it with a variety of flowers, manicured hedges, beautiful fountains, and rolling green lawns perfumed with the aroma of early spring whenever the grass was cut. During the coldest wintry nights, the elaborate outside lights desperately tried to warm the mansion and help it look welcoming. Deer would come out of the surrounding forest and pose like models for statuary, as if they understood that the house loomed with as great an importance as anything else nature had chosen for their world.
Situated on more than fifteen acres abutting Lake Wyndemere, a five-mile-long lake on the border between New York and Massachusetts, the house was over fifteen thousand square feet and had seventeen bedrooms, six baths, and eight fireplaces. It had an elegant beige foyer with a Louis XVI console; a very large living room with neoclassical sofas, chairs, and tables; a dining room that could seat twenty; and a library, which Dr. Davenport used as an office, too. It was semicircular, with a wood-paneled ceiling, a fireplace, and walls of bookcases. All the rooms had intricately designed parquet floors. The main entrance had an open staircase, molded cornices, and a red-marble fireplace. Many rooms were warmed with Persian rugs and stuffed with antiques. There were elaborate chandeliers that drizzled light everywhere in the evening and on dreary winter days.
Throughout the spring and summer, there was always a variety of flowers in vases in every downstairs room and every bedroom in use upstairs. The flowers were changed weekly so that there was an ongoing mixed aroma that sweetened the air and subdued any stale odors that might come from vintage pictures, furnishings, and antiques, many created long before the house was built. Whenever windows could be thrown wide open, they were.
Most of the bedrooms were closed off and used rarely except for the occasional guest. When I was little and often followed my mother upstairs, Mrs. Marlene, the cook, whose parents had emigrated from Cork, Ireland, teased me by warning me never to open any of those closed doors, or “a ghost could fly out.”
If I looked too frightened, she would laugh and recite a limerick: A ghost in the town of Macroom one night found a ghoul in his room. They argued all night as to who had the right to frighten the wits out of whom.
Then she would laugh and hug me. I might smile, but I still never opened a closed door.
Now, as for almost the past ten years, my mother and I occupied two bedrooms at the rear of the mansion on the first floor, and we had our own small kitchen and den, all of it originally created for live-in household servants. Dr. Davenport and, my mother said, his first wife did not want any other strangers besides us living in their home. His second wife definitely did not. If anyone else was to live here, he or she would have to have one of our bedrooms. No workers, except my mother when the Davenport children were infants and she was their nanny, would be permitted to inhabit an upstairs bedroom. Instead, a team of maids and Mrs. Marlene, who had been working at Wyndemere for over twenty years, came and went six days a week.
On Sundays, my mother would take over most of the meal service, but Dr. Davenport and his wife would usually go to dinner at a restaurant Sunday night and my mother would have only the children under her watch. There was no cleaning on Sundays, nor was there anyone working on the grounds.
Years before I was born, Dr. Davenport, a cardiovascular surgeon, married Samantha Avery, the daughter of a prominent dental-equipment manufacturer. His parents approved the marriage and were supposedly even instrumental in bringing their son and Samantha together. Dr. Davenport’s father and Samantha’s were close friends and partners in some business ventures. My mother told me that what she called “posh families” often engineered marriages between their daughters and sons. It provided them with a sense of security to know that the expanding family would be like new branches on a well-established, firmly planted tree. “Birds of a feather stick together,” she said.
“But that doesn’t sound very romantic,” I said.
I was fourteen when my mother described all this with more detail than she ever had previously. It had become more important for me to hear about love and marriage, so I asked as many questions as I could about everyone, especially the Davenports. Overnight, it seemed, I was capable of falling in love at the wink of an eye and with a soft smile singling me out from my tuft of girlfriends. My girlfriends and I emerged from the same cocoon of puberty held together with strings of desperate phone calls about potential boyfriends, pajama-party confessionals, and flowering hormones. We were at the age when one mutual giggle could sweep us—a special cluster of smiles, swaggering hips, budding breasts, and growing self-confidence—down a school hallway. Other girls in our freshman high school class envied us, and older boys began to stop to take notice.
“Romance, Fern,” my mother said in her inimitable dry way that some claimed was natural to British people, “is the least of it when it comes to marriage.”
“Not for me,” I replied. “Nothing will be more important. How can anyone permit her parents to decide with whom she should spend the rest of her life? Ugh.”
I was more like a rubber band these days, snapping back. Defiance had become instinctive and necessary in order to assure myself, my friends, and any boy who would show interest in me that I had matured and had a mind of my own. I wanted everyone to believe that I could say things, tell things about myself, without having to run home to my mother to first get confirmation. I was headstrong and determined that people should see me for who I really was and not lump me in with some stereotype assigned to girls without fathers. With the air of independence I was projecting, I might as well have already been eighteen and out on my own in the world.
All my girlfriends, some coming right out and admitting it, were jealous of my poise and assurance.
“You’re not afraid of anyone or anything,” Evelyn Porter told me when I cut Barry Austin, a senior, do
wn to size after he had made a disgusting remark about my rear end. I told him his nose was longer than his penis so he could walk safely into a glass door when he had an erection. He turned a new shade of bloodred, looked at the surprised delight on my girlfriends’ faces, and fled.
“If you act like sheep, they’ll act like wolves,” I quoted from my mother’s repertoire.
“I wish I had your nerve,” Evelyn said.
All the girls around us nodded, wishing they were more like me, but then later they would surely comfort themselves with the knowledge that, unlike them, I had no father, and my mother was someone’s nanny before she had become a house manager. Although that sounded important on the surface, I knew that most thought of her as just a glorified housemaid. The more painful reality was that we never had a home of our own or a family in the United States.
My mother had never been married.
I was a mistake, the result of some unexpected and overwhelming rush of passion that pressured her to close her eyes and cast caution to the wind. She was so adamant about not discussing it with me, no matter when or how I brought it up, that I began to feel like a virginal conception. Whenever girlfriends who thought they had become intimate enough with me asked about my father, I answered the way I always had: “I don’t know, and my mother has sworn to herself never to say.”
“Doesn’t it bother you?” most of my girlfriends wanted to know.
“Why should it?” I countered defensively. “It’s too late to matter,” I’d say, even though in my heart of hearts, I knew it still did and always would. It kept a haze around me, staining me with subtle condemnation. People were supposedly more liberal-minded about such things nowadays, but I was more often than not the target of hypocritical eyes or words like not that it matters to me.
Oh, it mattered.
In fact, after I had first landed on the beaches of adolescence and I realized that boys were hovering around me more than they ever had, I became keenly aware that some of them had the impression and shared the belief that a girl born out of wedlock had inherited promiscuity and was an easy score. They believed that, like my mother, I would definitely go all the way, likely on the first date, something my very existence acknowledged for them. I had to be stronger and defiant. They could whisper about my mother and me behind my back, but few had the nerve to say anything nasty on the topic to my face.
Besides, my mother did not sleep around. She had no dirty reputation. People who had gotten to know her well respected her. None saw her as a loose woman. In fact, I couldn’t find much evidence of any boyfriend in her life, no old pictures or old love letters tied with a pink ribbon and stuffed in a carton of memories. That part was frustrating. I needed clues. How did all this happen? How did I come to be here with her?
My mother had left her home in Guildford, England, when her music teacher, Mr. Wollard, convinced her she could be a singing star in America. She was the lead in all the school musicals. She told me she had even sung in a pub occasionally on weekends. My grandparents were against her stopping her education and rushing off to get her name in lights. My grandfather was a banker and, according to my mother, very conservative. She called him a typical Royalist. When she finally decided to follow her dream and quit school to go to America, my grandfather became very angry. But she was stubbornly ambitious and wouldn’t back down.
“Your grandfather Arthur showed me the door like he would some ragtag beggar,” my mother told me. “It broke my mother’s heart. He forbade my even writing a letter. I left with whatever I could pack in a beaten old suitcase that had belonged to your grandmother. If it wasn’t for my older sister, Julia, I wouldn’t have even known when my father passed away four years ago. Now, when I think about it, I don’t know what was in my head besides those soapy ambitions. I really never got past being a waitress. So much for Mr. Wollard’s prediction that I’d be the next Madonna.”
“But why Wyndemere? It’s not close to New York City. What brought you here?” I had to know.
She told me that when she was really down and out because the girl with whom she was sharing rent on the small apartment in New York had left and she had gotten nowhere with her singing, a friend of a friend introduced her to Dr. and Mrs. Davenport, who were in New York at the time. They were looking for a nanny, and both liked her and were impressed with her enough to hire her. My mother said she took the job to care for the Davenports’ baby son, Ryder, who was due in two months. She thought it would tide her over for a year or two and she would save enough money to return to New York and continue pursuing her dream.
But then, on a particularly icy winter afternoon a little past the first year, Samantha Davenport lost control of her vehicle while coming down a particularly steep hill and ran off the road and down an embankment, the car doing a somersault and landing on its roof. She wasn’t wearing her seat belt and broke her neck. She was dead for hours before the vehicle was located.
I never knew her, of course, but from the pictures I had seen of her, I thought she had been a very attractive light-brown-haired woman who never seemed to have lost her little-girl eyes and smile. When I mentioned that to my mother once, she said, “That’s exactly who she was, a little girl, so protected and spoiled she didn’t have to grow up. You grow up when you need to face challenges, especially challenges when you’re alone. I had to grow up fast,” she added, but not bitterly. Of course, I wanted to know all about that, every nitty-gritty detail of her journey that brought her to who she now was.
However, getting my mother to talk about her past was like pulling pieces of packing Styrofoam off your clothes. Her standard reply to a question about her history, and therefore mine, when I pursued more detail was, “I’ll tell you some other time.”
“Some other time” seemed to move further and further into the distant future, and after a while, I stopped asking questions. I was too busy now writing my own history. Helping me do that was Ryder Davenport, who was two years older than me. When he was six and I was four, we began to play together. It wasn’t until Dr. Davenport remarried that the boundaries for me in the mansion were more strictly enforced. In fact, Bea Davenport, his second wife, wanted my mother and me out of the house entirely, but by then, my mother was managing the staff and assisting in the kitchen and was available to be a nanny again, this time to Dr. Davenport’s and Bea’s daughter, born a year after their marriage.
I never understood why she agreed to it, but Bea Davenport permitted their daughter to be named after Dr. Davenport’s first wife, Samantha. Ryder almost immediately began to call her Sam, and the name, despite Bea’s objections, stuck. In fact, when Samantha entered school, she enjoyed her friends calling her Sam, even though her teachers refused to do so. Of course, I called her Sam, too, which was another thing that didn’t endear me to Bea Davenport.
Bea wasn’t as pretty as Samantha Avery, but she, too, came from a posh family. Her father was head administrator at the hospital where Dr. Davenport operated on his patients and through various charity events became acquainted with Bea Howell. My mother told me he was a man who simply had no patience for what she called “the courting game.” Although she didn’t say it in so many words, I knew she believed Dr. Davenport married Bea Howell because it was convenient. A man like him needed a woman at his side who could qualify as an important doctor’s wife, and it wasn’t terribly long afterward that he became the head of cardiology at the hospital.
Bea had gone to Vassar but had no interest in developing any sort of career besides becoming a doctor’s wife. Dr. Davenport wasn’t the first to date her, but he had the most impressive status and was already quite wealthy, two qualifications she required before she would give a man a second look.
“She’s the type who holds her head up and back so high that you can examine her sinuses,” my mother once muttered. I had no idea what she meant then, but she warned me not only to keep out of the new Mrs. Davenport’s way but to avoid her shadow as well.
I know Ryder never liked her.
It was something that helped make the two of us closer allies in the big house. As soon as Sam was old enough to understand, she wanted to be our ally, too. She looked more like her mother than she did her father. She had her mother’s coffee-bean brown eyes, her slightly long, thin nose and thin lips. Bea’s dark-brown hair was closer to black, and so was Sam’s. But regardless of how her mother treated Ryder and me, Sam craved our friendship and followed us about like a puppy.
For some reason, she didn’t inherit the doctor’s or Bea’s height and was always tiny, fragile. Ryder nicknamed her Sam the Bird. Her mother hated the way she would trek behind us everywhere, especially me, and often came to our quarters to drag her back into “the house,” as she called it, threatening to lock her in her room if she left the house again. It was as if my mother and I lived in a truly separate building, with dandruff as well as dust floating in the air. Bea was not above putting Sam immediately into a hot bath as soon as she discovered she had been here.
So there we were, the three of us, growing up in one of the area’s most famous houses on beautiful property but with me always feeling worse than a poor relative, especially with my mother continually warning me not to push too hard to do too much in the great house. She was keenly aware of Bea Davenport’s disapproval of our being “underfoot,” as my mother would say. That meant I would have to tiptoe and never raise my voice. I was to be “easily ignored.”
“She should be as surprised to see you as she would be if you had just moved in insidiously,” my mother told me. I was only ten at the time and had to rush off to my computer to look up the word. My mother, although she really had not gone further than a public-school education, had the vocabulary of a college graduate and loved to read, which probably helped make me an A-plus student.
I tried to follow my mother’s wishes for how I should behave in Wyndemere, but despite what Bea wanted or my mother’s thoughts about how discreetly we had to live in this great house, destiny, woven in secrets, had other plans for us all, and especially for me. What I learned before I was very old was that every day you could be reborn through the education you had and the work you did, or you could simply disappear with the memory of you absorbed in some soon-to-be-forgotten cloud drifting off to the horizon.
House of Secrets Page 1
