“Good grief, Haley. You’ve got six missed calls and dozens of text messages from Matt. Why didn’t you answer him?”
“I do? I never heard anything. What did he say?”
“Oh, here’s the problem. Your ringer was turned off, and you don’t have the notifications turned on for your texts. I swear, Haley, I go away for a week, and you messed everything up.”
“I don’t care about that right now, Jackson. What did Matt say?” I know Jackson was deflecting from the real problem, but I was too concerned for Matt to play along.
Jackson groaned and said, “His little brother’s in serious condition. They took him to the hospital, and he’s asked you to come to be with him. Well, I guess that explains why the door was left open.”
“Call him right now, Jackson. I’ve got to tell him I wasn’t ignoring him. I can’t believe I didn’t check to make sure the ringer was turned on. I’m such an idiot!”
“C’mon, let’s head back to your house. I’ll call him when we get back to my truck. We can head straight to the hospital.”
“Thanks, Jackson. You’re the best!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting in the truck with Charlie between my feet on the floor, I held the ringing phone up to my ear. I desperately hoped Matt wasn’t furious with me for ignoring him. At least, that’s what he would have thought I was doing until I had a chance to explain what happened.
The call was picked up, and I almost yelled in anticipation of what I was certain to hear. “Matt? Are you there?”
“Yeah, Haley, it’s me.”
I felt terrible when I heard his dejected-sounding tone. “Matt, I just found out about your calls and messages. My ringer was off and…oh, never mind. How’s Jimmy? We’re on our way to meet you right now.”
Matt’s voice broke, and I could hear him trying to hold back his crying. With a valiant effort, he managed to say, “It’s bad, Haley. The doctors don’t think he’s going to make it. I feel so useless.”
“I’m so sorry, Matt. We’ll be there before you know it. Where are you exactly?”
“He’s in the ICU. I’ll meet you outside. I’ll head out there right now.”
As per his usual, he abruptly hung up the phone. I should have been used to it by now, but I still found it disconcerting. Maybe it was his emotional state which caused him to be more abrupt than usual; I’d probably be the same way.
Bringing the phone down to rest in my lap, my other hand clutched my pendant as I prayed. I knew it was vain to hope; based on Matt’s descriptions of his brother’s symptoms, Jimmy’s disease was more advanced than any of them knew or wanted to admit. I’d seen it all before with other Batten friends. My best hope would be for Jimmy to have an easy and swift passing.
“Hurry, Jackson; Matt sounded so scared. Jimmy’s not doing well.”
My heart went out to the Dietrich family. They were entering another phase of their lives which they all wanted to keep at bay forever. I almost felt guilty since my disease had taken a different path with the first round of trial drugs. Otherwise, my family would’ve already gone through the grief they were facing right now.
“Yeah, I kinda gathered as much. I’m going as fast as I dare. It’ll only be a couple more minutes. I’ll drop you off out front and go find a parking space.”
“Thanks, Jackson. Matt said he’d wait for me outside the ICU.” I wished I didn’t know the layout of the hospital so well to know already where Matt would be. I’d spent too much time there, more time than any teenager should have any right.
Chapter Nine
“HEY, I SEE a spot in short-term parking,” Jackson announced as he turned into the spot. “I don’t see Matt anywhere. I’ll just walk in with you.”
As soon as I opened the passenger door, Charlie jumped down onto the ground and stood waiting for me to get out. With his leash in my left hand, my right hand automatically reached for Jackson. As usual, he took his place to lead me to the entrance. I didn’t like the idea that Matt wasn’t outside. I had a terrible feeling in my gut.
The doors slid open allowing the antiseptic air to blow into my face. I hated that smell. Before we took more than three steps into the lobby, a woman’s voice called out.
“Miss. Miss! You’re not allowed to bring pets into the hospital,” she announced rudely.
I shook my head in denial and retorted, “He’s a seeing-eye dog; he’s not a pet.”
“I’m sorry, Miss. But without the proper documentation, you won’t be able to stay here with your dog. It’s hospital policy.”
With this being my first outing, I was at a loss for what to do or say. Luckily, Jackson stepped in and saved me.
“I’ll just take him back to the truck. Call me when you’re ready to go home.”
I had to temper my anger at the hospital representative because I didn’t want to jeopardize my ability to stay here for Matt. Still, to be denied access to the hospital simply because of a technicality seemed so wrong. I reluctantly handed over the leash to Jackson.
“Thank you,” I said to him.
“Hey, no problem. Charlie probably has to go to the bathroom anyway.”
Knowing Jackson the way I did, he would probably find the employees car and encourage Charlie to pee on her tires. Now I was left alone in the lobby with only the company of the receptionist. I hated to ask her anything, but I also didn’t want to be hanging around awkwardly in the middle of the room. “I’m expecting to meet someone. Can you take me to a seat to wait?”
“Sure, they’re right over here.”
The woman’s voice moved, but with all the other noises in the room, I lost track of where she had gone. Turning, I attempted to follow her only to bump into someone. “I’m sorry,” I instantly apologized before I recognized Matt’s cologne. “Matt? Is that you?”
“Yes, I’m so glad you’re here.” His arms crushed me to his chest. If the situation hadn’t been so dire, then I might have enjoyed the contact. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his middle and let him draw support from me.
A minute passed in silence while he collected himself. “Why’re you here alone? Where’s Hunter?”
“Never mind that. Let’s go sit down so you can tell me about Jimmy. What’s going on?” A fresh wave of grief washed over Matt, and I didn’t know where to take him. If only the receptionist hadn’t abandoned me in the lobby, then maybe this scene could have been avoided.
Matt’s hand grabbed onto mine, and I could feel him trembling with emotion. We walked several feet before Matt directed me to sit in one of the plush visitor’s chairs. He kept my hand in his as he seated himself next to me.
The silence grew between us, but I could hear him sniffling as his emotions kept him from speaking. I finally asked, “Tell me what happened, Matt.”
With a loud inhalation through his nose, Matt spoke haltingly. “We thought Jimmy was sleeping. He’s been so tired lately.”
“When was this?”
“Two days ago.”
My mind reeled. That was the day my parents brought Charlie home to me. All this time, Matt needed me, and I was oblivious to it all. When Matt continued his story, I simply listened.
“Mom went to check on him and started screaming. I ran into the room and saw Jimmy’s face was almost blue. I shoved Mom out of the way and dragged Jimmy off the bed and onto the floor. I started doing CPR immediately and begged him to be okay.
“We weren’t thinking clearly. Mom and I rushed him out to the car where she drove, and I kept trying to resuscitate him. She called the hospital to let them know we were on the way.
“As soon as we pulled up to the emergency exit, the nurses took him from us. Mom called Dad, and he rushed over to be with us, but we still hadn’t heard anything yet about his condition. I assumed that meant it was good news.
“About an hour later, a doctor came out to talk with us. He said that Jimmy had a seizure which caused him to stop breathing. They put him on life-support, but they didn’t hold out too much hope for h
is recovery. He said there’s no way of telling how long Jimmy had been without oxygen.”
“Oh, Matt; I’m so sorry.” I clutched his hand in between both of mine. There was nothing I could say or do which would make this any easier, but I hoped I could bring him some comfort. “So, there hasn’t been any change? That’s good, right?”
I could feel Matt’s body start to shake as his emotions once again began to take over his self-control. Not knowing what else to do, I dropped my knees onto the floor in front of him and pulled my hands away from his so I could put them around his middle.
I don’t know how long we stayed that way, and I didn’t care what people might think about our display of emotion. Matt needed this physical contact; I could tell by the way his hands held me so tightly.
“He’s gone, Haley.” A fresh wave of grief came over him, rendering him speechless again.
I shook my head, wanting to deny the truth I already knew even before entering the hospital. “No, don’t say that, Matt. He might come out of this yet.”
“No. That was the reason I wasn’t out here when you came in. The doctors all agreed that he was brain dead. They asked my parents for permission to turn off his life-support. I couldn’t hang around and watch them turn off the machines, Haley. I ran away. I failed my little brother.”
“No, Matt. You didn’t fail him. You did everything you could to keep him alive until you got here. Nobody would ever fault you for what you did for him.”
“But I could feel his life slipping away from me. Every time I breathed into him, it felt less like the boy I knew and more like some stranger. How terrible is that for me to say? I’m the worst brother ever.”
“No, Matt, no. Don’t say that. Jimmy loved you. It was his time to go. Nothing anyone could have done would have brought him back. He’s at peace now, Matt. He’s not in any more pain.”
“No, because he’s dead. I’ll never get to see him smile at me again. How can I keep going on knowing he’s not a part of my life anymore?”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Matt. Jimmy will always be a part of you.” I pulled my face away from his chest and put my hand over his heart. “Right here, you keep all your memories of Jimmy. He’ll always be with you.”
“It’s not enough, Haley. He deserved so much more.” Matt couldn’t keep talking as his crying prevented him from continuing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m not sure how much time passed, but my knees were killing me. Nothing could have forced me to move, though, not when Matt held me so desperately. Two people appeared at once behind me.
“There you are, Matt. I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” a man spoke.
“Haley,” Hunter spoke my name.
Matt and I sprang apart as though we’d been caught doing something wrong. I attempted to stand up, but both of my feet were asleep. My brother’s arm supported me as I stumbled awkwardly. “Where’s Jackson?”
“He came home an hour ago.”
“Hey, Dad. Is it over?” Matt asked.
I could tell he had stood up from the sound of his voice. Never before had I wanted someone to deny what Matt was asking. I dreaded the answer along with him.
“Yes. He’s very peaceful now. Your mom wants you to say your goodbyes to him. She wants us to say a prayer with him as a family.”
“Sure. Um, I’ll see you later, Haley.”
Hunter slung his arm across my shoulders, his hand squeezing my arm as he knew how this news would affect me. He had seen this scene too many times himself. It never got any easier.
“Let’s go home,” Hunter said quietly, respecting the sanctity of the moment.
I nodded, unable to speak because I bit my lip so hard to keep from losing it here in public. I let him lead me out of the hospital and into the fresh air and warm sunshine which seemed so at odds to how cold I felt inside. The world was a little darker because yet another child had been lost to Batten disease.
As soon as I stepped into my house, Charlie pushed up against me, whining and pawing at me in a way he had never done before. I’m sure he could feel my sorrow, and it helped tremendously to hug his warm body close to me while my tears overflowed my eyes and dropped into his fur. I felt empty inside, like Jimmy’s death was the last one I could endure.
I couldn’t be around anyone right now. Silently standing up, I walked away from my family to hide out in my bedroom. When I curled up on my bed, Charlie jumped up and stretched out next to me, his muzzle resting on my forearm while his whining seemed to mirror my sorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ringing of my phone in my pants pocket roused me from my dreams. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but the instant I woke, my only thought was for Matt. If that were him calling, I needed to answer it. He needed me more now than ever.
I rolled over onto my back, surprised to find Charlie still snuggled next to me. By the third ring, I had the phone in my hand. Bringing it up to my ear, I wondered what time it was.
“Hey, Haley,” Matt spoke, his voice soft and gentle. “Did I wake you?”
I ran my hand over my face, feeling the dried tears on my cheeks. “Yes, but that’s okay. I probably shouldn’t be sleeping anyway. What time is it?”
“Six-thirty.”
“Yeah, I definitely should get up to have dinner. My mom hates it when I miss meals.”
“You already missed it, Haley. It’s six-thirty in the morning.”
“Oh, well, that’s unexpected.” I blew a breath out of my lips as I processed Matt’s news. I tried to shove Charlie over to give me room to move, but he stubbornly remained where he was. “Move, you big brute,” I spoke to him.
“Who’s with you?” Matt asked, his voice not nearly as gentle as it had been.
“My dog. I can’t get him to move out of my way.”
“When did you get a dog?”
“My parents surprised me with him when they got back from their trip. We were bringing him over to your house when we found out…” I stopped as soon as I realized where I was leading this conversation. Matt didn’t need a reminder of yesterday; I’m sure it was fresh on his mind.
“Yeah. Well. Can I see you today?”
“Sure. When do want to come over?”
“Um. How about now? I mean, I know it’s early, but I need to talk to you.”
“Absolutely. You don’t need to explain it to me. Just head on over, and I’ll meet you outside. Give me about five minutes to wash up first, okay?”
Already, my heart raced in anticipation of being with him again. Was it terrible that I just wanted to be near him? I know he was hurting really badly because of his brother, but I was so happy I was the one he wanted to seek comfort from.
“Great. I’ll see you in six minutes.”
I had to chuckle at Matt’s abrupt end to the call. I set the phone down on my nightstand and managed to climb over the dog. I knew he was awake; I just didn’t know why he refused to move.
I hauled off my wrinkled clothes and grabbed the first things which came to my hands. It didn’t really matter what they were, but I was thankful they were thicker material. The mornings were still slightly chilly, and I had no idea how long Matt and I would be sitting outside.
After freshening up in the bathroom, I returned to my room only to discover Charlie had moved from the bed to sit in front of my dresser. I stubbed my toe on him, but he managed to stand up to give me leverage to keep from falling over.
“At least you’re slightly helpful,” I muttered as I reached over him to grab my phone and his leash. Together, we left my room and entered a totally quiet living room. This wasn’t my usual time to be up, mostly because I liked my sleep. But it was odd to have everything so still around the house.
I felt myself relaxing as soon as I opened the front door and heard the first birds beginning to start chirping. At least nature was still going on like normal, even if nothing else remained the same. Charlie tugged urgently on the leash in my hand, something he’d never done befor
e.
Quickly pulling the door shut behind me, I let Charlie take the lead he obviously wanted. I just hoped he wasn’t planning on chasing a squirrel or something stupid like that. When Charlie began barking, I worried he would wake up my parents. “Shush, Charlie. That’s enough!” I spoke sternly.
Abruptly Charlie stopped, and I heard him whimpering and licking someone. “Who’s this, Haley?”
“Matt, I didn’t know you were there. This’s my dog, Charlie.”
“Charlie? That’s so strange. He looks just like my old dog who was also named Charlie. Don’t you, boy? Who’s a good boy?”
I could only assume Matt was rubbing Charlie as he spoke nonsense to him. I knelt next to the pair of them, my hand resting on Charlie’s back. “I didn’t know you used to have a dog. Tell me about him.”
“Oh, we got him when he was a puppy. He was the cutest little guy, so friendly, just like this fellow. Anyway, we discovered that Jimmy…” he choked up a bit but managed to continue after he cleared his throat. “We found out Jimmy was allergic to dogs and we had to give him up.”
I felt something stirring inside me. Could this be possible? I had to find out. “How old was Charlie when you gave him up?”
“Just over a year. Why?”
“Who did you give him to?”
“A friend of the family. He’s a great dog trainer and said he’d find him a good home.”
“Oh my gosh! Matt! I think this is your Charlie. My parents got him from a trainer named Chris in Northern California.”
“No way! Are you serious? Charlie, is it you, buddy?”
As much as I wanted the independence that Charlie would give me, I knew I couldn’t keep the dog. Matt needed his canine companion back, especially now. “You have to take him back, Matt. I can’t keep him knowing he was yours first.”
“What? No, Haley. He was trained for you. I’m glad he has a purpose. Besides, it’ll give me an excuse to come and see you more often.”
The Rift In Our Reality: A Sweet Young Adult Romance Page 6
