“Then the solution is simple,” Maiya said. “Give him El’Ara in exchange for leaving our land in peace.”
“What do you mean, give him El’Ara? El’Ara isn’t ours to give, nor is Lela ours to keep. Lela was never our land to begin with. It came from El’Ara.”
Maiya put her hands on her hips. “I don’t care where it came from. Lela is my home. This is where I belong. Lela is home to my husband, my family, my people. This is where my child will be born. This is where I will stay.”
I stammered, searching for words. “But…but what about El’Ara? How can you even consider letting the Ancient Realm go to Darius? What do you think he will do to the Elvan and the Faeran?”
“I honestly don’t care, Cora. They started this war. They should end it amongst themselves and leave us at peace. Their bickering has nothing to do with us. Nothing!”
“If Darius takes over El’Ara, what will stop him from also taking over our world?”
Maiya paused for a moment. When she spoke, her tone was empty. “If we help fight in this Ancient war, what happens to us? What happens to the people of Lela? Where do we go when the El’Arrans take Lela back?”
I opened my mouth, but no words came forth. The blood drained from my face. “I don’t know.”
Silence stretched between us. My heart hammered as I deliberated what to say. There had to be a way to mend the rift between us. In all our years growing up together, we’d never had an argument like this.
“I’m so sorry, Maiya,” I finally said, my voice cracking. “I understand why you are upset with me, and I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that Darius must be stopped. He’s more dangerous than Morkai was. I don’t know what will happen to Lela, but as Queen of Kero, I will do what I can to defend this land and its people. I will do whatever it takes to keep all of you safe, to make sure we all have a home at the end of this. But I can’t allow another realm to be destroyed in the process. If war comes, we must fight.”
“What will we be fighting for?” Maiya asked. “Our home? Or our eventual exile?”
“Our lives.”
Maiya sighed, her gaze falling to her feet. “I hope you’re right about all this.”
“So do I.” My voice was barely above a whisper.
Maiya’s eyes returned to mine, and her face crumbled. She gathered me into a tight hug and sobbed into my hair. “I really am happy to see you. Please believe me. It’s just—”
It felt as if my insides had cracked wide open as I began to sob in turn. “I know, Maiya. I understand.”
We stood like that until our tears had dried. When we finally parted ways, all I could think about was Maiya’s question. What happens to the people of Lela?
Then another set of words came to mind, words Teryn once said to me on a bloody field of ash and smoke. You can’t save everyone.
I know I can’t. But I will never stop trying.
* * *
Mareleau
“Show me what you can do,” Salinda said.
Her tent was dark, lit by a single lantern. I sat on her cot, and Salinda sat on a blanket across from me, while Liam slumbered in a woven bassinet. With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and tried to remember the times I’d wanted to be ugly.
The forced engagements. My terrible suitors. Father’s anger.
My shoulders sagged along with my chest as my lips turned down. One word repeated over and over in my mind. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly.
I caught Salinda’s eye, and my cheeks flushed. It occurred to me what a foolish thing I was doing. This couldn’t possibly be magic. I’m just a silly girl who knows how to frown. Idiot.
“That was quite the glamour,” Salinda said.
I cocked my head. “It was?”
She nodded. “It wasn’t made for me, so I couldn’t fully see what you were creating, but I could see the Arts surrounding you.”
My heart fluttered. “You mean, Cora was right? I really have been creating glamours all along?”
“Yes. Now try to make one specifically for me.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“Sure you do.” Salinda gave me an encouraging smile. “Why do you usually create a glamour?”
I thought for a moment. “To create a favorable outcome for myself.”
“Try that with me. Think about what you would desire from me. Then try to make me see that which would encourage it to happen.”
I felt sweat bead at my brow as I began to ponder. What could I want from Salinda? What would be favorable to me? I supposed I desired her to see me as powerful and capable.
“Go deeper,” Salinda said, as if she could read my mind.
I followed my train of thought until I unburied a childish yearning. Somewhere deep down was a part of me that wanted Salinda to deem me a true sorceress, capable of great magics beyond any she’d encountered before. I contrasted that to how she saw me now—struggling, confused, and weak.
I pulled my secret desire from my core and let it surround me. My chest lifted, shoulders back, hair flowing around me like a golden halo of power. I sat tall—taller than even Ailan had sat, towering over Salinda like I was the teacher, and she my meek student. “This is what real Art looks like,” I said, my voice filling the tent.
Liam squirmed at the sound of my voice, and I felt the glamour disappear. I turned to him, placing my hand gently over his tiny belly until he settled back into restful sleep.
When I turned back to Salinda, she clasped her hands before her, like a gesture of silent applause. “Very good, Mareleau. This time I saw it fully. Beautifully done.”
My eyes fell to the ground. “Thank you.”
Salinda studied me for a moment. “Have you always used the Arts for personal gain?”
“I suppose so,” I said. “Except for when I somehow used the Arts to help save my son. I had no idea I’d done such a thing. All I knew was that I was willing to give my life to give him breath.”
Salinda nodded. “But using the Arts for your own favor has come most naturally, hasn’t it?”
It sounded terrible when she put it that way, but she was right. “Yes.”
“You have the power of the narcuss,” Salinda said.
My eyes widened with excitement. “What does that mean?”
“A narcuss uses power for personal gain, manipulating what other people see, do, feel, and perceive to achieve an outcome in their favor.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t sound nearly as honorable as Cora’s power as an empath.”
Salinda sighed. “You came to me for the truth, so I won’t lie to you. The Art of the narcuss can be easily used in dark ways. You have confronted the dark deeds of one powerful narcuss already.”
I froze. “Are you talking about Morkai?”
“Yes.”
Terror and anger surged through me. “You’re telling me my power is the same as Morkai’s?”
“It is the same Art, but it does not have to be used the same way,” Salinda said. “You told me you wanted to control your gifts so you could protect your son. That is a good step in overcoming your challenge.”
“My challenge?” I asked. “What does that mean?”
“Everyone gifted in the Arts faces a challenge. Some are easier to identify than others. As an empath, Cora gains strength when she uses her powers to protect herself. Since she most easily uses the Arts to help others, to hear them, to understand them, she overcomes a great challenge when she uses the Arts for herself alone. Her powers grow exponentially each time she filters out the voices and feelings of others, each time she protects her own safety.
“As a narcuss, your challenge will be to use the Arts without personal gain. Protecting others, putting another’s safety before your own, will grow your power.”
“Like how I saved my son,” I said, feeling some of the terror begin to lift. “And how I want to use my power to protect him.”
“Partially, yes,” Salinda said. “But even that kind of thinking is a slippery slope. As a narc
uss, it will be easy to convince yourself that what you do for personal gain is for another’s sake. What Cora said about Morkai’s past only proves this point. He thought he was being selfless in trying to bring his mother back, and again when he became obsessed with being Morkaius to bring back his lover. It’s clear as day that everything he did was for his own gain, but he didn’t see it that way.”
“Am I being selfish for wanting to protect my son?” I couldn’t keep the icy tone from my words. “All I want is for him to be safe.”
“Why?”
Heat rose to my cheeks. “Because I love him, that’s why. Because I want him to live a long, healthy life. Because I want to see him grow up—” I froze, feeling the weight of my words. As much as I wanted to protect my son, I equally wanted to protect myself so I could always remain at his side. I wanted to watch him become a toddler, a youth, a man. His health and safety were most important, but just below that was a frenzied determination to maintain my own.
“Do you see now?” Salinda asked.
My shoulders sank as I nodded. “What do I do? I don’t want to be like Morkai.”
“Seek the truth as often as you can, then simply bring it to light. When you feel those selfish undercurrents running through you, admit them, then let them be. You cannot try to outrun your nature. Just don’t let it control you. Work to rise above it.”
I imagined the work it would take to constantly identify my darkest aspects and felt a sudden rise of anxiety, followed by a burning hatred for myself. I’d always been this way and had never known. No wonder I was selfish. No wonder I had trouble making friends. I was a narcuss—a disgusting, awful, manipulative narcuss.
“What are you feeling right now?” Salinda asked with a wary tone.
I didn’t answer.
“Hating yourself will do you no good. Even the strongest, most powerful Art is extinguished by hate—especially hate for one’s self.”
“What else am I supposed to do? Love myself for being naturally rotten? Won’t that just make me even more selfish?”
Salinda gave me a gentle smile. “Not at all, my child.”
“How can I love myself, knowing there’s bad inside?”
“The same way I do,” Salinda said.
I raised an eyebrow. “You? I can’t believe you have even a pinch of darkness in you.”
“None of us are perfect, my child,” Salinda said with a laugh. “I am no exception. You saw how quickly I turned to anger when Nalia revealed herself as Ailan. I was ready to forsake her, to turn my back on decades of love and trust built between us.”
“That’s understandable,” I said. “Of course you were angry. Anyone would have been.”
“Perhaps, perhaps not. What matters is I saw my dark feelings, my hate, my anger, and I called them into the light. I revealed them and released them. I’m still angry and confused. I’m also hopeful and forgiving. It is a choice to follow the path of hope and love, even when dark feelings remain. Remember we are all shades of good and bad, dark and light. Just work on bringing your darkness into the light and loving yourself regardless.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
Salinda laughed. “It isn’t. It’s a lifelong task, and all you can do is try a little at a time.”
I closed my eyes, reflecting on what she’d said. Now that I knew the truth of what I really was, could I love myself? I’d demanded Larylis do exactly that, and he’d accepted me, flaws and all. Could I do the same?
I’ll try.
My shoulders trembled as I sought the darkness within—my selfishness, the ways I’d manipulated my parents during my youth, the way I let Larylis pine for me year after year. Tears trailed down my cheeks as I attempted to love those parts of me. At first, it felt ridiculous, forced, and absurd. Then I imagined the wounded girl I was when I’d done those terrible things, the girl who felt powerless, the girl who reacted in the only ways she knew how. The girl who survived.
I poured my love into that version of me and felt my body relax.
When I opened my eyes, Salinda was staring back with a wide smile. “You’re making progress.”
“Where do I go from here? How can I continue to grow my powers?”
“The Arts are found in love and light,” Salinda said. “What you did just now was a way to connect to that force within you. I am not a teacher in the Arts like you expected me to be. I am only a guide to help you see what is already there. Keep going, my child. Keep seeking truth. Keep following love. You will find your strength has been there all along.”
I tried to keep the disappointment off my face. I’d hoped by the end of our lesson I’d be able to use the Arts on command, to draw upon some untapped power to do things I’d never dreamed of doing. Yet, here I was, having accomplished not even half of what I’d expected.
Then again, I’d succeeded in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I’d created a glamour with more ease than I’d thought possible. I’d gained an awareness and knowledge I hadn’t had before. And I’d faced a terrible truth about myself and still managed to find love.
Perhaps Salinda was right. Perhaps my strength was already inside me.
18
THE TEAR
Cora
We made our way through the forest beneath the moonlit trees. An immense shadow passed overhead, bringing my eyes skyward to watch the silhouette until the beating wings passed from view. Valorre tensed beneath me as we rode but quickly regained his composure. Are you starting to get used to them? I asked.
Yes. I keep remembering they are not enemy. They aren’t angry, now that they’ve found her.
Mareleau’s gaze had followed mine, and she was still staring at the sky from her place upon Hara’s back. “Is that why we are traveling at night?” she asked with a shudder, one hand resting protectively over Liam, who was nestled into a swath of thick fabric that hung over her shoulder and across her torso—a gift from one of the Forest People mothers.
Ailan nodded from atop a gift of her own—one of the few horses the Forest People kept. When we’d left the camp, I’d been surprised at how many tearful goodbyes there had been for Ailan. It seemed not everyone regarded her with suspicion after truth had spread throughout camp. While many had watched our departure with stony expressions and crossed arms, many more had insisted on seeing us off with as many gifts and provisions as possible.
“We don’t know where my brother is,” Ailan said. “He could know about the dragons. He could be watching the skies for clues as to where they are coming from. I will not have the dragons give us away. We will travel at night and rest during the day.”
Another set of wings beat overhead. “How many are there?” I asked. We’d only been riding an hour or two, but it seemed like hundreds of dragons had already flown overhead.
Ailan smiled up at the creature’s soaring form. “Four, as of now. They are circling around us to keep pace. Hopefully we can find the tear before any more of them come through the veil.”
Four dragons, I thought with a mixture of terror and relief. Four was far less than the hundreds I’d been imagining, but since the first time the dragons had been spotted in Lela, we’d only been able to confirm two. If there had actually been four all along…how much more damage had we yet to be informed about? I halted my anxious calculations, realizing burnt crops and missing sheep would soon be the least of my people’s worries if Darius invaded. Or is it only a matter of when he invades?
“How are we going to find the tear?” Mareleau asked. “Do you think we are close?”
Ailan’s jaw shifted side to side. “I don’t know. I’d hoped once we began our travels I would be able to sense the tear. Perhaps I will once we get to closer to the veil.”
Mareleau cocked her head. “You know where the veil is, then?”
“That’s the easy part,” Ailan said. “The veil surrounds all that is known as Lela. What we think of as the border of the land is actually where the veil begins.”
Mareleau blushed. “I suppose tha
t should have been obvious.”
“Where will we start looking for the tear?” I asked.
Ailan continued. “We will head to the border north of here, between Lela and Risa. From there we will ride along the border each night, searching for the tear. I must be able to sense it once we are near.”
That could take forever, I thought. The frown Ailan wore told me she had similar doubts. There must be another way.
I stroked Valorre’s mane. Anything yet?
Maybe. Valorre seemed deep in concentration. I closed my eyes and let his thoughts pour into me. Flashes of color moved through my mind—the greens too vibrant to be of this world, the flowers too strange and majestic. The vision continued in disjointed scenes until it finally stilled, and I saw a familiar willow grove.
I remember. We rested there, Valorre said.
I remember too. I let the vision fill my mind, my body, my senses. I imagined I was there again, the forever-warm air circling my calves as I—nothing. The vision disappeared. I knew it was a foolish hope that I could worldwalk us there, but I had to try. At least we know the veil still holds, regardless of the tear.
Valorre, however, seemed still focused on the memory. It was up to him now. That’s when I knew I’d made a mistake, he said. I brought us home.
What about before? Do you remember how we got there? I released control over my sight and again joined with Valorre’s. The willow grove reappeared, bathed in sunlight. It remained as it was, the only movement being the breeze on the sea-like waves of grass. Then the vision seemed to grow smaller, slowly showing the grove growing further and further away, until it was nothing more than a hint on the horizon. Then it was gone, and new surroundings swept by. Again, the other-worldly colors filled my mind as birds with jewel-toned feathers swooped overhead in reverse. Foliage rustled as the scenery stretched away, growing more and more distant.
Then there was a sense of stillness. The scenery continued to pass, but no more did the leaves blow. No more did animals scurry. Color failed to reach the tips of the leaves as the ground became drab and dry. Finally, there was nothing but gnarled, rotting roots and bare branches.
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