Lorna says nothing and continues walking, not even stopping to tell us what happened between Leith and her.
Uh-oh. That’s not good.
Leith stands in the hallway, holding the top of his head, watching Lorna leave. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Those are the only words he says before grabbing a bottle of whisky out of the stockroom and storming toward his office.
“That clearly didn’t go well.”
“I’ll tell Sin so he can check on him in a while. We’ll make sure he gets home safely.”
I hug Bleu. “I’m guessing that the Hendrys will be ready to go now that the formalities are over.”
“Probably so. I would want to get out as soon as possible if I were in the middle of an Order function.”
Me too. “Maybe I can come by and visit one day next week. I miss the babies.”
“Do. You won’t believe how much they’ve grown since you saw them.”
“Maybe I’ll bring Kieran with me so he can practice.” I’d love to see how he engages with them. I don’t think he’s been around babies much except for his younger siblings. But I don’t guess I should worry about that. Sin was never around babies either until his came along, and yet he’s an excellent father.
I don’t think the bond is the only reason Kieran is driven to have a baby. I think he genuinely wants a child with me.
One more week, or somewhere there about, and we’ll know.
Chapter 17
Kieran Hendry
I don’t like the look on Westlyn’s face. Makes me wonder if something went sideways. “Mission Mitch and Shaw is accomplished?”
“Yes. And I was right. She liked him taking her away without any warning.”
Thank fuck. I wasn’t looking forward to fighting for Westlyn if my sister backed out on her marriage to Mitch. “Was there some kind of delay? You were gone longer than expected.”
“I ran into Bleu and Lorna in the hallway on my way back. Lorna was upset, and we had to have an impromptu girls’ chat.”
“Everything okay?”
Westlyn shakes her head. She looks so sad. “No. Everything is not okay, and it hasn’t been for a long time.”
“Lorna has relationship problems?”
“Huge relationship problems.” Westlyn looks at me for a moment before continuing. “If I tell you what’s going on, you can’t say anything mean about Lorna. She’s one of my best friends, and I will be pissed off if you do.”
I probably will judge, but I’ll keep my mouth shut if I do. “I won’t say anything against your friend.”
“Lorna had a really great life until her parents were killed several years ago. She was an only child, completely adored by her parents, but then suddenly all of that love was taken from her when they passed. She didn’t deal with the loss very well, and she made some bad decisions regarding how to feel loved again.”
“I would never judge her harshly for that.”
“No one would, but that’s not the end of it.” Westlyn sighs. “Sin, Jamie, and Leith are best mates. They’ve always done everything together… and that includes Lorna.”
“She was having sex with all three men?”
“Yes.”
I’m not clear about what she means. “Sex with one and then there would be a lapse in time before she had sex with another? Or do you mean she let them gangbang her?”
“Sometimes it was with one, and sometimes it was… a gangbang.” I hate the word gangbang, but that’s exactly what Lorna allowed them to do to her. Asked them to do.
“Fuck.” That is some kinky shite.
“It happened a while ago.”
I figured as much since Sinclair and Bleu have been married for a while.
“My brother got out not long after it started, but Sin and Leith kept it going with her.”
“I’ve always wondered what something like that might be like, but never enough to try it. Probably best I didn’t. I’ve never been good at sharing. I would be terrible at orgies.”
“People weren’t meant to be shared that way. It causes nothing but problems.”
“All this time later and it’s still causing problems?”
“Big ones. So big that it’s keeping two people who love each other apart.”
Sin is with Bleu. Jamie is with Ellison. “Leith and Lorna?”
“Yes. Sin was a selfish prick before Bleu. He did whatever pleased him without much regard for who he hurt. He was too self-centered to see that Leith and Lorna were falling in love with each other, and he was standing in their way.”
“So Leith is in love with Lorna, but he stands by and watches his best mates fuck her?” I may not be an expert on love, but that does not sound like any form of it to me.
“It’s not that simple. You have to take into consideration that Sin is their leader. They don’t get to tell him to fuck off and then ride into the sunset and live happily ever after.”
“I don’t care. There’s no way I’d stand back and watch another man fuck you.”
“Pretend that I’m unclaimed, we’re at The Syndicate, and your uncle’s oldest son wants me. You’d tell him to fuck off and he’d obey you?”
She’s right, but I can’t bear to admit that I wouldn’t be able to keep her from him if it were his desire to have her.
“Leith and Lorna were seeing each other one-on-one without Sin. They were growing close, starting a real relationship, but all of that ended when Sin pulled Lorna into the stockroom at Duncan’s one day. Leith walked in on them having sex and assumed that she’d been seeing Sin one-on-one behind his back.”
I bet that stung. “I can see why he would have been done with her at that point.”
“Certainly. You can’t blame Leith for being hurt, but Lorna didn’t choose to have a one-on-one with Sin. She felt like she couldn’t refuse her leader.”
“This makes me think differently of Sinclair.” He sounds like a real bastard.
“Sin didn’t know that Lorna wanted the gangbanging to stop but was too afraid to refuse him. And he didn’t know that Lorna and Leith were in love.”
“He never found out his best mate loved the girl they were fucking?”
“He eventually found out and tried to make things right by bringing Leith and Lorna back together, but it backfired in the worst way.” Westlyn grimaces. “Lorna overheard Leith saying terrible things about her. Of course, he was lashing out and didn’t mean any of the things he said, but it was too late. She heard him. And she can neither forgive nor forget. His words haunt her day and night.”
“I think it’s safe to say that those two should probably move on.”
“But they can’t because they’re in love.”
He can’t forget what she did, and she can’t forget what he said. “Sometimes pain that cuts that deep can’t be healed.”
“You sound like you know something about that?”
I hear what I think is jealousy in Westlyn’s voice. “Not me. I’ve never been in love. It was my best mate from The Syndicate who went through a painful situation with a woman he loved.”
I didn’t comprehend his pain because I’d never been in love, but I’m beginning to understand his devastation.
I’m beginning to know what love feels like.
Westlyn stands in the bathroom doorway looking at me, saying nothing. “What is it?”
She frowns. “I just got my period.”
“Oh.” I hope she doesn’t feel like we’ve failed. “It wasn’t possible for you to get pregnant then. You would have ovulated before the first time we had sex since you’re getting your period today.”
Her head tilts. “It’s so weird that you know that. I’m a woman, and I don’t even know that kind of stuff about my own body. How did you get so educated on conceiving a baby?”
I guess that kind of information does sound odd coming from me. “It’s my duty to get you pregnant. My father taught me conception 101 before I claimed you.”
“You don’t seem disappointed that I’m not pregnant
.”
“I’ll get to stay balls deep inside you in a couple of weeks when you are ovulating. Nothing disappointing about that, doll.” That brings a smile to her beautiful face.
“I guess the upside to not being pregnant is that you get to keep trying.”
“That’s a very good way of looking at it.” I hold out my arms for her to come to me, and I pull her onto my lap once she’s within arm’s reach. “I’m going to wrinkle your suit before you even get to work.”
“Don’t care.” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze. “What time are you meeting everyone at the bridal shop?”
“Ten o’clock.”
“Should be an interesting day for the bridal shop employees. Three brides. Three appointments. You’re all getting married over a three-week period, and you’re all related in one way or another.”
“I hope none of us fall in love with the same dress. That would be a tragedy.”
“I see Shaw going for a dress that makes her look like a princess. One with the big skirt on the bottom.”
“That’s a ball gown. Not my style and I don’t think it would be Ellison’s either.”
Good. I’m not a fan of those kinds of dresses. “Don’t choose anything too sexy or revealing. I don’t want to have to kill anyone for having impure thoughts about my wife.”
“But I want to look good for you.”
“And you will. You’ll be beautiful in whatever dress you choose, but I’d like it to cover your body. I don’t want you to walk down the aisle with your tits bulging out of the top or the dress to be so tight that it shows the brothers every curve you have. Those are for my eyes only.”
“I’ll choose a dress that makes you proud to take me as your wife.”
I bring her hand to my mouth and kiss it. “Thank you.”
“I’m not looking forward to the exchange that could happen between Ellison and my mother. I hope Mum doesn’t act like a total bitch.”
Westlyn is heartbroken because her mother renounced her brother over his marrying Ellison. And I don’t like to see my mate hurting.
“Do you think she can control herself enough to not act like a bitch?” Because from what I’ve seen of Torrie Breckenridge, she couldn’t stop if she tried. She is what she is, through and through.
“I’m not sure, and I’m terrified that she’s going to ruin this appointment for Ellison.”
“Ellison is marrying your brother and is therefore an extension of our family. Don’t be surprised if my mum takes a stand against Ellison being mistreated.” Torrie had better mind her behavior. My mum won’t hesitate to put her in her place.
“Isobel was already going to be there to support Shaw because she’s marrying Mitch, but Bleu has asked her to also serve as Ellison’s mother figure since their mother is dead. If Mum misbehaves, Isobel won’t hesitate to slap her silly. And probably enjoy it.”
“I like Isobel. I feel I owe her a debt for setting me straight about you.” When I left that first treaty meeting, I was planning to force-claim Westlyn when I returned to the compound. Had zero idea that I would have been raping a virgin. I was so angry because I believed her to be a whore and would have no doubt been rough with her. I could have unknowingly injured her. All of that makes me cringe inside when I think about it now.
“She changed my mind about you as well.”
I’m still wondering what might have happened between Isobel and my father. “I think Dad may have had some kind of relationship with your aunt.”
“What do you mean?”
“They knew each other before they married. He looked like he’d seen a ghost when he saw Isobel at the meeting with The Fellowship council. He wouldn’t stop looking at her.” It made me feel weird seeing him stare at her, like it was a transgression against Mum. “And then when she got into the car with us, they both said that it was good to see each other again. And he called her Issy. I can’t imagine a casual acquaintance calling her by that name.”
“Isobel always hated Thane. She was in love with someone else when she was forced to marry him. She always blamed Thane for causing her to lose the love of her life. I wonder if that man was Lennox.”
“I think it could be. And that could make for an awkward situation at the bridal shop if my mother knows they had a relationship.” I think my mum and dad tell each other everything, so I’m certain she would know.
“If they did, it was over a long time ago. And we know that your father has been loyal to your mum. I think it’ll be fine.”
“I agree. My mum has been married to my dad for twenty-nine years, and they have five children together. She isn’t going to be upset over a fling that might have happened before they married.”
“Have you had any flings that I should know about? Any relationships that were more than just sex?”
“No.”
“You’ve never loved a woman?”
“Never.” But I think I may be beginning to.
Chapter 18
Westlyn Breckenridge
It’s done. Ellison and Jamie are man and wife. I’m thrilled for them… but disheartened for myself.
I will marry Kieran Hendry a week from today, but I won’t see adoration in his eyes as I walk down the aisle. His face won’t alight with pure love and reverence as he makes me his wife.
And that’s what I want. His love.
I’ve fallen for the man who claimed me as his own. My mate. My husband. What a fortunate circumstance that should be, but it’s not. Not when my love is unrequited.
I’m staring out the window, watching the streetlights zoom by, when Kieran reaches for my hand. “What’s wrong, doll?”
“Nothing.”
“We don’t lie to each other.”
How do I tell Kieran the truth? That I love him and want his love in return when I’m not even sure that he’s the loving kind.
“Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Seeing Ellison and Jamie together tonight made me see what I won’t have on my wedding day.”
“Tell me what it is, and I’ll get it for you.”
I hesitate, biting my lip, gathering my courage to say the words. “A husband who loves me.”
I’ve knocked Kieran for a loop. How do I know that? Because he doesn’t reply. Not a single word. I turn to stare out the window again, disappointed when I see that he’s not even going to try to pacify me with pretty words.
It’s late and I’m exhausted by the time we return to the compound. Things between us are awkward, and neither of us say a word as we go inside. Still no words while we fall into our bedtime routine.
I’m wearing one of my long gowns, and as usual, Kieran isn’t wearing a stitch when he gets in bed beside me. We’ve had sex every single night since he claimed me, except for the days I had my period. I wonder if he believes that he’s entitled to sex tonight.
He’s not.
I turn off the light and lie on my side, my back to him. I don’t say a word. I’m afraid I’ll burst into tears… and I would hate that. Hate for him to see me being weak… because he doesn’t love me.
I feel the wetness collecting in my eyes. I squeeze my lids tightly, hoping to stop it, but it only makes the tears fall down my face. Dammit. Kieran has never seen me cry, and I don’t want him to now either.
I’m not that girl… the one who is weak and whiny and weepy.
He turns off his bedside lamp, and we lie in the darkness. More silence, except for our breathing and my occasional sniffle.
At least ten minutes have passed when Kieran says, “I feel more for you than I’ve ever felt for any woman.”
Maybe that’s supposed to make me happy, but it doesn’t “How many women have you ever been in love with?” I already know the answer.
“None.”
“You’ve never felt anything for a woman, but with me you feel more… than… nothing. Wow. That makes me get all kinds of butterflies in my stomach.” I wish he hadn’t said anything at all.
“I didn’t say t
hat I feel more than nothing for you. Those are your words.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. It matters very much because you’re unhappy. I don’t want you to ever be unhappy, not even for a second.” He moves closer and wraps his arm around my waist. Nothing sexual. Just an affectionate embrace. “I’m falling for you, doll. I feel it happening more and more every day.”
“Are you?” I hate the desperate hopefulness I hear in my own voice. I sound pathetic.
“I am.” He snuggles closer. “Love is like a rose. It blooms at the perfect time when it’s at its most beautiful but only after being nurtured. That’s what our relationship needs: to be nurtured so it can bloom when it’s at its most beautiful.”
You don’t expect poetic words like those to come from the mouth of a killer. “That’s a good way of putting it.”
“Do you love me, Westlyn?”
Surely he knows that I do. I wouldn’t bring this up if I didn’t. He says that he’s falling for me. That’s different from loving me, and it’s not fair for him to ask me to declare my love for him. “You don’t get to ask me that.”
“I do get to ask you that. Tell me. Do you love me?”
I could lie and say no. I could refuse to answer one way or the other. But what’s the point? “Yes.”
“Say it.”
“No.” It’s cruel of him to ask that of me when he can’t say it back.
He turns on the lamp, pushes me to my back and gets on top of me, his eyes staring directly at mine. “I want to hear you say it.”
I close my eyes, press my lips together, and shake my head. Defying him. “I won’t give you that satisfaction until you’re able to say the words in return.”
He lowers his forehead to mine. “Please, Westlyn. I can’t recall in twenty-eight years ever hearing those words said to me. You’d be the first to say them.”
We are so much alike, he and I. Both of us yearning to be loved.
It’s a pain I know all too well. Kieran doesn’t know that I’ve never been told those words either, or how desperately I too want to hear them. I understand his deep pain, and that is why I can’t withhold those words from him although I already know I won’t hear them in return.
Sin Series Stand-alone Novels Bundle: Endurance, Unintended, and Redemption Page 39
