by R. S. Elliot
I felt like I was going to cry all over again.
“I appreciate that very much.”
“I’m glad. He’ll be at that incubator event in Long Island giving a speech tomorrow but if you wanted to come by his office on Monday morning, I wouldn’t stop you.”
“Thank you,” I said, mind racing. I was already up on my feet, moving back down the hallway. “I’ll see you on Monday. Seriously, thank you.”
“Who was that?” My mother asked when I arrived back into the living room. At once, I gathered up my belongings.
“It was someone from work. Listen, it’s… kind of an emergency. I have to go, I’m sorry.”
“But you just got here! I thought you were going to spend the night.”
“I know, I’m so sorry. Thank you for listening Mama, really.” I stooped down to kiss her cheek. She was still sitting on the couch, looking stunned. “You’re the greatest. I’ll come back and we’ll do a nice dinner soon. I just… I have to handle this. Darlene—"
“Go on,” she said, flapping her hand at me. She was already half turned back to her art tablet. She did, however, spare a moment to shoot me a wink as I yanked open the door. “Go and handle your business. And call me later!”
Chapter Twenty-One
Luke
I hadn’t wanted to go to Long Island, not for the incubator event or any other reason. But for some reason, I was still standing in the tiny, cramped green room of a startup co-working space, drinking bottled water while I sweated in the shoddy air conditioning. This had been one of the rash of events I had agreed to during my first week back after my father died when I was almost manic with focus to compensate for the gaping hole inside my chest. It was a hole where my father, my sense of purpose, and Emily all would have fit with room left to spare, and the longer I tried to ignore it, the larger it seemed to grow. Now it ached dully inside my chest like an old bullet wound that would act up from time to time for the rest of my life. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling very confident about this speech.
I tried to remember what Emily had told me about breathing and synching my mind to the sensation of air traveling in and out of my lungs, but every time I closed my eyes all I saw was her face, her eyes sparkling as she laughed or her beautiful mouth open with pleasure. There was no escaping her or how nauseous I felt when I thought about our last conversation. I sent her away, and she left me without looking back, without even saying another word to me. It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Now it just seemed like another bad idea in a long line of poor choices that were coming back to haunt me.
But there was nothing to do about that now. I went on in five minutes, and I would have to give the same speech I had given in San Francisco as though it were brand new, as though it were the best speech I had ever given and not a reminder of my disastrous trip with Emily and Sonia. But I had promised an old friend that I would speak to his small group of rapt tech students and startup entrepreneurs, hand-picked from the best their fields had to offer. It was an event I should have felt enthusiastic about, an opportunity to connect with and inspire the next generation of innovators. But all I felt was hollowness.
I took to the stage in a wash of white-yellow light and with a smattering of light, polite applause. I knew the speech so well I shouldn’t have to look down at the printout I had brought along, but I kept glancing down to make sure I was on the right track, placing the proper emphasis on the message I wanted to drive home. More than once, I trailed off, struggling to regain my control of the room. Nothing felt right. I was entirely off my game, devoid of the charm that had gotten me this far in life. I felt miserable. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be at my desk, or dinner with my father, or in bed wrapped around a woman who loved me. Anywhere but here.
Then I looked out into the audience and saw her.
Emily was sitting in the third row, looking for all the world like another student participating in the startup meeting. A blazer was thrown on over her T-shirt, and her long red hair pulled up into a ponytail. I almost abandoned the speech entirely when I saw her, but then she met my eyes and smiled and gave me a little nod to show that she was listening and yes, that she was there for me. I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea how she came to be here, presenting herself so perfectly with a notebook in her lap and her camera in her hand, but I suspected Olivia had something to do with it. I wanted to be angry with her for violating my privacy and giving out my schedule, but I just couldn’t be. Not with Emily sitting here so close to me.
I got through the speech quickly after that, and to my great surprise, with a fair bit of mastery. I felt more at ease with her there, and newfound confidence flowed through my veins that infused my words with fire and charisma. The students gathered murmured their approval among themselves, and some snapped pictures on their smartphones or scribbled down quotes they thought were particularly apt. By the end, I had everyone in the room eating out of my palm, and hands were shooting into the air with insistent questions.
I tried to escape the podium without getting mobbed by students, but that wasn’t easy. Everyone had a question that just couldn’t wait, or wanted an autograph or a picture with me. I tried to appease everyone, but my eyes couldn’t stop searching the room for Emily. When I finally saw her, trying to press towards me in a swirl of black linen and white silk, I reached out my hand and grabbed her. This time, I knew I wouldn’t be letting her go. Not now, and not ever.
I tugged her towards me by the wrist, and my heart twisted when the corners of her perfect mouth turned up in a coy smile. Her cheeks were round apples, and her eyes gleamed with interest as I stood in front of her, effectively ignoring the world around us. People jostled closer or said my name, trying to catch my attention for a quick question about whatever research they were working on, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was Emily and the warmth of her hand in mine.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” I said.
“Olivia told me you might be down here. She said… Well, she said a lot of things.”
“I’m sure she did,” I said, marveling at Emily. I couldn’t believe she was here, standing in front of me and smiling like I hadn’t been a colossal dick to her the last time we spoke, like she actually wanted to see me again. “I’m so sorry about San Francisco, and the way I acted after. I was overwhelmed, and I shut down, but that’s no excuse. You deserve better than that, Emily.”
“I forgive you,” she said softly. “None of us were at our best that day. You were only doing what you thought was right.”
“Yes, well, I was wrong. You’re one of the best things that have happened to me in a long time, and I should never have pushed you away. As a matter of fact, I’d like to get to know you much better, properly this time, with a dinner date and a chauffeured car and the whole nine yards.”
I didn’t care that we were surrounded by people and that everyone could hear. I wanted them to know, I wanted this to be real, and I wanted Emily to know how much I valued her.
“I think that sounds nice,” she said, sidling closer to me.
“You think so? You think I can kiss you while I’m at it?”
“I think I’ll let you.”
I tilted her face up with my hand on her chin delicately and kissed her like it was the last time I would ever do it, like it was the first time, like it was the only kiss of my entire life. We ignored the hoots and the camera flashes and the excited squeals from everyone around us. At that moment, only the two of us existed. And I, for one, was grateful for the second chance.
Epilogue
Paris in the fall was more beautiful than anything I ever imagined. The mild rain left a veneer of shine on everything, from the cars to the streets to the grand old buildings, and I spent most of my days wandering through the city with my camera in hand, documenting every pigeon and streetlamp and sticky-faced child eating pain au chocolat.
Luke was there trailing behind me in the street while I arched my back to capture the perfect pi
cture of a gargoyle scowling down at me from a roof, smiling behind his sunglasses when I bumped lightly into an old woman carrying her groceries back from the market. He seemed perfectly at home in Paris, a vision of masculine charm in his tight sky blue button-down shirt and navy slacks. He turned heads, and people smiled at us when we put our arms around each other and peered into shop windows, or laughed about some private joke. I couldn’t help but stop what I was doing every once in a while to walk over to him and steal a kiss, or a sip of the espresso drink in his to-go cup.
“I still can’t believe we’re here,” I said as we strolled hand in hand along the Seine. Leaves that had drifted on the wind floated along beside us at a lazy pace. “I can’t believe you brought me.”
“You deserve it,” Luke said. “I didn’t want you to have to wait until next summer to see Paris, and I didn’t want you to have to spend your whole time in France working your ass off at some summer study program.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder as we walked, the weight of my camera in its bag secure against my hip. I pulled my hair up on top of my head in a swirling bun, and passersby could probably see the little purple love bite he had bruised into my neck that morning, but I didn’t care. I was in love, and I was in París, and that was all that mattered.
Luke and I had been officially dating for a few months, which had led to a media frenzy, but it died down soon enough. I changed my publicly listed email to stop reporters begging for an interview, and I got used to seeing the occasional candid photo of Luke and me out to dinner in the local papers. We changed my job title at work so that I was no longer technically working in Luke’s department, clearing up any possible accusations of abuse of power on his end, and I had quietly finished my internship without any pushback from school authorities. Luke spoke very highly and very defensively of me at a couple of press events, asking that our privacy please be respected. Strangely, we had reached a new equilibrium as things settled, and now being the infamous Luke Thorpe’s girlfriend felt as natural to me as breathing.
“You must be excited to come back here next summer for your program,” he said. “Everything will be in full bloom then.”
“Actually…. I’ve been thinking about that.” I pulled away a bit and looked up into his face. He took his sunglasses off and slid them into his breast pocket so I could see his eyes. He was concerned.
“What is it?”
“I’ve just been thinking... What if I didn’t come back to France?”
“Emily what do you mean? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”
“I am enjoying myself! This is the most amazing trip of my life. I’m stupidly, blissfully happy but... I’m happiest because you’re here, Luke. And I’ve seen Paris now, with you, without anyone breathing down my neck trying to get me to go to class or an internship. I couldn’t imagine choosing to do that now.”
Luke squeezed my arm.
“So you’ll be staying in New York next summer?”
“I think so. I’d like to, anyway. I like... I like spending my time with you.”
“Aw, baby,” Luke said, tipping my chin up with his fingers and giving me a sweet kiss. “I don’t want to keep you from traveling.”
“You’re not; I promise. I want to be with you, Luke. I want to help you with the charity and spend more time with your family. I want you to meet my family, too, if you’d like to.”
My heart was racing in my chest. We had been an official couple for some time now, spending the nights at each other’s house and making time for regular dates, but this seemed like a new, bigger step. This was me admitting that I wanted our lives together to continue into the next year, to become increasingly entwined, and that I wanted to become an integral part of his life.
Luke’s green eyes searched my face and then he smiled, pulling me in for a deep kiss. We were blocking foot traffic on the path, but people just weaved around us. I would never get over how easily I melted into him, how quickly the rest of the world fell away. When he looked at me, I felt like I was the only woman in the world. Certainly, the only one that mattered.
When he pulled away from me, his eyes were glowing with delight.
“I’d absolutely like that.”
I beamed and opened my mouth to reply, but I was cut off by the tinny ringing of Luke’s cellphone. He took the call and answered it as we strolled along the path, his arm around my shoulder, my arm around his waist.
“Olivia? How is everything over there?”
I was proud of Luke for actually stepping away from work for a week to come to Paris with me. The trip had been his idea, a surprise gift for finishing up my internship with SkyBlue. He had left Olivia and Carl in charge as co-parents of his baby and had been checking his phone for text updates from both of them for the entire trip. To his credit, he had done his very best to not check during meals or when we were in bed together, but I could tell it was hard for him. I found his workaholic tendencies as amusing as they were admirable, but it meant the world to me that he was making such an effort to be present with me.
“What do you mean?” He asked now, slowing his pace. “Well if you’ve got something you want to tell me, just come on out and say it. You’re making me nervous, Olivia.”
There was a long pause as he listened, eyebrows drawn together tightly. I lingered near one of the stone walls overlooking the river, doing my best to at least look like I wasn’t eavesdropping. Luke didn’t seem to mind when I was around when he took his calls, but I had gotten into the habit of not involving myself too closely when I was still his employee, just to protect his privacy. Because Luke had his hands in so much of the inner workings of his company, you never knew what kind of call he was going to take. It could be about a hiring or a firing, or a big investment decision, or in-house gossip about SkyBlue stocks. But now, it was hard not to listen. Had something gone wrong? Had Carl buckled under the pressure like Sonia bet me he would and choked during a press meeting, or a R&D session?
Luke stared at the cobblestones hard, saying nothing for a long while. Then he took a deep breath.
“You’re kidding. You have got to be kidding.”
I strained to hear Olivia’s response, but the phone speakers were muffled by the ambient noise around us. I twined my fingers in and out of each other in a lattice, wondering if I was allowed to ask about what was going on, or if I should? After all, I didn’t work for Luke anymore, or SkyBlue. I was sure there was something to be said for not involving significant others too deeply in the affairs of a huge, highly valued company. And I wasn’t particularly interested in getting embroiled in the sort of stress and drama that tended to keep Luke up at night. I had woken up enough times to find him listless and awake, or sitting on the edge of the bed answering emails on his phone. I could usually entice him back to sleep by putting my arms around him and asking nicely, but there was no amount of money or power in the world that could persuade me to take on his workload. Not in a million years.
“No, no, I understand...” Luke said, pacing a tight circle there on the sidewalk. A mother with a stroller dodged to avoid him. “Listen this is definitely something we need to talk about when I get back but for right now... Just don’t burn the place down alright? Thank you for telling me.”
Luke put his phone away with a stunned expression. I don’t think I had ever seen him look so shocked, not even when the paparazzi had caught us kissing behind the hotel in San Francisco. He wasn’t angry, per se, or distressed. Just absolutely taken aback.
“What is it?” I asked. For all my deliberation, I wanted to know. I always wanted to see inside his ever-whirring mind, to know what was eating at him or exciting him, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” He said with a disbelieving laugh. There was a strange gleam in his eyes. “But things just got a lot messier over in the States.”
“Messy how?”
“Remember when I told you if anything ever happened to Olivia, SkyBlue would fold like a house of cards?”
“She’s fine. Better than fine. But, well... Olivia’s been hooking up with some new guy and you’ll never guess who.”
I blinked in surprise. How could that possible affect her work life, or be messy for SkyBlue? If anything, getting out more and seeing someone would do wonders for her disposition. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer, but I asked anyway.
“Who?”
Luke smirked to himself as he put his sunglasses back on, shaking his head.
“Carl. My CFO.”
Afterword
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Chapter 2
I walked to the very edge of campus at the end of the school day, a thin veil of sweat breaking out on my forehead despite the cool weather. Something could go wrong at any second; someone could see me and get suspicious, or a teacher could come over and ask what I was doing walking the perimeter of the school. But no one said anything, and the distant shouts and laughter of kids waiting for the bus in messy clumps didn’t draw any nearer.
