Merry’s lip quivered a bit. “Why can’t we just live in this one?”
“Livvy, Jon,” said Ma loudly, “they haven’t put all the food away yet. Why don’t you take Merry over there and pick some sweets for the trip back? You’ll have plenty of time for goodbyes.”
Merry still looked troubled but allowed Olivia to take her from me. Pa glanced between them and Ma and, after a moment’s deliberation, went over to the food too. “Six, child,” said Ma. “You look ready to faint. Come sit down.”
I shook my head frantically and clutched her arm. “I can’t do it. I can’t be away from her again.”
“Yes you can.” Ma’s gaze was steady and clear as she patted my hand. “You’ve already come so far. You can’t turn back after all you’ve done.”
“I want to leave. I’m going home with you. Right now.”
“Tamsy—”
“Ma, how can I do this?” I hissed, trying to hide my hysteria from others. “Eight months I’ve been away already. Eight months, almost nine! And it could very well be another year by the time you’re able to sail over. It’s practically half her life!”
“You’re with us all the time. She talks about you constantly, and we read your letters every day. We reread them. Hush,” she added, seeing me about to protest. Her voice lowered to almost a whisper. “And listen. I was going to write you, but you should know now. It won’t be a year. It’ll be six months.”
“W-what??”
“You remember that the Wilsons were planning on coming to Adoria?”
I frowned, unsure how our neighbors fit into my breakdown. “Yes . . .”
“Well, Merry’s coming with them. Her coughing spells were light this autumn, so we didn’t need to buy as much medicine. It let us build up a nice bit of gold, enough to buy her a ticket! She’ll be in Cape Triumph with the Wilsons in six months.”
I stopped shaking. “Are you serious? That’s when I’ll arrive!”
“Yes. I know you won’t have things settled yet, but I’m sure it won’t take long—not for you. The Wilsons have a lead to work in the south but will stay in Cape Triumph a few weeks to look after her.”
A fledgling hope started to rise in me, but too many other fears dragged it down. “But the money! If she needs the medicine—”
“She has plenty. We had a lucky streak. You know I wouldn’t do anything rash, and you know the Wilsons are like our own blood. They’ll take good care of her.”
I stared off at the rest of my family by the food table. “It’s still six months.”
“Six months is less than a year. For the price of, what, not even a year and a half, you’ve ensured all the years of her life will be secure. And yours.”
“And yours,” I said in a small voice. “I’ll send for you too.”
Ma wiped at her glimmering eyes. “I know you will, Tamsy. Just get by a little longer. You’ve never backed down in your life, and I know you won’t now, my girl. Did you find out what you needed to know?”
With great effort, I attempted to shift to business. “Yes. There was a girl here—Florence—who’s pretty thick with Cape Triumph high society. She told me all about the men who’d been available when she was there, and it matched up with what Esme had said. I’ve memorized everything about them—and there are several who are pretty open-minded.”
“Good. You’ll have them all charmed in no time, I’m sure.”
“I’m glad one of us is.” Pa and the others were returning, and the sight of them made all the emotion swell up in me. “Some days, Ma, I’m just so worried . . .”
“Don’t be,” she said, her voice affectionate but firm. “Remember what you promised yourself: no defeat. Not ever again.”
Only the others’ return kept me from choking up again. Jonathan and Olivia hugged me, and Merry climbed back up into my arms. Spots of pink icing showed on her face.
“What’s this?” I rubbed some of it away. “I thought you were just getting something for the ride back to the city.”
Merry grinned, showing her one dimple. “There were so many, though.”
“Oh, well, I suppose it’s all right then.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Be a good girl. And the rest of you be good too. No skipping school, Livvy.”
Olivia made a face. “I only do it on days Ma needs extra help.”
“You won’t need to do it much longer. A year from now, you’ll go to the best school in Adoria. And you’ll have a private drawing instructor.” I ran a hand over Merry’s hair as she licked her fingers. “And you, love, I’ll be seeing even sooner than that. You’ve been so patient. Can you do it just a little longer?”
Time was a tricky concept at her age. Six minutes, six months, and six years all ran together. Her little face started to darken again, but then she gave a brave nod. “As long as you send more letters. And promise not to leave anymore.”
I started trembling once more. “No. We’ll never be apart again, I swear it.”
Seeing my resolve falter, Ma touched my cheek. “I had my doubts about this Glittering Court, but I know now that you did the right thing. Seeing you like this, such a proper young lady . . .” She cleared her throat. “Well. It’s clear this is what you were meant for. This and more.”
“We’re all meant for more. And we’ll all have it,” I told her fiercely. Another call sounded, urging the guests to finish goodbyes. “I should go get you the latest letters. I have a whole bundle I haven’t mailed. But spread them out so you have something new to read each day.”
I handed Merry to Pa and then fetched the letters from my room. I peered at myself in the mirror as I left and was pleased to see how calm I looked. No trace of my distress, no sign that I was crumbling inside.
But as soon as they were gone—after many, many more hugs and kisses—I couldn’t maintain the façade. My family walked out the front door, and I hurried back upstairs, not caring that I had to push my way through some of the other lingering guests. I burst into my room and went to my bed, burying my face in my hands. A couple of minutes later, Adelaide slipped in. Quickly, I rubbed my face on my sleeve.
“I’m fine,” I told her when she sat beside me.
“It’s okay to be homesick. You don’t have to be ashamed about missing them.”
“I’m not ashamed . . . but I can’t let them—the others—see me like this. I can’t show weakness.”
Her blue eyes brimmed with compassion. “Loving your family isn’t weakness.”
I thought again about how she didn’t have any family—well, except for that unexpected aunt. I was beyond lucky. And now I had to wait only six months for Merry! I tried to tell myself that, as Adelaide continued her attempts to console me, but the pain was too fresh to let go just yet.
At one point, I blurted out, “If you only knew what I had on the line—”
“Then tell me,” Adelaide said urgently. “Tell me, and maybe I can help you.”
Her words elicited a whole new ache within me. “No. If you knew, you’d never look at me the same.”
“You’re my friend. Nothing’s going to change how I feel about you.”
The temptation was overwhelming. I wanted to tell her and Mira both, to let out all the pent-up emotion that had tormented me these long months. And I wanted to clear the space between us. I wasn’t lying to my friends, but I wasn’t telling them the entire truth either. But I couldn’t. The secret I carried was too powerful, too dangerous. One hint of my secret getting out, even accidentally, could ruin everything in Adoria.
“I can’t,” I told Adelaide. “I can’t risk it.”
She nodded, her smile gentle. “Okay. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But I’m always here. You know I am.”
“I know.”
The door was suddenly flung open, and Mira rushed in. “Everyone’s gone—the families. Jasper’
s calling for all of us to assemble back in the ballroom.”
I jumped up. My earlier suspicions returned and—for now—I set aside my emotions. I had to be sharp. I had to be ready. “I knew it,” I told them. “I knew something was happening.”
And I was right. When the whole household was gathered downstairs, Jasper delivered an announcement that turned our worlds upside down.
“I hope you’re all excited about Adoria, because we’re going there—two months earlier than planned.”
The news sent us reeling, and our composure dissolved into whispers and speculation. Two months early! That meant a departure in just over one month. Adoria, which had always been spoken of like some far-off fairytale land, was suddenly right at hand.
When we’d quieted, Jasper went on: “I know this change in plans is unexpected. But really, it’s a reflection of your outstanding progress that we feel confident in bringing you to Adoria early. In just a couple of months, you’ll be in a whole new world—adored and coveted like the jewels you are.”
My heart pounded as he delved into details and explained how we’d be taking exams early too—within the next few weeks. The others gasped, but I knew I could pull it off. It’d mean some sleepless nights and frantic days, but that would have happened regardless of when we took exams.
A sudden and thrilling realization struck me. Going to Adoria early meant I’d arrive ahead of Merry. I could secure a husband in that time and have a household ready to go. Just like that, my earlier uncertainty vanished. My passion and focus were renewed. I was going to blaze through these exams and have my pick of prominent suitors in Adoria.
And everything was going to be perfect when my daughter arrived.
CHAPTER 2
THERE WERE SOME BACK IN MY OLD NEIGHBORHOOD who believed—and had told me—that Merry was a mistake. And I’d had a few choice words for those people. Merry wasn’t the mistake. Falling for the lies and manipulation of her father had been the mistake.
My mother’s laundry business had sent me into countless upper-class homes for deliveries and pickups, and I’d been continually awed at the excess and glamour—especially compared to our modest house in an overcrowded neighborhood. I wasn’t ashamed of my family or what we had, but I became very conscious of the way our “betters” looked down upon us—assuming they even noticed people like us. We might as well have been fixtures or furniture to some of them. And that smarted.
But Harold Thomas Barnett III had noticed me. Harry spoke to me like an equal, wanting to know about my interests and dreams. He would share his too, and I’d linger with him after my deliveries, dazzled by the warm and sophisticated persona he put forth. He let me browse his family’s extensive home library and borrow books on topics I’d heard of but never dreamed of learning: astronomy, philosophy, geography, and more. From there, he advanced into outright giving me gifts—mere trinkets to him, I realized later, but luxuries by my standards.
When Ma discovered those presents and learned what was happening, she no longer allowed me to deliver to him or anyone near his neighborhood. But her efforts came a little too late. I was too far gone, too in love with him and the idea of being in love. We met in secret, and when we were apart, he was all I thought about.
Beyond Harry’s good looks and clever words, I think, was the sheer thrill of having something that was mine. In an existence where food and rent were always in doubt, nearly every decision I made had to take my family’s future into consideration. And so, it was glorious to toss all of that aside and do something because I wanted it. I believed Harry when he started talking about marriage. We speculated about our wedding and our future home and how my family could finally have the comforts they deserved. We rarely talked about when marriage would happen, though. It was always later, later because he needed more time. Time to persuade his father, time to “figure things out.”
I was barely sixteen the day I found out I was pregnant. And that was also the day he stopped talking about marriage. In fact, he stopped talking to me at all.
It had taken me a little while to understand what had happened—to accept that he was done with me, that I was thoroughly and definitively cut off. After months of trying to get through to him, I finally admitted defeat—but I swore then that it would be the last time I ever would.
And that was why, when Jasper Thorn had offered me a spot in the Glittering Court, I’d seized the chance and developed a plan. Insight from both Florence and a former laundry client, Esme Hartford, had given me advance knowledge of eligible Cape Triumph bachelors who weren’t picky about a bride who had been married before. I’d created a backstory for Merry about how I’d eloped when I was younger and then lost my husband tragically. Once I was married, I’d tell my husband that tale. It would be a shock, but if I chose correctly, he’d be someone whose blinding love for me would accept it. So, I needed a husband who was rich, fine with a widow, and completely enamored with me. I was certain that man was out there, but to find him, I had to make sure all options were available to me. I had to meet and win over as many suitors as I could, which meant I couldn’t be any less than perfect.
This conviction drove me as I went through the Glittering Court’s exam week. I studied longer and harder than anyone else. I slept less and ate less than anyone else. The only breaks I allowed myself were to write letters. My family would need an extra-large batch before I sailed.
When our last exam came, many of the other girls were bleary-eyed. Not me. I walked into the test ready and eager. It was part of our etiquette curriculum and required us to create a proper place setting for a formal dinner—involving two dozen pieces. Around me, other girls stood at their tables, a bit taken aback by the array of glasses and silverware. But I set right to it.
One glass for water, another for champagne. One glass for red wine, another for white. Last and smallest of all, a glass for cordials. I set each piece of stemware down with care, slowly creating an artful arc around the plate’s upper right side. My hand trembled, but it was from eagerness, not anxiety. After all, what did I have to be anxious about? I could do this with my eyes closed, and if the stakes weren’t so high, I might have been tempted to try it.
Salad knife, meat knife, fish knife, butter knife, seafood knife. Why did there have to be separate knives for fish and seafood? I had no idea, but if our instructors said that was the way it had to be, then that was how I’d do it. The polished silver surface caught the chandelier’s light, and I had a brief, surreal moment recalling the broken wooden cutlery we’d used back home. Our entire set contained fewer pieces than the glittering array before me. But not for long, I thought. Chipped spoons will soon be a thing of the past for my family.
Confident or not, I double-checked my work when finished. Then I triple-checked it. Perfection. In my best script, I wrote Tamsin Wright on the card beside the plate, and then I walked out of the exam without a backward glance.
I don’t think I breathed until I reached my room on the manor’s upper floor. I rested my hand on the doorknob and closed my eyes for a brief moment, reveling in my success. I’d done it. I stepped inside, my heady glory jolted into surprise when I saw Adelaide sprawled on her bed. “What are you doing here?” I asked as I shut the door. “Didn’t you go to the dining exam?”
“Of course. Went there. Did it. Done.” She spread her arms out over her head and shot me a grin. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
I’d been so fixated on my own performance, I hadn’t really noticed who else was still there. Most of the others, I’d wager. Even with all the extra checking, I’d been one of the fastest. But apparently not the fastest. “How long did it take you?”
Adelaide sat up and shook out her mane of tawny curls. “I don’t know. A few minutes. It wasn’t that hard. I just hope you can get some sleep now. It’s a wonder you haven’t made yourself sick with the hours you’ve pulled.”
At the mention of it, I yawned. “It j
ust means I can sleep until the results come in. I don’t know how I’m going to wait to find out how I did.”
“We all know how you did. What I don’t know is where you get that drive. I’m wiped out, and I did only half the work you did.”
“Half? That’s generous.”
I took out a piece of paper from my bureau and settled back against my headboard. Where did I get my drive? Right here. Dear Merry, I began. So many thoughts and feelings were bursting in me just then that I had to pause to collect myself before continuing.
How are you, my love? I hope you’re happy and well and being a good listener and helper while I’m away. I heard recently that you’ve nearly learned all your letters! You’ll be reading in no time, which is good since I plan on getting us loads of books once we’re set up in Adoria. Of course, I still hope you’ll let me read to you once in a while. Be sure and bring the book of rhymes when you pack, and we’ll read it at bedtime, every night, just like we used to.
I’ve been doing a lot of studying too. I just finished taking a dozen different tests in all sorts of subjects and did wonderfully on all of them, even though I’m too tired to remember a word of it right now! Don’t worry—it’ll all come back before I see you in Cape Triumph, and then I’ll teach you all of it.
It’s time for me to rest now, but I’ll write again tomorrow. And before long, I’ll be able to tell you all about the fancy clothes that are going to be made just for me. I’ve heard all of the diamond’s dresses are white and silver. Can you imagine? I’ll be sure to describe each and every one of them. Until then, know that I love you without end and think about you all the time.
I had just signed my name when Mira returned. The knowing glint in her dark eyes told me she was unsurprised that my mastery and Adelaide’s indifference had brought us both back early.
The Emerald Sea Page 2
