Impassioned: A Salvation Society Novel

by Lea Coll

  It felt good to share this with her. “I got the job with Cole Security, so I’ll still be able to fly.”

  “That’s great.” She wasn’t just saying a trite statement, she smiled as if me getting a job made her happy too.

  It was nice to talk to someone about my life. Someone who cared. “It’s not fighter jets, but it’s worth it to be home more often.”

  Everett looked up at me as if surprised before returning his attention to his food.

  “Congratulations. Things are coming together for you guys. A new job, new house. It’s so exciting.” She was smiling, her body bouncing with energy at the news.

  “I hadn’t thought about it like that but you’re right. Things are coming together.”

  “Did you see the new house, Everett?” Mia asked.

  “Yeah, I went with Dad to pick it out.”

  Mia smiled at me letting me know I made the right move. I wanted him to be involved in the decision for our new home even if it was temporary.

  “You’ll like living in Virginia Beach. You’re near the Naval base and the beach.”

  “I want to sign up for the reserves, so at least I’ll be nearby when I do that.”

  “You’ve decided?” Her head tilted as she considered me.

  “I want to discuss it with Everett first. Make sure he’s okay with it.” I wanted to continue to make Everett proud while being there for him. I hadn’t planned on bringing this up now, but it felt right.

  “I want you to be happy, Dad. I don’t want you to think you need to sacrifice everything for me.”

  “I don’t want you to feel that way. It’s not a sacrifice to be with you. It’s where I want to be. Being in the reserves means I’ll need to be out of town a weekend a month and two weeks a year.”

  “That’s not too bad.”

  “I can see about finding a nanny or a sitter when I’m gone overnight so you don’t have to be at Grandma and Grandpa’s.”

  “Then I’m okay with it.”

  “Yeah?” It was more than I’d hoped for. The ability to still be part of the military, doing what I loved, and being around more for Everett.

  Everett nodded.

  Mia smiled. “You’ll have the best of both worlds.”

  “I think so.”

  “Can I take Stark for a walk?” Everett asked.

  “Of course. Throw out your containers first.”

  Everett gathered all of our garbage, throwing it out, before unraveling his leash from the picnic table, leading him down one of the many paths. I was proud he’d offered. Maybe Mom’s reminder in the kitchen to be more responsible this morning sunk in.

  Mia waited until Everett was out of earshot. “It will take time with Everett. He doesn’t trust that everything is real and final. He still worries that you’ll have to move again. He’s used to the military dictating your lives.”

  Everything in me stilled. “Did he tell you that?”

  “He did. That’s what we talked about when you picked up the food.” She licked her lips, drawing my attention to them.

  I should have been focused on the words that were coming out of her mouth as opposed to questioning how soft her lips were, but I couldn’t help it.

  “That makes sense.” The military did dictate our lives. I just thought he felt stable because of Rebecca. She was our constant, but now she wasn’t. “I know you say these things take time, but I’m—”

  She smiled knowingly. “Impatient? Anxious?”

  “I haven’t been back long, but I guess I’m impatient.”

  She smiled, respect in her eyes. “Hang in there. You put in the hard work with him and it will pay off. I promise.”

  I bit my lip, wondering if I should ask what was on my mind. I wanted to know more about her life after her parents died. How things could have been different. “What would have happened if your aunt and uncle showed you the love you deserved?”

  She shifted on the bench, tapping her lips with her finger. “Hmm. I guess the question would be how old was I when they came around, twelve, sixteen, in college, now? It makes a difference.”

  “How about now?” I never asked deep questions. I never followed up on someone’s story. It was a sure way to get to know someone, to connect. I told myself it was practice for how I should be talking to Everett. It had nothing to do with getting to know her.

  She was quiet for a few seconds. “I think it’s too late, honestly.”

  That surprised me. She struck me as an eternal optimist. If my parents suddenly changed, showing me love, I wouldn’t trust it either. Not at first anyway.

  “They hurt me deeply. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I know I should stop dwelling on it, but it’s hard when every single thing that happens in your life seems to be tied to that one moment.”

  The hair on my neck stood up. Had my life been defined when my parents sent me away? I’d like to think it made things better for me, not worse. “How so?”

  “My life choices. My decision to buy a house, my choice of friends, my career, how involved I am with the kids at school. It all ties back. Obviously not all of it is negative. I love my job.” She shrugged. “That’s my self-diagnosis. I’ve taken a few psychology classes.”

  “Does it affect your decisions with men?” Had she been hurt?

  She shook her head. “Probably. Maybe I’m looking for something in a guy that they can’t give me. I try too hard to create something that doesn’t exist. That sounds pathetic doesn’t it?”

  “I don’t think so. You go into things with an open mind and hope they’ll work out. That’s brave. It’s not something I’ve ever done.”

  She watched me closely. “I never thought about it like that before. That I’m brave, not desperate.”

  I could see why she thought that. If she was open with every man she dated, resulting in rejection, she would think it’s her fault. Especially a man who wasn’t ready to settle down and commit. “I’d hate to see you be different than how you are. You shouldn’t have to change for guys. You need to meet the one who’s right for you.”

  She smiled but it was almost bitter. “Well, most guys don’t do well with emotions and feelings, so I’m going to take a step back and be sure before I fall for the next one.”

  I wasn’t good with my emotions and feelings, but I’m sure there were guys out there that were. Did I want her with one of those men? My fingers itched to touch her, to say something, to get her to consider me, but that wasn’t an option. I’d only just returned home to get my life in order. She was working at the school temporarily. Not to mention how different we were. We were all wrong for each other. “That’s probably a good idea.”

  Was it my imagination or had something dimmed in her eyes? “You deserve everything.” More than I had to give.

  “I’m starting to believe that.” Her smile was sad though.

  After hearing her story, I wanted to be the man who made her a priority. How did I do that when I didn’t know what love felt like or how to express myself? Was it fair to her when she’d been hurt so many times before?

  She glanced at her phone. “Oh, I didn’t realize what time it was. I’m helping a friend move this afternoon.”

  I was disappointed she had to leave. Everything I learned about her made her more interesting, more attractive. “You babysit dogs, help friends move. Is there anything you don’t do?”

  She licked her lips, probably thinking about my question. “I like to help out. It’s not a big deal.”

  It was because, in my life, sailors worked together as a team, but away from the carrier, it was different. I was used to being independent. “In my world, it is.”

  She stood, smiling. “Maybe you need more people in your life like me.”

  “Or maybe I just need you.” I didn’t take my eyes from her as Everett ran up with Stark.

  She looked as surprised by my admission as I felt. I hadn’t meant to admit that, but the words felt true, the sentiment right.

  “Are we lea
ving?” Everett asked.

  Mia looked from me to Everett. “Yeah, I have somewhere to be.”

  “Can we meet with you again?” Everett’s voice was hopeful, something I hadn’t heard in a while.

  I liked it. I wanted him interested in something besides video games.

  Mia’s face was uncertain as if she was still processing what I’d said and what it meant.

  When she didn’t answer, I added, “He’d like to see Stark. If you don’t have time that’s okay.”

  Mia swallowed, her shoulders lowering. “Of course. It’s fine. Just text me when you’re free.”

  I couldn’t believe I told her I needed her, even if it was true. I needed her help with Stark and Everett. The more I spoke with her, the more I relied on her. I soaked up her guidance, her quiet confidence, her support. I shoved my hands in my pockets, walking with her to her car. I unlocked my truck so Everett could get in, leaving me alone with Mia.

  Taking the leash from Mia, I opened the rear passenger door to help Stark into the back. When Stark curled into a ball on the seat, I shut the door.

  Mia was already in the driver’s seat.

  What had always been comfortable between us, felt awkward, and it was all on me. I was the one who’d been open and honest, telling her how I felt. I hadn’t thought through my words before they were out of my mouth. Maybe that was the key.

  “Have a good day, Mia.”

  Something sparked in her eyes at my use of her name. “Thanks. You too. Enjoy your day with Everett.”

  She turned her attention to the windshield, so I closed the door, watching while she drove off.

  I didn’t regret telling her the truth. I did need her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Mia

  On Monday morning, I walked into the school, my mind still on the weekend and Mason’s words I need you. His words were earnest, his eyes vulnerable. When I drove away from him, my heart raced, my hands shook with a vision of him kissing me flashing through my head.

  Had Mason meant how everyone needed me, whether it was to take on a task at school, help plan a party, pack and move apartments, or paint a room? I never said no and maybe I should because I wanted those three words to mean something else entirely. I wanted him to need me as a woman, someone he was attracted to.

  I walked through the busy front office down the small hall to mine, relieved I’d avoided the secretary, Margaret. She always had some gossip to pass on. I’d have to spend valuable time, listening, and nodding to whatever she had to say.

  I’d spent the weekend imagining what it would be like if Mason had said he wanted me, not that he needed me. Guys like Mason didn’t want girls like me. I was positive he could walk into any bar with confidence, picking up any woman he desired.

  I thought of him walking up to me at a bar. Jeans outlining his defined thighs, T-shirt stretched tight across his biceps, his blues intent on me, as he approached with confidence, knowing my heart was beating faster, my breath uneven. He’d be just as confident and sure of himself in bed. He wouldn’t ask permission to kiss me like other guys I’d dated.

  Just thinking about it, made me wet. I closed my eyes imagining his rough voice, his breath hot on my neck, fingers cupping my breasts, skating over my nipple, his other hand trailing down my stomach, slipping beneath my panties. The fantasy was so real I could feel his finger enter me, confident and sure, pumping in rhythm to his tongue inside my mouth. I opened my eyes, groaning in frustration.

  I focused on my computer screen, signing in, before checking the clock. I had ten more minutes before the buses arrived. Ten more minutes of quiet, dirty thoughts of Mason. Too bad he didn’t want me the way I wanted him.

  Principal Bryant walked in, shutting my door. Usually, he summoned me to his office if I was needed or cc’d me on an email.

  “There was an incident on Friday.” He sat in the guest chair opposite me, a grave look on his face.

  “What kind of incident?” My words were cautious as my heart picked up.

  “Some kids hung around after school let out, used the fire extinguisher in the locker rooms while the basketball team was practicing in the gym.”

  Dread filled me that it was Everett. “Do you know who it was?”

  “There’s a camera in the hallway outside the gym and locker rooms. It was Everett Arrington.”

  I closed my eyes. I thought things would improve with his father home. I almost said, but he seemed so good when I saw him on Saturday.

  I didn’t want to tell Principal Bryant I’d seen Everett and his father this weekend. I wasn’t doing anything wrong by watching their dog, but I didn’t need the implication of impropriety with my history. “What’s the plan? Have you talked to him yet?”

  “I’m calling him into the office first thing this morning. I’d like you to sit in.”

  “Me? Why?” I usually spoke with the student after the principal did. I didn’t want the kids to associate me with punishment. I was supposed to be a safe place.

  “I know you’ve been helping him. This way you’ll get the whole picture.”

  “Okay.” Maybe I could be an advocate for Everett. I wasn’t sure how Mason would react.

  “Can you call his grandparents and ask them to come in? I doubt they will, but at least we’ll have a record that we tried.”

  My heart thumped loudly in my ears. I’d see Mason for the first time since he’d said he needed me. “Actually, his father is back from his deployment.”

  “Perfect. Call him.” Principal Bryant headed out of my office before he stopped and turned back to me.

  I held the phone in my hand.

  “Have you spoken with his father? Any idea what’s going on there?”

  I wanted Principal Bryant to understand Everett, to sympathize with his situation. “Everett’s mother recently left them. His father was deployed for six months. His grandparents are unavailable as you know, so—”

  “Gotcha.” His hand slapped the doorframe. “Give his father a call and let me know when he’ll be here.” Then he was gone.

  Did he get it? Did he understand how devastating those losses were for a child? I had Mason’s number on my cell, but I called from the school since it was an official call.

  “Yeah?” Mason’s voice rumbled over the line as if he was in a hurry.

  “Hi Mason.” Should I have called him Mr. Arrington? No, we knew each other outside of school. It would be awkward if I did.

  “I’m just about to walk into work. Is everything okay?” He wasn’t relaxed like he was on Saturday. This was Mason at work—focused and agitated with my interruption.

  “I’m sorry for calling so early, but there was an incident at school. Principal Bryant wants to meet with you.”

  “What incident?” I could almost see Mason pausing as he focused on me.

  “Everett was caught on camera going into the boys’ locker room on Friday night. He used a fire extinguisher in the locker room.” Principal Bryant hadn’t mentioned any damage, but I assumed there was.

  Mason sighed. “Fuck. It’s my first day. What time does the principal want to meet with me?”

  I felt horrible for interrupting him on his first day. I wanted him to be happy with his new job, to be happy here in my town. I wanted him to stay. “Whenever you can get here.”

  “Okay. Let me talk to my boss and then I’ll shoot you a message.” He didn’t say bye or make any move to get off the phone.

  “I’m sorry. Not a good way to start your first day on the job.”

  “You’re telling me. I’ve never—I’ve never had to leave work because of anything like this before.” He was quiet for a second, then he continued, “But Everett comes first.”

  I sighed in relief. “Your parents never bothered to come in when these things happened. It’s good for him to see you taking an active role in what’s happening at school.”

  “I’m home. I’m one-hundred-percent focused on him.” Determination in his tone carried through the line. />
  “You have a new job, a new house to live in, you’re moving. It’s a lot of change for a child.” My voice was gentle. I didn’t want him to think I was criticizing him.

  “You’re right. This parenting stuff is hard.”

  I laughed. “It is—not that I have children, but I see what parents go through.”

  “Alright. Let me talk to Mark and get back to you.”

  “Sounds good.” We hung up and I sank back into my chair. I hated that Everett screwed up again, but I enjoyed talking to Mason first thing in the morning when his voice was all rumbly and deep. Was it bad I wanted more opportunities to talk to him, to see him?

  A few minutes later, a text pinged on my phone.

  Mason: I can be there in thirty minutes.

  Mia: I’ll let Principal Bryant know.

  I sent Principal Bryant an email, then I tried to still my racing heart. Could I be in the meeting, be professional without anyone knowing I was attracted to him? Should I have told him I would be there?

  I debated texting him, but it seemed like I should have told him when I was talking to him, not now while he was driving. Would it be awkward or uncomfortable? Would Everett and him think I was part of the institution not someone there to help them. All I could do was hope the time I’d spent with them thus far eased any potential fears.

  Margaret popped her head into my office twenty minutes later. “Everyone’s ready for the meeting.”

  “Great. Thank you.” I closed my eyes, sighing. I’d accomplished nothing this morning other than overanalyzing everything.

  “I can see why you like working with Everett. His father isn’t bad to look at.” She left, not waiting for a response.

  Margaret was in her fifties, so she wasn’t competing for Mason’s attention, but her comment still grated on me. I wiped my sweaty hands on my slacks before grabbing a notepad and pen to keep my hands busy. I took a deep breath before I walked the few steps to Principal Bryant’s office where Mason sat across from him.

  Mason turned when I walked in, relief in his eyes.