Impassioned: A Salvation Society Novel

by Lea Coll

  I opened the door to find Mia holding Stark’s leash in a curve-hugging green dress, her brown hair curled around her shoulders. “Hey.”

  “Hi,” She smiled shyly.

  When had I ever felt awkward with a woman? “Come in.”

  She stepped inside, close enough I could smell her shampoo. She leaned down to unhook Stark’s leash.

  Stark bound around the house, sniffing every item, but I was transfixed by the way her dress clung to her curves, accentuating her ass. She took off her jacket, going up on her tiptoes to hang it on the hook by the door.

  When she started to take off her boots, I said, “Leave them on. I’m going to grill outside.”

  I was hoping she’d talk to me while I cooked before Everett came down.

  “Okay.” We were facing each other. The sound of Stark’s nails scraping the floor and his soft sniffs and snorts the only sound.

  “Your home is beautiful,” she said.

  She was looking at me though, not the house. A lightness spread through my chest. “Thank you. We tried to fix up the place today. Make it more a home.”

  I walked toward the kitchen, patting Stark’s head when he bounded up to me, as if he didn’t realize I was here until now. “You like the new house, bud?”

  I sank to my knees, rubbing his back, scratching his ears.

  “He loves it. I left his stuff in the car.” She gestured behind her. “And your gift. I should go get it.”

  “You didn’t have to get us anything.”

  “I wanted to. It’s not practical, but your house could use it.”

  She disappeared outside, not taking her coat, so I followed her into the chilly air. She opened her trunk, pulling out the dog food, bowls, and his bed.

  “I can take this.”

  She startled. “Oh. Didn’t realize you’d followed me out.”

  I hefted the heavy bag over my shoulder, carrying the bed and bowls in my other hand.

  She pulled out a square-shaped flat object wrapped in brown paper. She closed it before preceding me down the sidewalk.

  I couldn’t remember the last time someone bought me something. My parents ceased gift-giving when I left for military school. The idea that Mia spent time thinking of a gift for us sent warmth flowing through my body.

  I placed Stark’s things in the hall closet, carrying the bowls to the kitchen. I filled his water bowl, placing it on the floor.

  She’d placed what looked like a picture frame on the counter. “Do you want to open it now or when Everett comes down?”

  “Is it a gift for both of us or just me?” I wanted the gift to be for me. I wanted this moment to be intimate.

  She chewed her bottom lip. “Honestly, I don’t think an eleven-year-old will care. It’s a gift for your house.”

  “I’ll open it now then.” I carefully lifted the tape off the paper, reluctant to destroy it, even though it wasn’t necessary to the gift.

  I pulled off the paper, setting it to the side, revealing a framed picture. It was a gray silhouette of the state of Virginia and inside, home, was written.

  It struck me that I’d lived in Virginia for a while, but never in a home not provided by the Navy.

  “This will look perfect above the fireplace.” She glanced into the living room at the large blank area above the mantel.

  “You’re right.” I went to the garage to get a hammer and nails, eager to hang it, to make this house a home.

  I placed the picture on the wall in several locations until Mia was satisfied with the placement. Then I marked the spot, hammering the nail into the wall.

  When I finally hung it, Mia said, “It looks perfect.”

  I liked the picture she’d chosen in a prominent place in our new home. I turned, finding her standing, with her hands in front of her mouth, her eyes appreciating the new picture. She looked perfect, but I couldn’t say that.

  “Thank you.” I knew I’d think of her each time I looked at it.

  Her eyes flicked to mine. “You’re welcome.”

  I stepped closer, not sure what I intended to do, touch her, kiss her? Either was inappropriate. Her eyes widened with each step I took closer, until I stood only a few inches from her, her tilting back to meet my eyes.

  My fingers itched to grip her hips to feel how soft her dress was. Would she welcome my touch? I touched an errant strand of hair, smoothing it down. Her breath hitched, her eyes darkening with what I hoped was desire. “It’s perfect.”

  My brain and body were battling for my next move—grip her hips like I wanted, pulling her into my body, or take a step back.

  Footsteps thundered on the wood steps as Everett came down.

  I stepped back, disappointed the moment was broken.

  Everett rounded the corner, his hand on the banister. “Is dinner ready yet?”

  I cleared my throat, gesturing at the picture. “Mia brought us a housewarming gift.”

  His eyes flickered to the picture then to us, my face heating wondering whether he knew something was going on. “It looks nice.”

  I let out a breath, pleased at his use of manners. Walking toward the kitchen, I said, “Come on. I’ll teach you how to use the grill.” I waited in the kitchen for Everett and Mia to follow me.

  I handed the serving platters to Everett. “It’s something every man needs to know.” I waited until Everett walked away before I winked at Mia.

  Her face flushed.

  I grabbed my grill tools, touching her shoulder lightly as I passed her. “Come outside with us.”

  She smiled, her eyes hopeful, her lips tilting up. “Okay.”

  I opened the slider, Stark bounded outside, exploring the fenced yard. I waited for Mia to grab her jacket and precede me outside. It was chilly but bearable.

  Mia sat on the swing on the patio.

  “There’s a blanket you can use. I brought it out earlier for you.” I’d never been a man who thought about a woman’s needs outside the bedroom, but with her, I was different. I wanted her to be comfortable.

  “That was thoughtful.” She pulled the red blanket over her lap.

  She looked at home. Satisfied she was comfortable, I took the cover off the brand-new grill, showing Everett how to use it, outlining the safety precautions.

  I ignored Mia’s soft gaze, following our every move. I wanted to take things slow with her, repress my confident nature. I wasn’t sure she’d like that guy. She probably wanted the soft center underneath. The problem was, I wasn’t even sure it existed. Sometimes I felt impenetrable.

  Mia was different. She wouldn’t stop until she knew everything there was to know about me—until I was cracked open, my vulnerable center exposed to her. It should scare me, but the more time I spent with her the more I wanted to know if I was even capable of that kind of connection with someone.

  The desire to show her she was special was strong. She was so much better than her exes treated her. She had so much to offer to the right guy, if only I deserved her. Maybe I’d show her what she was worth, so she’d find the right guy.

  “How do you like your steak?” I placed the potatoes and steaks on the rack.

  “No pink, please.”

  “You got it.” I hadn’t even asked her if she liked steak or if she ate meat. I was trying to be a better guy, but I was bound to screw this up. “I probably should have asked if you like steak.”

  “I do. It’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t even thinking.” My plan was to cook a basic meal in a relaxed setting.

  It seemed innocent enough. Her bringing Stark over, us thanking her with a meal. It was good manners, but not something I’d ever initiated before. The old me would have picked up the dog from her so I could control when I left. I’d keep things short and sweet.

  Why was she different? The only explanation I had was that I was in a weird position in life. Retiring earlier than I wanted from the Navy, starting a new job, and dealing with single parenthood.

  Mia had been quiet so fa
r. I felt out of my element when I wanted to prove I was a good guy, that I was worthy of her time. I couldn’t use a bar pickup line on her, I needed to engage her in conversation, so she wasn’t bored.

  “Everett, why don’t you put the salad together. I left everything on the counter for you to cut up.”

  “Sure.” He headed inside, shutting the slider behind him.

  Mia smiled as if we shared a secret.

  I hoped that meant she wanted to be alone with me. “Do you mind if I sit next to you?”

  “Not at all.” She shifted to the side, lifting the blanket.

  “I’m good. I’m not cold.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I could have kicked myself. It was an opportunity to be closer to her, to touch my leg to hers. Even between our clothes, I would have felt her warmth.

  The small moves guys made to date or for seduction were beyond me. I was adept at hitting on women at a bar, judging which ones were more likely to come back to my place.

  This thing with Mia, knowing what she liked and would appreciate was completely foreign to me. I sat, placing my arm on the back of the swing, bringing us closer.

  Mia turned slightly toward me. “How are things going?”

  I smiled because it seemed like there was change in every aspect of my life. “With Everett, the job, or the house?”

  She tilted her head slightly. “You do have a lot going on. Everything, I guess.”

  “It’s been a few weeks since the suspension. Things have been quiet with Everett. We’ve been cooking every evening. He’s required to do chores and finish his homework before he can do anything else. I’m in contact with teachers, so I know what he’s supposed to be doing and whether he’s handing it in. There haven’t been any more reports of him getting into trouble at school, but you’d know if it happened.”

  “That’s great. I’m sure you won’t have any problem being consistent with him.”

  “Because of my background?” I’d thought my military background would hinder me as a parent, but it felt good that she thought it was an asset.

  Her fingers absently played with the blanket. “You seem like the type of guy who’s used to issuing orders and having them followed without question.”

  I wasn’t sure I liked her assessment of me. I didn’t want her to think I was militant. “It’s been surprisingly easy. It’s almost as if he’s wanted the structure all along. Like he craves the rules. If that makes sense?”

  “It does.”

  “The job is new, but so far I like it. I haven’t been able to fly yet because I’m getting my commercial license.”

  “Is that hard?”

  “Not really. The military training is more extensive than anything they require for commercial licenses, so it’s a matter of submitting all of my paperwork and getting it approved.”

  “Oh, good. I’m sure you’ll be happy to be up in the air again.”

  I tried not to think too much about how it would differ from taking off and landing on an aircraft carrier. “I will, but it won’t be the same.”

  “Are you still planning on doing the reserves?” Her tone was concerned as if she thought I was doing too much.

  “Yes. It will give me the opportunity to fly fighter jets. I think it’s important to show Everett he comes first but that we should also pursue our passions. I’m a little worried about what I’ll do with Everett on the weekends though. I’d hate to leave now when we’re starting to make progress.”

  “Maybe, you could get a sitter or his grandparents could help?”

  “Yeah, I was thinking about hiring a college girl who could use the extra money. I wanted to get my flight instructor license too as a backup. If this job means I’m out of town often, it might not be the best fit.”

  “Maybe you could do both.”

  “I hope Everett doesn’t have any more issues with school. Once I’m flying, I won’t be able to come into school. I might be on a mission for a day or more. I wouldn’t even be available by phone.” I got up to check the steaks and potatoes on the grill.

  “Does your boss understand your concerns?”

  My old instinct was to dodge her question or to say sure he did, but I’d opened up to Mia several times. I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted her to understand. I wanted to sink into her sweet understanding. “I didn’t tell them about Everett.”

  “Mason. You didn’t tell them you were a single dad?” Her voice pitched higher, her eyes widening.

  Watching the emotions play out on her face, I doubt she’d understand my reasoning. “I’m not used to this.” I gestured at the fenced-in yard, the house. I wasn’t sure whether I was referring to a home, a family, obligations, or everything. My only obligation was the Navy. “I’m not used to anything interfering with work. I want to be a reliable employee. I also want to be a great dad.”

  “They need to know so they’ll understand when you need them to be flexible.”

  “I know it would have been better to be up front with my boss, but it’s not usual for a guy to ask for that kind of deference.” What I really wanted to say was that it wasn’t usual for me to ask for that kind of preferential treatment. Was it okay to be late to work because my son used a fire extinguisher in the school locker room? If it sounded absurd to me, what would my boss think?

  “Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s more common with split families.” She chewed her lower lip as if she was worried.

  I waved a hand at her, uncomfortable with this feeling swirling in my gut, like I’d been splayed open for her to dissect. “I’ll figure it out.”

  “I think you should be honest. Especially when things with Everett are so uncertain. You don’t know how he’s going to react to things. It’s best to put your boss on notice that you’re a single dad.”

  “I don’t know.” I was done with this conversation, with the idea that whatever was going on in my life was up for debate and discussion. As much as I enjoyed her help, my brain felt like it was overloaded.

  I checked the food, moving it from the grill to the platters. “Can you see how Everett’s doing with the salad? We’ll eat in the kitchen.”

  The dining room was devoid of furniture. It was too cold to eat outside.

  Mia opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but then seemed to think better of it, and nodded. She headed inside, allowing me a minute to breathe. I took a few deep breaths in and out, something I did before I hit the gas for take-off, to calm the jittery nerves.

  One last look at the end of the carrier, one last check-in with the command tower, indicating it was okay to punch it. Remembering the thrill when the jet was airborne, the adrenaline rushing through me. Fuck. It was such a rush. Endorphins would take over, the ship would melt away, any issues at home were dull pings in my mind.

  I wish I had that same escape now. Whenever the pressure increased, I could be in the sky. The power of handling the plane grounding me. What I wouldn’t give for that.

  “Salad’s ready. Everett must have gone to his room.” Mia’s voice startled me.

  I turned to find her standing a few feet away, concern etched on her face. “Great. I’ll bring this in. Then we can eat.”

  I brushed past her, setting my jaw, hoping she’d let it go. Hoping she’d let me cover up my exposed belly.

  I stopped at the door, both hands full with the serving platters. “Do you mind?”

  “Sure.” Her eyes were uncertain, her face slightly flushed not from the cold but from my brush-off.

  It was my fault. From the beginning, I was different with her. More open, less me. She didn’t know that this is who I was. I wasn’t this open book, I was locked up tight. I’d let her in more than anyone, but I didn’t like the emotions pouring through me. This unsettled feeling, as if my anchor had been cut off, leaving me swaying in the wake.

  I set the food in the middle of the table, happy to see that Everett had already set the table.

  “I hope I didn’t say anything wrong.” Mia’s voice
came from behind me, by the door.

  She stood; her eyes wide, vulnerable.

  “Of course not. I just—” Should I tell her? I closed my eyes briefly. This was Mia. Sweet, beautiful, Mia. She didn’t deserve the Navy guy. She deserved the one underneath. The one that was a little scared each time he flew. “Talking to you, being open, it’s new.”

  The silence stretched for several seconds. I lifted my gaze to watch understanding sharpen her focus before she nodded. “Of course. It would be.”

  She moved closer, touching my arm. Her face tilted up, the warmth of her hand seeping through my thermal shirt. There was something in her eyes, something I wanted to reach out and touch.

  “It will get easier, just don’t push me or Everett away.” She lowered her eyes to the table, ending the moment.

  I knew I would. It was inevitable. I wasn’t cut out for this—fatherhood, a civilian career, friends, a concerned friend. None of this was in my life before. My footing was unsure as if I was attempting to cross a river, but the rocks were placed too far apart. The one I was standing on was slick with moss. If I wasn’t careful, I’d slip, falling into the river, swirling downstream.

  Everett clambered down the steps. “Dinner ready?”

  I never had to call him. He could sniff out the food. “Yes.”

  “Did you want anything to drink? Wine, beer, water?” I asked Mia, having nothing else to offer.

  “A beer is fine.”

  I opened the fridge, taking a second for my head to cool, while I pulled out two beers, popping the tops off. I placed one in front of Mia, her eyes on the napkin she was smoothing over her thighs.

  I wanted to see her eyes, always so expressive. Did she think helping me was a mistake? Did she not want to be here?

  I sat between Everett and Mia. The small round table made the evening more domestic—more intimate. Everett busied himself plating his food.

  Mia’s gaze lifted. “Thank you for dinner. Everything looks delicious.”

  I nodded in response. I couldn’t answer, not without my voice cracking with emotion, not without revealing this dinner, our conversation had affected me far more than I anticipated. I wanted to spend time with her, but I hadn’t realized the consequences. More time with someone meant revealing yourself to them. You couldn’t freeze someone out who was already in your life. “It’s the least I could do since you watched Stark for us while we were gone.”