My relationship with my mother meant that there wasn’t much room for any of that behavior. I needed to be able to be mature and take care of myself and handle all the hospital visits and special medication I had to take. I guess I’m making up for it now by having crushes on more than one boy, losing control of my anger, and crying with my knees up to my chest because I’m so overwhelmed.
I’m overwhelmed with the idea of Hades possibly being innocent, and the way he acted like he didn’t give a shit I exist. Maybe he did and he’s so far gone with guilt or being tortured he can’t care, but it still hurts.
I don’t know what I was expecting – to run into the waiting arms of the god of the underworld, and we’d get him absolved, and he’d take me in? It’s all ridiculous of me. I guess I just want to be wanted by someone who’s supposed to feel that way about me.
I mean, I know Jak wants me, but it’s different. And things have cooled off, gone to the background now that I completely embarrassed him in front of everyone because of that bitch Layla’s messing around in my head. Saul wants me, but I have a hard time sorting out in my head how much he just wants to feed off sexual energy, and how much it’s me he actually likes.
Then, there’s Eden, and just like my mother, he doesn’t want me enough to stop putting himself first, second, and third. The whole world has rejected me, even worlds I didn’t know existed rejected me before I was even old enough to learn how to walk.
What kind of fucked up shit is that?
I don’t know how long I sit there and let real tears I should have shed over every injustice in my life long ago spill from my eyes. It’s not good to hold these things in, and yet, as a Libra I’ve always been protective of others and myself. I’ve always worried about what’s fair and right and just for others. I’ve never taken the time to worry about me or to grieve all that I’ve lost by not having a present mother or a father at all. By being a freak who can’t fit in with anyone. Never getting a boyfriend or a normal childhood. Always having to worry about when to take meds, and how careful I have to be to not have an episode.
And it's all crashing down on me after my one, and likely only, visit to the underworld.
And still, I can’t give the Council what they’ve asked for. I can condemn him as a bad father, but as a bad god or a traitor, I have no basis by which to do that. No proof he’s done anything, and it sounds like the gods have no proof either.
It’s not fair or right, but I have no power to control their thoughts. At least not yet.
One step at a time, I’m going to have to be more. I’m going to have to let it all out, and then find a way to build myself up stronger. Better. Where they can’t ignore me or discount me anymore, and then I can tell them just what I think of them and demand it gets fixed. Even if it means making myself the bad guy to make sure justice is served just the way it should be.
Another storm rages outside, and for a second, I see Deidre’s faded form. She smiles sadly at me, trying to comfort me, even though she is still shaken up from the events in the cafeteria days ago. I guess she can be hurt for some time, and she needs to recover.
I sob thanks to her just as a banging makes me think the storm is so close it’s shaking the school, but then I hear it again and realize someone’s at my door.
If it’s Jak, he’s going to be sent packing. I just can’t do it tonight. No number of fingers pressing into my flesh or tongue lashing is going to make me feel better. It’s going to be up to me on this one.
But, when I open the door, ready to tell him to go the fuck back to his room, I see a girl standing there. Another demigod who’s in a couple of my classes, though we’ve never talked.
I’ve paid little attention to her actually.
She bursts into the room without an invitation, and I stare at her for a moment warily before shutting my door. If something is about to go down I’d rather just be in private this time, even if she can make me choke on my own vomit or something.
I’ll just die, and take over the underworld. That could work, right?
It wouldn’t be much different than here, anyway, two bullies trying to dethrone me for their own selfish reasons, and hating Hades and everything that comes from him, me included.
“Okay, I can’t stand the crying anymore.” She points her hand at where I’d been sitting against the wall. “I’m used to hearing giggling or sighs of passion.” I open my mouth, a little scandalized, and she just dismisses it with a wave. “The walls here are thin. Magic doesn’t mean they’re ready for an update. Stuck in their old ways, the gods,” she jokes, wrinkling up her nose in dictates.
Her hair is a sandy brown, up in a messy bun for the night, an oversized sweater, and a pair of shorts her bedtime attire.
“Seriously, though, I can hear you over this storm. So, out with it, what’s bothering you?” She sits on my bed and pats the spot next to her. For a moment, I wonder if she’s been a ghost this whole time. Not even Jak and Saul are this friendly to me, and it makes me suspicious.
“I don’t bite, though since I’ve noticed Jak around here a lot, I’m not sure you would mind.” She bats her eyes at me, and I let out a laugh. A true and hearty laugh for the first time in a long time.
I take the risk, my body no longer buzzing with worry, and sit down with her as she has me unload the whole story on her, from the moment I got the letter, all the bullying from students and teachers, the council and the boys, all the way up until now which has me crying over what happened in the underworld. Even if I can’t trust her, it’s good to get it all off my chest. Ghosts are unreliable as friends, even though Deidre is amazing. They can’t comfort the same way someone of flesh and blood does.
“So, why are you even here with me?” I ask her afterward, knowing we are only an hour or so from the sun coming up. She’s losing sleep over this.
“Didn’t I already tell you? I was annoyed by the crying and came to make it stop.” She seems so serious, but then throws herself back on the bed and starts straight up cackling, one of those super annoying laughs which makes guys decide not to date you, though she doesn’t snort.
But it’s also contagious, and endearing in an odd way.
“Look, I was always told I have ODD, and I’ve been watching in the background and seeing you’re nothing like people seem to say you are. That is, some evil bitch who’s here to destroy us all or something. I figure I’m due to get rid of some order, and shake things up a bit. Plus, the irony of our powers together is great.”
“Irony? Sorry, I don’t know what you can do.”
She wiggles her eyebrow, a broad grin on her chubby, babylike face, and then she opens up the window. I look at her like she’s nuts, which I might be right about, but I let her do whatever she wants anyway. I want to see this. I so seldom get to see what others can do firsthand, and get their explanation afterward – unless I’m being tortured by undead oath breakers.
She stands in front of the open window, the storm raging on, and makes a come motion with her hands, and just like that, a rush of water comes into the room, hanging over the floor and floating there waiting for her next signal. She builds it into a wave which could surely drown us, but then pushes it back out and shuts the window. “It just so happens I’m a daughter of Poseidon. Name’s Mira.”
***
Somehow, Mira and I have become best friends, by her declaration, of course. We’ve known each other a little over a day, and already she’s insisting we meet for a study session downstairs after classes. So, as soon as my last class is over, I head there, withdrawals getting to me now from my time with Jak. He wanted to cool it, afraid I guess we would get too serious if we kept seeing each other every night, or that maybe I would cry and declare my love for him again. I’ve accepted it, for now anyway, even though it annoys the shit out of me. I just don’t know how to address it without backtracking as far as we’ve gotten.
I sit in one of the seats provided for us, next to a bookcase full of extra books to use for our essays an
d various assignments, and wait, though I look around and mistakenly and regrettably catch a familiar pair of dark eyes.
If there ever was a picture put in a dictionary, this one would go next to “longing glance”. I can’t look away from Eden after catching him looking at me. It feels like so much has happened since the last time we spoke, even though September still isn’t even over. My first few weeks here at the academy have held enough drama for a lifetime, and it seems he hasn’t gotten over whatever confusion he expressed the night he took it upon himself to protect my virtue.
Funny since he’s never around to protect it from Jak. Or maybe he knows we haven’t made it there yet.
That, or Jak is so good at keeping things a secret, Eden thinks anything there might have been is long over.
“Earth to Ember!” A hand is waving in my face, and I look up to see it belongs to Mira. Behind her stands a boy, unassuming, young, shy even, holding a stack of books that must be hers.
“This is Patrice, my boyfriend” she grins, and the boy waves, love in his eyes. I keep waiting for those animated hearts to appear in them, though he barely says a word as he helps her get settled.
“I’ll be just down there.” His voice is soft as he points to a table off in the corner, the kind where someone might study alone. So, a loner. Opposites do attract sometimes, I guess.
She blows him a kiss, and he blushes sweetly before walking away.
But, then he’s replaced by another. This one tall, dark and handsome.
It’s Saul, and I remember his promise to see me around. Suddenly, it’s like Eden’s eyes are boring into me as I stand up and wrap my arms around Saul’s neck. “So, who’s been hiding you from me?” A pang of guilt hits my stomach. Not a single one of us has declared that we are seeing each other exclusively, and that’s at least the way things work with humans. But, his comment does make me feel odd about being with Jak all the time too.
But, it’s easily forgotten as he wraps his hand around the small of my back, and pulls me to him, looking into my eyes. It’s hard to think, and for the first time, I get what Eden meant about Saul drawing me in even when he isn’t meaning to. But still, it’s a good sign I know what’s happening, and I’m not in the least bit bothered by the distraction from life at the moment.
“So, a demon and Hellspawn, what a surprise.” Holly’s voice annoys me, and I turn around, not letting fully go of Saul, to see she, Layla, and Thane have all approached.
“Real original.” Mira stands up as she says it, staying next to me. My eyes flit over to where Eden is, and see he isn’t there anymore.
A sigh escapes my lips before I look back at what’s unfolding before my eyes.
“Who the fuck are you?” Layla asks in disgust, but I look over at Holly, and she’s practically shaking, her eyes wide like a deer in headlights.
“She’s a daughter of Poseidon,” Holly answers for her, her voice barely there.
Mira smiles, clearly having expected this outcome. Maybe this was why she was okay with shaking it up a bit.
“Boo!” Mira stomps forward and sends Holly screaming and running. Mira lets out a laugh as Patrice appears by her side, ready to fight for his girlfriend too. For once, I’m not alone.
“What is this?” a voice that doesn’t belong to any student asks. The dean, someone I barely ever see on campus and only know from photos and paintings in the hallways, has caught us. “This is a study area not a place for a gang rumble.” I stifle a laugh, and I feel Saul also shake with slight laughter next to me. “All of you get cleaning duty in the north wing tonight,” he declares. “Now.”
We all groan, but honestly, there are much worse things to have to do, and no one got hurt.
“Thanks, Mira”, I say, and she fist bumps me.
“I’ll scare her any day. I hate Holly, and water trumps ice every time. Plus, my dad hates Boreus.”
I don’t ask questions, accepting I need to do more research on all the gods and their relationships with each other. It’s my job to know these things if I’m going to be a part of this world.
We’re led away by the dean to the north hall where he wants us to mop the marble floors, clean the baseboards, and dust all the desks. It’s going to be a long night.
Even longer, I realize, after he leaves, and I feel a tug at my sleeve.
Eden has followed us here. “Can we talk?”
Chapter Eighteen
"Everyone will come, everyone will come to my funeral
To make sure that I stay dead."
~ Marylin Manson
"I don’t have time for whatever this is, Eden," I tell him, tugging my arm back so hard I almost fall. "I'm supposed to be cleaning all night because of what happened back there." I nod toward the direction we came from, also glad that the dean separated us - Layla and Thane working grudgingly at the other end of the hall.
"I need to know you're okay," he says, that vulnerability of his creeping into my veins again as if it'll get me anywhere. My body trying to convince me this is everything I want and need. The heart can often betray any sense of logic.
"I'm fine, no thanks to you," I snap back.
"I told you that -"
"I know what you told me, so why are you checking on me then? You have to choose, Eden. You can’t keep doing this. It’s hurting us both," I plead with him, surprised at my own emotions. I’m almost afraid this will offend Saul, but I think he’s seen the complicated back and forth between us before. And has still come around.
It’s why he’s better for me. I should stick with him, and not some boy who can’t make up his mind, or another one who wants to hide he’s with me.
Not again, with my body wanting to defy logic.
Surprise crosses his face for just a moment before he recovers, Mira walking over to check on me, her elbow leaning on my shoulder. "Don’t get those panties in a twist. I just wanted to make sure they didn’t kill you so I would get a chance to take a whack at you one day." He grins and walks away, leaving me so angry I swear I’m waiting for steam to come out my ears. How can he go so cold like that?
Mira leads me back over to mops and sponges, and I start cleaning like the rest of them, the occasional look from Saul distracting me. But every time Mira looks up, she gives me a pointed look, letting me know we'll be hashing out everything later so she can give me her take on it all.
How can we read each other so well, so fast? Or is this just a general best friend vibe I’ve always been missing in my life?
With my arms killing me, and my lips numb from a kiss goodnight, which takes far too long, I go into the room next door - Mira’s instead of mine, knowing she'll be waiting.
Sure enough, both her and Patrice are on the bed.
"Your ghost is going to come see you tonight," he says, and I look at Mira for help.
She slides her hand up and down her boyfriend's arm and chuckles. "Patrice here can predict the future most of the time. Not too far ahead, but he said you have some kind of ghost friend who will visit us in this room."
"Oh," is all I can get out as I sit down with them, a little crowded, but more comfortable than I would expect from people who were complete strangers to me just days ago. Sure enough, Deidre slides through the wall, and sits on a bean bag in the corner.
"Modern furniture is so interesting," she says. "I could feel some girl talk coming, and wanted to be a part of it. I mean, I watch your drama all the time, and it’s quite entertaining, but I would love Mira's modern take on your predicament."
"She’s here, huh?" Mira asks, reaching over and touching my hand to get my attention.
"Yeah. You can’t see her, right?”
"No, neither of us can. But that doesn’t mean you can’t tell us about her." I roll my eyes. Mira must like good gossip.
"She's a 20’s flapper, and was killed by her jealous best friend in her sleep here at the academy. She’s pretty cool though, was my friend when no one else was."
"Ember, has she said anything?"
&nb
sp; I grimace at Mira. "That she’s been watching my drama unfold, and wants your opinion." This time, it’s Patrice who laughs as she slaps him playfully.
"Don’t worry, ghost friend, Mira can’t help but give her opinion." It’s the loudest I’ve heard him, and he seems to be so comfortable by her side like she gives him energy. It’s very sweet.
"Ok, now spill!" Mira demands, and I knot my brow together.
"What about...?" I point to Patrice.
"Oh, he’s harmless. He’s fine with girl talk, plus he’s fascinated by the ghost."
Deidre scoffs from the corner and gets up, coming over to blow across the top of her boyfriend’s bare head. "Was that her?" Instead of frightened he seems excited.
"Yes," I say with a smile.
"Oh, this will be fun, then," Deidre declares thinking up ways to entertain him, and make him guess where she is in the room all night while I tell Mira about my most recent boy trouble - including my gut and conflicted feelings.
"Look, you’re not the first one to fall for an asshole, or the last." She shrugs off my attraction to Eden. "Either you make him come around, or you'll fall in love with someone and get over it. The other two I see as being more of an issue, since you like them both, and they like you. Saul is the safe bet, but safe isn’t always best."
I point to the two of them. "Ya’ll seem pretty safe to me."
She laughs as if I’ve told the best joke ever. "That’s because I’m the unsafe one."
Patrice grunts, and pulls her in for a quick, sweet kiss. "Just the way I like it. But not everyone even wants what we have. I say you give Jak an ultimatum, and go from there."
Odd how the best advice came from another boy, one who isn’t bothered by any amount of girl talk. They must really be in love, and I wonder how long they’ve been together.
"Yes, honestly, Jak is full of shit to keep you hidden. He knows now how he feels, so either he’s using you cuz you’re hot, or he is too pussy to ask you for something real. You’ve got to take him by the balls!"
Bane of Hades (Guardian Academy Book 1) Page 10
