Contents
Legal
Glossary of British Terms
Book 1 - Scarlett
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Author Notes - Izzie
Author Notes - Ellie
Book 2 - Jade
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Author Notes - Izzie
Author Notes - Ellie
Book 3 - Mauve
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Author Notes - Izzie
Author Notes - Ellie
Book 4 - Raven
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Author Notes - Izzie
Author Notes - Ellie
A Mewsage from Raven the Cat
Social Links
Series List
A Very British Witch (this series of books) is a work of fiction.
All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Sometimes both.
This book Copyright © 2019 Isobella Crowley, Ell Leigh Clarke
Cover Design by Jeff Brown
Cover copyright © ProsperityQM LLC
ProsperityQM LLC supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.
The distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
ProsperityQM LLC
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First US edition, 2019
Version 1.01.01
A Very British Witch (and what happens within / characters / situations / worlds) are copyright © 2018-2019 by Isobella Crowley, Ell Leigh Clarke
Glossary of British Terms
Most folks who come to this book are going to be from outside the UK, and probably predominantly from the US.
As such it seems prudent to explain certain things to smooth your entrance into what is effectively a foreign world.
The reasons for this are twofold:
so you can get lost in the story, and
so you can appreciate the intricacies of the world, as if it were another universe on the other side of a portal.
First off, some pronunciation, because we all hate it when we have no idea how to say things in our heads!
The first word is Bicester
This is the village I lived in, and the one where our story takes place. It’s pronounced “Biss-ter”.
The origin of it is quite interesting actually. When the UK was invaded by the Romans, a lot of our places were named using Latin and kinda stuck. Chester means camp. As in a military camp.
Bi, means two. (As in Bisexual, wink wink)
Bicester is therefore the place of two military encampments – which is also true to this day, because it has an air force base and an army base.
Ok, next word: ma'am.
In England this is pronounced “Marm”.
Not “maaaaaaam”, as it is in America. If you read it with an English accent in your head, it might help you get a feel for things.
Ok, here’s another one our US service people are going to cringe at.
It’s been a point of contention since the war when we teamed up.
It’s the title: Flight Lieutenant
In the US, y’all pronounce it Flight Lew-ten-ant.
In the UK it’s Flight Left-ten-ant.
Yeah. I know. Looks nothing like how it’s spelled. But I didn’t decide the rank. And it confused the f*** out of me when I was in cadets at school. Anyhooo, that’s how it’s said, if you want to pronounce it the British way in your head as you read.
Something else that may be confusing is that ground floor is not the first floor. In a lot of UK buildings, the ground floor is at street level, and the numbered floors start after that, so the floor one above street level is referred to as the first floor.
Ok, here are some words that just need a bit of explanation. You may know some of them already.
PG Tips – a particularly good brand of tea. If it's not PG it's probably not worth drinking. Thank goodness I can find it here in Texas.
Allotment – a plot of land rented by an individual for growing vegetables or flowers. These are basically partitioned off gardens in one area, where each person has a little shed at the end where they keep their gardening tools and fertilizers. It's not uncommon for older village folk to have this place where they potter, giving them something to do out of the house.
Potter – in English 2.0 this is putter. To occupy oneself in a desultory but pleasant manner, doing a number of small tasks or not concentrating on anything particular.
Uncrossed himself – he uncrossed his legs, (and sometimes maybe arms as well).
Plonk – cheap wine, similar in quality to the 1 gallon jugs I’ve seen in the US that sell for less than $10.
High street – akin to a US Main Street.
Biscuit – cookie.
Jammie Dodgers – are a popular British biscuit, made from shortbread with a raspberry or strawberry flavored jam filling. (Ellie edit: as seen on Doctor Who, in conjunction with him telling the Daleks it was a bomb control device in a bluff to save the world from them!)
Bobby �
� English slang for policeman.
Oxford Don – a university teacher, especially a senior member of a college at Oxford or Cambridge.
Pavement – sidewalk.
Gadfly – an annoying person, especially one who provokes others into action by criticism.
Jumper – sweater.
Trainers – sneakers/tennis shoes.
Torch – Flashlight.
Deep conditioning hair mask – this is basically goop that you put on your hair to make it thick and well-conditioned. You normally apply it to damp hair, leave it for 30 minutes and then rinse it out. This seemed worth explaining since a number of gentlemen in the JIT (Just In Time) team quizzed it, and the non-English females, including my trusty (Canadian!) helper, couldn’t explain it either. It must be an English thing.
Row – a noisy scuffle or disagreement (pronounced like how, not owe).
Flat – apartment.
Flatmate – roommate.
Grilled – when we cook something under a grill (or the oven without the convection heat on) it’s called grilled. Sometimes this can also be a flame from above. It seems that when you use this word over here in the US it’s assumed to mean that you barbequed it, outside, which isn’t what is intended here. In the US you would say that you broiled it under your broiler.
Taking the piss out of someone – y’all call this giving someone shit, although I feel like the US expression is a little more aggressive. When we take the piss, it’s more like teasing. More friendly, I think, though I’m still understanding the nuances over here.
Boot of a car – the trunk. (Yeah, I know this from years not understanding the Black Eyed Peas lyrics and then deducing it from context!)
Estate agents – this is the UK word for a real estate agents’ office, place of business.
An estate agent is a real estate agent.
End-of-terrace – the house at the end of a terrace, which is a row of small houses, normally with two upstairs rooms, two downstairs, and sharing common walls between them.
Ayurveda – the traditional Hindu system of medicine, which is based on the idea of balance in bodily systems, and uses diet, herbal treatment, and yogic breathing.
Biro – a type of ballpoint pen from Bic used in the UK. Akin to saying Kleenex instead of facial tissue.
Chips – french fries.
Verge – a grassy strip of land at the edge of a road.
Crufts winner – crufts is a posh dog shop for people who breed and show them.
Lorry – truck
A few home truths – a Brit phrase meaning someone is going to share a few truths that are going to break the illusion the person is under. Probably comes from how families would hide stuff from each other and the kids which would change their perceptions of each other if they came to light - hence the word home in there.
Casualty – an ER.
Pram – a stroller or baby carriage.
Indicator – turn signal.
Yobs – uncouth youths, normally misbehaving.
Lay-by – a place where you can pull in off the road.
Roundabout – carousel.
Windscreen – windshield.
Car park – parking lot.
Going spare – going crazy with worry.
Imagining all sorts – imagining all kinds of things that might be going wrong.
Shouting the odds – shouting and raving.
Stock take – inventory, or taking inventory.
Dial 999 – in the UK, our emergency number is 999 instead of 911.
Guy Fawkes – On 5th November, 1605, Guy Fawkes was caught red-handed in the cellar of the House of Lords guarding barrels of gunpowder, exposing a plot to blow up the British Parliament and kill King James I. Today he is a national icon, appearing every 5th Nov on the top of bonfires up and down the country, fashioned out of straw and second hand clothes.
Swanning – according to Google’s dictionary it means to “move about or go somewhere in a casual, relaxed way, typically perceived as irresponsible or ostentatious by others.” I guess it might come from the manner in which swans move.
Nip back – like pop back.
To see this in context, do check out this clip from the King’s Speech. (I always think of this scene any time anyone mentions popping somewhere!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l65KNW2ZGV8
Gaffer – boss. No idea where this comes from, but tends to be something middle aged men in trade jobs and the police seem to use to describe the person in charge.
Skirting board – the base molding or wood that runs around the wall where it meets the floor.
Similarly, if you notice any other words that make you wonder, feel free to hit me up on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/isobellacrowley, and I’ll add it to the list!
Izzie <3
P.S. Ellie is the Ell Leigh Clarke person you might have seen on the Amazon page… my collaborator on this. More from both of us in the author notes… ;)
A Very British Witch
Book One
Scarlett
Isobella Crowley
DEDICATION
For the souls who dream of making the world more magical.
— Izzie
To everyone who ever dreamed of making a dent in the universe.
— Ellie
SCARLETT
A Very British Witch 01
JIT Beta Readers
Brian Roberts
Jackey Hankard-Brodie
Robert Gould
Robert Brooks
Chelsea Wright
Crystal Wren
Diane L Smith
Mary Morris
Nicole Emens
Tonya Waldron
If I missed anyone, please let me know!
Editor
Mary Morris
Chapter One
A sound in the darkness startled her. She heard a low rumbling, grinding sound, growing louder.
Scarlett peered into the darkness, trying desperately to see where the sound was. What it was. But all she saw was the deep, shadowy blackness that enveloped her.
She felt herself floating, drifting toward what now seemed a slavering, gnashing sound.
Her mind felt sluggish. She wasn’t thinking straight. The dark well around her felt too real and unreal at the same time.
Scarlett, you’re drunk. You’re hallucinating, she told herself.
Something white emerged from the murky distance, like a dense midnight fog sloping down through some dark valley, but–
No.
It was a thing, a solid object. Tall and pale. Long white stones, she thought. A row of them, like slender white picket fences. The pale pickets moved up and down in unison to the gnashing sound growing louder and louder.
Her mind raced.
No, not pickets–
Teeth.
Human teeth.
Yet not quite human.
Two rows of menacing teeth, coming at her, as if to devour her.
She wanted to run but she couldn’t. She could not feel her body or the ground, but then she did. She sensed for the first time the ground beneath her feet. As the teeth came straight at her, closing on her like the jaws of some ravenous beast–some shark or bear or wolf–she tried frantically to turn and run.
But she couldn’t move.
Mud. She was stuck in mud.
It gripped her shoes, paralyzing her. She felt rooted to the earth beneath her, as helpless as a sapling in a tempest.
As the teeth grew near her, gnashing with that terrible, relentless sound, a face emerged from the stygian depths.
A man’s face.
His skin was pale, his eyes dark as midnight wells untouched by moonlight. The strange features of his face seemed to shift as he grew closer, like a figure seen through rippling water, the form hideously distorted.
As the man approached her–not running or walking but somehow seeming to glide–she saw something else behind him.
A figure lying on the ground. It was a human body slumped an
d lifeless on the muddy ground.
Dead?
Fear seized her.
She felt an icy chill crawl through her soul, and heard the panicky percussion of a heartbeat.
Her own heart.
It sounded far off, but the rapid beating rhythm seemed to call out to her. She felt an overwhelming need to return to that terrifying yet familiar sound, back to her own heart, away from the loud gnashing teeth and the pale sinister face.
And as the teeth drew closer, as the man or beast or monstrous thing closed in on her, Scarlett saw something else. Something new. Not the pure black of the void or the pristine white of the teeth, but a bright new color, dripping from cold white fangs–
Red.
+++
Slater Residence, Bicester, England
She woke with a start, gasping for breath.
Her heart raced and her skin felt sticky and damp with sweat under a tangle of covers. She was in bed, her own bed.
Scarlett’s eyes were dry and gritty and it made it hard to see but the room felt right, and familiar. The blinds were closed and curtains drawn over them, but somehow a thin blade of sunlight got through, stabbing the darkness. Eddies of dust danced in the light of the slanted beam.
She rubbed the grit from her eyes and glanced at the clock on her bedside table.
10:19am.
Fuck! Fuckity-fuckballs on a wanker! she cursed to herself.
She had set her alarm for 9:45 so she could open the shop at 10:30.
Or had she? She couldn’t remember setting the alarm, or crawling into bed, or much at all about last night .
Her head felt heavy. Her throat was parched, her tongue thick and heavy and dry.
Great. A hangover. Nice going, Scarlett.
She thought back to last night. She’d gone to the pub with her roommate Amanda and some of her friends from out of town, but she hadn’t had that much do drink. Had she? No. She was on a strict diet.
Was. Past tense.
She tried to rouse herself from beneath the duvet. If she got to the wine shop late, Karl would be there waiting to reprimand her. It was her day to open, and Karl was never late.
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