Remy laughs again and walks over to the table, pulling a chair out for me to sit down. My stomach starts squirming anxiously once he’s sitting across from me. There’s no way to avoid his intense gaze now and I have no idea what to say that won’t sound totally weird or stupid.
Remy’s quiet too, which makes it worse. I’m frantically thinking over everything I know about him, which isn’t much. There’s no way I’m going to ask him about juvie, so I say the second thing that pops into my head.
“Sebastian mentioned you’re off work today. You have a summer job or something?”
“Yeah, my grandma’s boyfriend owns a yard care business. He hired me and Liam on for the summer.” He smiles and adjusts his glasses. “It’s not too bad. Mowing lawns, trimming bushes, cutting down trees, that sort of thing.”
It’s like my eyes have a mind of their own as they travel over his tanned, muscular arms while I picture him doing yard work like that. He looks so strong and—ugh! Stupid hormones!
I clear my throat and meet his eyes. “Do you like it at all?”
He shrugs and gives me another half-smile. “Sure. I like being outside, and it’s nice being able to hang out with Liam. The extra money definitely helps too. I hate having to ask my grandma for anything.” He looks down at the table and takes a sip of his soda. When he meets my eyes, I’m surprised to see he looks shy. “It’s just me and her, you know, and she works really hard.”
I smile brightly. I want to tell him he’s really sweet and thoughtful, but I don’t want him to get weirded out and think I’m trying to flirt with him. When I’ve paused for too long without saying anything, I panic and blurt out something idiotic and irrelevant as usual.
“I used to work at a grocery store!”
Remy grins broadly. Both his dimples are showing and his eyes are narrowed. I’m pretty sure he wants to tease me, but he chuckles and doesn’t say anything.
Feeling completely mortified, I sigh quietly and put my hands over my warm cheeks. “God, you guys probably think I’m ridiculously stupid.”
“No, not at all.” He shakes his head with the amused expression still on his face.
“I just, um...” I smooth my hair down, wondering why I even bother opening my mouth sometimes, even as I keep talking. “Sometimes I overthink what I want to say, like just then. But then I panic because I feel like I’m taking too long to say anything, so then something stupid comes out of my mouth, and I just...”
Remy’s eyes get more intense, if possible, and the half-smile returns to his face. “I actually think it’s really cute, seeing you get so flustered like that.”
His velvety voice makes me feel warm all over, and now I’m flushing for a totally different reason. Just when I think I’m about to be driven mad by the combination of him calling me cute with that voice and staring into his eyes, he smiles warmly and gets our conversation back on track.
“Tell me about your job at the grocery store.”
I smile gratefully and take a sip of my soda before answering. “It was a local place a couple blocks away from my apartment. I worked there for like a year, mostly stocking shelves, putting price stickers on stuff, occasionally bagging groceries or working the cash register. The owners were this older couple from Germany and they were really mean, but I liked them.”
“That sounds better than cutting down trees and shit.” He laughs. “What made you get the job in the first place?”
“I walked past there every day on my way to and from school, and I always stopped in to get a snack or a drink. Plus, I bought our groceries from there too. I was in there often enough that Matilda, the owner, yelled at me one day and said I might as well get to work if I was going to hang around as much as I did.”
It’s been a while since I’ve thought about Matilda and her husband, Friedrich, or anything to do with my job at their store.
Remy’s eyes soften and he lowers his voice. “So, why’d you leave? It sounds like you loved it.”
After staring at him for a moment, I’m pretty sure he already knows the answer. I smile sadly and shake my head. “I just never showed up one day.”
He taps his fingers against the table and stares back at me. It’s like he wants to ask me, but seems really unsure if he should or not. Eventually, he gives into his curiosity. “Because you went to juvie?”
I nod my head and let out a breath before whispering, “Yeah.”
Remy leans over the table, still keeping his voice low and soft. “I’m really sorry you ever had to spend any time there at all.”
I lean closer to him, totally unable to help myself. I whisper back, “I’m sorry you did too. How, um, how long were you there?”
He hesitates, and I’m slightly taken aback when I see panic flash across his eyes. “Two years.”
My mouth drops in horror and surprise. “Two years?”
He looks hurt at my reaction and sits up straight, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “Um, yeah...”
My heart is totally breaking for him, and I want him to realize I’m horrified for him. Not because of him. I reach out and place my hand gently on top of his.
“Remy, my god, I can’t even imagine. I was there for six months the first time, and that felt like forever. Like time completely stood still in there, in the worst way possible.”
Remy flips his hand over so our palms are touching. It’s like we’re holding hands, but not quite, and he gives me a totally dazzling smile. “Hey, it’s alright. I mean, yeah, it really sucked, but it’s been a really long time now. I was thirteen when I was released, and I came here. My grandma took me in and she’s seriously amazing. And the guys are like, I don’t know, like my brothers, you know? They’re the strongest, most loyal people I’ve ever met.”
It’s like he’s let his guard down. He’s been super friendly and sweet to me up until this point, but the way he’s smiling at me now and opening up makes me feel like he was only being quiet before because he was holding back.
“I’m glad,” I say quietly, hoping he can feel how happy I am that he’s here now and that he found such amazing friends like that, even if I can’t find the words to express myself.
He slowly threads his fingers through mine and his eyes brighten. Both dimples are fully on display now, and I don’t know if my heart can fully handle it.
“I’ll tell you my favorite thing about juvie if you tell me yours.”
I snort and giggle in surprise. “My favorite thing? I’m pretty sure every moment I spent there was hell.”
He brushes his thumb over my knuckles and teases, “Come on, there has to be one thing that was just a little less horrible than everything else.”
I roll my eyes, hiding the fact that the way he’s holding my hand is making me feel stupid and giddy. I know the other boys held my hands earlier, but this feels different.
“Alright.” I give in. “The school part of being there was a complete joke, and the teachers didn’t care if you paid attention in lessons or turned in assignments at all. So, sometimes I’d just read a book all day instead of listening, and I’d totally get away with it.”
He stops moving his thumb, and he smiles so brightly I swear he’s trying to kill me. “You like to read?”
My eyes light up and my voice gets dreamy. “Yes, I love to read more than anything else in the world.” Feeling slightly embarrassed for admitting it like that, I clear my throat and give him a teasing smile. “You’re supposed to tell me your favorite thing about juvie now.”
“You’re right.” He smiles. “Well, about six months after being there, my therapist wanted to try out art therapy. He didn’t seem to really know what he was doing with the whole concept, but up until that point, I had completely shut down and I wouldn’t talk to anyone or react to anything. And it was sort of like waking up in a weird way.” His voice gets deeper and quieter, and almost dreamy too. “I started spending every possible moment drawing, and now art is such a big part of my life. It scares me sometimes, to think of what I�
�d be like if I hadn’t started drawing or if that therapist didn’t push me to participate that day.”
I’m extremely touched by his story, and the fact that he’d share that with me. Staring into his intense eyes, it’s like something clicks in my head.
“You draw?”
He nods and gives me another half-smile, like he’s proud and embarrassed at the same time. “I paint too, but I draw more. Painting is definitely more expensive than drawing.”
“God, that makes so much sense.” It pops out of my mouth before I have a chance to think it through.
He laughs in surprise and his eyes get all crinkly. “What?”
Ugh, stupid brain! I’m going to have to explain myself. I take a long drink of my soda, trying to buy myself time. There’s no getting around saying something totally weird, so I decide to be honest and say what’s on my mind.
“You have artist eyes. I’ve been trying to figure out why I feel so nervous whenever you’re looking at me because it feels like you can see into my soul or something. Sebastian has them too, but I didn’t really pick up on it until he started taking pictures of me earlier.”
He’s quiet, giving me the strangest look. I can’t imagine what he’s going to say. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.
Eventually, he starts brushing his thumb over the back of my hand again, and his voice gets even deeper and more velvety. “I didn’t realize I made you nervous. Not specifically like that, anyways. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay!” I widen my eyes. I didn’t mean to make him feel bad when I admitted that. “Do you want to draw me?”
He opens his mouth in surprise, and his hand goes still. Oh god, I’m such a moron. And I know I’m probably blushing like crazy.
I laugh awkwardly and shrug. “Okay, that sounded weird and conceited when I said it out loud. I just thought, I don’t know, Sebastian seemed really nervous to ask if he could take my picture earlier even though he really wanted to? So, if you want to draw me, you can. I mean, I guess it might make me feel self-conscious at first, but I want to make you happy because you’ve been totally sweet to me since the first night I got here.”
Remy
I can already tell this girl is going to be my undoing. My heart is beating so loud in my chest, I’m surprised she can’t hear it.
“You have artist eyes.”
I know my brain is going to be replaying her voice in my head, saying that over and over. And now she’s offering to let me draw her, which is something a girl has only said to me in my wildest dreams. Only this is better, or maybe worse, because Charlotte is without a doubt the most stunning girl I’ve ever seen in my life. And also because I’m pretty sure the other guys are all crushing on her too.
But I mean, we’re connecting right now, right? She hasn’t pulled her hand away from me yet. I’ve been trying not to flirt with her all day, but like Grayson said earlier, it’s kind of impossible. Girls at school usually stay as far away from me as possible, and the guys have nearly as hard of a time as I do. I don’t think she’s flirting with me. I’m pretty sure she’s just being sweet by offering to let me draw her. So, I’m confused and I can’t figure out what to say.
I decide to say screw it. If she doesn’t seem into it, I’ll back off. I’ve been way too quiet for too long. I have to say something after she rambled on so nervously like that.
“Would you feel weird if I said I’ve already drawn you?”
Her lips part, and she blinks those mesmerizing doe eyes. If I wasn’t so anxious about her reaction, I’d focus on trying to figure out the exact color of her eyes. I’ve been driving myself crazy at home every night, combining practically every shade of green and gold with my paints trying to get the color right.
“You have?” Her voice is quiet, but after her initial shock at my question, she does that thing where her facial expression is totally blank, so it’s impossible to tell what she’s thinking.
“Yeah.” I laugh awkwardly and look down at the table. “I wanted to draw you the moment you walked through Arthur and Sebastian’s front door.”
“Oh god,” she whispers, widening her eyes. “When I was all scruffy looking with bruises on my face? You drew me like that? That’s terrible!”
I’m nodding my head and not thinking through what I’m saying anymore. It’s like my ‘artist brain’ is taking over my mouth and I’m thinking about how she looked when we met, and about the picture I drew of her the moment I got home that night.
“Yeah, you’ve got incredible bone structure and your eyes are crazy huge. And that night, your clothes and the bruises and how your hair was all tangled up, it was such an interesting contrast to how pretty you are. I’ve never been so excited to draw anyone before.”
She looks horrified and I seriously want to punch myself in the face. Why am I such an idiot? By attempting to fix the situation, I end up putting my foot in my mouth again.
“I mean, you look great now too! Better even. Or, not better, but just...happier?”
Jesus Christ, just stop talking Remy! Her cheeks are bright red, so I know she’s embarrassed. It only makes her look more beautiful, and I’m already thinking about what colors I’d use if I were going to paint her right now. I slowly pull my hand away from hers even though I don’t want to. I know it’s going to kill me if she does it first, and she’s probably only holding my hand to be nice.
Charlotte gives me this small, timid smile and pushes her glasses up on her nose. “Happier, definitely, but probably not as interesting to draw, right?”
I feel the stupid moony smile appear on my face, and once again, I open my mouth without thinking. “No way, I’d totally love to draw you right now.”
She giggles, still blushing prettily. “Well, thank you, I guess.”
“You’re welcome.” I don’t know what else to say, and honestly, I’m relieved she’s not freaking out or running away.
She’s quiet, sipping on her soda and glancing around the arcade. Maybe I should offer to play some more games with her? I guess we could go back to where the other guys are, but I want to keep hanging out with her alone a little longer. My friends are a lot more outgoing than I am, especially Elliot and Grayson. I don’t know if I can compete with them trying to get her attention, and I just, I really wanna get to know her better.
“I think it’s really great that you found something you love and that you’re passionate about.” She slowly turns back toward me and meets my eyes, smiling brilliantly. “And you’re lucky you made such amazing friends. I’ve never had close friends like that. I’m actually pretty jealous of you guys for it, to be honest.”
“Don’t be jealous.” I laugh. “You know you’re basically stuck with us after today now, right? If Arthur hadn’t insisted on us ‘giving you space’ or whatever, you would have been spending every day with us this past week.”
She quickly finishes her soda and hops down from her chair. I sit up straight, about to get up and follow her. “I’m afraid to get my hopes up, but I still hope you’re right. I’ve had a lot of fun today so far.” She smiles and takes a step away from the table. “I’ll be right back. I just need to go to the bathroom really quick.”
As soon as she’s out of sight, I smooth my hair down and pull my phone out of my pocket. Before I can check to see if I have any messages, Elliot sits down in front of me where Charlotte was sitting a few minutes ago.
I shouldn’t be surprised that he was lurking nearby, and as soon as I see the stupid wolfish grin on his face, I know he’s going to start teasing me.
“Well.” He chuckles. “You and Charlotte sure looked cozy.”
I snort and scowl at him. “Shut the fuck up. She probably thinks I’m an idiot now.”
He raises his eyebrows and grins wider. “Why’s that?” When I don’t answer right away, he rolls his eyes. “Come on, it can’t be worse than Sebastian. Have you heard him talk to her?”
I thought it was hilarious earlier, watching Sebastian spazz out around her. Bu
t god, I really am just as bad. I sigh and hold my hands out in a shrug.
“I fucking told her I like her bone structure and that she has big eyes.”
Elliot’s quiet for all of two seconds before he bursts out laughing. When he’s still laughing several seconds later, I flip him off, but he just cracks up even more.
“God, this summer’s going to be perfect. She’s turning you all into morons, and it’s hilarious! And it’s fucking awesome that there’s an even number in our group now, so nobody ever has to be left out of shit.”
I tap my fingers against the table and smile at him. “She’s not turning you into a moron then?”
He grins and shrugs. “I was already a moron before, so it’s nothing new for me.”
I glance toward the direction of the bathrooms, keeping an eye out for Charlotte. I know I told her she’s pretty much stuck with us now, and she made it sound like she was happy about that. But Elliot sounds so sure she’s going to stick around with us.
“You really think she’ll want to be friends with us like that? What about once school starts and she meets other people?”
Elliot looks confused, like he has no idea what I’m talking about. “Of course I’m sure. She’s one of us.”
Chapter Ten
I smooth my hair down and smile at myself in the bathroom mirror. Remy is right. I do look happier, much happier than I’ve looked in a long time. I don’t even mind my stupid glasses so much right now. My heart skips a beat when I think about everything else Remy said, and about him drawing me. I’m not saying I think he likes me or that he was necessarily flirting with me, but when he said all that, I’ve never felt prettier in my life.
When I come out of the bathroom, I look at the Mario Kart game and smile fondly to myself. I really, truly can see myself being really good friends with these guys. I was always so freaking shy, even when I was young. After my dad died and my mom changed, I was scared to get close to anyone. And maybe it’s premature and I am totally getting my hopes up, but I’m definitely already super attached to every single one of the boys.
Smile Like You Mean It (Charlotte Reynolds Book 1) Page 9
