by Linde, K. A.
“You’re the best, Peyton.”
Isaac raised his eyebrow. “You’re going to give a speech?”
I frowned. “I couldn’t exactly say no.”
He rubbed my arm. “It’s going to be fine.”
I took comfort in his reassurance, but I sure didn’t feel it. I didn’t know why it was different, being on a stage and dancing compared to speaking. I had just the right amount of nerves before I got up to dance my parts. Those were only natural. But I didn’t have to say a thing. My body expressed everything that I needed to say. Speaking was entirely different, and those pre-stage nerves had nothing on this.
By the time Cassidy was ready for me, I was full-on shaking. “God, I need to get it together.”
“Hey, hey,” Isaac said. “Just look at me.”
I looked deep into his eyes, and in that moment, I felt grounded. I could do anything. I didn’t have to give this speech to everyone. I could just give it to him.
“You’re going to do great,” he told me.
“Thanks,” I whispered and then broke away to stand before the crowd.
My palms were sweating, and my heart was already ratcheting back up, but every time I felt out of control, I brought my gaze back to Isaac. It was a short speech. Really more of a thank-you than anything. Nothing more than what Kathy had said at the beginning of the night. But still, by the end of it, I was uncomfortable and damn glad it was over.
When everyone left the room, I collapsed into a chair. “This was not how I’d thought this night was going to go.”
Isaac chuckled and sat down next to me. “No, me neither.”
“What did you expect?” I asked him hopefully.
“Well, I wanted to ask you out.”
“Oh!”
He shrugged. “Feels like maybe too much with everything else going on.”
“I’m only here for a month, Isaac,” I warned him.
“I know. And I know that should matter to me.” He reached out and took my hand. “But it doesn’t.”
My heart thumped a whole new rhythm in my chest. This was one of hope. I’d wanted Isaac Donoghue for as long as I could remember. It felt too right when I was with him. Saying no now would be absurd. Even if there was only a month…at least we’d have a month.
“Okay, I’d like that.”
10
Peyton
Kathy had a healthy, bouncing baby girl named Lily.
And in her next breath, she named me the interim artistic director.
In my shock, the only answer I could find was yes.
Cassidy had spent all day on the phone, trying to find someone to take over. The interim AD, who had planned to come in January, couldn’t be here earlier than Christmas. She was running her own Nutcracker until then. And every other person that Cassidy could get to take her call couldn’t do it. Everything was too short of notice. What person in their right mind would come in as the artistic director the day before opening night?
Me.
I was that idiot.
Luckily, I had more than twenty years of experience with The Nutcracker, and I had played every role. Though I didn’t know all the choreography for this Nutcracker since Kathy had clearly re-choreographed some of the roles to her company members’ strengths, I could at least get us through the last day of run-throughs and a full-dress rehearsal. And I did.
Dress rehearsal wasn’t a complete disaster. Though I was ready to strangle Katelyn Lawson by the end of it. She had taken every opportunity to insert herself where she didn’t belong. If she did that tonight, during opening night, then I was going to personally kick her out of the pre-professional company. I really didn’t know how Kathy had dealt with her. If anyone acted like that at the School of American Ballet, they would be sent home. No questions asked.
Luckily, I hadn’t heard a peep from her as we got ready for curtain rise. Nick had, thankfully, agreed to speak to the crowd. I had no interest in public speaking again, and our executive director was charismatic as hell. Let him work his magic while I stayed backstage.
“All set, Peyton,” Cassidy said with a head nod.
“Good. Drosselmeyer is in position?”
Cassidy listened into her headset. “Yes, we’re ready. Ten minutes.”
A whispered chorus of, “Ten minutes,” rang out to the other dancers.
A smile came to my face. At least all of this felt familiar. I stepped into the backstage area, crowded with young dancers in long dresses and suits and a few lonely mice, chatting excitedly.
A hand tapped my tights. “Miss Peyton?”
I turned in surprise to find the tiniest little mouse of them all. I knelt down before her. “What can I do for you, Aly?”
Her mouse head was off, and she had a furrow in her brow. “I don’t think that I can do this.”
I raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Why not? You’ve been wonderful in rehearsals.”
“But this isn’t rehearsal. This is the show!” she answered emphatically, as if that made a difference. “There are people out there, watching. What if it’s not perfect?”
“Want to know a secret?”
Aly nodded.
“No one is perfect. Not even me.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I messed up onstage once, and you know what I did?”
She shook her head.
“I went back out onstage, and I did it right the next time. The only way we get better is to keep trying…even if it’s not perfect.”
Aly sighed heavily with all the drama of a five-year-old. “But I don’t want to mess up.”
“Let me show you something.” I stood and held my hand out, which she took easily. I stepped back through the door that led to the wings.
The professional company stood in clusters, stretching and practicing particularly difficult turns to warm up. They all grinned as I walked a small mouse through them. A few even waved at Aly and said her name reassuringly. Distraction was also a good method, and Aly was well loved among the company.
I stopped right at the corner of the curtain. I held my finger to my mouth, and Aly nodded solemnly. Then, I pulled the curtain aside, barely an inch, so that we could both see out to the awaiting crowd.
And it was packed. My heart lurched with excitement and a flutter of nerves. Even the greatest dancers in the world got pre-show jitters. Which was why I didn’t blame Aly at all. This was her first real show. I couldn’t even remember mine, but I was sure that I’d been nervous.
“When I was a little girl, almost as young as you, I had stage fright, too.”
Aly’s eyes widened. “You?”
I put my finger to my mouth again and tried not to laugh. Her whisper hadn’t quite been a whisper. “My favorite dance teacher told me, when I got nervous, I should look to this special place in the audience, and it would make me feel better.”
“There’s a special place to look?” she asked in awe.
I nodded and pointed. “You see that spot where you look up, right past the bottom level of seating, but not up to the balconies? It’s a black spot, where they direct the music.”
“I see it,” she said in excitement.
“That’s where you look, and poof, nerves go away.” I let the curtain fall shut. “So, when you’re onstage, if you get nervous, then you just find that spot, and everything will clear right up.”
“Wow,” Aly said with wide-eyed adoration. “Thank you, Miss Peyton.”
Then, with a grin, she darted away. I could hear her giggling with her friends from here until a stage parent shushed them. I just laughed softly and went back to Cassidy.
“You’re so good with her,” Cassidy said.
I flushed and was glad she couldn’t see it with the dark lighting and pound of makeup on my face. “There’s always someone who’s nervous before the first show.”
“Well, I thought it was adorable. Isaac would be happy to know you’re looking after his baby.”
I blushed an even deeper, darker red.
<
br /> “That’s Nick’s cue,” Cassidy said after listening to her headset a moment.
I cleared my throat, putting the thought of Aly and Isaac out of my head. “Everyone, to your places. Quickly.”
Then, the performance began in a flurry of rushing dancers preparing to take flight. The curtain rose, Drosselmeyer took stage in his workshop, and we were off. Cassidy handled the stage while I did final directions for the dancers until it was my time to perform the pas de deux.
I left all my troubles behind and soared into my role. Everything disappeared while I graced the stage, turning and leaping and floating before a full crowd. And when the audience went wild and the final curtain dropped, then, and only then…did I feel my knee.
A breath rushed out of me, and I leaned heavily into my right side. Everyone was so excited about how well opening night had gone that no one noticed me stumble back into the dressing room, where I washed down an ibuprofen with a giant bottle of water.
I had already changed into street clothes and had my dance bag over my shoulder before the dressing room was flooded with the company.
Cassidy found me and drew me into a big hug. “That was incredible. I’ve never seen anyone dance that role like you.”
“Oh, thank you, Cass. What do I need to do to help you clean up?”
She waved me away. “Go enjoy your night. I can take care of it.”
“Oh no, are you sure?”
“People will want to congratulate you. It’s opening night.”
“All right. But if you need help tomorrow night…”
“I will let you know,” she said with a laugh.
I ignored the pain in my knee and headed out the door to the lobby. This time, instead of being bombarded with overeager donors, I was bombarded with an even more eager group—my family.
A cheer went up at my entrance, and tears came to my eyes when I saw everyone I loved standing in one place. My mom and dad were there, holding a giant bouquet of flowers. Piper stood with her not-boyfriend, Bradley, and Peter was with his definite-boyfriend, Jeremy. Even my abuelita, Nina, had made it, looking as proud and strong as ever despite only being four foot nine.
When I had been young, we’d throw a party the year that each of us grew taller than Nina. We thought it was a great accomplishment to be taller than our grandmother. And she’d always reveled in the day, bestowing gifts on whoever had managed such a height and reminding everyone that she was still the smartest among us.
Abuelita came forward and wrapped me in a hug. “My Peyton, you looked wonderful out there tonight.”
“Gracias, abuelita.”
“Que es esto? You cannot visit your grandmother now when you come home?”
I laughed and squeezed her tighter. “I have been busy, but I will be sure to visit.”
My parents saved me by stepping forward and handing me the large bouquet. I hugged each of them as they lavished compliments on me.
Piper grabbed me next. “Even better than New York.”
“No way,” I said at once.
My family had come out almost every year to see me in a performance. They had seen too many Nutcrackers to count.
“Yes,” Piper said. “You really lived in this one.”
“Thank you,” I said honestly.
“Nice work,” Bradly said with a head nod.
“Yeah, it was okay,” Peter said with a shrug.
I punched him in the arm. “Jerk.”
He laughed. “Honestly, it would have been better if Jeremy hadn’t spent the entire time discussing the merits of the ballet story to the actual children’s literature.”
Jeremy shrugged. “They bastardized the story.”
I just laughed and shook my head as Jeremy launched into some explanation about lit theory that I had no chance of following.
Isaac wandered over then with his parents, Annie, and Aly, who was carrying a bouquet of flowers nearly as big as she was. My parents gave each of them hugs and offered praise to Aly, who bounced around with excitement for the completion of her first dance.
“I just wanted to say thank you,” he said once we finally had a moment to talk.
“For what?”
“Aly told me that you helped her not to be nervous.”
“Oh,” I said, flushing.
“She had been nervous all day, and I didn’t know how to fix it.”
“Just…tricks of the trade. Nothing big.”
“But it was,” he said with that same perfect smile. “And I appreciate it. Are we still on for Wednesday?”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Can’t wait.”
Once my parents said hello to every person they knew in the entire lobby, we all finally retreated to the row of cars. I got into Piper’s Jeep while she spent the next ten minutes chatting with Bradley and then leaving before he could kiss her. I didn’t even have the energy to ask about that.
When we got home, I went straight for the freezer and filled an entire bag with ice.
Piper watched with wide eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Icing.” I sank into the couch and expertly wrapped my knee with the ice packet.
“You said you were better.”
“I am,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Peyton!”
“It’s preventative,” I lied.
She dropped down next to me. “Why are you dancing if you’re still hurt?”
“I’m not hurt.”
She nudged my knee, and I yelped. “Peyton?”
“I’m fine,” I said with a glare. “I am, like, ninety-five percent better, Pipes. Knees just take a long time to heal, and then they can give you trouble forever.”
“Are you causing more damage by dancing?”
“No.”
But if I were completely honest, I had no idea.
11
Peyton
Blaire whistled at me as I stepped out of the back bedroom on Wednesday evening.
I’d rushed back from rehearsal and taken the fastest shower in existence. My hair, which always took nearly an hour to blow-dry, miraculously worked with me, and I managed to get it mostly dry in thirty minutes. I’d grabbed a pair of bootcut jeans and an oversize sweater. A wave of mascara and a dollop of lipstick later, and I had a whole three minutes to spare before Isaac picked me up.
“That’s encouraging,” I said with a laugh.
“Are you going on a date?”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Isaac asked me out.”
Blaire’s eyes widened. “This is so exciting! His first date since his wife died.”
I nearly choked on those words and sank into the seat opposite her. “What?”
“Oh God, did I just ruin it?” She tugged her baseball hat over her eyes. “Forget I ever said that.”
“Well, now, I can’t.” I jerked the hat off of her head. “He hasn’t dated since Abby died?”
She slowly shook her head. “No. The guys tried to set him up on blind dates and shit, but he wasn’t interested. He always says that Aly is his whole life.”
“Why…is he going out with me then?”
Blaire shrugged once but grinned. “You must be special.”
There was a pulse in my chest of excitement at that thought but also…fear. Maybe I shouldn’t have ever agreed to this. If this was his first date in five years, then there would be expectations…right?
Before I could second-guess it, a knock came from the door. When I answered it, I found Isaac standing in the doorway, holding a bouquet of flowers.
“Oh my goodness,” I whispered. “Those are for me?”
“No, I brought them for Blaire,” he deadpanned
Blaire hopped up. “I’ll take them!”
I laughed, taking the flowers out of his hand and bringing them to my nose. “They’re beautiful.”
Blaire winked at us. “I’ll put them in a vase. You two go have fun.”
“Thanks, Blaire,” I said, passing her the flowers.
“Shall we?” Isaac a
sked.
I nodded and followed him out to his truck. It didn’t hit me until I sank into the passenger seat that this was really happening. I was going on a date with Isaac Donoghue. The first one we’d been on since we were seventeen years old. It was surreal that I still had the same butterflies rattling around my stomach that I’d had when we first did this.
I tucked my legs into a pretzel and then reached for the radio dial, turning it up so I could hear the ’80s rock song coming in through the speakers.
“Two minutes in my car, and you’ve already taken over the radio.”
“You’re not new here,” I told him with a laugh as I started singing along to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” “Plus, isn’t this your favorite song?”
“Don’t bring logic into this,” he said, sliding his eyes to mine with a smile.
My stomach lurched. I wished I knew what magic he unfurled in my presence to make me such a young dope all over again. But in that moment, I didn’t mind. It was nice to just be for once. Not have to worry about dance or anything else. Just me and Isaac.
“So, where are you taking me?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Fine,” I grumbled, flipping the heat up.
“Are you cold? Shouldn’t you be used to it after living in New York?”
“For your information, I’ve never gotten used to the cold. Even in New York, it still chills me to the bone. And anyway, Lubbock has that weird weather thing.”
He laughed. “What weird weather thing?”
“You know, where it’s bright and sunny and seventy-five in the morning, and by the night, it’s freezing and snowing and eleven degrees. It happens every year.”
“But it’s still fifty here. I don’t think that’s happened yet.”
“Yet! But it will.”
He just shook his head at me.
“What’s Aly doing tonight?” I asked curiously.
“She’s with Annie,” he told me, veering the truck deeper south. I had a sense of where we were going, but I wasn’t sure. “Annie just passed her last exams for the semester, so she’s off until January.”
“That’s great. I’m sure Aly likes to spend time with her aunt.”
