“Thanks for hanging out with me,” she said.
“Anytime.” I would drop just about anything to spend time with her, and I couldn’t imagine my brother doing the same. I really wished she could see that, and I still couldn’t understand why she liked Owen rather than me.
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked.
I nodded though my thoughts were still fixated on my brother. Hayley turned to leave, but I reached out a hand to stop her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yes,” she replied.
I took a deep breath in before I spoke. “Why Owen? What is it about him that you like so much?”
Her eyes lit with surprise, and I knew this was the last question she expected to be asked. When she didn’t answer after several long seconds, I quickly backtracked. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want. I’m just curious.”
“No, it’s fine,” she said, though her eyes were troubled. “I’m just trying to figure out how to answer.”
Her forehead creased in a cute frown, and I got the feeling her answer wasn’t simple. If she just liked him because he was popular or hot, she probably would have blurted that out by now.
“I guess the reason I liked him for such a long time was because I always thought there was more to him than what everyone else saw.”
More too him? Were we talking about the same Owen? “Okay…”
“He seemed to have this deep soul, and his cocky attitude was just a wall he’d put up to hide it, like he was too scared to show the world who he really was.”
I barely had words to respond her. She was not describing my brother. There was simply no way. I’d barely spent any time with him over the last few years though. Could I somehow have missed the part where my brother got a soul? “What makes you think that?”
Her cheeks warmed a little at the question. “You’ll probably think it’s stupid, but it was back in middle school. We had to write a poem for English and read it out to the class. Owen’s poem wasn’t what I expected. His words were beautiful and moving. They struck a chord in me, and I knew then that he wasn’t the guy everyone thought he was.”
“A poem?” I murmured. “What poem?”
“We were supposed to write a personal reflection poem. I can’t remember exactly what he wrote. Only what I felt when I heard it. He talked about how he was nothing more than a shadow cast by a flame that burnt so bright. How his soul felt caged and blocked from sight.”
A cold wave of shock crashed over me. They were my words. She hadn’t gotten them exactly right, but that was the poem I’d written in seventh grade. And it seemed as though my brother, who had been in a different class than me, had stolen the poem and passed it off as his own. I’d always thought I’d simply lost the piece of paper I’d written it on. I guess I was wrong.
The fact he’d taken something so personal from me made me feel sick to my stomach. The poem hadn’t been about hiding a true personality behind a confident smile, like Hayley thought. It was about how all anyone could see was my brother and that I was nothing more than a shadow in his wake. It was the first time I’d ever expressed that in any way, and I couldn’t believe he’d stolen it.
“Anyway,” she continued. “I guess after he read it out, I started to see how much more there was to him and I liked what I saw.”
Hayley liked my brother because of words that I had written. The realization hit me like a runaway truck. If Hayley had heard me read the poem aloud in seventh grade, would she have liked me instead? I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around how messed up this situation was.
“You think it’s stupid,” she said.
I blinked several times, realizing I’d been staring at her silently for far too long, and quickly went to answer. “No, not stupid.”
“Then why are you looking at me so weirdly?”
“No reason.” I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t let her know that she’d been in love with a lie for years.
“There’s totally a reason. Spill.”
“No. It’s nothing,” I said. “I’m just amazed that you can remember a poem from so long ago.”
She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Like I said, it struck a chord with me. Do you think I’m an idiot for liking a guy because of a poem?”
“I could never think you’re an idiot.”
A small smile curved the corner of her lips. “Well, anyway, now you know why I started to like him.”
“Now, I know,” I agreed.
“And I should get going. Unless you have any other burning questions you want to ask…”
“Not that I can think of.”
“Okay, well, I’ll see you in the morning.” She jumped up and gave me a brief peck on the cheek before she turned and walked away.
As I watched her leave, I started to wish I’d never asked her why she liked Owen. There was nothing I could do to change the past, and I was torn about how much I should tell her now. It would devastate Hayley to learn the feelings she’d developed for my brother were based on a poem he didn’t write, but could I really let her continue to believe she liked a guy who didn’t exist? My brother wasn’t the guy she thought he was.
I stood on my doorstep long after Hayley was gone. A lot had changed since Owen read that poem in class. Years had passed, and if Hayley still had feelings for him, I had to believe they were based on the guy he’d become. The poem was merely a catalyst, and if she saw more to Owen than everyone else did, then who was I to doubt her feelings?
Still, as I thought back over our conversation, one small thing kept hope alive within me: if she’d liked Owen because of my poem, then perhaps I had a real chance with her.
17
Hayley
I went to Ethan’s place each night after school that week under the pretense of making Owen jealous and taking cute pictures of us for my Instagram feed. The truth behind my motives was far more sneaky though. I wasn’t there for the fake relationship at all; I simply liked hanging out with Ethan and wanted to do it as much as possible before we had to part ways.
Spending time with him really wasn’t helping put a halt to my growing feelings for him though. If anything, it was making them worse. They felt like some kind of leaky faucet, and the more you tried to turn it off, the more water came rushing out of it.
How was I supposed to stop liking the guy though? He had the cutest smile, and I was becoming slightly obsessed with those rare occasions when that smile turned into a laugh. He was also incredibly thoughtful. He always insisted on watching whatever I wanted on TV when we hung out. And he even spent one afternoon helping me learn the three chords you needed to play “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift on the guitar.
I somehow managed to stumble my way through the song. It was meant to be an easy guitar song to learn, but I was pretty hopeless. I might have learned more with a different teacher. It was far too distracting when Ethan moved to correct my fingers, and I often forgot to play if he sang along to the song. I had to keep reminding myself he was in love with someone else—and I was supposed to be too.
“How are things going with Owen?” Madi asked, as we walked into the cafeteria together on Friday.
“Owen?” Right, Owen, the guy I was supposed to be in love with. I’d spent a surprisingly small amount of time thinking about him this week. “We haven’t spoken since Monday.”
I hazarded a glance in the direction of the table he always ate lunch at. He was sitting next to Laurie and had his arm casually slung over her shoulder. They looked like the perfect couple as they laughed at a joke together. I waited for a twinge of jealousy to hit me, but instead, I felt nothing.
“But surely, you’ve seen him at Ethan’s house when you’ve been hanging out there after school?”
I focused on Madi once more. “I mean, I’ve seen him there, but he’s usually in his room. And when he’s around, Ethan and I are busy trying to make him jealous so he tends to storm off pretty quickly.”
Madi tilted her head as she
looked at me. “So, you’re still going ahead with the plan?”
“Obviously,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “Why else would I be spending so much time with Ethan?”
“Because he’s a sweet guy?”
“Well, that doesn’t hurt,” I muttered.
“What doesn’t hurt?” I turned to find Ethan standing behind me, and I smiled. His hair was scruffy today, and he pushed his glasses up his nose as he focused on me. I loved it when he wasn’t wearing the glasses because I could see his eyes so much clearer, but I was really starting to like them when they were on too. They gave off a cute nerd vibe that was hard to resist.
“I’ll see you guys over at the table,” Madi said, leaving us alone.
"So, what doesn’t hurt?” Ethan prompted, as he took hold of my hand and gave it a squeeze. I hoped the tingles I felt whenever he took my hand in his would stop over time, but they refused to go away.
“Nothing,” I quickly replied. The last thing I needed was for Ethan to hear I thought he was sweet. Things were going so well between us, and I really didn’t want him to find out how much I was beginning to like him. If he thought real feelings were developing on my side, he might put a stop to the plan. He wasn’t the kind of guy who would ever lead a girl on, and I knew he didn’t feel the same way about me. No, he liked a different cheerleader.
I couldn’t stop myself from glancing toward the popular table where most of the cheerleaders sat. It was something I’d been doing more frequently this week as I tried to figure out who Ethan liked. All the girls on the squad were beautiful, but for many of them, that beauty was only skin-deep. They could be nice enough when they wanted something, but for the most part, their smiles hid how unpleasant they truly were. I liked a couple of the girls well enough, but even the ones I liked didn’t seem worthy of Ethan. No one did.
“Checking out my brother again?” Ethan asked, having caught the direction I was looking in.
I blushed and shook my head. “Actually, I was thinking about our next move for the plan.”
A flicker of doubt crossed Ethan’s eyes, but it cleared pretty quickly. He probably thought I was too embarrassed to admit I was watching Owen. His brother was smack bang in the middle of all the cheerleaders, so it I could see why Ethan thought I was focused on his twin.
He moved slightly closer as he went to respond. “Okay… So, what’s the next move?”
“Something I’m not sure you’re going to like.”
“Why do you sound so nervous? Should I be afraid?”
“Very.”
For some reason, my warning didn’t seem to affect him and he grinned. “Okay, I’m terrified. What are you thinking?”
“Well, there’s a party this weekend at Tanner’s house. Owen will be there, and most of the cheerleaders are going, so I was thinking we should make an appearance.” I injected far too much false enthusiasm into my voice, but it was better than saying it in a tone that reflected how I truly felt. I was hardly excited by the idea of going to the party and trying to get Ethan’s mystery cheerleader to notice him. I wanted him to be with the girl he dreamed of, but I couldn’t imagine any of those girls making him happy.
Ethan’s mouth crinkled downward at my suggestion. “A party?”
“Yeah. It could be fun.”
Ethan looked far from convinced though. “I don’t really do parties, and I doubt Tanner wants me to crash.”
“I know you don’t really go to parties, but I think you should make an exception for this one. And Tanner’s parties aren’t exactly exclusive. Anyone can go.”
“And you want us to go together.”
“Yeah.”
Still Ethan paused. I should have jumped on his hesitation and told him we didn’t have to go, but I was trying to help him. Ethan deserved everything he wanted in life, and this party might be my last opportunity to help him make his dream girl see what an amazing guy he was. It would be so much easier if he just told me who she was. Although, a large part of me didn’t really want to know.
“Look, I know you’re not crazy about the idea,” I said. “But prom is next weekend, and we’re running out of time to make Owen jealous.” His brother barely made the list of reasons I wanted to go to the party, but it was probably the only argument I could make that would get Ethan to go. Ethan definitely wasn’t a party guy.
“This might be our last chance,” I continued. “We can really ramp up our fake relationship at the party, and if he doesn’t want to take me to prom after that, then I think it’s safe to say we’ve done all we can. We can invite Isla and Colin too.”
Ethan’s eyes were troubled as he looked at me. He was silent for several long moments before he finally exhaled and nodded. “I guess we can go if that’s what you want.”
“Thanks, Ethan.”
We started walking toward our table, but I suddenly felt queasy. I normally loved going to parties, but the thought of Ethan ending the night in the arms of another girl made my stomach twist. I was trying to do the right thing by him, but sometimes, being selfless really sucked.
* * *
I didn’t go to Ethan’s house after school that day. He had practice with his band, and I was almost tempted to ask if I could come watch. I loved hearing them play, and I knew Isla went to their rehearsals. It felt too forward to ask though. It was something a real girlfriend would want, not a fake one.
Instead, I lazed on the couch in the living room and flicked on Netflix. I couldn’t be bothered searching through the crazy amount of shows looking for something to watch, so I put on an old favorite: The Vampire Diaries. I somehow managed to get through several episodes before I was disturbed.
“Ugh, please don’t tell me you’re watching this crap again,” Kitty said, as she entered the room.
I ignored her comment and kept my eyes on the screen. There was clearly something wrong with my sister if she couldn’t appreciate the amazingness that was Damon and Stefan Salvatore. Who cared if the final seasons fell a bit flat when you had those guys to drool over?
I’d always thought it was crazy Elena was torn between the two siblings. Could it really be that hard to figure it out? But, as I watched it, I was struck by the fact I had my own set of problems with two brothers. There was Owen, the one I’d wanted for as long as I could remember but wasn’t as excited about as I had been. Then there was Ethan, who I wasn’t supposed to want but I was developing feelings for. Feelings I really needed to try to get rid of seeing as he liked someone else.
“This show is stupid,” Kitty grumbled.
I lifted an eyebrow and glanced over at where she was sitting on the couch. “And yet, you’re still watching it.”
She glared at me before looking back at the screen. My sister was nothing if not consistent in her loathing of me. Knowing her, she was probably intent on hating the show just because I liked it.
“I saw Ethan’s promposal,” she said.
I was more surprised she was actually striking up a conversation with me than I was about the fact she’d seen his performance.
“It was pretty great,” I replied.
“Pretty great? It was amazing. You don’t deserve to be with him.”
I knew Kitty was only saying that because she was being Kitty, but for once, I felt like she might be right. I didn’t deserve a guy as sweet as Ethan, and the more I got to know him, the more I realized he was totally out of my league.
The girl he liked was really lucky to have his affections. I almost felt angry with her for not noticing him. I mean, he ignored hot fan girls and agreed to fake date me because he liked her so much, and that was just the icing on a large cake of reasons why he was such a great guy.
The episode I was watching came to an end, and I held out the remote to Kitty. “You can watch something else if you want.”
She didn’t hesitate to snatch the remote. “You’re done?”
“Yeah, I’m done. I’ve got a busy weekend and I’m tired, so I might head to bed early tonight.”
“Whatever,” Kitty replied, already searching for a new show to put on.
I went up to my room and changed into my pajamas. As I readied myself for bed, I found myself glancing out the window and into Ethan’s room, yet again. It was something I’d realized I was doing a lot this week, and it had come to feel like a natural part of my day to check if he was there.
I smiled when I caught sight of him. He was sitting at his desk in shorts and a baggy T-shirt, strumming on his guitar with his eyes closed. From the way his lips were moving, I could tell he was singing, and a tendril of disappointment wrapped around me because I couldn’t hear his voice.
As I watched him, I noticed his window was open, so I leaned forward to open mine a crack. It slowly creaked upward until there was a small opening at the base of it, and the sound of Ethan’s guitar began drifting into my room. My whole body warmed as his dreamy voice joined the soft melody. His tone was so expressive, and I could feel the emotions of the song in every word.
I lay down on my bed and listened as he sang “Wonderwall” by Oasis. He hadn’t performed this song at their gig last weekend, but it was definitely worthy of being heard. I closed my eyes as I allowed the sound of his voice to sweep over me, lulling me toward sleep.
As I drifted off, one thought kept swirling around in my head. I wasn’t sure if you could be in love with a voice, but if you could, I had fallen for Ethan’s.
18
Hayley
Tanner really knew how to throw a party, and they’d become quite legendary over the last few years. His family had a large property on the outskirts of town. With no neighbors nearby and his parents usually away on business, it meant the music was always turned up to the max and people got far too drunk.
The Wrong Prom Date Page 17
