And the day after.
Nothing happens. The gym has been cleaned up. No mentioning of the body. No one coming to question me. It’s surreal.
On the third day, a metallic sounding voice in the loudspeaker announces: “Lucas Payne. Visitor.”
My heart makes a salto mortale. My very first, and very irrational thought, is Carmen. Then I realize it can only be someone from the organization.
I walk up to the gate and wait. Then I’m led through the same corridors as before. Everything is in need of maintenance here. The walls are an ugly bile green, as if someone threw up in a bucket and then used it for paint. They’re chipped and scratched. We stop in front of a door. One of the guards opens it and motions for me to enter.
I hesitate a moment, but I know I have no say, so I walk to whatever doom awaits me.
On a chair, by a table, sits a relaxed Eric Reed, as always impeccably dressed in a dark gray three-piece suit. He tilts his head in a greeting, his expression grim.
Swallowing hard, I fight the instinct to run, and instead sit on the chair opposite him. He regards me, then he bends, picks something up off the floor and tosses it over the table. It skids toward me and comes to a halt when I slam my hand down on it. It’s a plastic bag filled with clothes. My clothes.
I look up at him. “What’s this?”
“You’re one lucky son of a bitch, Payne. You’re free to go. Just stay out of my way, or I’ll fucking kill you no matter what the boss says.” His light green eyes are ice-cold, like frozen glaciers.
“Why?” I should just seize the opportunity and run, but I have to ask. Things are getting more surreal by the minute.
“Apparently the little whore you love so much got herself pregnant with Luci’s baby. He wants the boy. She wants you. There’s been arrangements made for an exchange.”
I gape. There are too many pieces of information at the same time. She’s alive. She’s around. She’s had a baby! His baby? I’m free?
“So… I’m free to go?”
Eric scoffs, his lips curled as he gives me a once-over. “You’re being picked up. Salvatore can’t risk you disappearing on him. But don’t worry. You’ll get your precious whore.”
I want to scream at him not to fucking call her that, but I’ll take it. For now. I’ll keep my mouth shut and play along.
“An exchange?”
He stands abruptly. “Are you deaf? Yes. Now get dressed for fuck’s sake.” He rips open the door and slams it shut, clearly not a happy camper.
I find all my stuff in the bag. My clothes. The keys to my apartment and car. My phone - the battery dead of course. My wallet. Everything is there. I get dressed faster than I’ve done before in my life and throw the orange jumpsuit on the floor, resisting the urge to spit on it. Pocketing my belongings, I then open the door and peek out. The same two guards as before escort me through the building and all the way out to a waiting car. Outside stands Christian, a cigarette in his hand. When he sees me, he tosses it and opens the back door.
“Get in, you piece of shit.”
Inside sit Ivan and Eric, both oozing of hostility. I guess I see their point. It’s one of the most uncomfortable rides in my life. No one says a word, but the poorly held-back loathing in their gazes makes me sit as if frozen. I shouldn’t exhale with relief as we reach the Salvatore residence, but I fucking do.
They escort me to his office, where I’ve stood so many times, seemingly on his side, awaiting orders.
Salvatore stands and walks around his desk with measured steps. We’re almost the same height, and contrary to many of the people he meets, I don’t have to crane my neck to look him in the eyes.
The punch to my stomach is sudden. I wasn’t prepared and didn’t have time to tense up. All air leaves my lungs as I double over. Christian and Eric grab my arms and pull me up. Salvatore hits me again and again. Face, stomach, face. He ends it by kneeing me in the groin. My knees fold and I fall to the floor, goosebumps racing along my back as nausea rises and falls in me from the searing agony between my legs. Blood drips from my nose and mouth and soaks into the expensive carpet. Now I know why he chose a red one.
“I am to deliver you alive. Your precious Carmen forgot to mention in what state.” He spits at me, the glob ending up on my cheek. “You piece of shit. You absolute fucking snake. And to think I took you in, gave you a chance.”
I wipe off the spit and rise on unsteady knees, the pain from my balls shooting all the way to my scalp.
“What the fuck did you expect?” I grit out.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He glares at me with utter contempt. Christian and Eric stand behind me, silent.
“You knew we were together. You knew it, and you did everything to crush her, to crush me.” I spit blood on his precious oriental carpet. “Guess you failed, huh?”
His punch nearly knocks me unconscious. I fall. Their voices are muted, as if from a distance.
“Lock up the fucker. Out of my sight. The exchange will be tonight.”
“I’ve got the tickets,” says Eric. “Nineteen hundred. I also got the passports.”
I have no idea what they’re talking about, and as they drag me away, only one thing plays on repeat in my mind. Carmen. She’s alive, and she’s saved my life.
Carmen
Elena drives us in her Mercedes. It’s old, but well maintained. I have five tickets. Three for now, for the baby, Elena and myself. They’re only for the exchange. Then I have tickets for Lucas and myself, to get the hell out of here for good and never look back.
I look at David where he sits in his seat. Elena borrowed one from somewhere. I really do hope he’ll be all right, that there will be some paternal instincts in the monster. I hope he’ll find a woman, a nanny, someone who will hug the boy. He doesn’t have to grow up a monster himself. He has pieces of me in him. He can be good, and decent.
My chest tightens. Am I condemning him to Hell? What am I doing?
Still, the other choice is them killing Lucas, and that’s no choice at all. This is what has to happen.
Glancing out the windows, at the darkening sky, seeing the flight tower in the distance, I realize we’re nearly there. My mind spins. I’m so afraid that I can’t focus my gaze. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on breathing as we drive up in the parking garage, up, up we go and finally we come to a stop.
The engine is shut off and I open my eyes. Elena has turned, resting her arm on the seat, regarding me and the baby.
“Are you ready?”
“I’ll never be ready,” I say, paraphrasing what she said yesterday.
Elena nods. “It’s a good plan, though, Carmen. This will work.”
“What if they don’t have Lucas?”
“Then they’re not getting the baby. We won’t show ourselves until we’ve seen them with your boyfriend.”
“Elena…”
“Yes?”
“Will you please make sure he treats him—” My voice breaks. My heart aches. What am I doing?
“If I’m still in Salvatore’s good graces after this, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure this little boy is looked after and loved.”
I wipe off a tear that threatens to roll down my cheek. My insides are frozen, the lid firmly on. I can’t get emotional. Then I nod. “Okay.”
I cradle the little one, partially covered under my coat. I’ve pulled the hood up over my head, and Elena has on old worn jeans, sneakers and a hooded sweater. She always dresses like a lady in high heels and tight knee-long skirts, and this is so out of character that I can’t help but stare.
We steal nervous glances around us as we check in and move toward security. I don’t see anyone who seems suspiciously interested in us, and I don’t see anyone I recognize. We’re forty minutes early, hoping we’ll have time to find a spot where we can overlook the security gates without being seen, and hopefully see them coming.
We have one small bag each, to not wake anyone’s suspicions. Flying to Mexico wit
hout any luggage would seem odd to most people. Everything runs smoothly past security. We head for a table at the far end where we slowly begin to unpack our luggage and rearrange it, stalling, buying time and a reason to linger in the area.
There are people everywhere, and guards. Lots and lots of guards. If this doesn’t work, then nothing will. I’m so nervous, no, scared to death is more accurate, that my teeth chatter and my knees shake. Suddenly Elena stiffens and pokes my side. My head darts up, and I scan the crowd. She tilts her head and I look in the direction she indicates.
The air leaves my lungs as my mouth goes dry and my heart rate picks up. In the middle of the room, just having passed the checkpoints, stand four men I recognize. Eric, Christian, Salvatore, and… Lucas. My Lucas. My heart flips and I have to steel myself to not rush to him.
They look around, and when Salvatore’s gaze falls on me it’s an almost physical sensation. Phantom pains tighten the skin on my back. Flashes of men, of cum, and beatings rip through my mind and make my head spin.
Elena takes my hand. “It’s time. Give me the child.”
I have prepared for this. How can it be so hard? It’s not my child. Not the way it should be. He belongs with his father. And yet my arms are filled with lead as I let go and hand him to Elena. Salvatore follows our exchange, then our eyes meet again. He doesn’t look angry, or as if he wants revenge. He looks amused, filled with anticipation.
Eric pushes Lucas who turns his head and finds me. A shockwave rushes through me as our eyes meet. He’s swollen and blue. They’ve beaten him. I curl my lips in rage but quell it. We’re here now, and soon we’ll be free.
Elena looks at me and I nod. I lean over my baby, my David, and sniff his little soft head one last time, a thick lump forming in my chest. Biting my lip to stifle the sob that wants to escape me, I then straighten and force my face to stay neutral.
“Thank you,” I mouth, “for everything.”
“I’ll always remember you, Carmen. Take care of yourself. Take care of him. I think he needs it more than you think.”
Then she turns her back on me and moves toward the group of men. It’s as if invisible strings are being stretched, more and more tense the farther away she walks. I ache so bad I can barely breathe and my nose gets thick. Over at their end, they give Lucas a push and he starts walking.
He and Elena nod at each other as they meet halfway. He steals a glance at the baby, then he keeps walking.
I don’t see my son anymore, but I do see Lucas, for the first time in nearly six months. He’s badly bruised, but there’s hope in his eyes and I think I radiate the same because his face splits into a wide grin.
He glances behind him, as if he can’t believe he’s not being shot at, then he looks at me again and his mouth forms a ‘hi’.
Over at their end Elena has reached the group of men. Good God, I hope they won’t punish her. I’ll keep her in my prayers from now until the day I die. And David. My little boy.
Salvatore leans over the baby. I hold my breath. He glances up at me and our eyes meet. There’s an odd expression in them, something vulnerable, gratefulness.
Then they turn and Lucas reaches me.
Chapter 25
Carmen
No! No, I can’t! I’ll die!
My insides scream in the purest of agony, worse than anything I’ve felt in my life.
“Wait here,” I gasp.
Then I run. Everyone looks up. Passengers, guards. Everyone but the little group with their backs to me, leaving with my boy.
I grip his solid arm, pulling him to me. Salvatore spins on his heels and everything stops. Elena is still holding my son and my chest swells with emotions stronger than life. Love. Pure love and a need to be together.
“I need to talk to you.”
A small smile plays on Salvatore’s lips. “I always enjoy talking to you, my dear.”
I scoff. “Knock it off. Come.” Pushing at him is like pushing at a boulder, he’s immovable, but he lets me steer him. I take him to a spot just around the corner, but out of sight from the others. My heart nearly pounds its way out of my chest. I have everything to lose, and everything to win.
“What’s eating you, sweetheart? I thought you got what you wanted. The pup, and rid of the baby.”
I push him up against the wall, my sudden motion surprising him enough to actually stumble. “I’m not your sweetheart,” I sneer. “Now you listen to me. That baby needs me. You can’t take care of a child for shit, and you know it. You’d put him in the hands of nannies, strangers who would care for him, but not love him. My breasts are full of milk, my heart is full of love. I’m putting everything on the line here, and if you want to break me for real, this is your chance. Let me raise him. Let me be his mom.”
Salvatore looks positively stunned, his eyes roaming my face. Emotions I haven’t seen in him before flit through his gaze.
“You know it’s the best choice you can make,” I add.
“You’ve got some nerve, Carmen. A second ago you were so willing to leave him. Now you tell me you love him?”
“You don’t know anything. You have no idea of the bond that forms between a mother and her child. You have no idea of the pain I’ve been in, you shit!”
Silence mounts between us. People rush past us, on their way to faraway places. I know exactly where I need to be. Nothing has been clearer in my life.
“I have an inkling of an idea,” he says slowly, his gaze darting in the direction of the little boy we can’t see at the moment. “You won’t hear me say this again, but I admire you. You’ve always shown a strength I rarely see in people.”
“I do what I must to survive.”
His eyes narrow. “Yes. You do. We’re not that different, you and me. One day, I’d love to pick that clever brain of yours.”
“We have a deal then?”
“You want to see the baby?”
“I want to be his mom. Not just ‘see’ him. I want to be there.”
An amused expression comes over him. “You want to live with me, then? What about the pup?”
“Oh God, I don’t want to set foot in your house again, but I’ll do what I have to. And Lucas stays. You’re not touching him again. He’s out. I’m out.”
Salvatore scoffs. “He’s a traitor.”
“You owe me this!”
“I don’t owe you shit.”
“You’ve put me through hell!”
“I know.” He smirks.
My heart sinks and I have to steel myself to keep my voice steady. “I know there’s some humanity in there.” I gesture to his chest.
“You know, huh? Brave words, coming from a girl I’ve caused so much pain.”
I don’t say anything. I’ve put it all out there. All I can do is wait for his response.
“I don’t want to see the piece of shit again in my life,” he sneers.
“Oh, get over it! It’s your own damn fault, you can’t hold it against him that he snapped, the way you treated him.”
He purses his lips as he regards me. “The baby lives with me.”
“His name is David, and no, he doesn’t.”
He throws out his hands. “How the fuck do you suggest we do this, then?”
My heart jolts with joy, with victory. “We’ll sort it out.”
“How do I know you won’t try to make a run for it?”
“You have my word, Luciano.”
“First name basis now?”
“We’re gonna raise a son together.”
He laughs.
“You’re not touching me, or Lucas, again.”
Salvatore studies me, then he shakes his head, as if in disbelief. “You’re fucking incredible.” A small smile pulls at his lips. “I like it. And you’ve got my word.”
I give him my hand. His grip is firm and warm. I need to learn to be around the beast, but despite what he is, and what he’s done, I know there’s a streak of humanity in his heart. He yearns for something that has always bee
n denied him. Love? To be close to someone? Maybe he will find it now.
Back by security, Lucas is having a staring contest with Christian and Eric. I motion for him to join us and he immediately jolts to action, closing the distance between us.
“What’s happening?” he whispers in my ear, glancing warily at the three mobsters, the lethal men who could crush us with a flick of their fingers. But they won’t. I know it. A mother is holy in their world, and I’ve just proven myself worthy.
“We’re staying. I’ll tell you later.”
Elena goes with Eric and Christian. Lucas drives Elena’s car. Salvatore sits next to him, the tension between them crackling, and I settle in the back, with little David. Salvatore keeps glancing back at me, and at the little tuft of dark hair that is the only thing he can see of our son. We’ve only just left the airport when he sighs.
“Pull over.”
My heart almost stops. What now? I still don’t trust him enough.
“Can I sit in the back?”
I smile, triumph filling me. “Of course.”
I was right. There is humanity in him.
The rest of the way to his mansion, it’s I who keep stealing glances over my shoulder instead, and my heart swells with joy as I watch the beast, his pinky clutched by the tiny hand of our son, on his face an expression of deep awe.
We’ll be all right.
Yes, it’s a mess, but we’ll sort it.
Epilogue
Carmen
It’s funny how life turns out sometimes.
The orphaned young man, the whore and the son that was never meant to be, live together in a house much too big for the three of us.
Lucas, me, and David. David Moreno Salvatore.
After a few weeks of us living in a hotel, Salvatore somehow managed to convince his closest neighbor that it was in their best interest to move. I’m not sure I want to know how. He pays for everything and I have no qualms accepting his dirty money. He owes me, and Lucas, more than he can ever make up for, but at the same time my life has turned out better than I could have ever imagined. I feel loved, safe… happy. If it hadn’t been for Luciano, I would never have met Lucas. I would never have had David.
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