by Daws, Amy
I swallow awkwardly. “Leslie invited me.”
Reyna looks at Vi, her eyes narrowing. “Vilma, right?”
“Yeah. It’s Vi, I told you before. Hi, Reyna. Nice to see you again.” Vi tucks her long blonde strands behind her ears, her eyes squinting with speculation.
Reyna’s grey eyes chill, which puzzles me.
Suddenly, we’re all distracted by a huge commotion behind us.
“FUCKING CUNT-FACED SPUNK BUBBLE!” a woman’s voice screams from the bedroom down the hall from the new nursery.
Frank, Leslie, Theo, Finley, and Brody dash out into the hallway just as a box of men’s clothing is launched out of the open bedroom door. Next comes a mobile. It strikes the hallway wall and crumbles to several pieces with a cringe-worthy crack.
A besotted Julie storms out of the room dressed in a lime green onesie. Her almond-shaped eyes are wide, her black hair is tangled, and her stance is braced with a menacing gait that makes me fight the urge to cover my balls.
“Men are fucking PIGS! The lot of them!” she screams.
My eyes flash to Baby Marisa, who begins fussing in Theo’s arms.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. But they are. Men are fucking spunk bubble twats. I will tell all of you this right now. You’re all in love and you all think love can conquer the universe. It fucking doesn’t. The only men you can trust are the arseholes who have no feelings. They just have ARSEHOLES!”
She turns and storms into the bathroom at the end of the hall, slamming the door loudly in her wake.
“Well, there goes our tender family moment,” Frank huffs as he sashays down the hall to console whatever is eating at Julie.
Finley turns and sees Reyna and rushes to welcome her surprise visit. I overhear Rey tell Finley that Liam is running the pub tonight and that she needed a night of relaxation. Leslie joins in the greeting but watches me nervously. I try to give her a look that tells her I’m okay because I know she tries to hide her friendship with Rey from me. But I’m not an idiot. Theo and Liam are best mates. I know Leslie has naturally grown closer to Reyna as a result. It’s not just that, though. Having Rey around with Vi here makes me uneasy. Last time I properly spoke to Rey, I told her that lust and recovery don’t mix. Now I’m standing here feeling like a hypocritical prat. Although, a quiet, annoying voice in my head knows it’s more than just lust with Vi. But admitting that thought is more terrifying than tempting my recovery.
We make our way to the living room and begin watching a film. It’s charged and awkward and I feel horrid because I’m not touching Vi like I normally do. My body yearns to throw a claiming arm around her, but Rey’s presence and the thoughts rattling off in my head make me feel disjointed.
Eventually, I remove myself to pop out to the kitchen for a drink. Maybe if I can give myself a silent pep talk, I can stop acting like such a wanker. Just as I close the fridge door, Rey’s face appears from behind it.
“So, you and Vi?” she asks, leaning her back against the fridge and crossing her inked arms over her chest.
I crack the top on the can of soda in my hand. My jaw clenches in annoyance because this feels wrong on so many levels. I shrug my shoulders, dismissively opting to remain silent.
She frowns. “What? You’re not going to tell me anything?” Her tone is defensive.
“I don’t see how it’s any of your business.” I turn and lean back on the counter to face her, taking a cool drink.
“I just think it’s odd that you told me only a couple of weeks ago that you’re putting yourself first and focusing all your efforts on you. Then I see you holding hands and cosying up to some blonde you barely know.” She gestures flippantly toward the living room where I left Vi with everyone else.
My temper flares. “She’s not just some fucking blonde, Rey. She’s got a damn name and you bloody well know it. Stop acting as if she’s some random bird I picked up at a pub. And you’re one to talk!”
“What do you mean?”
“You were a fucking mess, too, and you got engaged!” I accuse, not because I’m jealous, but because I’m defensive. “What did your therapist say about that?”
She recoils. “Liam and I had history.”
“Don’t remind me.” I cringe thinking about the fact that Liam and my sister nearly got engaged when they were together at Oxford. It makes me ill to think about Rey with him, truthfully. I’m all for unconventional love stories, but fuck me. Don’t act all self-righteous when you’re the pot calling the kettle black. “Regardless, none of it is your concern.”
“Oh, excuse me for being a friend!” she snaps.
“You and I aren’t friends anymore, Rey.” I set my can down and cross my arms, mirroring her subliminal shield of armour.
“Not by my choice!” she shouts. “I miss you, Hayden!”
“Oh, please,” I laugh with shock. “You wouldn’t even be talking to me if Liam was here and you know it. If he were here, he’d be sulking in the corner, watching us like a hawk.”
“Knock it off. Liam isn’t like that. He understands what you and I are.”
“You and I were a fucking mess, Rey. Were. Don’t build us up to be more than we were.”
Her eyes narrow with barely contained fury. “We were best friends, Hayden,” she says in slow, warning tones.
“You made me weak, Rey!” I roar, feeling like, for the first time, I’ve finally pegged exactly what Reyna Miracle was to me all those years. “You made me fragile. And you bring me right back to the sod all mess I was all those years ago, and I don’t fucking want it.” Her jaw drops in shock, only infuriating me more. “We were never best friends. You said it yourself on that park bench. We know nothing about each other, so you can’t possibly throw that card at me now.”
Her grey eyes well with tears. I flinch. “Fuck, Rey. I’m sorry. I’m not blaming you for everything, especially not for what I did to myself. It was my own fault. I just need you to understand that you cannot have a say in my life anymore. And you cannot use our past against me.”
She swipes hastily at her eyes, and I have to fight every urge in my body that wants to go to her and comfort her. Rub that spot on her neck that I know soothes her almost instantly. It’s a reflex with Rey. Comforting her. She craves my comfort like a crutch, and I let her use me that way for so many years. Maybe we both have addictions to fight?
She sets her jaw angrily and turns, storming out of the kitchen. When I watch her leave, I find Vi and Leslie standing in the entryway staring at the scene that just transpired. Both their jaws are dropped.
Fuck.
Anger pulses through me from the fact that Rey can go off on me and then act all wounded when I get real with her. I stride over and motion for Leslie to follow me. I can’t even bring myself to look at Vi right now.
“Hayden, what the fuck?” Leslie says, following me out the front door and into the gated patio area on the face of the house. It’s completely shrouded in ivy, similar to how my heart is shrouded in shame.
“Fuck, Leslie. I don’t know what to bloody do!” I exclaim with a forced whisper so no one can hear me. “My mind is spinning and I’m a fucking mess. A lot of what Rey said was true. I was going to focus on myself, yet here I am, acting like a normal fucking bloke with a new girlfriend!”
“You are a normal bloke, Hayden!” Leslie cries. “Don’t let Rey’s insecurities tell you otherwise. She has her own demons to fight.”
“I swore I’d never let anyone become number one over me again. I gave Rey so much power over my moods and my heart. Now I’m doing the same damn thing with Vi!” I shove my hands forcibly through my hair. All of this is too much too soon. How did I let Vi get so close so fast?
“Stop. Right now. Stop everything.” Leslie sticks out her hands like she’s trying to calm a wild beast. “You’re letting Rey get in your head. You don’t need her there. She’s a trigger for you. Don’t let her make you crumble. Don’t give her that power.”
I nod, seriously absorbing everything Lesli
e is saying but feeling a pit of despair in the bottom of my stomach like I could be screwing everything up for myself again.
“Hayden. You deserve to be happy,” Leslie adds. “It’s been a year.”
“Right!” I whisper scream, my voice bordering on a manly shriek. “It’s been a year. You’ve seen me through it. I’m a completely different person than I was fresh out of rehab. Aren’t I?” I grip my leather cuffs and ache for the pressure thundering through every part of my body to dampen. I want this to be true. I need it to be.
“You are different, Hayden. Calm down,” she says soothingly.
“Fuck. I just wanted a normal night out.” I crouch over a chair and drop my head down to my chest. “I’m so tired of feeling broken.”
“You’re not broken. You’re changing. Change is hard. But from the looks of it, you’re making all the right changes! That’s what matters.”
I nod silently to myself. I am doing this properly. I can’t let Rey rattle my confidence. Vi and I are taking things slow. We’re not rushing into anything. We’re not saying “I love you.” We’re just together. Meeting friends. That sort of thing. Nothing major…
…even though there’s a heaviness in my heart that’s screaming at me to stop ignoring it.
A sensation that I’ve never felt before…Even with Rey.
The car ride back to Theo and Leslie’s is quiet and charged with tension and unspoken words. Vi has hardly looked at me or touched me since Rey’s hasty departure. I know she’s probably angry about how I treated her all evening, but surely she can see why I acted as I did. She’s got to understand that all of this is still difficult for me.
She offers polite goodbyes and I begin walking her back to her flat.
“You don’t have to walk me home, Hayden,” she croaks under the dark streetlight.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I snap with exasperation as we walk at a quickening pace down the sidewalk.
“I’m not being ridiculous. I’m perfectly capable of walking my own arse back to my own flat. I don’t need you.”
My hand wraps around her elbow, bringing her to a halt so swiftly that she stumbles into my chest. “What are you doing?”
She refuses to look up at me even though we’re pressed tightly together. “I’m just reading the writing on the wall.”
“Stop,” I demand and force her chin up so she looks at me. The hurt, and confusion, and pain swimming in her glossy eyes crushes me. My anger melts to heartache. “Vi, stop,” I beg.
She shakes her head. “No. You hurt me tonight. I was on cloud nine with you until Rey showed up. You wouldn’t even hold my hand! Are you still in love with her?”
“No, don’t be daft,” I scoff, looking away to hide my irritation but refusing to let Vi go.
“Well, who am I to be jealous of then? Am I jealous of Rey, or am I jealous of Leslie? I can’t keep up! I’m sure Julie would be in line for a quick shag if the mood struck you!”
I swirl her around and press her up against the nearest flat surface, both my hands braced on the stone wall on either side of her head, caging her in so she remains in front of me. “This is complete shit and you know it, Vi. You know me. You know me better than anyone!”
“I thought I did, but that was before you chose to run off and confide in Leslie instead of me! That shit hurt, Hayden. How on earth do you think that makes me feel? Are you in love with your brother’s fiancée?” she snaps meanly.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I growl, clenching my fists in anger.
“Then why can’t you talk to me?” Her voice rises to a pitch that jolts me.
“I can’t tell you these things,” I grind out through clenched teeth, slamming my eyes shut in utter fear.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to scare you away!” I bark and finally look at her. Her jaw actually closes and her defiance morphs into a simpler, moody scowl. “Everything is different with you, Vi. The stakes are higher.”
Her jaw shifts as she absorbs my outburst, but I can tell it’s not enough. Her eyes narrow in willful determination. “I need to understand your relationship with Leslie more, Hayden. It hurts me to see you confide in her over me!” she exclaims.
“She stopped the blood!” I roar, billowing over top of my last shred of self-control. “The blood wasn’t just coming from my wrists, Vi. It was coming from my heart and my soul. I hurt everywhere, but Leslie was the one to put pressure on the wound and make it stop. She made it all stop.” Shocked at what I’ve just revealed, my hand grips Vi’s hip as a painful emotion bubbles up from somewhere deep and dark inside of me. “Leslie held my head in her lap and my life in her hands. That is something a person can never forget.”
Tears slide down Vi’s face, and my own screws up in pain over what I keep doing to her. God, I keep making her cry over and fucking over again. But I need her to understand. I need her to keep looking at me. I take my hands and cup her cheeks, wiping away the tears as if the act alone can wipe away her pain.
“I will always have a certain attachment to Leslie. She helped me understand reality. She saw into my soul that night so long ago. A place that I didn’t think anyone else could see…until you.” I look down to try and stifle the fear ripping through my body.
Vi inhales a shaky breath and her head nods in my hands, forcing me to look up in shock at her approval. “I’m sorry, Hayden,” she croaks, her voice thick with emotion. “I can’t understand something like that, but I’ll try. That’s all I can do. I just wish…I wish I could have been there for you.”
I exhale with relief and lift her chin with a gentle nudge of my knuckle. “You have no idea how much I wish the same thing. I’m the one who should be sorry. As much as I’ve shared with you, I struggle to share things that I still don’t fully understand myself.”
She nods woodenly.
“The thing is,” I start, dropping a needful kiss on her forehead before pressing my own against hers “I thought I already knew the reason why I was grateful that I hadn’t erased my life forever that night until you. You, Vi…You make me want to fight even harder to be the man I want to be.”
Her taut, emotional expression softens into a look of lust and desire. She grabs my neck and pulls me down to her lips. The relief. The absolute, ecstasy-encompassing relief I feel with her mouth on mine and the understanding that one simple act proves to my heart right now is life-changing.
“Take me home,” she whimpers against my lips, sliding her hands down to grip my biceps in her small grasp. “Take me home and show me how strong you are.”
I release a husky laugh against her lips. It’s a laugh that makes everything inside of me lunge for her. Even with all this drama—all this fucked-up confusion—she still doesn’t see me as broken. She’s just a woman who wants me to fuck her senseless.
We’re still us…Whatever we are.
“Are you asking what I think you’re asking, Bunny?” I grin wickedly down at her, thinking about everything I could do to her.
She giggles. God, she fucking giggles.
“Show me rude rabbit, pretty please.” Her eyebrows waggle at me suggestively.
I’m instantly hard.
The way this woman can look at me—a frail, weak, broken, and emotional fucking mess of a man—and still want me to take her home and have my way with her…Christ, if she’s not it for me, no one is.
I stand behind Vi as she perches on the edge of her large, baroque-style bed. Her blonde hair cascades down her fresh, alabaster skin that is glowing in the dim evening light that pours in from the windows of her flat. Her posture is straight and perfect. Poised and ready for what I’m about to do to her. Vi takes direction really well, I think, smirking to myself as I crawl up behind her on the bed. She’s sitting completely naked except for her cobalt blue thong that I told her to leave on. I kneel behind her. My front to her back. I nudge my erection into her back, shrouded only in a pair of black boxer briefs. She shudders out a quick, shaky breath, and it makes me smile
. I reach around and stroke my fingertips from her breasts, up the front of her neck, and finally to her chin. I pull her mouth up to meet mine, her head thrown back as I tower over her.
She gasps as I drop a soft kiss on her lips. The anticipation is killing her already. Fuck. This is going to be fun.
“See these lips?” I whisper huskily against her mouth, dragging my thumb across them and watching hungrily as they plop back into place. “They’re mine. Every centimetre down to the little divot right here should only crave my lips. My taste. And my power. This lower lip is for my teeth to sink into whenever I feel like it. Understand?”
I nip at her bottom lip and she lets out a husky laugh, our breaths intermingling in a heady sexy exhale of happiness. “Yes,” she submissively agrees.
I kiss her firmly, cementing my point before dragging the white scarf I found in her closet across her lap. I move it up her body and over her face, draping it across her eyes as her face remains angled toward the chandelier above us.
“I’m going to lay you back, Bunny. But it’s your job to hold this scarf across your eyes. We’re not tying it. This is your one job. Think you can manage?”
She lets out a throaty giggle. “I’ll do my best, sir.”
I shake my head, grinning at her sass and mumble about her being a naughty bunny. I slide off the bed and push her back onto the mattress so her feet still remain on the floor. She holds the white scarf to her eyes by gripping each side with her fists. She squirms nervously.
I stand back and admire the scene before me. Perfect, pert breasts with the pinkest nipples I’ve ever seen. Creamy, smooth skin that dips in all the right places, and sexy sculpted legs that I can’t wait to have wrapped around my face in two seconds.
The bed dips as I lean over her and take a nipple in my mouth. Her hand releases the scarf and cups the back of my head. “No, no, Bunny. Hold that scarf.”
She groans out in frustration, and I smile as her legs wrap around my upper body. I nip my teeth from her shoulder to her nipple. She’s greedily thrusting herself up toward me, her arse rising off the bed, giving me just enough room to…
