by Cara Wylde
“Take me to the shaman.”
It was right after breakfast. As usual, Loki had come by the hotel to pick her up. These days, there was no way she could avoid him. Not giving her any personal space seemed to be his latest resolution.
He ordered a cab, and after a forty-minute drive, the car pulled in front of a beautiful Victorian house, with architecture and decorations so marvelous and intricate that Valentina found herself speechless. She’s never seen anything like it before. A gardener was tending to the rose bushes in front of the patio, and four or five cats were lounging around on the alley leading up to the front door, on the rocker chair in a corner of the patio, and even on the table, next to a pile of books and an empty ashtray.
“This is where the shaman lives?” Val whispered.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know... It looks really fancy. Expensive.”
He chuckled. “Business is going well.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Shaman business? Are you kidding me?”
“I don’t see why you should act so offended. It’s not like you witches don’t make a good buck for your witchy services. And there’s nothing wrong with that, either.”
If she had been slightly offended a second ago, now she was downright outraged.
“We never sell our services to Ordinaries!” She’d given up whispering. “My parents are rich, yes, but the De Rossis didn’t make their fortune by doing spells and casting curses left and right. My father has a construction company, and my mom took over the fashion house my great-grandmother founded.”
“And they never cast a spell or two for good business?”
“That’s different.”
Loki laughed. “It’s still taking money from Ordinaries.”
“And it’s still different.” She threw him a murderous look, which she had to change into a smile when a young, 30-year-old-something woman opened the door before they had even reached the patio. “When did you have time to tell her we were coming?”
“I made your appointment three days ago.”
Valentina’s eyes widened. She stopped in her tracks and scowled at him.
“What the hell do you mean by that? How could you have known?”
“Please, love. Don’t forget who you’re talking to.” He went past her and greeted the woman. “Sonia, this is Valentina.”
“Miss Valentina De Rossi, welcome! Loki has told me all about you.”
Val forced herself to smile. “I’m sure he did. He likes talking about me, doesn’t he? And he never shares anything about himself. Like... the random fact that he can see in the future, for instance.”
Sonia laughed out loud. “Are you surprised? He is who he is.” She winked at her, then threw Loki a mysterious look of approval. “Come on in. The tea is ready.”
“Sonia is from Siberia,” Loki started, and the shaman woman nodded for him to go on. “She’s Evenk.” When he saw that Valentina was lost, but too shy to ask what an Evenk was, he chuckled. “Indigenous people who live in the Russian North and who have kept the true shaman tradition alive through the centuries. She apprenticed with one of the wisest shamans of her people, and she can do things you can’t even begin to imagine.”
“Now, now, Loki dear,” Sonia interrupted him. “I do what I do, and Miss Valentina here does what she does. I’m a great shaman of my people, and she is a great witch of her people.”
“I wasn’t implying anything.” He grinned at Valentina, signaling that yes, in fact, he was implying something very specific.
Val sipped her tea. The delicious, blood red concoction calmed her nerves. “He thinks I hold more power than I allow myself to yield,” she explained.
“Oh. Then I agree with him. Nonetheless, this isn’t about him.” She sat down opposite Valentina. “So, how about he waits outside while the two of us begin our session? Time is too precious for chit-chat.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Val smirked.
Loki huffed, grabbed his unfinished tea, and went to make himself comfortable on the patio, among Sonia’s cats.
“Before we begin,” said Sonia, “has Loki talked to you about my hourly rate?”
Valentina choked on her tea. She spurted a few drops of liquid through her nose, grabbed a napkin, and struggled to compose herself.
“No, he has not.”
“Very well then.”
The shaman pulled a piece of white paper from under the coffee table, along with a pencil, and wrote something on it. She slid the paper to Valentina, who looked at it and was glad she hadn’t taken another sip of tea. She would have spurted a string of liquid, not just a few drops. The price for a one hour and a half session was steep. Not that she couldn’t pay it. Her dad’s card could cover anything.
“I can wire it now...” She pulled out her phone.
Sonia waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. You can do it after the session.”
Val placed the phone on the coffee table, but when she saw Sonia was watching her every move, she changed her mind and opened the banking app.
“It’s fine, I’d rather do it now. Get it out of the way.” She gave her a forced smile as she logged in with her father’s credentials. She had been smart enough to summon both her parents’ bank cards before she left Leavenworth in Piper’s truck, and then, with a simple spell, she got the PINs and the online banking credentials, too. Piece of cake, especially with Ravenna’s help. She was sure her parents wouldn’t mind once they found out it was all for the sake of the original Tarot.
“All right, as you wish. I’ll make more tea.”
As Val watched Sonia disappear into the kitchen, it struck her how Sia hadn’t asked for a dime. And what the painter of souls was doing was much more complicated than what the shaman would probably do in the next hour and a half. Sia had accepted to paint no less than nine paintings within a week. A week! In exchange for what? A fake promise. Valentina closed her eyes for a second, took a deep breath, then opened them and wired Sonia $500. The shaman had written her bank account number next to her price. Very effective, she was.
“I have to give Sia something in return,” she thought. “Something real.” But would the girl accept money when she had been promised a banishing spell?”
“Ready?”
“Yes.”
Sonia sat back down in her armchair and poured the tea. Valentina had the couch, which was as intended, since she’d soon have to lie down.
“Let’s begin, then.”
For almost an hour, Sonia asked questions, and Valentina answered. It was more like therapy than shamanism, and Val was beginning to wonder whether she might have made a mistake listening to Loki. He hadn’t been wrong about Sia, but what if he was wrong about Sonia? There was no turning back, though, so she tried to relax and let the woman do her job. Or trick her further. She hoped she’d soon find out which one it was.
“I want you to lie down now,” the shaman said.
“Here?”
“Yes. Let me bring you a pillow and a blanket.”
Valentina sighed deeply and did as she was asked. If the woman was, indeed, for real, then she hoped to God that her magic would work even though she didn’t believe in it. Yes, to that God. Maybe if she started invoking Him more often, he’d show up and save her from this mess.
Sonia placed a pillow under her head, covered her with the blanket, and asked her to close her eyes and breathe evenly. For a while, nothing happened. Valentina was starting to doze off, actually, when the slightest flutter in her left side caught her attention.
“What are you doing?” she asked. “Sonia, what’s happening?”
“Shh... relax.” With a firm hand, she pushed Valentina back down. “I’m just trying to see where she’s hiding.”
“Ravenna?”
“No. You.”
Val’s breath quickened. The flutter soon turned into a tug, then into full-blown pain. She grunted and tightened he
r jaw.
“That’s not my Higher Self, that’s Ravenna,” she managed through gritted teeth.
“Don’t be so sure, honey.”
“What do you mean?”
“Shh...”
“She’s hurting me! I’d never do something like that to myself.”
“Shh...”
It went on like that for long minutes that seemed like an eternity to Valentina. Sonia was moving her hands up and down her body without touching her, and Valentina could feel how the shaman’s energy interacted with hers, how it stirred her very insides, like a stranger who’d broken into her room and was looking through her things. Like Piper’s brother who used to read her best friend’s journal when she wasn’t home. Val didn’t like it. Even though, physically, the woman wasn’t doing anything, not even touching her, not even looking at her, on a whole different level, she was cutting her open and rummaging through her organs. Just as Val was thinking she couldn’t take it anymore, it stopped. She breathed in and out for a while to regain her composure, then opened her eyes. Sonia was sitting next to her, on a stool, smiling gently. For the first time since she’d met her, Valentina saw just how beautiful she was. With her Mongolian features, round face, thin lips, and almond-shaped eyes, Sonia was a true exotic beauty.
“I’m going into the shadow world now,” she said. “You won’t feel a thing, I promise. Just close your eyes and focus on allowing me entrance so that I may meet your ancestors.”
“My ancestors?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you need my assistance? I thought shamans could travel through the shadow world as they pleased.”
“There isn’t just one world, Valentina. There’s an infinite number, and each has his or her own shadow world. I’m asking you kindly to allow me entrance into yours.”
“I don’t...” She took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll focus.” It occurred to her that she didn’t need to understand. So far, so good. At least, she’d felt something, albeit that something was pain, so she knew it hadn’t all been a trick and a scam.
“Trust me, honey.”
Valentina didn’t reply. She closed her eyes and repeated in her head, like a mantra, “let Sonia find my ancestors”. Who would she find, though? Her grandmother on her mom’s side, who had died when Valentina was twelve? Or her grandfather, who had taught her about the stars and the zodiac? Maybe her great-grandmother. Or great-great-great...
“Quiet your mind, honey.”
Right. Now she genuinely missed Loki calling her “love”. Anything was better than the condescending “honey”. Well, Val thought it certainly depended on who said it.
“Shh...”
Ugh! Why was it so hard for her to concentrate? Her mind was all over the place, and even though she kept repeating her made-up mantra, it didn’t seem to help. She focused on her breathing. In. Out. In. Out.
How long did it take? Five minutes? Ten? When Sonia tapped her on the shoulder, Val jumped in the air, realizing she’d fallen asleep. For real. She rubbed her temple.
“What happened? Did you find anything? Anyone?”
“I did.” Sonia stood up, pushed the stool away, and poured Valentina a glass of cold water. “Drink.”
Val accepted the glass gratefully. She was dying of thirst.
“Well?” Val stole a glance at the time. The session should have ended twenty minutes ago.
“I’m going to tell you what I found, but I first want you to promise me that you will listen carefully and hear what I’m saying, not what you want to hear.”
“Of course I will! That’s why I’m here. How can you imply I’d ever want to sabotage myself?”
Sonia smiled. “I’m not implying anything.”
“Go ahead. I’m all ears.”
“You were right. Ravenna is not your sister. Not as you think of your sister, anyway. She is, however, your sister’s Higher Self.” When she saw Valentina open her mouth to speak, she shushed her with a gesture. “I know what you want to ask. Higher Selves are not evil, so why is Ravenna so vile most of the time? Because she’s been corrupted. When you’re trapped between the shadow world and the real world for so many years, that can happen to you. It happened to her. She became bitter and cruel because she can’t find her place. So, that’s one. Now you know. However, she isn’t inside of you. What you keep feeling in your ribs, along your birth mark... that’s not Ravenna. Ravenna is more like an entity that has latched itself onto your energy field. She’s not within you, she’s around you. You can hear her in your head, but she’s not inside your body.”
“Then... why does it hurt when she talks? When she wants something from me, when I try to shut her up?”
“She’s not the one hurting you. You’re the one hurting you. Your own Higher Self, trapped within you, somewhere so deep and dark that I myself couldn’t find her. She can’t reach you, can’t speak to you, can’t make you aware of her existence, so she’s learned to communicate through pain. Every time Ravenna makes her appearance, the pain is there to remind you she’s not who she pretends to be. In a twisted way, your divine self is trying to protect your carnal self through tugs, pinches, and throbs in that part of your body that is most sensitive.”
Valentina shook her head. She stood up and started pacing the floor frantically.
“I would never...”
“You think you’d never hurt yourself, but the truth is that you don’t know yourself. You’re not whole. Not without your Higher Self. You’re fragmented, so in reality, you have no idea what you are and what you are not capable of. Let’s put it this way: the Valentina De Rossi you know is, in fact, only half of her. The other half has been lost when you were born. You knew her in the womb, but then you got separated and stuck with your twin’s Higher Self roaming about, attached to your aura. And you never even knew it.”
“I knew... I knew...”
“Then why didn’t you do anything about it?”
There was genuine curiosity in Sonia’s voice. Valentina stopped her pacing and looked at her. The shaman was waiting for an answer. She was waiting for something that was true. Not for an excuse, nor for a fake display of naivety. She hadn’t told her exactly everything in the first hour she’d spent interrogating her.
“Okay, I will tell you, but only you. I paid good money for this, so you’d better not go ratting on me to Loki.”
“My lips are sealed, honey. As they should be.”
“I didn’t do anything because acknowledging that my Higher Self has never been there like she should have been, and doing something about it, something to get her back, would have meant...” She hesitated. She crossed her arms over her chest and bit her tongue hard. Was she going to say it? She was going to say it. Out loud. “It would mean there’s a good chance I caught the curse of my ancestors.” No one spoke of a curse so dark and old. “La maledizione della luna.” Not unless one wanted to make it real, manifest it into the third dimension by speaking its name. “My ancestors have dodged it one by one. Like you’d dodge diabetes when you know it’s hereditary. But no one has taught me how to dodge it, so here I am. There’s a real chance that I might have just caught it. Diabetes.” She laughed almost hysterically. “Better give me diabetes than the Curse of the Moon. I can heal diabetes with my grandma’s herbs. Goddess rest her gentle soul.”
Sonia nodded. She didn’t say a word for a long while, giving Valentina space to get used to the idea that she had, indeed, spoken about the curse of her ancestors out loud. Her words hung in the air, and they would hang like that until Sonia would grab her palo santo stick and shoo them away, out the open windows. She would have done so now, but she needed Valentina to steep in them for a while. So she wouldn’t be so afraid anymore.
“So, is it?” Val asked impatiently. “Is it the Curse of the Moon? What did you see in my shadow world?”
“I didn’t see your ancestors, that’s for sure.”
“What do you mean? Wasn’t that the whol
e point?”
“It was, but your ancestors didn’t show themselves to me. Instead, I saw flashes of what I think could be... past lives.”
“No, this doesn’t make any sense. You were supposed to reach my ancestors and find out what’s going on, what I must do to sort out this mess.”
“I believe they didn’t show up because they’re not the ones holding the answers. Nor the solution.”
Valentina laughed bitterly. “Who is it, then? Who do I need to talk to?”
Sonia sighed and poured herself more tea. She looked slightly uneasy, and Valentina didn’t miss it. Her hand was trembling as she lifted the cup to her lips.
“Sonia, tell me.”
“I told you everything that I know, everything that I found out looking at your energy and at Ravenna. The journey into the shadow world didn’t work as I expected. What I saw was you, but in different bodies, different circumstances, different times... Past lives. I can only conclude that you’ll find your answers there.”
“In my past lives?”
“In some of them, yes. The ones connected to what you’re going through now. The ones in which you created the karma you’re dealing with now.”
“Jesus!” Val ran her hands through her hair, pulling it roughly over her right shoulder. Okay, now she was invoking Jesus. She was either on the right religious path, or she was losing her mind. “Past life regression, then?”
