by Lea Coll
When we arrived at my car, he backed me up until my back rested against my SUV. Between the dinner and now, this had seemed like a real date, and if it was, I’d wonder if he was going to kiss me. His body from chest to knee pressed against mine. This couldn’t just be for show. I almost whimpered, my hands went around his neck as I pulled him even closer. Was he going to kiss me?
He lowered his face toward mine and I sucked in a sharp breath, but at the last second he kissed my cheek. Then resting his forehead on mine, he said, “Thanks for joining me for dinner.”
I nodded. I couldn’t refuse his invitations despite how crazy it made me knowing it wasn’t leading anywhere. I know Ashley had complained up and down about how charming Logan was for years, but when Sawyer asked me to do something I was powerless to say no.
Our bodies still flush, he moved his forehead from mine, but his hand played with my hair. I wanted to pull his pelvis closer to mine like he had on the dance floor.
“You should come to my sprint race on Tuesday night.”
“Um what?” I was so distracted by his hand in my hair.
“You know I coach rowing.” At my nod, he continued. “We have a sprint race, which is only 2000 meters. It’s a more competitive race because it’s so quick and it’s a good way to introduce you to rowing.”
“Of course.” It sounded like something he’d invite a girlfriend to.
“They’re really good. They won the NCAA championship last year.”
“I know. I cover Washington sports for the paper. Yeah, I can come and do a write-up too.”
He stepped back but I could still feel the heat of his body and his fingers in my hair. “Great. I’ll see you there. It starts at four.”
After we said goodbye, I got into my car, confused. He’d say our relationship wasn’t real, then touch me, and say it was nice. It was really messing with my head. I needed to focus on something else—anything else. Unfortunately, we were in this quasi-fake relationship for a few more weeks. Hopefully, I could make it through without completely falling for the guy. Maybe seeing him as a coach surrounded by beautiful student-athletes would kill my attraction and remind me how powerless men could be against that kind of temptation.
“HEY! EXCITED TO SEE SOME men’s rowing?” Ashley asked when she met me on the sidewalk at the end of Lawyer’s Row, the attached one-story buildings housing most of the law offices in town that were directly across the street from the courthouse. She worked at Logan’s dad’s firm where they’d all gone into business together.
I shot her a look. “He coaches the women’s team, not the men’s.” It would be easier on me if he coached the men’s team.
“Oh, that’s right.” She gave me a pinched look and I knew exactly what she was thinking—Sawyer was another man in a supervisory position with younger women.
I changed the subject so she wouldn’t ask me how I felt about him coaching. “The new sign looks great.” The sign on the window had just changed from the raised lettering of Gray & Gray to Gray, Gray & Cook.
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Logan thinks it’s dumb because we’ll be married soon and they’ll need to change it again. But it’s nice to see my name up, and who knows, maybe I’ll keep my maiden name professionally.”
I bit my lip to stop myself from smiling. I could imagine that might cause a few arguments between those two. “Have you guys set a date?” We headed toward the waterfront where the college held rowing and sailing races.
“No, I want to enjoy being engaged first.”
“I can’t believe three of my friends are engaged now.” Soon they’d be getting married, having kids. I’d see them less. But the worst part was that I wanted a family more than anything and I was no closer to finding someone who could be that for me.
“I think Samantha is the one who’ll get married first. She’s talking about getting married at the marina when construction is finished this summer.”
“Nice. That’s perfect for them.” Samantha and Jack reconnected when he returned home to help his dad with the marina. His dad had since retired and the lease for the marina reverted back to the town, but it was still special to Jack and Samantha. The waterfront would make a great location for their wedding.
When we arrived, I spotted Sawyer in khaki pants, a maroon polo with the school’s logo, and boat shoes, with his team surrounding him—tall athletic women with white and maroon ribbons in their hair.
Following my eyes, Ashley said, “For what’s it worth, I don’t think Sawyer would sleep with a student.”
It was so hard for me assume someone was trustworthy when everyone important in my life had let me down—my parents, my sister, and every man I’d ever dated. Why would Sawyer be different? I looked around to make sure no one was listening and spoke quietly, “To be fair, we’re only pretend dating so it doesn’t matter.” So why did my heart clench in my chest when I saw him with these women?
“I thought it was only that one date to the scholarship dinner,” Ashley said as we stood apart from the crowd of parents and students watching the race by the bleachers.
Sawyer said it was important our friends thought we were dating too, but Ashley was my best friend and I had to tell someone. “It went so well, he thought it would be a good idea to have a fake relationship. If the tenure committee sees him settled in town with a local girl they know, then they’ll assume he plans to stay here.” I shrugged. “It’s only for a few more weeks until he sends in his application and they make a decision.”
“Haven’t you guys gotten together for dinner a few times and taught that library class together?”
“Yeah.” We’d had dinner three times, not that I was keeping track.
“So, is all of this fake dating starting to seem real?” She turned to watch my face.
A breath whooshed out of me. “Yeah, it’s a little confusing. But to be fair, he hasn’t made any real moves.” At the scholarship dinner, he’d pressed me against him to feel his erection so I would know the effect I had on him when we were dancing. But otherwise, he’d only kissed me on the cheek, touched my hair.
“He hasn’t kissed you?” Ashley looked surprised. “I was hoping he’d come around with you guys hanging out together so much.”
“He only kissed me on the forehead and cheek in front of others so people know we’re together.” I didn’t mention I wanted to kiss him more than anything. One of these times, I was going to make a move if he didn’t. It was the only way I’d know if he felt the same way. But the last thing I needed was to make a move and have him pull away, reminding me it wasn’t real.
“He’s a little shy with people, right?”
“That’s what he says. He’s not as social as me, but I wouldn’t say he’s completely socially awkward. Maybe he was in high school.”
“Right. So, maybe he’s not going to make a clear move. Maybe all of this fake dating is his way of telling you he’s into you.”
I snorted at that. “I usually fall fast and hard for guys. I’m trying to keep a cool head here.”
“I get that. But I don’t think Sawyer’s a bad choice. I don’t think he’ll cheat on you. He’s a nice guy. He’s athletic and built, so he has some of your dating criteria. And you said yourself, he’s not shy.”
He wasn’t. I remembered everything he said to me on the dance floor that day. How he’d noticed my lips, my breasts, and then pulled me in tight to feel his erection. My legs clenched together, trying to relieve the ache the memory caused. He definitely wouldn’t be shy in bed.
Then my eyes went to him and a tall blond woman on his team placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed, smiling at him. I nodded my head toward him. “And that’s the other reason we can never get involved.”
“Coaches slap asses in football, give hugs in women’s gymnastics. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“With my history, I can’t handle dating a guy who’s around young women. I just can’t.”
She was silent for a few minutes. Then she said, �
�You’re never going to find someone to marry if you don’t take a risk.”
But wasn’t that what I was doing with Sawyer—taking a risk? He said himself he was taking a chance with me. “Isn’t that what I did when I met Nate for coffee? That was a huge risk.”
“Not really. You met to see if you have chemistry. From what you’re telling me, you already have that with Sawyer. You know him. He’s a good guy. Are you going to stand by and let him meet someone else?”
I watched Sawyer. He stood on the shore facing the water, arms crossed in front of him while his team got into their boat and pushed off to the start line. My eyes traveled over his broad shoulders, bulging biceps, and tapered waist. Physically, he was perfect for me and he’d proven to be a really nice guy. But would things change if I admitted I liked him? I tended to fall in love with a man quickly and then I held on for dear life until the guy had enough of me. “He’s a really good friend and I’m afraid that if I make the move, I’ll ruin everything.” Like I always do.
“You aren’t giving him enough credit. He’s nothing like those assholes you used to date. I don’t know all of the details, but the first two guys you dated in college, so they were young and immature.”
I’d dated all athletic types who bragged about their accomplishments. And Sawyer was confident but not overt about it. “Yeah, but Jason, was older than me, had a real job, and still cheated on me with a younger intern.”
“True. But we told you before it might be the kind of guy you’re going for too. The cocky assholes who don’t care about anyone other than themselves. Sawyer isn’t like that. He’s not cocky.”
I sighed. “He does have this quiet confidence that is so sexy.”
She looked at me and laughed. “Oh my God. You have it so bad.”
“I do.” And nothing could come from it. “This fake dating this is slowly going to kill me.”
“I can see that. Let me know when you’re done torturing yourself and want some advice on how to get him.”
“It looks like the race is starting. We need to find a seat.” We made our way to the bleachers as the horn blew over the water and the eight boats were off and running. It was all over in seven or eight minutes, but I’d completely missed the race. Instead, I watched Sawyer jogging along the shoreline yelling encouragement to his team.
“I know nothing about this sport,” Ashley said. “They didn’t have rowing where I went.”
“I follow it enough for the paper to know the women’s rowing team has gone to the NCAA championships the last few years and done well. There are several different teams based on skill level, called first-team varsity eight, second team, and so on. There are different types of races too. This one is a sprint because of the short distance. Otherwise, they have regattas a few times a year which include more teams and more races.”
“That’s more than I ever wanted to know.”
“The good thing about the paper is that I know a little bit about everything.”
We resumed watching the boat races, but I watched Sawyer and his interaction with the team. I didn’t see him touch any of the team members, but it still made me uneasy, even if I knew logically Sawyer was different than my exes. Once the race was over, I said goodbye to Ashley, who needed to return to the office, and slowly made my way over to Sawyer.
Was it a mistake to come to his races where I’d see him interact with younger women? I felt awkward and out of place now that Ashley was gone. It seemed more like I was here just for him and not to watch the race.
When he finished speaking to one of his team members, he looked up. “Stella, I’m so glad you made it.” Then he closed the distance between us, pulling me to him for a hug. He squeezed me tight and I couldn’t stop myself from nuzzling into his chest and breathing him in.
“This is a nice greeting,” I said, tightening my arms around his waist. “Congrats on a good race. You guys are doing great again this year.”
Sawyer turned to watch team members pull boats out of the water. “I really appreciate having you here. It’s nice having someone to come to things, support me.”
“That’s what a good girlfriend does.” All I wanted to do was be the perfect girlfriend for him. The longing was more acute when I was with Sawyer doing girlfriend things. But in reality, my version of perfect girlfriend pushed guys away. Would Sawyer be different?
“Can you wait for me to finish up here? Then I need return some stuff to the boathouse.” He gestured to the large building with the pitched roof and surrounding deck on the waterfront.
“Oh yeah, sure.” I waited on the boathouse’s large front deck while Sawyer and his team carried each boat to the racks in front of the boathouse for storage. After they secured the boats, the women walked past me into the boathouse, and the blonde who’d touched his arm earlier eyed me curiously. Sawyer met me on the porch.
“This building used to be a warehouse and was purchased by the college in the seventies to use as a boathouse for the new crew team. Then the Boathouse Trust provided funds to build the pavilion and park.” He shrugged sheepishly at my knowing smile. “I know a lot of useless historical facts, being a history professor.”
“It’s not useless if it’s interesting.” My response earned me a large smile that I hadn’t seen on his face with anyone else. “I love learning about the history of everything in town.”
“Are you ready for a tour?” He gestured for me to enter the large double doors ahead of him.
“Yes. I’ve never been inside.” When I stepped in, I took in the large open room, which appeared to be a lounge. Long leather couches and sectionals were arranged around a flat-screen hung on the wall over a huge fireplace. A kitchen with a long counter lined the far wall.
“This is the team lounge.” Sawyer passed by me and led me down the hall to the rest of the building. Gesturing to my right, he said, “These are the team locker rooms. Both the sailing and rowing teams use these. This is the classroom.” I barely got a chance to glance inside before he walked farther down the hallway where long rectangular windows opened into training rooms.
The first room was filled with rowing machines.
“They look like regular rowing machines but they’re called ergometers. They measure the output of the user’s energy and it’s actually considered a better workout in the winter than what I’m going to show you next.” He opened another door for me. “The tank room is more impressive.”
It was a long narrow room with tanks of water on either side of the stationary boats for the students to simulate rowing in water. “Wow. I never even knew this was here.”
“We use the tank to perfect our sweeping technique when the water is too cold or the weather is too cold or windy to train. The whole facility has been instrumental in recruiting and taking our teams to the next level.” Pride was evident in his voice.
“This is amazing, Sawyer. I had no idea so much went into training.”
“It’s a year-round sport with few actual races—only three in the fall and three in the spring. Most students have never even rowed before they go to college.” Holding the door open for me, he said, “I have to stop in my office for a minute.”
I followed him out of the tank room. The sound of women joking in the lounge area drifted down the hall to us and he closed his office door behind us.
Sawyer went through some of the paperwork on his desk while I inspected his office with marine décor on the walls, including pictures of past teams, and events. The window overlooked the water. “What a great view.”
“It is.” He stood for a minute, placed his hands in his pockets, and admired the water view. “Are you almost ready to get out of here?”
I hesitated, unsure if I should say anything, but I wanted to ask him a question before I chickened out. “If we’re going to date, don’t you think we should kiss?” He didn’t respond, so I continued, “You know, we should practice before we have to perform in public.”
A slow smile took over his face.
&n
bsp; “It’s a good idea, right?” I smiled. Ashley was right. I needed to make the first move. And this wasn’t a move per se, but a push in the right direction.
He rounded the desk without responding, causing the smile to fall off my face. I backed up a step until I was against his desk. Taking my head in both of his hands, his mouth hovered over mine, “I think that’s a great idea.” He slowly lowered his lips as my eyes drifted closed, and then he tilted my head to the angle he wanted and slipped his tongue into my mouth.
My hands went to his chest, where I finally got to feel his hard pecs through his textured shirt. Then I moved my hands up to his neck, fingering the hair there. I went up on tiptoes then, causing my breasts to press into him. My nipples pebbled and when Sawyer’s thigh moved between my legs, I whimpered. I’d worn a dress since I’d walked from work, and the only thing separating us was my satin panties. I could feel the hair from his bare leg on my inner thighs as I squeezed, urging him to put pressure where I needed it the most.
I wanted him to push me back onto his desk, slowly pull my panties down, and spread my legs.
Instead, he slowed down the kiss and pulled away. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to get out of control.”
I leaned against the desk watching him run his fingers through his hair. “I’m not complaining.” Best first kiss ever. I’d never gone from one kiss to wanting someone to lay me out on a desk. I wanted more. He’d started a fire in me which wasn’t going to burn out any time soon.
He paced back and forth in front of me, so I grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at me and step closer between my legs. “Remember, I suggested it.” And I could never regret something like that. I wanted to tell him I liked him and wanted this to be real, but I had no idea where Sawyer’s head was at.
He nodded. “Want to go to dinner?”
I really wanted to stay and talk about this, but I could see he was shutting down. “Okay.”
When we walked through the now-empty lounge area and down the steps outside, his hand brushed my elbow and slid down my arm to lace his fingers with mine, which prompted a full-body shiver. Sawyer’s words and actions were confusing, but when he touched me, nothing had ever felt more real. We spent quality time together, held hands, and we shared hot kisses in his office where I wanted him to spread me over his desk. Things were good—why rock the boat by telling him I wanted more?
